"Daddy, I wanna go home," Hannah whispers, clinging to Ted's shirt.
"Shh, it's okay, Pumpkin," he murmurs. "We'll be okay..."
He hears familiar voices from outside the trashcan they were hiding inside. He recognizes Paul Matthews' voice, trying to calm some woman Ted did not recognize. Bill starts talking, and there's a loud crash as he presumably gets out of his own can. A moment passes with the three talking, then another crash as Charlotte joins them from her can. Finally, Ted decides to make himself known, too.
"It's all downtown," Paul is saying. "We were just at Beanie's."
"You didn't invite me," Ted tries to joke, but with the way Hannah's clinging to him and the stressful situation, it doesn't come out quite right.
"He has a kid?!" The woman— a barista Ted barely recognizes— hisses. Hannah buries her face in Ted's shoulder.
"Miss Lexie," she whimpers. "Want Lexie... and Ethan... wanna go home..."
"You saw why we can't, Pumpkin," Ted whispers in her ear, rubbing her back. He tries not to shudder at the memory of seeing Lex and her boyfriend in the crowd of dancers down near the mall.
He looks back to Paul. "Look, if you wanna stay in our hiding spot, you gotta be quiet. There is something going on, and we don't know what it is or who we can trust. So, Paul, get in a trashcan." He jerks his head to one of the ones in the row, then turns his eyes on the barista. "And you? Beat it."
"Uh, fu— screw you," the woman says. She censors her words when she sees Hannah again, but flips him off since the five year old can't see that.
"No, Emma stays with us," Paul insists.
"I don't know her," Ted spits. "She's not getting anywhere near Hannah."
"Yeah, you do— she's the barista from Beanie's? You know..." Paul sighs and does a poor imitation of Ted's Borat impression, mumbling the words. "The lattae hottay..." Both men wince.
Emma reacts in the background, confused. "Borat?"
Ted shifts his jaw. "That is not the lattae hottay, that's the crabby one who won't sing when I tip her," he hisses. "You grabbed the wrong one, you noodle!"
Police sirens echo down the alleyway, blue and red lights washing over them.
"Oh, thank God!" Charlotte cries. "I called Sam, he can get us out of this!" She calls down the alley for her husband.
Ted recognizes Sam as he struts down the alley, two other officers flanking behind him. Charlotte tries to explain, but Sam puts his hand out to stop her... and starts singing. He and the other two officers move in sync, moving between Charlotte and the rest of them.
Paul sneaks around and tries to warn her that it wasn't Sam anymore, but they grab him, kicking in the back of his knees. He goes down with a thud, and Charlotte rushes over to help him back up. They rejoin the group.
"Show me your hands," Sam sings, "show me those jazz hands! Get 'em up, or you'll end up in cuffs!"
Hannah whimpers in Ted's arms, and he holds her tighter. The cops grab Paul, Emma, and Bill, and line them up, making them move their arms like they're steering a car and adjusting their rear view mirror. One of the other cops starts singing.
"You go forty in a thirty-five," he sings, almost a growl to his voice, "check your mirror, you'll find hell has arrived."
The other two join in. "'Cause we're cops, yeah we're cops. We're up in your shit!"
Eventually, the cops shove all three to their knees and move away. The third cop starts singing, then they go to the chorus again. Then the third cop starts barking orders, switching back and forth on whether their hands should be up or down, while the second does some funky dance moves. Sam pulls out a small megaphone and barks contradicting orders, too, about getting out of or back in a vehicle.
Hannah's full-on crying by this point, and Ted does his best to soothe her, but he's terrified, too.
Finally, Sam starts speed-talking about something, and all three cops freeze, pointing at Charlotte. She tries to plead with him, still convinced it was Sam under all the singing and dancing, but Sam draws a gun and starts chasing them all around. The other two herd everyone away from Charlotte.
Ted sees a spare trashcan lid laying around, and passes Hannah to Bill. "I have an idea," he hisses. He runs forward to grab the lid, and smacks Sam upside the head with it. The result isn't pretty— what looks like blue blood and brain bits fly everywhere.
Sam crumples to the ground, unconscious but still alive. Charlotte picks up his fallen gun and starts threatening the other two cops, who run away with some weird turkey gobble sound.
Hannah squirms out of Bill's arms and runs back to Ted, clinging to his leg.
"Sorry, Pumpkin," Ted says. "I had to help Ms. Charlotte."
"He needs to see a doctor!" Charlotte cries, dropping the gun and rushing to Sam's side. "We need to take him to the hospital! He needs to see a doctor!"
"No, listen," Emma says gently, "listen, Charlotte? Right?"
Charlotte calms down a little and nods. "I'm— Charlotte."
"We have to get out of downtown. Downtown is fucked," Emma says. "And the hospital is downtown. We can't go there..."
"But Sam needs a doctor," Charlotte whimpers. "He needs to see a doctor!"
Emma sighs and pulls away, clearly trying to think. "Oh! Okay, okay, I know where we can go! I have this— this kooky, reclusive biology professor— Professor Hidgens! Yes! I'm his favorite student 'cause I brought him groceries once." She has a slightly confused look on her face as she says that last bit.
"Anyway, um, he has a doctorate— that's kinda like a doctor, right? He could help your husband! Probably," she mumbles the last word. "But he's got a lab in his house, and a security setup— his whole house is like a panic room! What do you call those guys who live in a fortress?"
"A king?" Hannah asks quietly. Emma smiles gently at her but shakes her head.
"No, he's a— uh, he's like a— oh! He's a doomsday survivalist! He thinks the world is ending," Emma explains. "He's been preparing for, like, the last twenty years for the apocalypse."
"Is that what this is?" Charlotte mumbles. "The apocalypse? Maybe we should go to a church..."
"No, no, no, Charlotte," Ted snaps. "We are all from different denominations. We can not split up. We—" he indicates himself and Hannah— "are Presbyterians, and we are not gonna die in your dirty-ass Methodist church, okay?"
He picks Hannah up. "I say we go to the panic room and beg for the king's help." He uses the word 'king' to try and cheer Hannah up just a little. It works somewhat, just for a moment. She sniffles and buries her face in his arms again.
Paul agrees, and bends down to talk to Charlotte. "I think the best thing for all of us, including Sam, would be to get to the professor." Charlotte nods, still crying.
"Let's go right now," Emma adds. "We can take the squad car!"
They all pile in— Emma driving, Paul in the front passenger seat, Sam in the trunk, and the others in the backseat. Hannah curls up in Ted's lap, and he holds her close. The drive is totally silent, except for Hannah's quiet whimpers. Finally, they arrive at the large house out on the edge of town. The whole place is surrounded by a tall concrete wall with barbed wire across the top. Ted can hear the faint crackle of electricity.
/So as you can see, this runs on a theory and a change. First, my roleplay group on Instagram has Ted as Hannah and Lex Foster's dad, based on the whole "oh Ted's last name is a spoiler" debate. Second, in a tweet about Black Friday, Nick Lang said that Hannah's about thirteen. I've changed her age to about 5 years old for this. The story will have very minor spoilers for Black Friday, so read at your own risk if you haven't yet seen the show! If you do read it, I hope you enjoy! (Also note that this story is already posted in full, as well as the two sequels, on my Wattpad! It will be going up on Ao3 as well, both with the same usernames!)