AN: I know this fandom is pretty dead, but I wrote this years ago and I decided that there was no better time to finish it than during a global pandemic

Nori of the House of Ri was his own dwarf.

This is because freedom was something he valued highly above all else. (Except perhaps, his brothers of course, but he'd never admit that) It was very much obvious he valued free will if you took a glance at his criminal record. (the number of his escapes brought shame to the royal guards, but they were very good for Ori's bedtime stories) Many would disagree with his values, saying that rules weren't meant to be broken and that they were put in place for a reason. Nori wouldn't argue his case, he would just slip a few jewels into a hidden pocket to sell later so Ori could buy a replacement quill and for Dori could pay for the weekly meals. No point in wasting precious time arguing with those too blind to see it.

So Nori spent his life by his own rules.

He travelled far, but not too far from Ered Luin where he couldn't give Ori and Dori the occasional (unwanted) visit. Busy marketplaces were where he was most seen. (seen was a loose term, he hid in the shadows and remained proudly inconspicuous) Nori's nimble fingers would swipe at unfortunate pockets passing by. They took small jewels from expensive stalls and disappeared without a trace. (It was a craft, he would argue, a skill, a trade of his own) He lurked in the shadows, watching and waiting for that rich dwarf with the shiny hair beads to wander through. If he got himself into a little spot of trouble from his craft, then he would pluck one of those many knives he hid on his person and slit a few throats.

Nori had been caught a few times (not that he would admit). His ego deflated when he was cruelly thrown into a cell and scowled at. Dori would come in, having left little Ori with Bombur to not harm his innocence. An overwhelming sense of guilt would hit Nori whenever the horrible amount of coins were handed over and the bars unlocked for him to run back home.

Nori was his own dwarf.

Until Dori bestowed upon him, The Bowl.

Nori had never really cared much for his hair. To other dwarves their hair and beards were their pride and joy. Dori always insisted on braiding his mithril beard and hair into a complex style every morning. Also bringing Ori to the same discomfort, by sitting him on the chair and doing little ginger braids. Ori always let him, never being the rebellious type like Nori. He bid Nori to do the same. But Nori was his own dwarf. So, naturally, being the late riser he was he would not bother with complex braids. Just simply have on long auburn plait down his back. This was only done to keep it out the way when he was (theiving) working. By the time he came home the plait would be coming loose and extremely messy. But he didn't care. Because he was his own dwarf.

(and he still looked fucking sexy, according to Bofur)

"Nori, take a seat, let me comb your hair." Dori said to him one evening. "It's messy and you never do it properly." His elder brother's face held a slight frown.

Nori smirked at him, because he knew he was right. And yes, he should start taking care of his auburn locks. He removed the clasp from the end of his plait and passed it to Dori.

"Do your worst." He said, a hint of a grin in his voice.

Little Ori had walked into the room and was now watching in fastination. "I've never seen you do anything to Nori's hair." He said, cuddling up to the side of Nori's leg before letting himself be picked up.

He smiled when on Nori's lap where he could get a better view. It was always nice when they his two elder brothers weren't fighting. Ori giggled when Nori tickled him and played with his braids, both ignoring Dori coming back from the kitchen. Combing out the hair was nasty business. Nori had neglected it slightly in the past few weeks, so the comb ran through and broke many knots and tangles.

Dori tutted. "I've never seen it look this nice since you were a wee babe."

Nori pulled a face at Ori to make him laugh, ignoring the movement of his brother.

"Dori, why have you got a bowl?"

Ori's innocent question was a second too late as a bowl was shoved snugly onto Nori's head.

"Why are you-DORI!" He let out a shriek which he didn't know he was capable of anymore.

Nori felt a snip at the side of his head and could only watch in horror as his hair floated softly to the ground. Another snip made him visibly wince as Ori couldn't stop laughing. Legs kicking out, Nori could only struggle as Dori used his immense strength to his advantage as he was held down. Oh why did he take all his knives out of his pockets when he got home? Nori was really starting to regret not going over to see Bofur instead.

