Hi Everyone! So, it's been years since I've written a fan fic, but recently I've been obsessed with Tokka again, and I wanted to explore how both of the characters mature and develop feelings for each other over time. Plus…Coronavirus is happening at the moment….so I have the time.
I don't want to spoil the story, but I feel like I should warn you that it includes other pairings as well that involve main characters. It's not always smooth sailing for Tokka, and other characters that we know and love might become involved in surprising ways. That's all I'll say on that! Anyway, I hope you enjoy!
Chapter 1: Saudade
Sokka wipes a stray bead of sweat from his forehead as he returns to his seat at the long banquet table. His breath is heavy from dancing, but a smile remains as he reaches for his cup of sake. It takes a few moments for him to catch his breath as he nurses his drink, savoring the slight sting of alcohol as it trickles down his throat.
The table where he sits is mostly empty, save for King Kuei and Bosco a few yards away. Kuei seems to be babbling on about something or other to Bosco, as the bear happily chomps on the assortment of food surrounding him. I guess Bosco likes stewed sea prunes, Sokka titters to himself.
He takes another moment to wonder how a bear and a king manage to have conversation, before turning his attention back to the dance floor where the rest of the wedding guests remain. It's late into the festivities – that odd time of day when you're not sure if it still counts as nighttime or very early morning. Many of the guests have already gone home, but the tsungi horn players still play an upbeat number that keeps the remaining guests up out of their seats.
His eyes find his sister and new brother-and-law amongst the crowd. He feels a surge of brotherly pride at how beautiful and, more importantly, how happy Katara looks in her traditional Water Tribe wedding gown, holding her new husband. Aang looks good too. His air nomad attire is a bit fancier than usual, and along with the quiet smile on his face, he looks like the definition of peace and contentment. It's well earned. Despite the fast-paced melody and movement around them, the couple embrace in a slow dance, clearly immersed in their own bubble of love. Sokka's moment of pride turns to one of discomfort as the pair start to kiss, and he takes that as his cue to look away. He's happy for Katara and Aang, but that doesn't change the fact that seeing his sister kiss anyone still gives him oogies.
He continues to scan the room and sees his girlfriend, Suki, standing over by one of the buffet tables. She seems content as she chats along with Zuko and Mai. Mai looks as serious as always, but Zuko seems pleasant enough, snickering at something Suki says. Sokka is about to get up and join them when his eyes shift to another, distant corner of the venue and finally land on Toph.
She's leaning casually against a wall, alone, though her body language suggests that perhaps she's waiting for something. Or someone? Sokka scratches the stubble on his chin. Not for the first time that night, he finds his eyes subconsciously skating over her. He's not the only one who's found themselves sneaking glances at her tonight. Toph's typically brazen presence has always demanded attention, but tonight there is an air of nobility to her that has everyone turning heads. People often forget that she was born into nobility. Afterall, she typically makes an effort to actively reject the behavior that is associated with nobles. But tonight, she seems to have embraced it. Or, at least the looks that go with it.
Toph has ditched her daily and casual sifu outfit in favor of a long, formal gown that flows comfortably over her figure. Its fabric is an elegant, pale jade color that perfectly complements her eyes, which are clearly visible to the world, her hair pinned back in a sophisticated, braided updo. Intricate floral patterns are weaved throughout the gown in golden silk thread, giving it a metallic, almost ethereal quality. It looks expensive, and Sokka guesses that even his sister's bridal gown hadn't cost nearly as much. Her parents must have supplied the dress, given that Toph couldn't exactly pick one out herself and probably wouldn't have picked out something so fancy if it were up to her. Regardless, Sokka thinks it was a good choice.
He takes a moment to be impressed by the quality of the dress. However, the more reluctant (yet overwhelming) thought that comes to mind, is how well it highlights what's underneath. Maybe it's the booze talking, or maybe it's just that Sokka hasn't seen his friend wear a dress since probably before she hit puberty, but Sokka can't help but appreciate how much his friend has grown up. His eyes trace the earthbender's figure, admiring the way the dress hugs her waist and flows over her hips. He knows that underneath the dress, she's all lean muscle and brute strength. Yet, there is also a delicate, innate femininity to her slender frame that surprises him.
In the 6, nearly 7 years since the end of the war, they've all changed and matured into young adults, and this isn't the first time Sokka has found himself noticing the physical changes in Toph. However, it is the first time he's having trouble keeping his eyes off her. He's thought of her as attractive, objectively that is, for a while now. He can't pinpoint exactly how long. But tonight, there is just something so… alluring about her that he hadn't noticed before. Catching himself, Sokka shakes the unwelcome thoughts from his head.
