Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Bull or any of its characters. It belongs to its network, creators, writers, actors, and actresses.
Bull S2E4 The Illusion of Control
Marissa's point of view
As the prosecutor calls me in as the next witness, I can hear my heart start to pound. What were they going to ask me? I've known Bull for years and I know so many things that could get us both arrested. I try on a professional smile and try to silence my emotions. I walk up to the stand and put my hand on the bible knowing that I will purger myself to protect Bull.
The prosecutor walks up to me and says, "Does doctor Bull value your opinion?"
I look at him trying to read him. What kind of incriminating evidence will this come from? It sounds like an innocent question, so I answer truthfully. "Well, you'll have to ask Dr. Bull that," I say with my biggest smile. I turn to Bull and he just smiles at me with a wink.
"Well I think you're just being modest, but I'll withdraw the question," the prosecutor said. He seems kinda nice.
I finally calm down and stare at Bull. He's smiling at me. The next few questions are about what happened the night Amaya came to the office and I answer them truthfully. I tell him how great Bull's advice was knowing he couldn't know if I didn't think that. When the prosecutor turns around and walks to his desk, my breathing finally returns to normal. So he didn't have any evidence against Bull or I. Thank God.
The prosecutor grabs a paper from his desk and returns to me. Turns out I was wrong. My breathing stops and I begin to sweat in my seat. He hands me the paper, asking "Do you recognize this email?"
The instant I read that email, Bull's lawyer calls for a break. Again, it's all my fault. But who am I kidding - it's always my fault. My eyes suddenly get watery and I rush off the stand. I wouldn't let the jury see me in tears. If that happens Bull will never forgive me.
I run and only make it to the hall right outside the courtroom before I let the tears roll down my cheeks.
…
Bull's point of view
"What happened in there," Ron screams. "Why does Marissa have a personal opinion on the reliability of birth parents with adoptions from Ethiopia! What is she not telling us?"
"She has an opinion on the reliability of birth parents, period. And it's not my story to tell."
"Do you want to save TAC. Your job. His job?" Ron says pointing at Benny. So he was going to guilt me into opening my mouth. That is not happening. "How about Marissa's job?" He found my only weak point.
I open my mouth and explain to them the story of Marissa's childhood. I explain that she was about to get adopted but her mom came back into the picture. How her mom abused drugs and alcohol. But I left out one part. I just couldn't tell them that Ris was suicidal. It was none of their goddamn businesses.
I turn to Benny. He looks about ready to cry. But Ron, he looks relieved. "We are not using this in court. Marissa would never forgive me. It was shared with me in confidence years ago."
"Of course we're using this in court. I am not losing. And frankly, you can't stop me from doing this." And with that, he walked out of the bathroom slamming the door behind him.
"Benny, can you stall him. If he's going to use that, there's something I need to do before."
"Sure thing boss."
We both walk out of the bathroom, Benny running to the right, towards the court and me to the left, towards the nearest exit. I need to find a way to stop him. I don't know if Ris' and my relationship will last through this. I can't lose her. As I push the emergency exit open, I hear the soft sound of a woman crying. I turned to my left where the sound was coming from, to find Ris sitting in a corner with tears strolling down her cheeks. I walk up to her and sit by her side.
I open my mouth and let out in a silent whisper, "I'm so sorry. I never should have let you get in this."
Marissa turns to me as if just realizing I am here. "I'm sorry. I never should have sent that email. It just hurt knowing that this kid had a loving father coming after him," she whispers, shaking. "All I ever had was a mom who loved drugs more than me and a dad who left us to start a better family." Marissa starts crying again and I hug her face to my chest.
"Listen, Ris. I love you. You are my best friend ever okay. I care about you. We'll get through this together," I say as I feel tears slide on my cheeks. I'm not sure whether they're mine or hers.
Marissa looks up from my chest with puffy eyes and a little smile. "Thanks, Jase. For everything."
I stand up and offer her my hand. We walk hand in hand to the doors of the courtroom.
