It was a cold, lonely, spring day in Stars Hollow for both Rory and Lorelai Gilmore. Sookie's babies were being baptized tomorrow, so normally that would mean a trip to Luke's and a movie marathon for the mother-daughter duo, but the two still weren't talking to each other. Rory was crashing at Lane's house, who was out of town with Zach, and Lorelai was at the house, watching old tv reruns while Luke slept beside her.
Rory didn't know why she had agreed to come for the baptism. Of course she loved Sookie and her babies and wanted to be there for them, but she was stressed. Community service, thoughts of her career and future, the DAR, and the stress of her and her mother's fight was a lot and she had been feeling exhausted this week from running off of minimal sleep. Her head was pounding and glancing at the clock, she climbed into bed for what was probably going to be another restless night.
The next morning dawned bright and early for Rory. She realized upon waking up that the exhaustion she had felt all week had been a warning that she was going to be sick. Her whole body ached, she felt stuffy, like she had a wall of cement blocking her nose, and she was freezing cold. She wanted nothing more than to just stay curled up under the covers, or better yet, for her mom to take care of her, but she knew neither of those were options this morning and she climbed out of bed. Every step of getting ready was exhausting and she knew she had to hurry so she wouldn't be late for the ceremony. She added one more quick coat of foundation to her flushed cheeks, and a little more concealer to cover the deep, dark bags under her eyes and then headed out. Thankful the church was only a couple doors down, she ran the entire way, knowing she didn't have much time to spare.
She arrived just in time to see her mom picking up one of the twins, and glaring at her for almost being late. Rory looked down and quickly apologized to Sookie and Jackson and picked up the other twin and took her position in line, careful not to breathe on the baby she was holding.
When Rory ran in, Lorelai looked up, annoyed that her daughter was almost late. She never seemed to care about anyone anymore. It frustrates her to no end. How could her once sweet, caring, perfect daughter have turned into someone so reckless and uncaring? Stealing a yacht, dropping out of college, and now almost late to the baptism in which she's supposed to be a God-mother to? So careless. But after that momentary thought crossed her mind, she became concerned. Rory's eyes looked glassy and unfocused and she could hear the congestion creeping into her voice when she apologized to Sookie and Jackson. Throughout the ceremony, she could see her daughter taking extra care not to breathe on the little girl she was holding and she stifled several sneezes and spent most of the ceremony with her eyes pinched shut.
Once the ceremony ended, and the babies were safely back in Sookie and Jackson's arms, Rory didn't know what to do. She felt awful, there was no way she could drive like this, she could barely keep her eyes open. She knew her mother would probably be heading to Luke's and she wanted to avoid her mom, but her need for coffee for the drive home won out and she trudged over to Luke's. She grabbed a seat up at the bar after glancing around to make sure her mom wasn't here yet. Luke must be in the kitchen, she thought as Cesar poured her a cup of coffee. She took a long, sip, and sighed as the coffee reached her soul. The coffee was quite strong and after that sip, the pungent scent of the coffee sent her into a sneezing fit. After what she thought was the fifth sneeze, she felt someone lay her hand on her shoulder and hand her a napkin. It felt comforting, like her mom, but that thought quickly vanished as she knew her mom was mad at her and she wasn't even in the diner when she got her coffee. So it was a surprise to her, to turn around after her sneezing fit and she her mom staring at her. Concern etched in every one of her facial features.
"You okay, sweetie?" Lorelai asked. Rory sniffled and her eyes filled up with tears that she quickly wiped away. It had been 3 months since she had last talked to her mother and she didn't know how much she had been longer to hear her mother say those three words until she said them.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I better get going." Rory replies as she grabbed a to-go cup and started pouring her coffee into it. Lorelai hesitated, unsure what to do next as she knew Rory shouldn't be driving like this. She reached up and put the back of hand on Rory's forehead. Rory jumped a little at the touch and continued putting the lid on her coffee.
"You have a fever, hun. You really shouldn't be driving."
"Lane and Zach are coming home today, so I can't stay there and get them sick. Plus I have some work stuff I really have to get done and I have community service all day tomorrow and…" she trailed off, starting to hyperventilate at her to do list. She can't be sick, she doesn't have time.
"Hey, hey, hey, slow down, breathe, look at me, Rory. Breathe." She gently turns Rory around to face her. To her knowledge, Rory hasn't had a panic attack since her time at Chilton. She's glad for Rory's sake that it's a Sunday morning and Luke's diner is empty except for the two of them. Okay, here's what we're going to do. Rory, is your stuff at Lane's all packed up?" She's still shaking and trying to catch her breathe, eyes wide with panic, but she manages to give her mom a quick nod yes. "Ok, good girl. I'm going to let Luke know that I'm taking you home and then give him instructions on where to pick up your suitcase before he comes back to the house."