Even if she's gone through puberty and is technically grown up now, she's still the same old Toph he's always known and loved (as a friend, of course). She may have matured physically, but Sokka reminds himself that the Toph he knows is still the tough, no-nonsense Earthbender that loves bossing around her metalbending students and showing affection through punches. Just the other day she had been involved in a spirited mud brawl with her students and calling them 'lily-livers' at the top of her lungs, Sokka egging her on from a distance. She hasn't changed that much, and Sokka hopes she never does.
Still, as he continues to examine her, he makes an effort to avoid looking back down her body and focuses solely on her face. As he does so, he can't help but think just how mature she looks. Not just in fashion, but in composure. It's not that she looks old. She is only 19 after all, and her looks reflect her youth. Her expression shines with confidence and her eyes sparkle with playful intimidation. Yet, there is a sadness in her expression hidden deep beneath the surface. It takes Sokka a minute to see it. He's not sure he would have noticed it if he hadn't been staring at her for so long, but even from a distance, he can see it clear as day.
It doesn't seem like a tangible sadness caused by something specific. Rather, it's a weathered down type of sorrow. It's the sort of permanent emotion one gains from years of pain and pressure, from trauma, and from having to grown up too fast. Sokka supposes they all carry that with them. Fighting in a war, balancing the weight of the world, and then trying to rebuild it would do that to anyone, much less kids. Regardless, he hadn't noticed the expression in Toph's eyes before, and it lends itself to the wisdom and maturity that he now finds layered beneath her youthful exterior.
Sokka scratches his chin again as he considers, Hmm, maybe there's a lot I haven't noticed about Toph before.
As if on cue, Sokka watches with curiosity as Toph's friend, Satoru, approaches her with two drinks in his hands. He looks equally as elegant in his perfectly tailored suit, but Sokka isn't nearly as impressed with him as he is Toph. The pair shoot back their drinks before putting the empty glasses down on the high-top table next to them, and Sokka is about to look away when he double takes. He watches, in mild horror, as Satoru grips Toph's hips and thrusts them towards his own suggestively. An uncharacteristically girly giggle emits from Toph as the man's hands slip down to her ass and give a squeeze. He leans his head down to the crook of Toph's neck and gives a nip before seemingly whispering something into the earthbender's ear that causes her to blush.
The blush mirrors on Sokka's cheeks as he finally averts his eyes, his heart beating rabidly as an uncomfortable, foreign feeling roots itself in his gut. He crosses his arms in an effort to make the feeling go away, but his eyes subconsciously glance back in the couple's direction, only to find the two exchanging heated kisses, causing another wave of whatever that feeling is to ripple within him. He finally looks away, for real this time, and opts for staring blankly into space instead, trying to process the sudden tightness in his chest.
Here I thought the oogies from Katara and Aang were bad! Sokka pouts to himself. But…"oogies" doesn't really feel like an accurate word to describe this feeling. No, that's not it.
Honestly, part of him is feeling a little hurt. He hadn't known Toph and Satoru were more than friends, and by the looks of it, they seemed to be pretty familiar with their "more-than-friendly" embraces. No, tonight isn't the first night Toph and Satoru have shared kisses, that much is clear. Are they a couple? Are they just… hooking up? And since when did Toph hook up with anyone?
Logically, Sokka knows that Toph is no longer a kid, and is perfectly old enough to do whatever she wants with her body and with whomever she wants. But knowing it as a possibility and seeing it right before his eyes are two very different things. And why didn't she tell me!? We tell each other everything!? Isn't not like I don't see her all the time!
Deep down, Sokka knows he's projecting his anger and hurt onto Toph in order to cover up something else he can't quite articulate. This nagging feeling in the back of his head. This weird mix of nostalgia and…longing? But for what, Sokka is unsure. Something that he's never had, yet he misses terribly. How can I miss something when I don't even know what it is that I'm missing? Whatever it is, it gives him the urge to both laugh and cry. It's confusing. It's empty but full at the same time, and suddenly Sokka is wondering just how much sake he's had to drink.
"Hey, there you are!" Sokka's thoughts are interrupted by the pleasant timbre of Suki's voice. He looks up at his girlfriend's warm smile as she approaches, and for a moment, he no longer feels empty. He returns her smile as he grabs his girlfriend's arm and playfully pulls her down onto his lap. She giggles as he does so, and somewhere in the back of his mind, Sokka can't help but think of how eerily similar it sounds to Toph's giggle from moments before. He dismisses the thought as Suki leans down to place a gentle kiss on his lips before pulling away.