"Do I look like I was crying ten seconds ago," Marissa asks looking worried.
"No, you look great. Do I look like I was crying?"
"A little," she adds with a giggle. Good. At least she won't notice when I start crying and Ron questions her like the asshole he is.
When we stop at the door, the officer opens it for us. Everyone turns to use. Ron looks like he's about ready to kill me.
"You finally decide to join us, Miss Morgan. And you too Dr. Bull. You're already on thin ice," Judge Harper added irritated.
As I walk to my seat, Marissa clenches on my hand unwilling to let go. I lift my hand to touch her cheek and she let's go smiling and turns to the witness stand.
"I'm so, so sorry," I whisper, but she doesn't hear.
"Mr. Getman, do you have any questions for this witness?" Judge asks.
"Don't do this," I beg
"Only one question, Your Honor. Where did your knowledge of the reliability of birth parents come from? Was it from a study or are you an expert?"
"It was just a personal opinion. I should have just kept it to myself." I have never seen Marissa look so ashamed.
"Oh. it was a personal opinion," Getman says raising his voice. "Is that because it had nothing to do with Amaya's adoption and everything to do with yours." Marissa's eyes pour with tears and her face turns red. Her breathing speeds up and it is obvious that she's having a panic attack.
I get up and scream, "This man is out of order. That's what happens when you hire a lawyer whose office is a deli."
"Sit down Dr. Bull or I will find you in contempt of court," Judge screams.
"This man is out of order," I scream at the top of my lungs.
"Officers remove him from my courtroom immediately and Ms. Morgan, you are excused as a witness."
The instant I stand up, an officer cuffs me and drags me out of the room. Before he drags me out completely, I turn and scream "I'm sorry," but my voice gets lost with the slamming of the door.
...
Marissa's point of view
I can't breathe. I'm shaking and crying and I just can't breathe. The Judge turns to me and asks, "Ms. Morgan. Are you alright?"
I open my mouth to respond to her but no sound comes out. I try and get up but my feet are shaky and I collapse on the floor. I just can't breathe.
Judge Harper gets up from her seat. "Can someone please call 911." She then moves to sit me up.
Benny jumps up calling 911 and screaming at the operator. At the same time, he moves towards me. The instant he hangs up he has tears in his eyes and gives me a hand to help me stand up. My body finally stops shaking and I get up breathing heavily.
"Marissa the paramedics are coming. You can lay down. They'll be here soon," Benny whispers in my ear.
And that's when I realize. I'm still in court. The jury is staring me down with looks of fear and guilt. What have I done? Bull's going to lose his company because of me. "Benny, I'm going home. I'm fine," I say, my voice still shaking.
Benny opens his mouth, about to protest, but I just run out of the courtroom and out of the building. I run to the road and jump in the first taxi I see. After spitting out my address, I couldn't stop the tears escaping my eyes and the sobs escaping my throat.
When the taxi turns on my street, my tears have finally dried out. I hand him a wad of cash and jump out of the taxi. I unlock my door and walk inside. Not even bothering to lock it, I walk to my room and crash on my bed. I'm not ever leaving this room.
…
Bull's point of view
It's been a long night in jail, considering I am next to a druggie that is detoxing and a man that is convinced that I'm going to kill him. Turns out people can scream all night. The instant I hear Benny's voice, I'm standing at the door waiting for him to get me out of this hell.
"Hey Bull," Benny says cheerfully.
"Finally. How's the case going/"
"It went great after you left," he added laughing
"Whatever. How's Marissa?"
Benny looks around the room, suddenly nervous. "She's great Bull. A little shaken up, but still great."
I don't believe him but I'll let it go for now. "Let's get out of this hell." I turn to the officer staring me down. "No offense," I add.
…
Benny's point of view
Bull and I are driving to TAC and we're getting closer by the second. Why is it that when I need traffic, there's none. What's he going to do when he realizes Marissa's not in the office? I grab my phone from my pocket and open the TAC group chat, which thankfully doesn't include the two bosses, Bull and Marissa.