As Dori snipped away at so much hair Nori's struggles became less futile and he was now tired from the loss of hair. He didn't even begin to protest when small braids were being tied at the sides of his head. When Dori was done he stood back with Ori as he admired his handy-work.

"Not bad." He muttered with a small smile.

Nori couldn't listen as he dropped to his knees and looked around solemnly at the mass of auburn hair on the floor. The Bowl stood proudly on the dining room table, sneering at his new haircut. Nori scowled at it and made a beeline for his room where he had a (broken, old) mirror.

The once long hair that hung halfways down his back was now short. So, so short. The influence of The Bowl was obvious on the outside of his hair. Making his head appear more like a dark red mushroom. Especially the short, short fringe, that covered half his forehead. Two braids at the front and either side of his face were down to his chin. So were the other two behind his ears. Mahal, how long will this take to grow out, he thought desperately to himself.

Nori made a promise to himself that he would not go out the small shack they called home unless cloaked completely. He could not afford anyone seeing him like this. He looked ridiculously ugly and it was utterly mortifying.

Dori (the git) seemed to be having the time of his life. Constantly complimenting himself on how good the haircut turned out to be. (Good my arse, Nori thought bitterly) Little Ori was no help either. The lad would tentatively say that it didn't look too bad, or that Nori was just being dramatic and his hair never looked amazing anyway. But Ori still couldn't bite back the giggles when Nori dug out an old cloak and put the hood on so his face (and hair) was hidden in shadow.

It had been a week since The Cut, and Nori was out at the marketplace. He remained mostly in shadow, but attracted quite a lot of attention from being under such a heavy cloak that hid his face so much. Especially now that (for some reason) it was a particularly sunny day (Nori was sure the gods were against him) and travelling cloaks were not commonly used for trips to markets. He was just about to duck into an alley way to let in a bit of air when Bofur of all people sauntered up to him.

"Nori!" He called. "I haven't seen ye in ages!" His usual cheerful smile was plastered across his face along with that ridiculous hat.

Nori didn't respond, only grunted in acknowledgment and ducked into the alley way. He was still miserable from losing all his precious hair. A shadow of another dwarf came across the brick wall he was leaning against and Bofur came up to him.

"Why the large cloak?" He asked, not unkindly, just too curious for Nori's liking. He took the hood of the cloak before Nori could grab his hand and tell him not to. "It's such a nice day-NORI WHAT IN MAHAL'S NAME HAPPENED TO YER HAIR!"

Nori was sure the yell would alert all of Ered Luin and even Smaug himself. He quickly clamped a hand over Bofur's mouth, looking around fiercely.

"Shush!" He hissed, almost nose to nose with his friend. "Someone might hear you!"

When he finally released Bofur's mouth he turned round to put his hood back on.

"Don't put yer cloak back on." Bofur chided, not minding his friend's behaviour. "Just tell me, what happened to yer hair?" He repeated the question, this time with a smile and a lot quieter.

Nori blushed hotly. "Dori," He muttered. "Shoved a bowl on my head and this mutant was born." He gestured towards the hairstyle.

Bofur grinned. "It doesn't look that bad."

"Yes it does."

"..ok, maybe it does."

Nori made to put the cloak back on but Bofur grabbed his wrists. "Don't worry, we'll fix it without yer cloak."

"How could anyone possibly fix this abomination!"

Bofur smirked. "Have yer tried wearing a hat?"

Nori looked him up and down. "If you're going to say what I think you're going to say-" But his next words were cut off as Bofur had rammed his hat down onto his head.

The furry lining was cosy and the hat was quite comfortable. Now, as it fell over his eyes, Nori could see why Bofur wore it all the time. He could feel the flaps bounce around as he pushed it back so he could see. Nori mustered up the anger to glare at Bofur (he obviously couldn't admit he found the hat comfortable?) who was grinning widely at him.

