Summary: Try as he might, Zeref couldn't quite bring himself to erase Natsu's memory of him before the Eclipse Project was set into motion. Leaving his younger brother a book on the Black Arts in hopes of having it used against him, Natsu vows to save Zeref from his cursed fate by defeating the God who made it all possible—Ankhseram himself. Trust his sister-in-law to a create a guild intent on making him suffer.
Warnings: Spoilers, Violence, Language, Character Instability
Pairings: None and/or undecided for Natsu.
Minor implied relationships (that will be definite): Mavis x Zeref, Lucy x Loke, Jellal x Erza, and Gajeel x Levy
A/N: Ideas and constructive criticism are always welcomed. I'm a box of thoughts, but can't seem to write them down to save my life.
Expect weekly to biweekly updates. It may vary depending on how busy I get and on how frustrated I am with my own writing. I may go in and edit any mistakes or add some extra details, but the general plot line will remain the same.
Prologue
The rising sun might've been a mesmerizing sight for anyone else, but for Zeref it meant relinquishing the tight hold he had on his little brother's hand as they neared the fire dragon's keep. The dark wizard's body was shaking, skin growing clammy at the thought of leaving the very boy he fought so hard to protect. It wasn't Natsu's fault that his older brother got cursed, but the small boy still wasn't safe around Zeref when he could indirectly disintegrate his surroundings through an uncontrolled power surge. Natsu was much too valuable to take that risk—unlike those expendable creatures taking homage in Alvarez
Since the death of Mavis, Zeref didn't want any more guilt weighing down on his already fragile conscience. It wouldn't be fair to those she fought so valiantly to protect. Delivering her corpse to her guildmates was painful in itself, but acting as though he didn't love her when they spoke was akin to death rolling over. He hated himself for being so cold to the people she cared about, but it was better to be painted as a villain than as a redeemable human being. He didn't deserve their forgiveness...not when he couldn't even learn to forgive himself.
Natsu looked up at him for a moment, dark green eyes glistening with concern. The two of them appeared to have formed a familial link after the boy's rebirth as E.N.D. It wouldn't be too surprising if Natsu could sense the mage's inner turmoil when all that remained was the fractured shell of a man.
"Zeref?" He mumbled.
The older wizard did his best to snap himself out of the mental fog in an effort to give his brother a forced smile. The action became increasingly common to the point where he suspected that Natsu knew of its fictitious nature. The boy was too perceptive for his own good, though Zeref supposed their current situation did little to remedy that.
"I'm fine, Natsu. Everything's going to be okay. Igneel's going to take good care of you."
Zeref tried to ignore the way his voice cracked, the forest now appearing as a blur of green beside them.
"What about you?" Natsu asked, causing the older man to flinch.
"I'll be taking care of some personal business down in Alvarez. I promise it won't take very long."
Even to his own ears the lie sounded unconvincing, but Natsu wouldn't remember his brother long enough for it to really matter.
"You can't stay?" Natsu mumbled, voice a little heartbroken at the prospect of being left alone.
"If I stay with you, you'll get hurt," Zeref explained solemnly.
"I don't want you to go!" Natsu whined, causing Zeref to clench his hand tighter.
"Please don't make this harder than it needs to be. I don't want to go, either, but you've seen those dead fields, haven't you? I can't control my curse and I don't know if I'll ever be able to. In the meantime, I have to make sure you don't get hurt because of me. Do you understand that?"
Natsu nodded hesitantly, a little downtrodden at the revelation. Zeref looked on guiltily, wishing he had an ounce of parental instinct to make things between them feel a little less morbid.
"It's alright. Igneel's going to teach you dragon slayer magic and you'll be a powerful wizard just like our mother was," he assured.
"Stronger than you?" Natsu asked expectantly.
The look of adoration was so foreign that it took Zeref a little off guard, but he managed to smile down and nod in encouragement.
"If you work hard enough, you will be."
That seemed to perk the boy up. Although Zeref had his doubts that Natsu would ever be able to match his immortal arsenal, that didn't inherently mean that the hard work dedicated to surpassing him wouldn't pay off. If Natsu managed to attain a curse power more reflective of his etherious nature, then perhaps Zeref would have a good run for his money. A challenge would be such an exciting notion amidst his dull existence.
Zeref didn't even notice that his brother had let go of his hand until he held it up again as a tightened fist.
"I'll get stronger and get rid of your stupid curse!" Natsu yelled to the sky defiantly. "That's a promise!"
At this, Zeref froze, forcing down that fluttery feeling that rose up in his chest. The look he gave his older brother was so full of determination that mere talks of curse breaking began to feel like a nearing reality. As Zeref moved his hand to stroke the boy's salmon-colored hair, he realized that he couldn't possibly bring himself to erase Natsu's memories as easily as he once imagined. There was a small spark of something forming in the pit of his stomach. Hope? He could count on his hand the number of times he had truly felt that emotion...
"If you think you can break my curse that easily, dragon slayer magic alone isn't going to cut it," Zeref tutted.
"Wha—?"
Natsu watched in awe as Zeref seemingly pulled a book out of thin air. He was actually using some mild equip magic, but he didn't want to spoil the fun just yet.
"This is a book of my own creation and the sum of everything I know. The magic I have written down is very dangerous, so I want you to wait until you're older before trying any of it—"
"You're giving this to me!?" Natsu cut off in shock.