The thought of her mother leaving again sends her back into the panic attack that she thought she was almost done with. Her breathes quicken again and she latches tightly onto her mother's arm.
"It's ok, it's ok. I won't go right now. Deep breathes, you're alright." Lorelai opens her arms and envelopes Rory in a hug. She rubs her back and tries to soothe her daughter's trembling. She can feel Rory's heart pounding in her chest and she can feel her dress become wet and snotty as Rory starts sobbing. "It's alright, I'm right here. I'm not going to leave you. Breathe, hunny. Deep breathes, I've got you."
It's at this point, Luke walks out of the kitchen. Hearing someone crying, he goes to make sure everything's ok. When he catches Lorelai and Rory in their embrace, he starts to turn around and head back, but Lorelai motions to him. "Hey, when you get off. Can you run by Lane and Zach's house? The key is under the mat and Rory's suitcase is packed and in their guest bedroom downstairs. It's a purple suitcase with a Paris tag on it. I'm taking her home, she's not feeling well." She tells him in a calm, quieter than usual voice. Luke's almost surprised she can speak that softly.
Luke responds just as softly, "Sure, yes, of course. I'm going to make you all some food and I'll bring it over in a little bit."
By this point, Rory's breathing has almost returned to normal, her heart rate has slowed down, and her shaking is just a faint tremor. She feels silly and embarrassed by the show she just put on. She wipes her eyes with her fingers and gently backs out of her mother's embrace. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, you don't have to let me stay with you. I'm sorry, I can head back to Hartford. I don't want to put you out" Rory shakily grabs her to-go cup of coffee, almost knocking it over in the process.
Lorelai's hand shoots out to help steady the coffee cup. "First things first" she takes the coffee cup out of Rory's hand and places it back on the table. "You don't need coffee when you're sick. Second, you're not 'putting me out', you're my daughter, this is your home too. Third, I love you, and I've missed you these past few months. Just because we're fighting doesn't mean I stop loving you. You will always be my daughter, and I will always enjoy taking care of you." Rory starts to sniffle and new tears of relief fall from her face. She gives her mom another tight, long hug.
Lorelai guides Rory home. The whole time thoughts are flying through her head. Did Rory really think I stopped loving her? When did she start having panic attacks again? I feel like a horrible mother. Before long, they're back home and Lorelai helps her through the door. "Okay, hun. You go put some comfy clothes on. I'm going to see if we have any medicine or if I have to call Luke to grab us some."
Rory nods and heads to her room to put on a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. Meanwhile, Lori grabs a dinner tray and starts loading it with bottled water, a glass of apple juice, sprite, crackers, a bottle of DayQuil and NyQuil, tissues and a thermometer. It's funny how easy it is to fall back into a routine. She knocks and waits for the "Come in" before entering her daughter's room.
Lorelai sets the tray down on the bedside table and sticks the thermometer under Rory's tongue. "102.1, alright, sweets. Tell me everything. What hurts?" She measures out a dose of the DayQuil waiting for Rory to respond.
"Everything. My head, my stomach, my throat, even my eyes hurt." Rory sniffles.
"My poor baby, here take this and then you can wash it down with some sprite." She hands Rory the DayQuil, followed by some sprite. They sit for a moment in silence. Lorelai stroking the top of Rory's hair, unsure what to say. She has so much to say and so many questions, but she doesn't want to overwhelm her and send her back into a panic attack. "Rory?" Rory turns to look at her. "Was today, the first time you've had a panic attack since Chilton?"
Rory looks down, ashamed and shakes her head no. Lorelai takes a deep breathe before asking her next question. "How long has this been going on?"
"I've had a few a week since dropping out of school. I didn't think you'd want to know. It's my own fault for dropping out and it's my own fault I have community service." Rory continues to avert her eyes and fiddles with her blanket.
"Rory, of course I want to know. I'm your mother I want to know if you're having any problems so I can help you. I know I haven't been the easiest to talk to lately, but please know you can always come to me, okay?" Rory nods her head and lays on her mother's shoulder.
"Mom?"
"Yes, baby?"
"I love you"
"I love you too."
"Can we watch a movie?" Rory glances up at her mother hopefully.
"I thought you'd never ask." Lorelai smiles as she tucks Rory in and goes to get the tv.