I do not own Steven Universe, just this quirky idea of an AU. To avoid any confusion, all of the actors will be addressed by their character's name. Steven is Steven, Pearl is Pearl, etc.
"Are we rolling?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"Great, aim it at me."
Panning to the right, an exuberant purple actress appeared in the phone's frame sitting down with a make-up table behind her. "What up gemheads! This is Amethyst, and we're-"
"Gemheads?" asked a younger, offscreen voice.
"Yeah, gemheads. Star Trek has Trekkies, My Little Pony has bronies, and our fans are gemheads. Unless they come with something better." Anyway, we're bringing you an exclusive sneak peak of everything going on here on the set of STEVEN UNIVERSE!" She then proceeded to do a cocky impression of an airhorn that got a giggle out of her assistant. Amethyst took the phone and aimed it at herself while wrapping an arm around the young boy who previously held it. "Helping me is the big star himself, STEVEN UNIVERSE!"
The flustered ten year old bashfully waved while she mimicked a roaring crowd. "Uhhhh….hi?"
"Isn't he just a little cutie pie? I could just eat him up. In fact," Amethyst leaned in and pretended to nom on Steven's curly hair. Steven did his best to hold her off and act scared but he broke down in a fit of giggles.
The door to the make-up department opened and emerging from it was Pearl, all dolled up in her white body paint and costume. It was an arduous task sitting for nearly an hour getting the paint applied but it all turned out nice. The transparent skirt was a bit much but she could work with it. Afterall, it's not everyday you get cast for such an important role in a TV show. She couldn't wait to get started.
"Pearl, Pearl," said Amethyst, charging towards her holding up her phone like an amateur shutterbug. "What's it like being exposed to natural sunlight for the first time in years?"
"Oh ha ha Amethyst," Pearl scoffed with a roll of her eyes. It was their first time seeing one another since the auditions. While Pearl appreciated her excitement, she was hardly in the mood to joke around. Especially on the first day of shooting.
"How long will it take before you to burst into flames?"
"I'll see you on set Amethyst. Try not to smudge your makeup." Pearl didn't have time to humor Amethyst. She had to meet with the choreographer for the centipeetle scene and practice using her spear. She marched straight to set but Amethyst persisted in following her and barraging her with obnoxious questions
"Just tell me what SPF you're using. A million? A billion? Is your dad Jim Gaffigan?"
"Leave me alone!" Pearl hollered. She broke into a sprint passing by confused crew members in an attempt to lose Amethyst.
"You cannot escape the paparazzi!"
This was going to be a very long shoot.
The Big Donut set was abuzz with activity as the production team prepared for the first take. Sadie and Lars were at their positions behind the counter going over their lines while Steven played with his belly and the gem placed on his stomach. Clearly it was fake but a convincing fake. Plus Steven found it pretty and fun to mess with.
"Duuuuude, nice bling," Amethyst commented, grabbing his attention.
"I know, right? It's so cool. So is your gem."
"Heh, thanks. You have no idea how lucky you got it. It takes an hour for us to get all made up and all you get is a slap of super glue and you're all set. Plus guys don't get all weird when you ask them to check if your gem is on right."
Steven didn't understand that last part, since his gem was on his stomach and her gem was on her chest, but the rest he could sympathize."Yeah...well at least you get to look like a super cool space alien. The only make-up they use is that stuff that makes my head less shiny." He imagined the process wasn't too far off from getting your face paint at a county fair.
"You wouldn't like it," Amethyst assured him. "It's a pain to wash off and then we got to through it all again. But you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes to get ahead in this business." Steven hadn't considered that nor did he realize how tough she had it. Realizing that she was bringing down the mood, she changed gears saying, "Who cares about how we look. We're gonna be on TV! How many kids get to say that they've done that?"
Not realizing that it was a rhetorical question, Steven stopped and thought about it. He's met a fair share of other child actors on the sets of commercials and at auditions but he didn't know any of them personally. What he did know was that this was a cutthroat business, even if he didn't completely understand the term. "Not a lot?"
"Exactly! So who cares what they make us do? We're gonna go out there and give everything we got and get super famous. You got me?"
