Wizards and witches were gathered near the black lake for the remembrance of the final battle. The air seemed somehow tightened as the faces of the attendees. It was really hard for all of them to accept the newly found peace with all its costs. Well, it would never be the same again. They will never be able to see the innocent souls they lost while earning this long yearned victory. They can never fix the innocent minds that were once shattered by the cruelty of the war. There were still plenty of casualties remained in the hospital wing and St Mungos; some recovering and some still struggling.
The event went grimmer than Hermione expected. She drew her scarf closer as if it could provide her more comfort to her wounded heart. She directed her gaze towards Harry, who was seated next to Ginny and the Weasleys in the front row. He was holding Ginny's hands while intently listening to the speech of Headmistress McGonagall. A little ray of content was noticeable in his face after all his deadly responsibilities during the war. It was good to see him with actual hope for a better future and perhaps a family. The Weasleys were heavily lacking their positive vibe after the loss of Fred. Hermione wished for them to recover from this damage together and soon become the family she had known before.
Ron was there too, wearing an empty expression and staring into a distant place of the lake. She felt a desperate need to run into his arms and assure him that everything would be alright. No. She can't do that. Witnessing the death of his beloved brother and so many valuable people in front of his eyes made a strong impact in him. He was so shaken that he could no longer let anyone who reminds him of the loss in his proximity. Hermione remembers the words exactly as she heard him saying that day. It was a day soon after the battle.
"I know Hermione. It was not your fault… It was not you who casted the curse on him. But… but, the way it happened… uh… you were there. " he struggled.
"Ron, I regret every part of my action at that situation, more than you believe. And I won't forgive myself for it, ever. But, please let me… let me make it right."
"No… I don't want you to regret anything Hermione. You don't have to feel that way. But also I can't let you into… I don't want to mess things anymore. Oh... god! I want to mourn for my brother. I want to bear that grief alone... And, if I let you to be there, I can't endure the pain, the ghost of the memories and the guilt! It will kill me Hermione…"
"Please… I promise. I won't interfere in your solitude. But do you really think that shutting me out from your life can solve this? Ron, please tell me, are you saying this with your whole heart?" She feared for a bitter answer, yet she got one.
"It would hurt me more than anything to lose you. That is the cold truth. But I deserve it Hermione. After all what I did to Fred. And do you think that a future together will be a peaceful one after what has happened in the war? I don't think Hermione. You can never mend something that is broken this much…"
Yes, Ron was correct. She can't fix them, their bond. She realized at this point and wept for her misfortune. How unexpected some events turn out… Finally she said.
"I understand. No matter how much I try, I can't make this right. I only wanted to reduce your pain… to make you feel better. But I think that I am not capable of such a thing anymore. I won't be a burden for you Ron. I'll stop everything from this extent." He was not ready to meet her gaze yet. She continued with her voice breaking.
"Apart from all these, I am grateful for our friendship, the little sweet moments we shared in the past. And I'll always be there for you when you need a… friend. I won't… bother you anymore, Ron. I'm sorry… Bye." She walked out hiding her tear streamed face from him once and for all.
It was a torture to hold back one's tears when their heart wants to scream aloud in pain. Hermione tried her best not to cry in front the crowd. Even though she was surrounded with her friends, teachers and an entire known body; she felt very alone. The pain will die in time; she reminded herself and now focused on the event.
Soon Kingsley finished his speech and the attendees were requested to gather for the opening of the war memorial. A long silence remained among the crowd when the memorial was opened by the headmistress. Clearly, everyone was grieving for the lost souls of the war. As the event concluded, Hermione walked up to Harry. She had somethings to say.
"Harry," It sounded more uncertain than she intended
Harry turned as soon as he heard her voice. He gathered her in a soft hug which she got used to during their run.
"Hermione, Are you okay? I was just thinking about talking to you…"
"Yes Harry. I am okay. It's just… the ceremony. You know…"
He held her hand and gave her a squeeze of assurance. "I know… It's hard for me too. But, whatever happens, life must go on. I believe we all will heal from this in time… I talked with Ron earlier." He sighed.
She interrupted "No Harry. Don't bother him. He deserves this peace. I am… okay with this. It seems that this is what it was meant to be from the start. So let us leave this there. And I want you to be there for him just as you are being for me."
