With All Due Respect

by Dee Moyza

After Squall leaves with Rinoa in search of Esthar, Xu struggles to run Garden by herself. While the strain of supply shortages and an uncertain future wear her down, a strange phenomenon dashes her hope of her comrades' return and drives her to a make rash decision. And the only person who can stop her is Nida. In-game, one-shot.

It had been four days since Leonhart disappeared with Rinoa, and three-and-a-half since his friends went looking for him. Xu walked to the station at Fisherman's Horizon, as she had every afternoon since then, in the vain hope she'd meet them on their way back. She climbed the stairs, passed through the derelict building, and walked along the train tracks until the sounds of FH died away, and she was all alone with the sea.

The sky was clear, and there was hardly any wind, so the sound of the water should have been calming. Instead, however, it came to her as the whispers of a thousand ghosts, telling tales of death and darkness, telling her to give up the wait, that her comrades were long gone. Xu tried to block these thoughts from her mind as she stared eastward, straining her eyes for a distant coast, for the skyline of a city no one had seen in nearly twenty years.

She indulged her despair out here, just for a moment, dropping her stoic façade and shedding a few tears. Aside from Quistis, she didn't consider any of them her friends, but they were all her comrades, joined by oath and service, and the thought of losing any one of them weighed heavy on her heart.

She was a sensible person, however, and as she took one last look and turned back toward FH, she began to mull over the practical aspect of the situation. With Leonhart's departure, Balamb Garden was without an official leader. She had hoped, when the White SeeD ship docked in FH just after Squall had left, that Cid had accompanied his wife on the journey; but she'd been disappointed. Balamb Garden's headmaster had flung all of his duties and responsibilities onto a boy who'd broken beneath the strain, then scurried away to hide in the crumbling walls of his former home.

Like a rat.

Xu cursed under her breath as she descended the station stairs, letting her frustration with Cid and the state of Garden replace her anxiety over her comrades' whereabouts. Since Balamb Garden had gone mobile, they'd only replenished their supplies once or twice, and they were running dangerously low. Xu had instituted rations even before the clash with Galbadia Garden, but it was difficult to ration what one didn't have. Unable to negotiate contracts and authorize missions, Xu could only watch as Balamb Garden's coffers ran dry and their emergency food stores reached critical levels.

She considered returning to Balamb, to dismiss the students who lived there back to their families, and to seek support from a known community. But leaving FH felt like abandoning the crew who'd set out for Esthar; it felt like admitting they would never return.

One more day, she told herself, as she had the day before. One more day, and if there's no sign of them, then we'll head back to Balamb.

⁂

Nida made his rounds through Balamb Garden, clipboard in hand, enforcing Xu's rations. He went behind the counter in the cafeteria and examined the utensils, instructing the service staff to fill the scoops and ladles to only two-thirds of their capacities. When the staff gave him blank looks, he pulled out a small ruler and a marker and helpfully drew a line at the two-thirds mark.

They did not appreciate that.

Nida exited the cafeteria, his ears burning from the kitchen staff's not-so-whispered complaints about him, and moved on to the dorms. He measured everything from the soap inside the dispensers in the boys' restrooms to the amount of discarded notepaper in the trash bins in the study areas, writing down figures and noting what he needed to bring to Xu's attention.

As he was wrapping up his inspection, the girls from the Library Committee descended upon him, demanding to know why their budget had been slashed, and why the cafeteria no longer stocked their favorite snacks.

"Th-they can't," Nida answered, grinning weakly. "We haven't been able to replenish those. We are rationing supplies, you know. Until we get back to Balamb, until we get more contracts, until –"

"Until never, you mean," the most outspoken member of the committee said, tossing her long ponytail. "Come on, ladies, this guy can't help us. He can't do anything useful. He's just Xu's little toady." She snickered and walked away, and left the other two members apologizing for her behavior.

"It's all right," Nida said. "Everyone's stressed out. We don't really know what the future has in store for us. But right now, we have to work together to keep Balamb Garden running."