"Do ye like it?" Bofur asked.

Nori couldn't find it in him to ruin his demeanor. "Not to my taste."

"I know ye find it comfortable, but ye just won't admit it."

Nori scowled at him. "When was the last time the top of your head saw daylight?" He asked with raised eyebrows.

"A decade ago, give or take." Bofur said casually, with a tilt of his head.

Nori laughed for the first time since The Cut. Bofur could always cheer him up.

"Well, you can keep the hat for a decade longer, until we get back to my house." Nori said, walking out the alley. "Your hair has to see sunlight."

Bofur chuckled. "Of course that's why yer are keeping the hat on, you obviously don't find it cosy hmm?" He wiggled his head, which felt a bit odd without anything flapping at his ears.

The walk back to Nori's home was pleasantly refreshing. Bofur just had a knack for holding conversation that almost made Nori forget about his dilemma. Nori was even laughing for the first time in days at a hilarious story on how Bifur managed to give Bombur food poisoning by attempting a favour. However his glee was short-lived, as upon arriving Bofur stupidly decided to chat with Dori.

"Ye know what Dori? I think ye did a nice job on the hair." Bofur said loudly with a smirk in Nori's direction.

You traitor! Nori thought furiously while glaring hard, feeling thoroughly put out.

"Well I'm glad you think so Bofur! It was about time anyway, Nori could never keep that ratty braid looking presentable." Dori sniffed, looking more and more like he needed a brick to the face.

"I'm standing right here!" Nori whined. "Have a little respect!"

Dori (the git) ignored him. "It wasn't too hard really, I just needed brute strength and a bowl."

"Oh I can see the shape of the bowl now!" Bofur chuckled to himself, finding the situation hilarious.

"If you want I could give you a hair cut?" Dori offered, looking much too excited for his own good.

"Nah it's alright Dori, me cousin makes sure I look attractive enough. I don't need the help like Nori did."

Nori scowled at how Bofur could easily brush off Dori's daft request while insulting him flawlessly at the same time! "Alright that's enough Bofur - don't you have places to be?" He started pushing him towards the door.

"There's no need to interrupt us Nori-"

"See you sometime in the near future goodbye!" Nori yelled as he shoved Bofur out the door.

Dori tutted at his behaviour. "You need to learn some manners!" He grabbed the wooden spoon on the table next to him and proceeded to hit him with it. "Have - I - taught - you - nothing?!" Each word was punctuated by a blow and Nori made a run for it.

Nori didn't know what came over him.

The reason why he was standing in the mud with a heavy travel pack about to go on a quest with Dwalin of all people was because he'd signed that stupid contract to go on a stupid quest with some stupid dwarves. The only promise was gold, and that was all Nori wanted. If they didn't all die in the process, that is.

"The weather looks bad now but I know we've got some sunny days ahead of us, eh Nori?" Bofur said cheerily beside him, an equally large travel pack on his back.

Nori grunted. He supposed the quest couldn't be all bad. He could make amends with some of the dwarves he'd pissed off and maybe even meet humans, or elves! With Bofur by his side it was bearable. And even Ori had opted to join (though that meant Dori would be watching over both of them like a hawk) so Nori could teach him some valuable life lessons. Like how to steal Dwalin's pouch, or how to steal Oin's puff.

Speaking of which, the company of nine were currently missing four key members and everyone was shivering their boots off waiting for them.

"Nori!" Gloin bellowed through a gust of wind. "Where are yer brothers!"

All Nori could do was shrug. Dori was always on time, something he said was out of politeness but Nori really knew it was to be able to berate his brothers for not keeping up the family image. But now Dori and Ori were late, Nori was feeling a small sense of satisfaction, it was quite nice not being in trouble for once.

"And you two!" Gloin turned to Fili and Kili, who both looked petrified at his voice. "Where's yer Uncle!"