"I will… Are you feeling comfortable at Grimmauld place? I instructed Kreacher to help you with all you need."
"It is more than enough for me Harry. These days I am getting the rest I craved for a long time. And I am also pleased to see that Kreacher is becoming more tolerable of me day after day. After all, I am enjoying the library at its most."
"It's great to see you this way. You know, at least when you talk about books. I wish I could join you there sometime. But I don't think I can now. They need me…" Harry turned his gaze to the Weasleys who were now talking with Andromeda Tonks. Molly was holding little Teddy in her arms, slowly patting him into sleep. Hermione felt a lump form in her throat while looking at the sight.
"I understand Harry. They are the closest family you had during all your struggles. They deserve your love and support now more than ever. You don't have to worry about me. I can't be there myself for them as it seems. You have to give them the care they needed, for me. I don't want to stop you from having the family you longed." She returned the squeeze to his hand and gave him a smile, hiding her emotions.
"I am very lucky to have you as my friend. And remember this; you are also the closest family I have Hermione. Though I can't be with you nowadays, I am always there for you when you need me."
She nodded in silence. When she turned back, she felt a soft grip on her shoulder. It was Ginny; she gave her an empathetic look. It's true that Ginny understands her at least. She was grateful for that. She made her way to professor McGonagall to bid her farewell.
"It is good to see you . Are you feeling… well?"
Suddenly self-consciousness hit her hard. "Yes professor. I am good. It's just the weariness. I'll be alright.
McGonagall gave her a look which reminded Hermione of her mother. "Well… I came to know that you are residing at Grimmauld Place these days. But I also happened to hear that Harry is staying with the Weasleys currently. Are you on your own dear?"
"Not at all… professor. I am accompanied by Kreacher in the house. And this is how I prefer it to be. As you know, I… am completely alright and… capable to live by myself."
" … Hermione, I need to assure you now… Hogwarts is always here for you in case you feel alone. You can consider it as your home. I, the teachers and some of your friends are here staying in the castle. There is no need to hesitate to come by."
The word 'alone' made her wince. Yes. She felt nothing other than loneliness these days. Her only distraction from the agonizing reality was the library. She started to dwell on the large stacks of the library day and night. She didn't want to think about the future; neither the past nor the present. She only wanted the time to pass; and she pathetically believed that this ridiculous routine will do well for her to heal her wounds. Her professor's offer spread warmth in her heart. But she was afraid to face the society. Especially it was Hogwarts. It was where all her hurtful memories were linked together. In her condition, the warmest of the memories were the most painful as they reminded her of what she lost, what she will never experience again. No. She wouldn't dare to put a thorn into her fresh wounds by going back to Hogwarts now.
"Professor, that is very kind of you to offer me this. But I think I am good at Grimmauld place. In truth, I am working on my possibilities to improve my further studies. I don't think I can switch places before finishing my research. "
"Well. That's good. In that case, I wish to inform you that Hogwarts is very glad to accept its past students to finish the NEWTs they have halted due to the war circumstances from the coming term. And, I do hope that all our staffs would be happy and proud to have a certain intelligent witch in their classes. You can consider this offer in your possible plans."
Hermione did not expect of this offer. She could not deny it right away. After all, it's her education.
"I am really grateful professor. I… just... uh… I'll consider it."
She conveyed her farewell and walked towards the gates where the apparition points were established. Her mind was filled with many things. She was battling with her mind whether to going back to Hogwarts or to reject the offer. There was a sudden uneasiness she felt as if she was being watched from behind. Too much self-consciousness… she ignored. Nope. The intensity of the feeling increased. She turned to check out. There stood a tall dark figure from a considerable distance, watching her go. He returned his gaze to professor McGonagall as he continued his conversation.
Hermione was frozen in place for some moments.
It was professor Snape. Professor Severus Snape.
She didn't know he was alive.
A/N : I don't own any of the characters. All credits go to J.K.R. I am just a curious fan to play with her wizarding world.
This is my second attempt in writing fan fiction and I am very eager to receive your reviews on the story. And yes. It's definitely a snamione. Enjoy!