"Yeah." Steven smiled.
"What was that? I can't hear you?"
"YEAH!" Steven pumped his fists in the air and his shirt dropped back down covering his stomach. A few heads turned but everyone mostly ignored him.
"Great, now we just need one more thing and then we're all set."
"What's that!?"
"I need you to do the truffle shuffle."
Steven lowered his arms and stared blankly at her, "What's a truffle shuffle?"
"...okay. First chance we get, you and me are watching Goonies."
"But-"
"No buts!"
TAKE ONE
"Well if you miss your wimpy ice cream so much, why don't you make some with your magic belly button," taunted Lars.
That's not how it it works Lars!" Steven looked to his gem unsure of himself. "Right?"
Steven pulled up his shirt and squished his tummy, only for his gem to immediately pop off and clatter to the ground. He gasped and without missing a beat cried out, "Oh no! Mom!"
The crew burst into laughter and the director called cut while fighting back a fit of giggles. Steven smiled sheepishly and bent down to pick up his gem. All of those improv classes were finally paying off. He tried to stick the gem back on but it kept falling. "A little help?"
Garnet ran through her lines while the crew brought out the Centipeetle puppets for the interior of the house. Her cubic wig was set next to her with the gauntlets she would be using for the fight scene. She didn't have much to say in the show so she had little to memorize but it didn't hurt to be prepared. Having gone over the script plenty of times, she was curious to see how this would all look all screen. She had a good impression of what the characters were like but she hadn't interacted with the other leads yet, save for Amethyst. Speaking of...
"Ladies and gentleman, we are getting an exclusive interview with the first woman to ever get third degree sunburns," Amethyst announced, running up to Garnet with her phone recording and fixed on the stoic actress. Almost everyone heard about her little reporter bit with Pearl and earned a reputation for herself and living up to it. "Miss, do you have any words for our listeners?"
There was a silent pause as Garnet lowered her script and stared directly at the phone. "It burns. A lot."
She figured if this was how Amethyst was going to make a first impression, then she would have to give a fitting response. Garnet got a chuckle snort from Amethyst with that and needed a moment before she could follow up that question. "Holy hell, how were you able to say that with a straight face?"
"I'm just that good." Garnet normally wasn't a show-off but she figured that sort of response would amuse her greatly, and it did. If Amethyst was this easily amused, she wondered what the kid she would be working with would be like. She didn't have the best track record with kids. More often than not, she intimidated them without even trying. Hopefully this kid didn't scare easily.
Just then, someone loudly gasped and she craned her head to the left. Standing in awe was a young boy with salmon colored T shirt on in sandals looking her way. It was a safe bet that this was the titular Steven Universe. If she wasn't wearing her visors, he would have noticed that she was also staring wide-eyed at him. She only had one thought running through her head.
Oh no. He's absolutely precious.
"Are you Garnet?"
She hesitated for a moment before saying yes.
"Woooooow, you're even cooler than the script said you'd be," he said with starry-eyed wonder. His eyes landed on her gauntlets. He circled around to get a better look at the props. She smirked at his innocence and appreciated the compliment.
"Wanna try them on?" Garnet offered. Steven whipped his head to face her and nodded fervently while Amethyst stifled a chortle. "Alright, just be careful not to-"
Just then a shriek rang out. Garnet and Steven looked over and Amethyst raised her phone to the set. It was Pearl recoiling at one of the Centipeetle puppets being tested by its operator. The pinchers and legs wriggling was impressively lifelike and garnered a shiver from Pearl. "Ugh, do I really have to hold one of these?"
"It's alright Pearl. They're just puppets. " the prop master cleared up.
"Aw c'mon Pearl," Amethyst said, picking up one of the puppets and shaking it in front of the pale woman. "All these little guys need is a little love."
"Ugh, then you do it. The two of you are perfect for each other." Pearl marched away with her script in hand. Placing the puppet under her arm, Amethyst aimed the camera at her and The Centipeetle.
"You heard it here first. Steven Universe's got its first power couple." Amethyst gave the puppet a kiss and posed with it.