Benny- Is Marissa back yet?
Cable- Nope
Benny- She's now been missing for 24 hours
Danny- I tried to track her down. Her folder doesn't have any contact information except for a phone number. She's untraceable.
Chunk- We'll find her.
Cable- Just don't tell Bull ANYTHING. OKAY Benny?
Benny- You have my word
When we arrive at TAC, I jump out of the car instantly, Bull following me. "Are you okay Benny? You're acting odd…"
"No, no. I'm fine, great." I then walk inside so that Bull can't read me.
After each floor the elevator passes, I get increasingly more nervous. When the elevator opens on the 23rd floor I'm about ready to collapse. Bull exits the elevator and I follow.
"Marissa. Marissa," Bulls shouts.
When Bull walks into his office and sees the whole team, he stops and stares.
"Bull listen," Cable says.
Danny adds on, "Marissa's hasn't been at work today. But I'm sure she's fine." She adds an obviously fake smile.
"But, I talked to her earlier and she said all was great. She was just at the dentist," Cable says.
"Ok then let's get back to work. We have a trial to win," Bull says.
…
Marissa's point of view.
When I open my eyes and glance at my clock the time says 4 pm. Oh, shit. I needed to be at work 8 hours ago. I get up throwing yesterday's clothes off me. I jump in the bath deciding I can waste a few more minutes taking a bath. After a few minutes of relaxation, yesterday's events come flying back to me. I royally screwed up this time. If I were Bull, I would fire me. I grab my razor to raze my legs. My hands are shaky thinking about the trial yesterday. I drop the razor and the blade cuts my wrist from left to right. I press on the cut drying to stop the blood. But it feels so nice and I don't feel any pain. The harder I press, the more I remember. I remember the joy and pleasure I had when I did this before. It felt so right and as a bonus, I wouldn't live with my mom. I would be in heaven. But I even failed in killing myself. I'm such a loser. I grab the razor. I remove the blade. I then proceed to cut my arms in numerous spots. I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I can't stop.
I grab my phone and dial a phone number that I know by hard. He answers on the first ring.
"Marissa. Are you coming to work today?" Bull's voice asks, echoing around my bathroom.
"I'm so, so sorry Jason. I can't make it today."
"Ris, are you okay?" Bull asks, frightened.
"I'm fine Bull. But I can't make it ever again. I love you."
Just as Bull's about to respond I hang up. I lift the blade to my neck. I know I should stop, but I can't. I move the blade so that it touches my neck and I trace the blade around it until a circle of blood is leaking down my neck. I lay down and close my eyes.
…
Bull's point of view
"Everybody move it, we need to go right now. I think Marissa is going to do something really bad," I say running out of my office.
I sprint to the elevators, my crew behind me. I feel tears dropping from my eyes but I don't care. The instant the elevator opens I run to my car. I sprint through traffic answering the questions from my crew. The second I reach her apartment I park the car on the sidewalk and run inside. When I get to the door, I see it's not even locked. I open the door and urge my crew to come inside.
"Mariss? Are you home?" I scream at the top of my lungs. I wait for an answer that never comes "Everybody look around. We need to find her."
I run straight to her bedroom hoping maybe she passed out drunk. I don't find her on the bed, so I turn to leave. I almost leave the room when I hear crying coming from the bathroom. I run in.
"Oh my god! Marissa," I scream louder than I have ever screamed before. I fall to the floor and check for a pulse. I find a small, almost nonexistent one. The whole tub is covered in blood and her cuts are leaking everywhere. "Danny, I need help"
Danny walks in, looks at Marissa and jumps into action. Cable walks in shrieks and calls 911.
"Marissa. Marissa," I scream again.
Suddenly Marissa's eyes flutter open. "Jase.."
"Marissa please stay with us. I need you."
"I'm so sorry Jase. I really do love you," Marissa's eyelids drop shut.
"MARISSA." I shake her, tears falling out of my eyes. I hear as her last breath escapes her body.
The paramedics burst into the room moments too late.