He must not be very good at masking his emotions though, as Suki's smile is quickly replaced by a look of calculating confusion. "Hey. What's wrong?" He opens his mouth to respond, but closes it just as quickly, unsure of how he can put what he's feeling into words. The more he thinks of it, he's not sure if he wants to admit his thoughts to Suki, realizing the inappropriate implications behind his woes over Toph kissing another guy.
Thankfully, the spirits have mercy on him, and their moment is interrupted by Zuko.
"Hey," The Firelord greets, almost too low to hear over the music. However, Sokka just now realizes that the tsungi horns have been replaced by a softer, quieter instrument at this point, indicating that the party must be nearing its end.
Sokka is momentarily surprised as Suki pushes herself off his lap and stands next to Zuko, though he quickly realizes it's probably just a sign of respect. Friend or not, Zuko is technically the Firelord and Suki's boss, after all. Sokka follows her lead and stands up too, though he leans his butt against the edge of the table. Professional as always. It does, however, strike Sokka as somewhat less professional when Zuko reaches his hand to Suki's lower back and gives it an affectionate rub.
Zuko's hand is down just as quickly as he brought it up, "Mai and I are going to head out soon."
"When do you have to be back in the Fire Nation for?" Suki questions.
"Tomorrow, believe it or not. Not even the Avatar's wedding can get in the way duty for too long." Zuko rolls his eyes, the exhaustion from his responsibilities and the long night clearly waning heavily on him.
Sokka can't help but notice the look of disappointment that crosses over his girlfriend. "Oh," She dejects, "Well I'm sorry that you have to go so soon."
"Aren't you going to see him in a just few weeks for guard duty," Sokka raises a skeptical brow, but another thought excites him, "Oh wait! Did you change your mind about finally moving into the city with me?"
Suki flusters, "Uh, no Sokka, sorry. I can't leave my post, you know that. I'm still going back to the fire nation in a few weeks" Sokka's excitement turns into a frown as he notes the strange tone in his girlfriend's voice, unsure what to make of it. She's probably just tired from the dancing, plus a little drunk. She continues, "I'm just sorry Zuko has to go because it was nice having the whole gang back together again, of course."
"Right," Sokka hesitates. There is an awkward pause between the three of them and Zuko clears his throat. With more sincerity, Sokka adds, "Well, I'm just glad I get to have you here for these next few weeks."
"Me too." She smiles in return, though it doesn't give him that "full" feeling like before. He expects her to embrace him or something, but she makes no move to do so, and remains still at Zuko's side.
"Snoozles! Sparky! Uh…Fangirl?" Sokka turns his head at the interruption. Toph approaches them, wearing a mischievous expression, Satoru nowhere in sight. Her steps are a little off, and Sokka represses a snicker at his clearly intoxicated friend. She pushes past Suki and Spark-errr, Zuko, and leans her butt against the table, mirroring Sokka next to her. "Hmmm, Suki, I just realized I never gave you a nickname! We'll have to fix that." She mumbles that last sentence to herself, "Anyway, what a wedding, am I right!?"
Sokka is about to jeer something when Suki does it for him, "You would think so, wouldn't you?" she teases. A ferocious blush creeps its way onto Toph's cheeks, visible even underneath the light layer makeup, which Sokka only now notices she has on. He wonders who did it for her.
Zuko catches on to the mocking tone, "What, why? What am I missing?'
Suki crosses her arms as the playful heckling continues, "Really? You didn't notice Toph and her new boyfriend smashing face in the corner for most of the night?"
"Uh," is all Zuko can manage, clearly caught off guard. Sokka finds himself glad that he wasn't the only one previously unaware of Toph's love life, though Zuko is always oblivious, so it doesn't really count. Plus, Sokka considers himself a better friend to Toph than Zuko, so….
"Shut up!" Toph yells, disturbing Sokka's thoughts. Embarrassment remains on her face, but her voice doesn't betray its usual vibrato. "It's not like all of you haven't been all PDA-like with your significant others before. And do I get on your cases? No! Excuse me for wanting to have a bit of fun with my boyfriend!"
Sokka's eyebrows raise in surprise. What he should have said is "Toph, I'm so happy for you. It's great that you have a boyfriend."
Instead, he says, "You didn't tell me you were seeing anyone." It's the first set of words he's spoken to her since the ceremony a few hours ago, and only now does Sokka realize that it's probably because she's been off kissing her new boyfriend. The hurt in his tone is evident, and now it's Toph's turn to look surprised. Before she can respond, Zuko walks to her side, placing a friendly hand on her shoulder.