He truly believed in what he said, and he reminded Xu of that at every opportunity. He was becoming worried about her, though. Since Cid essentially surrendered his authority, Xu had been working tirelessly to maintain the level of operation and comfort Balamb Garden students had become accustomed to. But as their supplies dwindled, the strain of her position became clear. And now that Squall and his group had disappeared and Balamb Garden had no clear direction, Xu seemed wearier than ever. She snapped at anyone who looked at her strangely, reacted to threats that were only in her mind, and wandered through FH every afternoon, searching for some indication that their comrades were still alive.

Under this kind of pressure, she was bound to crack. Nida just didn't know when.

But he hoped that, when she did, she wouldn't do any permanent damage, to Garden, or its students, or her reputation.

Or to him.

⁂

Xu shed no tears today as she gazed along the Horizon Bridge, and she took that as a sign of acceptance. Whatever had happened to Quistis and the others was out of her hands; she could only hope for their safe return. But she could do more than just hope for Balamb Garden. She decided to make the announcement as soon as she got back, and order Nida to set course for Balamb first thing in the morning.

She was about to return to FH when something caught her eye. A strange light appeared in the eastern sky, growing larger by the second. She watched it descend, then drew back in horror as a red stream pierced the clouds and dispersed into the atmosphere, settling over an area far beyond the bridge on which she stood.

The area where Esthar was said to be.

A cold sweat erupted along Xu's forehead, and she felt as if her stomach was being hollowed out as the ran back toward FH. She hadn't even reached the station before she saw groups of people looking to the east and pointing towards the sky.

"What is it?"

"Some kind of storm?"

"Maybe it's an asteroid."

"Nah, an asteroid wouldn't act like that."

Xu pushed through the crowd, desperate to get back to Garden. If any of the students had seen that, there was sure to be panic. Following the track back through FH, Xu noticed a curious division in the reactions of the townsfolk. Most of the citizens were simply perplexed, but the older ones were terrified. They whispered among themselves, and Xu caught scraps of conversation in passing.

"It's back."

"But how? I thought it was destroyed."

"What else could cause that?"

"Maybe it's a natural one."

"Not in that concentration."

"Esthar …"

"… Pandora …"

"… the Lunar Cry."

Xu stopped suddenly. The Lunar Cry. The term was familiar to her, sprinkled as it was throughout Garden's textbooks. A phenomenon when monsters were drawn from the moon to the surface of the planet. Strong monsters. Between the creatures and the debris, the Lunar Cry always caused significant structural damage wherever it struck. If it was a large enough Cry, it could obliterate the landscape, as it had in Centra.

And these people just said it looked like it happened over Esthar.

Xu hoped, in the name of mercy, that her comrades had never made it to Esthar. Let them be lost, let them be gone, but do not let them suffer the horror that was unfolding right now.

She shook away the thought and continued toward Garden, but turned around once more when a man ran past her, carrying an old radio.

"Listen, listen," he cried. He turned the dial on the radio, and static flowed from the speaker. Plain static, not one laced with cryptic and chilling messages. He turned the dial some more, and faint words came through the static, with mentions of Esthar, monsters, and sorceresses.

Xu thought she heard Rinoa's name, briefly. She couldn't be sure, but she clearly heard another name shortly thereafter.

Adel.

What was going on? Why was the person on the radio talking about Adel? Was the broadcast that old? Or was there something the rest of the world didn't know? As desperate as she was to know what more the man could find on his radio, she knew she had to get back to her post, to assume the leadership that had been abandoned twice in the span of a few weeks.

Chaos greeted her inside the second-floor hallway, with students pushing toward the door to see what they could of the eastern sky. Xu shouted at them to remain inside, and when they approached to ask her questions, she glared at them and ordered them to remain quiet.

She needed time to assess the situation, but she didn't even know what the situation was. A hundred thoughts tumbled through her mind, of monsters and sorceresses and long-lost cities. Of radios and red skies and destruction. Of Garden and leadership and loss.

Of her friends.

Where were they now?

⁂

Nida paced the width of the third-floor office, debating whether he should go out to look for Xu. He was waiting for the elevator down to the second floor when Xu arrived, breathless and disheveled.

"I assume you saw what happened," he said.

Xu nodded.

"What was it?"

"I don't know. But some of the old-timers in FH were talking about the Lunar Cry."

