The date is July 7th, 1994. Sylvester Stallone had just turned 48 yesterday, and as much as it distressed him to realize, he was going through a mid-life crisis and was rather depressed, especially after his divorce with his ex wife, Brigette. Sylvester needed to think about his problems and figure out how to mend them. He decided to put on his sunglasses, get in his Lamborghini and drive around his Beverly Hills neighborhood to think about it for a while. After about 10 minutes of forcing a smile at fans and pedestrians, a garage sale caught Sylvester's eyes. Because he was so confused and bored of his emotions, he thought maybe he would find something there that would help him get his mind off of them, although deep down inside he knew that probably wouldn't happen. He parked by the curb, got out of his car and nonchalantly started to look around for items, trying not to draw too much attention to himself. He sifted through several boxes, often piled disorderly with old clothes and other items that he didn't find quite appealing at all, that was until he found an unusual mechanism in a small box, big enough to carry in his arms at least. It was a grey, plastic, box-shaped video game console that read "Nintendo ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM™" in red writing on the front.
It came with two controllers and a few plastic cartridges with bright colored illustrations on them. Sylvester had heard of this before, but he had no idea how exciting all of it looked. He felt nostalgia for this strange object although he had never seen it before. Within minutes, the Nintendo console was in Sylvester's car and he was driving it back to his residence. Once he got back to his house, he carried his new emotional outlet to his bedroom and awkwardly tried to conjoin the Nintendo Entertainment System to his T.V. But, Sylvester was so distracted by the console, he was obsessed with the way it looked. The firm, darkened plastic, the quirky, red writing on the front. It was all so gratifying to look at. He picked it up laid on his bed, and just admired his new video game for a while.
Sylvester's sexual curiosity got the best of him. He practically ripped off his shirt and pressed the NES against his muscular chest. He already found a lot of pleasure in what he was doing. He began caressing the NES with the least amount of force he could use, and then gently put it aside to remove all of his clothes, so he could really get experimental. He put the NES right in the middle of his bed and stood over it on his knees. Very leisurely, he inserted his long, throbbing, Italian shaft into the cartridge slit of the NES. It was far too big to go all the way in, so he just gently rubbed along the edges instead of the slit, the plastic was already covered in his pre-ejaculate. He wouldn't stop rubbing, and he felt like he couldn't stop either. He applied even more force, because he knew he was going to come soon. He let out a squeal of ecstasy. His sperm was now all over the inside of his NES, presumably ruining all the machinery and hardware inside, which he never would be able to understand. The Nintendo Entertainment System did things to Sylvester that no woman ever could. He decided the NES was going to be his better half, and he was going to keep it for as long as he lives. By this time it was very late, he cleaned everything up, turned the lights off and held the NES tightly in his muscular arms, before swathing both of them in a warm and cozy blanket. Sylvester thought maybe he wasn't in a mid-life crisis after all.