Hey everyone, TheKingHHH100 here, back with a new fic and this time about a new topic, Dragon Ball Z. This is not something to take too seriously, as this is my first attempt at a 'Crack Fic' of sorts. I'm hoping to write more about Dragon Ball in the future, some serious stories and others not so much. This was originally going to be a one-shot, but I decided to make it a two-shot since it got a bit too long. The other part will likely be up next week. As always tell me what you think of it.
Anyways, on to the story!
Goku and Gohan were late, so they were flying pretty quickly. Upon arriving, they found that Piccolo had gotten there first. Goku was going to say something, but he was interrupted by the arrival of Vegeta. Everyone was surprise to see each other at the same place: in the middle of the mountains, far away from any city or town.
"What the hell are you all doing here?" asked, as you can tell by the politeness, Vegeta.
"What are we doing here? More like what are YOU doing here?" Goku answered. "We were just waiting for… who was it? I already forgot it…"
"How can you be so stupid?!" Vegeta angrily retorted. "You would forget your head if it wasn't attached to your shoulders."
"Well, don't bother. What are you doing here?" Goku asked.
"For your information, I was waiting for… for…" Vegeta thought about it for a moment. He got silent for a while, until it was clear that he wouldn't say anything else.
"You were saying, Vegeta?" Gohan mocked him.
Vegeta was going to retort, but Goku interrupted before he could.
"Oh, we are Saiyans!"
"Wait a minute," Piccolo said, "No one knows why we came here? I just arrived, and I don't know either."
Everyone looked at each other with confused expressions. No one said anything, it was clear that none of them knew why they were here.
Suddenly they saw a ship come down from the sky and land just where they were.
"Oh, look! This must be the person we are waiting for!" Gohan exclaimed.
Much to everyone's surprise, the person to come out of the ship was none other than Mr. Satan. "HAHA! It's me! Earth's Savior! The World Martial Arts Tournament Champion! The Great-!" he proclaimed before being cut off by an angry Vegeta.
"Shut up already!"
Mr. Satan shrunk and shook in fear at Vegeta's wrath.
"Mr. Satan? Why did you call us here?" Gohan asked in confusion.
"Me? I didn't call you, someone told me that they needed the World's Champion here" Mr. Satan explained.
The rest didn't know what to think. Before anyone could say another word, they all heard a buzzing sound from upwards. They looked up to the sky and were shock to find a familiar ship coming down: it was Future Trunks' time machine. Soon the machine landed and the warrior from the future came out from it.
"Aha! You must be the reason we all came here, isn't it Trunks?" Goku asked with excitement.
"What? Me?" Trunks questioned. "I'm only here to… to… oh, I forgot."
"Did no one come here for a good reason?!" Piccolo asked losing his patience.
"This is strange, VERY strange indeed." Gohan said.
"Can someone tell me what the hell is happening here?!" Vegeta snapped. "None of this has any sense whatsoever!"
Mr. Satan was about to give his opinion but an angry look from Vegeta was enough to change his mind. The situation was getting too tense, so I decided to show up.
"Calm down," I said, "I was the one who brought you here. There's nothing to worry about."
Everyone looked at me in shock. With my common-or-garden look, I thought they wouldn't pay me too much attention at the beginning, but instead of that, they attacked me with questions.
What followed was a tremendous hubbub. Everyone was asking for explanations: who was I, how did I make them come, how did I get here, and many more questions. I could have done something drastic as an answer, but I preferred to explain the situation at ease.
When I managed to get them to silence for a second, I decided to tell them the truth.
"Well… this is going to sound strange, but none of you are more than fictional characters, made by one Akira Toriyama. I like to write stories about you, and I'm in fact the author of this one" I explained.
I didn't like the way I explained it, too direct. At first I thought they hadn't heard me, because no one said anything, but after a while they began to react.
"Ridiculous!" said Vegeta.
"Absurd!" exclaimed Piccolo.
"Inconceivable!" agreed Gohan.
"Impossible!" supported Trunks.
"It can't be!" questioned Mr. Satan.
"I didn't understand…" said Goku.
Things weren't going as I wanted. Since I was the author of this story, I could show them my extraordinary power I had over them. I could do anything I wanted, like turning into a… let's say Super Saiyan 100. Or even something harder: make Goku smart. But I preferred that they believe me without the necessity to do so. Maybe with something a bit less drastic they would believe me. I was about to do something but, of course, one can always count with Vegeta…
"Hey, maggot, you better stop these foolish games, because they aren't making me laugh" he told me with a non-friendly expression on his face.