"Like the one that hit Centra?"

"Yeah."

"I wonder where this one landed."

Xu pressed her fingers to her temples and took a deep breath. Nida had never seen her so distressed. He opened his mouth to repeat the question when she looked up, her features contorted in anxiety.

"Esthar," she said quietly. "They said it looked like it came down in Esthar."

Nida felt his stomach drop. If that was true, that meant that Squall and the others would have been caught under it. It meant that they might all be –

"Gone," Xu said, as if she could read his thoughts. "They're gone, Nida. You know what the last Lunar Cry did to Centra. There's no way they would've survived that." She pressed her hands to her eyes, hard, then slid them away from her face and into her hair, grabbing two handfuls and pulling, her knuckles white with the effort. She screwed her features up, then doubled over, letting out a long, painful groan. Then, catching her breath, she straightened again and smoothed her uniform.

"We're going back to Balamb," she announced. "Nida, get up to the bridge."

Nida hesitated. They had not refueled since they docked at FH, and doing so would take a lot of time. A lot of time, and a hefty amount of money, which he was uncertain they could spare.

Xu had already turned from him and seized the microphone of the PA system. "Attention all Balamb Garden students, SeeDs, and personnel," she said. "In light of recent developments and the strange phenomenon to the east of here, I have made the decision to return to Balamb. Please prepare for departure: secure the cargo and the food items, account for all junior classmen, and return to your dorms. Rations will remain in effect throughout the journey, and there will be a strict curfew until we reach Balamb. Everyone will remain in quarters from 2100 hours to 0600 hours; those caught breaking the curfew will face serious punishment upon arrival in Balamb. That is all."

Xu glanced over her shoulder and noticed Nida standing there. "What are you doing? I thought I told you to get up to the bridge."

"With all due respect, Xu, I don't believe immediate departure is the best decision," Nida said, standing at attention despite the shaking in his knees. He'd never disagreed with Xu before, but he felt it was his duty to protect Garden to the best of his abilities, and he was not about to undertake a journey he wasn't sure he could finish.

"And why not?"

"Balamb Garden requires refueling, and that will take time."

"Why wasn't that done sooner?"

"Because it also takes money. We've been rationing every crumb and every gil, and I didn't want to request an expenditure that might be unnecessary."

"'Might be unnecessary?' What did you think we would do, Nida, live out our lives here at FH? What if Galbadia attacks? How would we get out of that situation?"

"Remaining in place would be the best strategy in that case. In my opinion, of course. If we attempt to flee without a full fuel tank, we run the risk of becoming stranded at sea, and an easy target for Galbadia." He took a deep breath to calm his screaming nerves. "And we still run that risk, if we don't refuel now."

Xu snorted. "How long will it take?"

"Considering we still have about a quarter-tank, about five or six hours."

"And how much will it cost?"

"At the current fuel prices … a significant amount."

"How much?"

"Let's just say, it comes down to fuel or food."

Xu groaned and grabbed her head again.

"We could always choose to refuel to three-quarters capacity," Nida offered. "That should be enough to get us back to Balamb and provide for any evasive maneuvers in the event we encounter hostility along the way. But once we get back to Balamb, that's it. Perhaps you can negotiate with our supplier there regarding food, but unless we begin generating some income again, the situation's only going to get worse."

"I know that, you jackass! What do you think I do all day, sit around and daydream? No, I watch our supplies dwindle, our income stagnate. I watch the SeeDs grumble about not getting a paycheck they can't even spend! And I watch the junior classmen tuck away pieces of bread just to have snacks in the afternoon. At least, if we head back to Balamb, some of them can go home, and others can buy what they need in town. It's not a perfect solution, but it's something!" Xu stalked back and forth across the office, throwing up her hands to accentuate her points.

"It's a hell of a lot better than doing nothing," she continued. "What do you expect to happen if we wait here? Do you expect Leonhart and the others to come back?" She grabbed Nida by the shoulders, her fingertips sinking into his flesh like the points of a steel trap dulled with use, and shook him hard. "They're gone, Nida. They're not coming back from wherever they went. We have to keep going, for our sake and the sake of everyone else here. First Cid turned tail, then Leonhart. I'll be damned if I'm going to abandon Garden, too!"