Garnet had a feeling this was going to be an interesting shoot.
TAKE ONE
Pearl was on her mark, holding one of the squirming centipeetle puppets while the puppeteer layed on the floor out of frame. Looking down at Steven, she told him in a gentle, motherly tone, "Steven, until you learn to control the powers in your gem, we'll take care of protecting humanity." She then lightly twisted the puppet's head and dropped it. "Okay?"
"Cut!" announced the director. "Pearl, we need you to snap the head faster."
"Oh! Alright," Pearl picked the puppet off the ground and let the puppeteer adjust it back into place. Even though it was just a prop it still felt like overkill snapping the neck so brutally. This was supposed to be a kid's show, after all. Still, this was probably the most violent thing that would ever happen on this show so she could overlook it this one time. At least there wasn't any blood.
TAKE TWO
"Steven, until you learn to control the power- oh!" Pearl's hand slipped and she dropped the centipeetle puppet. She reached down and picked up her prop with a sheepish smile. "Sorry everyone."
"Back to one!"
Once everyone was back at their marks, Pearl started again. "Steven, until you learn to control the-" The wriggling puppet broke free of her grip and nearly whacked Steven's face but only managed to startle him. Pearl tried to laugh it off and pointed to the ground, "That was his fault that time." She hoped he wouldn't take it personally.
TAKE THREE
"Steven, until you learn to control the powers in your gem, we'll take care of protecting humani-"
Pearl twisted the centipeetle's head hard just like the director said. And as a result, she ripped it off leaving the body to flop to the ground and bits of felt dangling from the head. For a few seconds the set was dead silent and Pearl was immobilized by terror, until Amethyst started howling with laughter. Then the rest of the staff joined in.
"Cut!" shouted the director. "Someone get a new puppet for Pearl."
"I am so sorry. I-I-I d-didn't think it would just come off like that," Pearl apologized, stricken with grief. These puppet did not look cheap and she wasn't told what to do if she broke one.
"Pearl that was awesome!" Steven cheered. "I didn't think you could do that."
"Yeah-ha P. You-hoo-hoo-hoo were brutahahahahal!" Amethyst wheezed between giggles.
"It was an accident, I swear!"
"Settle down Pearl, we got more in the back. Just go easy next time."
"Well which is it?"
TAKE ONE
"He's a brand new treat from outer space
Cause he came from outer- oh wait that's not right. Sorry!" Steven apologized.
TAKE TWO
"He's a brand new treat with a brand new taste. Wait, I did I say brand twice?"
TAKE THREE
"A refoogee of an interstellar war
And now-"
"I'm sorry, he's a what?" Amethyst repeated.
"He's a ref- oh, dang it. I almost had it."
TAKE ONE
Pearl stood before Steven underneath the branches of a cherry blossom tree. Pearl questioned what such a tree would be doing in a place called Beach City but she couldn't deny the set looked lovely. It also was an apt location for her character so she couldn't fault the script. She never did get a chance to ask if this was a fake tree or not. Right now, it was her time to shine.
"Pay attention to these petals, Steven. The petal's dance seem to-to-to-tachoo!" Pearl sneezed and covered her nose.
"Bless you."
"Thank you Steven."
TAKE TWO
"The petal's dance seems improvised but it is actu-ah-ah-ahCHOO!"
"Need a tissue, Pearl?" The director asked.
"Yesh please."
TAKE THREE
"With hard work and dedication, you can master the magical properties of your gem. And perfu-huh-ha-HACHOO! HACHOO!"
Steven grimaced seeing a little bit of snot dribble down her nose. "Are you okay, Pearl?"
"I think it's the pollen," she snorted. All they told her was that her scene would be filmed on sound stages and the beach.
"Everyone take five," the director ordered. "Someone get Pearl some allergy medicine and eye drops."
"I'b really sorry. I didn't realize we'd b-bawhoo!" So much for her time to shine. At least Amethyst wasn't there to rub it in.
TAKE ONE
"I don't think it works this way, Steven." Pearl said as Steven adjusted her footing.