"How should we know?" Kili bit back, pissed after Gloin had interrupted them.

"Uncle doesn't tell us anything!" Fili said with a bit more politeness.

"He might have already left!"

"Or got lost."

"He always gets lost."

"Can't read maps that dwarf."

"Glad we can read maps, Fili."

"Glad we didn't inherit many things from Uncle, Kili."

"Alright enough you two, Thorin told us he's going to be late, so we'll have to go on without him." Balin said.

Gloin looked at Balin. "And yer brother?"

"Oh he already left." Balin said cheerily. "So if you don't mind me, I'm going to catch up with him." And with that, Balin turned round and started his journey.

Nori gaped after him. If only he had that much freedom! Dori had made him promise that all three of them were going to be together every step of the way. (something Nori mentally shuddered at) He glanced a look at Bofur, who was still looking obnoxiously happy. It was enough to make him want to kick some mud in his face.

"Me and Fili are gonna stay here and wait for Ori and Dori." Kili chimed in.

"We said to Ori that we would be there to entertain him!" Fili said.

Nori turned round to Bofur. "Well I guess I'll have to wait too." He rolled his eyes.

"Don't worry, I'll wait with ye, and Bifur and Bombur will be waiting with me so ye'll have loads o' company!" Bofur said, with a grin not fitting for their current situation.

Gloin sighed. "Me and Oin might as well wait here too, I haven't talked to Dori in a while, and I wanna have a go a' him fer making us late."

After about ten minutes Fili and Kili started to get bored and decided they'd abandon ship and make the trip on their own. Little devils, Nori thought to himself as he watched the twin travel packs fade into darkness.

Nori was just telling himself to remain patient and not follow in their lead when Bofur spoke up.

"Mahal Dori! Why'd ye make us wait so long?" He exclaimed.

Everyone grumbled and picked up their forgotten travel packs. "Come on, let's make a move." Gloin said gruffly.

Nori turned round to berate Dori himself but was rendered speechless to the sight before him.

"Do you like it?" Dori asked, beaming.

Ori's head resembled a bright, ginger mushroom. There was a horribly short fringe that covered half his forehead. The addition of two braids at the front either side of his chin did not help the matter. Nori made a guess that there were also another two braids behind his ears. And there was really no mistaking the traumatic shape of The Bowl.

Nori's voice came out as a near whisper. "Dori, what did you do to him?" Never in Nori's life had he felt so sorry for his brother.

Dori looked proud of himself. "He needed a hair cut so I thought, why not give the one Nori looked so good with!"

Nori gaped at him. "DORI! This -" he gestured wildly to Ori. "is why I went all starfish with my hair! You gave me this awful hair and I was so traumatised that I wanted my head to NOT LOOK LIKE A BOWL! I can't BELIEVE you did the same thing to Ori! It is an UGLY hair cut and it does not flatter ANYONE not even ORI! AND YOU EVEN MADE US WAIT IN THE COLD WHILE YOU DID IT!" Nori breathed hard in and out his nostrils, trying to stay calm after his outburst.

"Oh don't be such a drama queen, we're going to be late, come on." Dori brushed off Nori's rant with a wave of his hand and followed the others.

Nori turned back to Ori, who didn't look as miserable as he should have. "I don't mind it Nori, honest."

Nori threw his hands up in the air and accepted defeat. Dori had won, for now. I'll teach that smug bastard. He knew that Ori had been brainwashed to believe that his haircut was tolerable, but Nori wasn't too annoyed. Ori was still pretty innocent, Nori could teach him a few... lessons.

Nori put his arm around his little brother. "Ori, I have a lot to teach you. First is how to get your revenge on our brother..."

AN: I got inspiration for this while watching an interview for the film and Adam Brown says that Ori has a bit of a "bowl cut". I looked it up on google images and he really does look like a mushroom. I thought this was pretty hilarious as the haircut is very tragic.