"Pathetic, truly pathetic!" Chloé's voice rang through the classroom with the shrillness of a tropical bird, and Marinette's grip on her pencil tightened as she prepared for Her Highness' tirade-of-the-week. With Adrien absent there was no one to pacify her. This ought to be good.

"It's clear to everyone that Ladybug is superior," Chloé continued. "But for some reason, people are afraid to say it."

Marinette imagined Chloé's stupid head exploding-

"Of course, as Ladybug's best friend-"

-or someone slipping Nair into her shampoo-

"-I know that she'd be better off without him!"

-or a wild gorilla escaping from the zoo to attack her-

"And why does he think he has a chance with her?"

-or transforming and taking care of her herself. Tikki always encouraged nonviolence when possible, but surely this time she'd understand. It was more than justified.

Chloé was brandishing a cheap tabloid, one that just last week she'd denounced as being utterly ridiculous for publishing a fabricated story about her mother. The front page featured a dejected Chat Noir with the caption "FAILED FLIRTATION: Ladybug Publicly Rejects Her Partner."

"Chat Noir," Chloé scoffed. "So useless that only one person chose him for their Hero's Day assignment…" Chloé met Marinette's gaze, raising her eyebrows in a silent challenge. "Of course, it makes sense. Rejects have to stick together."

Marinette, burning, attempted to return to her algebra. She wasn't going to take the bait. Next to her, Alya patted her arm in encouragement.

"God, the article is brutal!" Chloé laughed. "Did you hear what Ladybug said, Sabrina? That if he was the last person in Paris, she still wouldn't date him!"

Sabrina's nasal laughter took a cheese grater to Marinette's patience. She twitched.

"It's been, what?" Chloé continued. "Three years? And Chat Noir still can't seem to accept that he's just a measly little sidekick!"

Marinette's vision went red. She stood up, the scrape of her chair against the floor ringing in her ears.

"Chat Noir-" she hissed. "Chat Noir is not Ladybug's sidekick! And even if he was, he'd sure as hell be a better one than you are."

"As if!" Chloé smirked. "Ladybug told me-"

"Told you what? That she's tired of saving your ass twice a week? That she's sick of half the akuma attacks being your fault?"

"At least Ladybug likes me! She absolutely despises that mangy-"

"Chloé, you and I both know that Ladybug was under the influence of an akuma when she said those things."

"Hah!" said Chloé. "It was probably an akuma that made people tell the truth!" She tapped the magazine with a manicured finger. "It's all in here."

"Wow, Chloé! I thought you were dumb, but now it's clear that you're downright-"

"Marinette!" Alya interrupted, eyes wide and incredulous.

"No!" said Marinette. "I'm not finished!" She turned to Chloé. "How are you better than Chat Noir? Didn't Adrien reject your invitation to the dance?"

Chloé huffed. "We would be going together if his father would let him. Unlike you, some of us have important parents."

"How convenient," said Marinette. "Are you sure Adrien didn't just come up with that excuse because he didn't want to spend a night with an overgrown baby who doesn't know how to blend her eyeshadow?"

Chloé's face contorted with rage. "And what's your excuse, Dupain-Cheng? You're about as likely to get a date to the dance as Chat Noir is to get with Ladybug!"

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah!"

Marinette locked her shoulders, looked the beast in its clumpy-mascara-ed eyes.

"Try me."