I figured you all needed a little something to take your minds off the Coronavirus, so here you go!
Here we will explore true facts about the Tony (Stark). The Tony is a rare species from the Genus One Percent. The One Percent are rarely seen in the wild, and prefer to congregate with their own kind around pristine seaside real estate.
Upon birth, Tonys are immediately abandoned by their parents, who leave the majority of the baby's upbringing to a collection of lesser organisms scientifically known as "Hired Help". The Help cater to the infant Tony's every whim, from feeding and clothing, to ass wiping and ego stroking. The sole need that the Help do not provide is discipline, which is strictly forbidden by the parents under pain of employment termination. This phenomenon is a mystery which has baffled the scientific community for decades, and scientists are still at a loss to explain how this removal of moral and ethical training serves to improve the Tony's lot in life.
Throughout its formative years, the Tony is immersed in an environment of extensive pandering, instilling a strong sense of self righteousness, moral superiority, and social indifference, which is enforced by the Tony's natural intelligence and charisma. The Tony will rely on these early lessons for guidance for the rest of his life.
Upon reaching early adolescence, the Tony's parents will die a tragic death and leave it in control of their extensive territory. This evolutionary pattern is also seen in the species Bruce (Wayne) and Oliver (Queen), who are also members of the One Percent. For the next ten to fifteen years the Tony remains cocooned in a perpetual state of drunken woman hounding. Eventually, some life altering incident will crack the Tony's cocoon, and it will emerge as a semi-functioning adult. However, it has been observed that the Tony will always retain the egotistical prickery of its youth.
Following this partial spurt of maturity, Tonys make a genuine attempt to turn their wasted lives around and accomplish something productive, like becoming the front runner for a groundbreaking cinematic universe. But a Tony can never escape the douchebaggery of its past, and can commonly be found pulling stupid shit like pumping 20,000 tons of atomic energy into the center of the earth, starting civil wars, and creating psychotic clones of its best friends. That is how the Tony do.
Just remember, if you happen to be a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist, you might not be the hot shit you think you are.