Harry Potter is a youtuber STORY TIME I was a teenaged chosen one
The camera frame shows a living room. Its gothic in style and has strange furniture, there are few pictures on the wall, but the back space is mainly bookshelves filled with old leather bound books or those fancy ones that people are usually afraid to touch for fear of breaking them.
To those who know it's the library in Grimmauld place
Harry appears in the camera frame, he's about 19 years old and is dressed in dressed in his quidditch gear, though for some strange reason he's wearing a bottle-top necklace (made by his friend Luna).
Harry: Hello everyone, so this channel was an idea from one of my closest friends as a way of me dealing with my 'repressed childhood trauma'- Harry used hand quotes on those words- as well as, and I quote, a way to remove the remaining nargals from my presence.
Harry gives the camera a one-sided grin, it's clear he isn't sure about how to act on camera.
Harry: So, how should I do this, um.
Harry does a weak attempt at jazz hands
Harry: STORYTIME: I was a teenaged chosen one.
Harry actually gives a laugh at that.
Harry: Okay, that sounded weird even to me, but anyway.
Harry: So, what many people might not know is that my parents were killed by a fascist, racist dictator-wannabe with extreme delusions of world domination and terrible bad breath.
Harry: But what's interesting is that after killing my parents and not killing me he went on a 12 year nap and only decided to show his bald head again when I was 11 and trying desperately to figure out how the hell you get around a boarding school when the stairs are deliberately working against you.
Harry: Now, I'm not saying anything, but apparently because of whatever reasons, don't ask me I was 1 years old and hadn't learnt how to not shit myself, because of his disappearance I was hailed as the 'boy-who-lived' amongst those who went to my school.
Harry: Side note, this dude, all his friends, as well as my parents and all my friends all went to the same boarding school. So, make of that what you will.
Harry: So yeah, the dudes back apparently, it was a terrible shock for an 11 year old let me tell you, and so my Headmaster decided that the only reason I lived all those years ago was the 'power of love, friendship and utter bullshit'
Harry said that last part in such a sarcastic tone that no one would think he believed it.
Harry: And that's not the only time I see the bastard, no he came back around my 4th year, when I was 14 years old and decides that I'm an ingredient for a ritual that changes him from a creepy skeleton baby to a taller creepy snake skeleton with no nose.
Harry looks intently at the camera
Harry: I shit you not he literally had no nose.
Harry: And after I told an adult that I saw him as well as the bastard who told him were my parents were hiding everyone decides that I'm completely insane. Never mind the fact that I saw around 10 other people there who were part of his Fanclub before he took his nap.
Harry: And then in my next year he sends me prophetic dreams through his snake, who was lovely unlike her boss, and then he makes me go to the government building for a trap and gets about half of his Fanclub arrested.
Harry opens his arms wide with an exasperated sigh.
Harry: Then after that everyone starts to proclaim me as this 'chosen one' and starts asking me when I'm going to kill the guy. I mean honestly, 1. The chosen one stuff was complete bullshit, there was someone else who fit the criteria but unfortunately, I was the only one who got a personal visit from the snake asshole. And 2. I was 15, you don't ask a 15-year-old to commit murder!
Harry sighs.
Harry: You know, because of that shit a few people tried to drug me the next year, apparently because of this bullshit I was suddenly the hottest piece of meat at school. Do you know how weird it is when a bunch of girls start giggling around you and then try and ask you out or try to make you flirt with them.
Harry: So, for anyone else out there being pushed into the 'chosen one' category by a teacher or family member my advice is this; tell them to fuck off and not put the pressure on someone who isn't even allowed to vote or drive, and then move to a country that hates the British, so they can't follow you.
Harry: My friend sent her parents to Australia, apparently the wildlife will kill you, but the people are great fun.
Harry smiles at the camera.
Harry: Well, thanks for watching, leave a comment if you like but I don't really know how this works so yay.
The video ends.
103 COMMENTS:
Anna Beaver: 3 minutes ago
This dude is hilarious, "hadn't learnt how to not shit myself". Funniest thing I've heard all week.
View 3 replies^
MerriumRiener: 5 minutes ago
Don't forget the golden, 'creepy skeleton baby to a taller creepy snake skeleton with no nose'
MelodyOfTheRing: 13 minutes ago
Some amazing one-liners
AroundHereBeDeath: 20 minutes ago
'no nose' am I the only one wondering about this visual?
EndPain7264: 5 minutes ago
Do you know how weird it is when girls start giggling around you.
As I gay man I can say that yes this is weird and is there anything you would like to say?
View 1 reply^
Poison-Eyes-Are-Vehement: 13 minutes ago
How about the fact that clearly isn't into women?
Sans: 10 minutes ago
This dude actually had to meet his parents murder? And they were betrayed by a friend? Holy shit he is a chosen one.
*dude, I recommend you get some help*
View 4 replies
Poison-Eyes-Are-Vehement: 12 minutes ago
This is what you do in your spare time? Also, there stairs aren't working against you, you're just not going where they want you to.
View 1 reply
Forest of Destiel: 15 minutes ago
I want to hear more about his friend and the 'nargals'. They sound interesting.
View 1 reply^
You-Lower-The-IQ-Of-The-Whole-Street: 20 minutes ago
My guess is they mean teenage angst
You-Lower-The-IQ-Of-The-Whole-Street: 19 minutes ago
So, everyone this dude knows went to the same boarding school?
Was this boarding school in Scotland by any chance? I have a sister who goes there.
View 3 replies
TheRealHorrorUnderTheBed: 21 minutes ago
'power of love, friendship and utter bullshit' – actual quote from Teenage chosen one
I am quoting you on this.
SlendermanCometh: 23 minutes ago
Is anyone else worried over the fact that this guy is using YouTube as free therapy?
Or the fact that apparently all adults in his life are manipulative bastards?
Just me?
View 7 replies
Nightcore20439: 30 minutes ago
As an Australian I can concur that the wildlife tries to kill us all, it's the true equaliser of man.