She shoved Nida away, and he staggered backwards to the wall. He watched her pace some more, like a caged animal. When she approached the lift to the bridge, he asked her what she was doing.

"Someone's got to get us back home," she said. "Since you're too much of a wimp to even try, I guess I'll have to do it myself, like I do everything else around here."

"Xu, wait!" Nida ran toward the lift, but doubled back to the PA system. He knew he couldn't handle Xu on his own. "Dr. Kadowaki, please report to the bridge immediately," he said, his voice shaking. "Kadowaki, to the bridge, immediately."

He pressed the button on the lift's controls and stepped onto the platform when it arrived. He looked up, his heart hammering in his chest, then took a deep breath and steeled himself for what he knew he had to do. He pressed the button again and the lift raised.

⁂

How the hell did Nida make sense of these controls? Xu looked around the bridge for the mechanism with which to start the Garden. All she could see was the giant steering column. She gave it a tentative push, and realized it was much heavier that it seemed. Even through her desperation, she developed a newfound admiration for Nida and his piloting skills during the battle with Galbadia Garden. She located a panel on the floor next to the steering column, and was bending down to examine it, when she heard the lift rise behind her.

"Good, you're here," she said as Nida stepped off. "Tell me how to get this hunk of junk moving."

"No." Nida said, clearly and firmly.

"What?"

"No. No, I will not tell you how to start Garden. No, I will not undertake a journey unprepared. No, I will not risk the safety of everyone aboard just because you've given up."

"You don't get to decide that, Nida. You're still a green SeeD. I am your senior, and I outrank everyone else here right now. I may not have an official title, but my qualifications make me your commanding officer at the moment. So, you don't get to refuse my orders."

Nida gulped. "If I feel that your orders would further endanger the operation of Balamb Garden, and the lives of those aboard it, I will refuse. And, with all due respect, I will request that you step down from your self-appointed position."

Xu felt the anger rise in her chest, constricting around her heart and driving bile into the back of her throat. "I will not. Now, start this vessel and pilot us back to Balamb!"

"No." Nida's voice trembled, but he remained unbowed. "If you will not step down gracefully, I am afraid that I will need to force you to."

"Really? You understand I'm excellent at close-quarters combat? I could kill you with my bare hands if I wanted to."

Nida's eyes widened and lower lip quivered. He took a step back and a deep breath. "That's a risk I'm willing to take," he said, moving toward her again. "Step down, Xu. I'm not asking you to do it permanently, just until you pull yourself together."

Xu shook her head. She pressed her lips together, fighting the screams that roiled inside her. She felt her eyes stinging and realized, with horror, that she'd begun crying in front of Nida. She wiped the tears away and scowled at him. "I will not," she growled.

"Listen, I know you're not yourself right now. I know you're worried about Quistis, and Squall, and even Rinoa. But I can't let you put us at an even greater disadvantage than we are at now."

Below them, Xu heard the office door open, followed by Dr. Kadowaki's voice, asking where Nida was.

"Up here," he shouted, and that momentary distraction was all that Xu needed. She launched herself at him, knocking him to the floor, trying to swat his hands aside to grab onto his throat.

He was fast, though, and caught her by the wrists. She mentally cursed herself; if she'd remained standing, a solid kick to his groin would've laid him out and freed her. Angry and desperate, she wriggled in his grip, the lessons of years of training drowned out by the screaming in her mind.

She finally pulled one hand away and raised it to strike him, but caught a glimpse of his face before she could do so. He wasn't angry; he wasn't even scared. Instead, he just looked incredibly sad. His eyes were filled with concern and disappointment that cut through Xu's rage and left her feeling drained. Her arm dropped, and she slumped back and let him stand. As Dr. Kadowaki arrived, Xu let out a long, sobbing scream, ripped from the depths of her being, and fell back onto the floor.

⁂

Nida lingered in the infirmary doorway, placing one foot over the threshold, then drawing it back. He wasn't sure Xu wanted to see him after what happened on the bridge, but he needed to know she was all right.

Okay, he thought, here goes. Nope, she might try to kill me. But I need to know she'll be fine. So, okay … no.