"I am. Just promise me you'll keep it safe and never show anybody what's inside. People don't like me very much, Natsu. My name is a stain on this planet, and there are those who out there who would hurt you simply because of your relation to me," Zeref confessed, heart heaving at the thought of someone laying a finger on his little brother.
"But why would people hate you? You're the best brother ever!" Natsu protested.
"My curse has taken the lives of many innocent families, Natsu. That's not something to take lightly," Zeref admonished, causing the salmon-haired boy's face to scrunch.
"But you can't control your curse!" He refuted defensively.
"That's true, but people don't know that, now do they? It was my fault for tampering with magic I shouldn't have and now I'm paying the price. However, that magic is the reason you're still here, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world."
Zeref felt his robe fold inward and looked down to see that he was met with the toddler's equivalent of a bone-crushing hug.
"I'll make you proud, Zeref! I'll beat up that stupid guy who cursed you so we can see each other again someday!"
Zeref couldn't help but chuckle to himself at the idea of Natsu punching Ankhseram in the face, the God in question being completely taken back by the audacity of his little brother. Amidst the boy's speech, the mage could've sworn he heard the ringing laughter of a female echoing in the background.
The trees of the forest began to part as the pair reached a giant clearing. A sizable cave now stood before them, a harrowing breeze adding to the animosity of their environment. From the shadows, Zeref could faintly make out the shape of a stirring figure. The creature's claws become outstretched and gleamed against the newly risen light, red eyes now adjusting to the sudden intrusion of company. A scaly snout began to poke through the cave and sniff the air, before seeming content enough to speak up.
"It is that time, already? My, how the years have passed..." the dragon reminisced.
"It's good to see you again Fire King Igneel, albeit under these unfavorable circumstances," Zeref greeted.
"No need to be so formal, Zeref," Igneel huffed, "at this point, it is hardly a concern of mine."
"Woah, are you really a dragon, Igneel!?" Natsu exclaimed, eyes practically sparkling with awe.
"Indeed I am, little one."
"That's so cool! I'm Natsu Dragneel. My brother said that I was going to be staying with you for a while."
"That you are. It is nice to finally meet you, Natsu," Igneel said pleasantly, but Zeref could feel the dragon's penetrating gaze tear through him.
"Er—Natsu. There's something private I need to discuss with Igneel for a moment. Why don't you go and familiarize yourself with the place?" Zeref improvised.
"Okay!"
The eager compliance felt like a surprising feat for such a stubborn boy, but Zeref didn't bother to question his true motive.
"You haven't erased his memory yet," Igneel noted disapprovingly. Zeref ignored the unflattering tone of voice and sighed, watching his little brother chase after a salamander.
"I thought I could bring myself to do it, but it appears as though that is now out of the question."
Igneel was silent for a moment, but did not outright object to the idea of Natsu's memory retention. Very few knew Zeref outside of the monster he was portrayed as and the boy seemed so attached to his brother that complete erasure could warrant a serious long-term effect on Natsu's mental health.
"Will this interfere with the plan?" The dragon bellowed.
"Not enough to cause a divot, but Natsu has an idea that I fully intend to nurture into fruition. He sounded so sure of himself that I'm inclined to believe in the impossible. Call it blind faith, but I've decided to leave him a little something—"
Noticing the poorly concealed book in Zeref's hands, Igneel's eyes widened.
"You can't be serious!"
Zeref tried his best not to look offended.
"Relax. The dangerous magic will remain sealed until he is old enough to undo the bind. I trust you'll teach him how to read before your departure?"
"You're pushing your luck, brat," the dragon huffed, but Zeref could see the trace of a smirk lingering on his crimson scales as he handed the book over to Igneel.
"Thank you, Igneel. I hope you know how much this means to me."
"A kid like you shouldn't have to bear such a burden. With all you've done for my kin, this request almost seems trivial," the fire king snorted.
"Perhaps, but I cannot guarantee what will become of me in the future. The plight of this incessant contradiction is beginning to take its toll, and for all I know, the next time we meet will be as enemies."
As much as Igneel would like to deny it, Zeref's mixed episodes have become longer and more frequent since the death of Mavis. He wasn't always in control of himself, but the dark mage seemed to have some level of awareness in that regard since he was willing to depart with his only remaining family member as a safety precaution.
"Let us hope it does not come to that. You come from a lineage of strong willed wizards and to see that light extinguished would mean sorrow upon us all."
Zeref nodded solemnly, appreciative of the dragon's words. At this, a small build up of magic began to hover around him, forcing the older wizard to banish his care for life out of the forefront of his mind before the curse grew to be out of control.
"I apologize for the abrupt departure, but I'm afraid that if I stay any longer I will begin to have second thoughts about the Eclipse Project," the wizard said, his eyes now met with the dragon's sympathetic gaze.
"May your travels be bountiful, young Dragneel."
"Oh...and Igneel?" Zeref added uncertainly, his body already turned in preparation for departure. "Please tell Natsu that I'm sorry."
He sped off before the dragon could reply, not wanting him to see the pain that marred his ageless features. If the tears on the verge of breaking through had already fallen, then the mage simply chose not to acknowledge them. Instead, he retreated deeper into the woods and beyond the confines of his crushed psyche.
"...maybe one day he will able to forgive me for the monster I've become."
Igneel merely stared at Zeref's retreating form. There was once a time where the dragon may have respected the Gods and the domains that came with their power, but that was long before he had come into contact with one of their victims. He was foolish to believe that divine beings were incapable of cruelty, but not as foolish as Ankhseram was to believe that his actions would be without consequence.