"And Garnet," Steven said as he reached up to cup her face, but he couldn't quite reach her face.
"I can squat down if you need me to," Garnet offered.
"No….wait….I got it…."
He didn't get it.
The beach set was almost finished. The 'acid' spraying hose was just about ready and the grips were setting up the paper mache hand for the gems to hide behind. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl were getting their harnesses strapped in while a large, puffy stunt bag was being inflated for when they jumped down to face the Mother Centipeetle. It reminded Steven of a huge bounce house and the fact that he couldn't play on it was driving him crazy.
"Pretty cool, huh?" Garnet asked, getting the star's attention.
"Yeah it is! I wish they'd let the rest of us play around on it." Steven moped.
"If you want, you can do my stunt for me. I'm sure we got an extra wig around her somewhere."
Even though she was clearly joking, Steven looked up at the platform up above where Garnet was supposed to dive. It was higher than the high dive at his old swimming pool. Just looking at it made him queasy, and the cookie cats he had earlier weren't helping. "Uhhhh, no thanks. I think I'm good."
"One of should probably test it to make sure it's safe," Amethyst mused. She wrapped an arm around Pearl saying, "What do you say Pearl? Ready to take the plunge?"
"If you push me Amethyst, I swear-"
"Take it easy, P. I'd never do that." Pearl huffed and let the crewman finish checking her harness. "Your nose would obviously pop the dang thing."
This was it. The last shot of the day. All Steven had to do was make his cheesy little one-liner, something about how the cookie cat crumbles or whatever, and they could end on a happy were going to lose the lighting any second now. The sun was going to dip below the horizon and if they didn't get this shot they'd have to shoot a re-take tomorrow. All eyes were on Steven.
"Don't worry, Steven. I'm sure someday you'll figure out how to activate your gem," said Pearl.
"Yes," Garnet added. "In your own, Steven-y way."
"I'm okay guys. I just-"
Steven's stomach rumbled. He reached for his stomach and tried to play it off but he noticed the sound mixer wince. His mic must have picked that up. They told him not to eat too much beforehand so he didn't, and now it was coming to bite him in the buns. He acted fast and tried to think of something fast.
"I think I ate too many cookie cats."
Before he could add something to it the gems laughed off the remark. He missed his chance. Did they still have time to film this? He laughed along with them and wracked his brain for something really funny. Then Steven got an idea, hunched over, and retched. Steven waited for someone to call cut but nothing happened. So he looked up and asked, "Did you get that?"
The crew let out a collective sigh of relief when they realized he was pretending. Amethyst started cracking up for real and Garnet shook her head. The sun dipped out of eyesight and the director called it a wrap. Steven sighed and was glad they got it.
Aside from a few slip-ups here and there the shoot went well and the director seemed satisfied with how everything turned out. The same could not be said for Amethyst. She wasn't going to be satisfied until she got Pearl one more time. With a hand in her pocket, she walked over to Pearl's trailer ready to ambush her with another mock interview. None of the PA's were around to rat her out so she had the element of surprise. Sneaking up to Pearl's door, Amethyst was ready to catch her off-guard when she discovered the door was ajar and could hear Pearl talking to someone.
"...yes that's Steven." Pearl replied, followed by a pause and a giggle. "I know, isn't he? And so well-behaved. At least when Amethyst isn't enlisting him in her little pranks...no Amethyst is the purple one. Garnet's the one with the afro...I wouldn't say she's red. Maybe more of a magenta? We work well but I never know what to say around her. I can't tell if she's trying to be a method actor or if she's always like that. And as for Amethyst...well..."
There was a pause as the person on the other end spoke. Amethyst got the impression that this was something that she shouldn't be eavesdropping on. She should step away and give Pearl her privacy but her feet wouldn't move. She felt compelled to stay and hear what Pearl had to say about her.
"Amethyst can be a bit... much at times. Every time I see her she's always messing around or goofing off. I don't know when she actually takes the time to read the script. I'm almost certain she waits until the last minute to read her lines. Oh hang on." There was another pause that felt like an eternity to the purple prankster. "I can't do that. She hasn't technically done anything wrong. She just acts like a child. I just wish she could take this a little more seriously and stop treating everything like a joke."