He waffled there long enough to set off the alarm signaling that the door had stayed open too long. He jumped back, and heard Dr. Kadowaki call to him from the other side.

"For goodness' sake, Nida, make up your mind! This certainly isn't the person Xu was describing to me."

Nida slipped through the doors as they were closing. "So, she's okay?" he asked.

"Not completely. I gave her a sedative and let her sleep it off, but I think she still has a lot to process. As far as she's concerned, that strange sighting in the sky is confirmation that the group that went to Esthar isn't coming back."

"That seems like an awful leap in logic, especially for her."

"It is, but considering that those are her friends, it's understandable. She's been trying so hard to handle everything on her own these past few days, I'm surprised she didn't snap sooner."

"Can I see her?"

"That depends." Kadowaki stuck her head into Xu's room. "Are you up for a visitor?"

"Yeah, fine," Xu replied. Kadowaki nodded.

Xu looked relatively normal, if a bit pale. She sat on the edge of the bed and looked out the window, unwilling to meet Nida's eyes.

"Hey," he said.

She nodded.

"Glad to see you're okay. You really scared me up there."

"Everything scares you, Nida." It was a familiar remark from Xu, but this time, it lacked conviction.

Nida stood there, grinning awkwardly and fumbling with his hands. Xu sighed and turned toward him.

"What do you want?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were all right."

"Well, I'm still alive. Now you know, and you can leave and get back to running Garden."

"No, that's your job. At least until Squall gets back."

"I already told you, Nida, Squall is –"

Nida shook his head. "A good leader doesn't act on assumptions. A good leader gets up when they're down. A good leader doesn't give up on their troops. A good leader –"

"Cut the crap, Nida, I get your point. I'll get back up there." She stood up, swayed, and sat back down. "In a few hours. Let the rest of this sedative wear off, first."

They sat in silence for several minutes. Nida watched the sky change colors as the sun set, watched the first stars light up the darkness, and wondered whether his missing comrades were watching the same thing. He was worried about them, too, but if he knew them at all – especially Squall and Quistis – he knew they weren't going to let a strange astronomical event get the better of them. They'd be back. He was sure of it.

He heard Xu shift her weight on the infirmary bed, and started when she said his name.

"What you did today, standing up to me even though I'm your superior, trying to stop me from making a bad decision, even at the cost of your well-being, then talking me down from that decision … that was very admirable. Thank you."

"It was nothing."

She looked at him, one eyebrow raised. "Nothing? I have to admit, you made it seem that way. Nida, the white knight. So, is this a regular occurrence with you, or am I just really special?"

"You're really special," he said without hesitation.

"What? You know, I think this sedative's still kicking my ass, because I thought I heard you say I was special."

"I did."

Xu laughed. "Sorry, Nida, but you're not my type."

Nida felt his ears go hot. "I-I didn't mean it like that. I mean, that you're my friend. You and Quistis, both. You put up with my awkwardness, my corny jokes, my lack of experience as a SeeD. And you're not too proud to recognize when I actually do something right. So, if I have to take a few punches to keep you from doing something wrong, I will. That's what friends do."

"That's actually … very thoughtful. You know what else friends do? They keep secrets." Xu leaned close and shook her finger at him. "If you breathe one word to anyone about what happened today – even to Quistis – I swear, you will wake up one morning without a tongue." She looked over her shoulder. "And that goes for you, too, Kadowaki!"

"I don't know why you're threatening me," Kadowaki called back. "As far as anyone else is concerned, I never saw a thing."

Xu nodded, wearing a smug grin and apparently satisfied that she was reestablishing her authority within Balamb Garden. "What about you, Nida?" she asked. "Fancy keeping your tongue?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Nida saluted. He hadn't planned on telling anyone in the first place. He'd already demonstrated more than enough composure and courage to elevate Xu's opinion of him. If the rest of Balamb Garden wanted to see him as just the gawky, nerdy pilot, so be it.

He recalled the comic books he read when he was little, the stories of superheroes who masqueraded as normal citizens until their assistance was needed. He could be like that. Nida, Balamb Garden pilot and secret superhero extraordinaire.

He wondered if Xu would let him add a cape to his uniform.

- END -