"You're right, Toph. And good for you - it's nice to see you happy."
"Thanks, Sparky." Toph lands a signature tap on the firebender's arm, and Sokka can't help but notice that Zuko is right. She looks happy. She looks…in love. An expression so different from the sadness he had seen earlier, and something he had never seen on Toph before. Why does that bother him so much?
"Hey Zuko," Suki nods in the direction of the exit, where Katara and Aang are exchanging pleasantries with a few of the guests as they prepare to leave. The venue is clearing out fast and only now does Sokka realize that staff is starting to clear away tables and the band has stopped playing. He spots Mai waiting by the door with a few Kyoshi Warriors, her foot tapping impatiently as Ty Lee appears to be chatting away. Mai is clearly anxious to leave. "Looks like your girlfriend is waiting for you. Ready to go? I'll come say goodbye and escort you back to your airship."
Zuko sighs, clearly not looking forward to the long ride back to the Fire Nation, "Oh yeah. Better get going."
Zuko pats Toph awkwardly on the shoulder before walking away towards Mai, Suki in tow, leaving Sokka and Toph alone for the first time that evening.
The two share a heavy moment of silence, before Toph breaks it, "Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Satoru."
Sokka turns his body towards his friend, the sake in his system causing his world to spin a little as he does so. "Why didn't you?"
Toph bites her lip, and Sokka's eyes instinctually flicker down at the gesture. "I mean, it's still kind of new, and I didn't want to tell anyone right away in case it didn't work out. Plus, you know, I've never been one for that mushy talk anyway."
"But…we're best friends Toph. Aren't we?" Sokka insists, "I want you to feel comfortable telling me anything. Even the mushy stuff."
"I know. But…we've never really talked about that stuff before," she argues, "And… Well, for some reason I worried that you wouldn't like him."
At this, Sokka's heart quickens. He hopes the alcohol in her system prevents Toph from sensing it. What does she mean? "What? You've guys have been friends for years and I never had a problem with him. Why wouldn't I like him now?"
"I know that! Look, I know there is no logical reason for you not to like him, it's just…." Toph bites her lip again, unsure. Sokka's breath hitches. Can she sense my jeal- err, I mean, discomfort? Sokka is not jealous. That would be crazy.
"Just what?"
Toph sighs, annoyed at the emotional turn in the conversation. She relents, "Just, if there was a chance that for whatever reason you didn't like him, I worried what you might think of me for dating him. And, I guess your opinion matters to me, or whatever."
Sokka's body visibly relaxes, and an understanding smile graces his lips. OH.
"Well, well, well…Who knew? The great Blind Bandit! Inventor of Metalbending…The greatest earthbender of all time! Member of the esteemed Beifong family! Who knew that the all mighty she, would care what I, amere water tribe peasant thinks? What is the world coming too!?" Sokka teases, gusto in his voice as he slings his arm over her shoulders.
"Whatever, Meathead. I take it back." Toph pushes away from him and lands a punch on his arm. He laughs anyway, feeling a sense of relief and a twinge of pride that Toph admitted to caring what he thinks. Toph, on the other hand, huffs indigently, and is about to walk away, but Sokka grabs the fancy fabric of her sleeve to stop her.
"Hey," his fingers fiddle with the silk, "Does he make you happy?"
Toph faces him, her unseeing eyes somehow finding his.
"Yes, he does." The genuine smile returns from earlier and Sokka, thinking clearly for the first time that night, feels content for his friend. She deserves to be happy. And she's also right - he really has no logical reason not to like Satoru. Doesn't mean he does like him…but if he makes Toph happy, then…
"Then that's all that matters. I'm happy for you."
An uncharacteristically bashful smile crosses her features. Out of habit, Toph uses her seismic sense to get a read on Sokka. He isn't lying, and a part of Toph feels slightly disappointed at that. She pushes the thought aside. "Thanks. It's good to see everyone happy. I think we deserve it, don't you?"
Sokka recalls that look of sorrow and wisdom he had seen in her eyes before. He looks for it again, and sure enough, despite being clearly happy, drunk and in love, it's there deep down. That will never go away.
"Yeah," Sokka diverts his attention across the room, where he spots his girlfriend again. Suki looks over at the same time and sends a smile his way. He returns it before looking back at the earthbender next to him. He's grateful for the love he has with Suki. Wouldn't trade it for the world. And yet, as his eyes scan over his best friend, that strange feeling from earlier returns, settling deep in his gut. Longing for something, missing something he's never known. "Yeah, we do."