Amethyst loosened her grip on her phone. She wanted to defend herself against this attack on her character but bursting into the room would just prove Pearl right. Amethyst was trying her hardest out there but she wanted to have fun too. How was she supposed to take a show about alien rocks fighting monsters with a kid who likes singing and ice cream? People laughed at her jokes and no one called her out yet so she figured that she wasn't doing anything wrong. Though that clearly wasn't the case. Was this not how you're supposed to be? Were they just humoring her? The mood was gone. Amethyst just wanted to go home and curl up in bed.
"Believe me, I wish I could tell her but she'd probably tell me that I'm being a buzzkill...and I'm worried that she might be right. Maybe I'm the problem." Up until now Amethyst was willing to agree with everything Pearl had said but she could not believe what she heard. "I mean Amethyst can be rowdy but at least she can get through her lines without stumbling. She doesn't break props. She doesn't bring the production to a halt because she forgot to take her allergy medicine." Pearl sniffled and paused for a moment. "No, no I'm not going to quit. I'm going to stay as long as I can. If things don't work out…"
Amethyst waited on bated breath but Pearl didn't finish the rest of that sentence. Whoever was on the other line must be talking. Whatever they were saying, it got a sad laugh out of the sniffling star. "Yes. Yes I understand. I'm sorry I didn't call sooner. I'm just glad I can talk to you about this. I should go so you don't have to stay up any longer." There was one final pause and Pearl signed off by saying, "I love you too, mom."
Pearl ended the call leaving Amethyst to dwell on what she overheard. Her initial instinct was to hightail it out of there but once again she didn't. Instead, she summoned the courage to raise her fist and rap her knuckle on the door. Seconds later, Pearl opened the door. Her eyes still looked a little red and Amethyst hoped it was because of allergies. "Oh, hi Amethyst. Did you need something?" It was clear that she wasn't thrilled to see Amethyst but she wasn't antagonistic either.
"Uh yeah," she said guiltily. After hearing all that she felt like a jackass for what she planned on doing. "I uh...just wanted to say...well...good job today."
Pearl seemed caught off by that remark, as if she expected Amethyst to say something else. "Oh….well thank-"
"And I was wondering," Amethyst interrupted, trying to think of a way to ask this without revealing anything. "Would you want to, like, meet up sometime? I heard that in the next episode, we talk about Steven's parents, I don't want to sound like a complete...jerk. Think you could teach me how to say it more tactfully?" This felt completely pointless. After everything she did why would Pearl trust her. For all she knew, this could be another prank. She had every right to turn her down.
"I'd like that Amethyst." Pearl reached for a scrap of paper and a pen. She scribbled down her number and handed it to her, turning the tables and surprising Amethyst this time. "Just text me when's a good time for you and where we should meet."
"Yeah. You got it," Amethyst beamed, happy to make amends.
"Just don't pick McDonalds. We wouldn't want people to confuse you for Grimace," She teased, a little too proud of her of joke.
Amethyst didn't react at all to it. Instead, she took out her phone and recorded another video of herself She turned on the video recorder. "Well gemheads, it's been fun but I'm officially resigning from Steven Universe. I can't take the harassment any longer-"
"Oh my god, Pearl."
"-Pearl's really crossed the line. You'd think she would show some professionalism-"
"Good night, Amethyst." On that note, Pearl closed the door and got her belongings together. Leaving Amethyst to film her little mockumentary and leaving Pearl to wonder if every shoot was going to be this hectic.
Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope you all liked it. I initially intended for this to a short little gag story of blooper reels but once I thought of the Pearl and Amethyst scene at the end, I decided I wanted to make this a bit more heartfelt and showcase some moments of the actors genuinely bonding. While I'd like to cover all the episodes, I haven't decided on if I'll go through with it yet. I'm still deciding on stuff like if the actors playing Greg and Rose should be Steven's actual parents or not. Until then, feel free to leave a comment letting me know what you thought, what you liked and disliked, and what you'd like to see in future chapters.