"Listen, Vegeta, it's the truth" I explained to him. "Why do you think that so many things happen to you? It's because you're the easiest to angry and therefore it's funny to make you mad. It's pure commercialism."
"Are you calling me a clown?!"
"Eeeh… I wouldn't say that… 'Comedic relief' sounds better, haha!" I mocked him.
I could have told him that he also had lots of good moments on the series or that he had legions of fans, but I liked to make him mad. Of course I went too far and made him too mad (Geez, as if that was too hard)…
Without a word, he charged energy on his fist and threw an attack directly towards me. Needless to say nothing happened to me at all. But still, it had been an attack towards me. Would you allow a character that you yourself are imagining try to hurt you? He asked for it… with only the power of my thought, I turned him into a penguin. He looked really funny: imagine a penguin with Vegeta's hairstyle. Of course everyone's eyes went wide at this.
"I-I-Is that Vegeta?!" Goku asked in shock. "Hahaha! He's a really funny duck!"
"It's not a duck, it's a penguin" Gohan corrected.
"W-What did you do to my father?" asked Trunks, a bit scared.
Mr. Satan just pinched himself and rubbed his eyes frenetically, not believing what he was seeing.
"As you see, being the author I can do what I want and I can make you do whatever I want, but I prefer to keep your personalities intact" I explained.
"D-Damn! I'm starting to believe this guy…" Piccolo said.
"Question, why did you bring us here?" Goku asked.
"Well, I need to write a short story for today. I want it to have plenty of action in a short amount of time, but I can't think of anything" I explained.
"For today? With so little time? What way of working is that?" Trunks asked in surprise.
"Eeeh… a very irresponsible one?" But well, that's why I called upon the strongest warriors of the series to help me think of a good plot" I responded.
"Wait a minute! You may be the author, but there's something that's really bothering me: if we're supposed to be the strongest warriors, WHY THE HECK IS MR. SATAN DOING IN HERE?!" Piccolo shouted.
Typical Vegeta… wait, that was not Vegeta… Ah, I see, since Vegeta can't speak because he's a penguin, Piccolo is the second option. As you see, I think of everything.
"It's easy. He's a special case since he's my favorite character" I answered.
Everyone, even the penguin, fell on their backs upon hearing this. Even if you couldn't believe it, they were more surprised at this than anything else. I say everyone? Well, almost…
"HAHAHA! You see? My fame exceeds the limits of this world!" Mr. Satan laughed.
"I won't try to understand it, but those tastes of yours aren't… eeeh… 'common' in your wo- I mean in the 'real' world, right? Piccolo asked.
"Well, I admit that Satan isn't the most popular character, in fact I don't know anyone that shares this preference with me" I explained.
"Baaah! Then you're the only person with good taste in your world!" Mr. Satan cried.
"Eeeh… Wait a minute, what's gonna happen to Vegeta? Poor dude doesn't stop croaking" Goku told me. I looked at the penguin, who wouldn't stop making noises and obscene gestures, and was looking at me with that so typical angry look of Vegeta.
"Croak? Those are frogs. Penguins… well, what do they do? They cack? Chirp? Moo? I don't think they bark..." Trunks pondered.
The penguin didn't look too thrilled about hearing this conversation. It was enough punishment, and since Vegeta didn't serve me that way, I turned him back to normal.
"I'M GOING TO KILL THIS 'AUTHOR'!" he shouted as soon as he was able to speak. He charged at me, but I stopped him with only one finger, stopping him by his forehead without letting him advance. He waved his arms around in a desperate attempt at reaching me.
"Calm down Vegeta, just so you see that I don't hold a grudge against you, I'm going to turn you into a Super Saiyan… mmm… six!" I told him.
Poof!
Vegeta's power rose up in an exponential way, and everyone was sent flying at the sudden power increase. I had already taken into account that poor Satan was going to be pounded by the shockwave, so I made a force shield around him so he would be protected.
"I-It's incredible! Such a powerful KI! It completely surpasses all of us together!" Gohan exclaimed in disbelief.
I guess you want to know Vegeta's appearance, right? Umm… well, it's big, mighty and powerful, but I haven't tried to imagine it yet. Hey, if I can barely register how Super Saiyan 4 is and don't even have a clear idea of how 5 looks, how can I tell you about 6?
It's without saying that Vegeta was happier than ever right now.
"Hahaha! I'm completely invincible now! There's nothing that can outmatch this power! Now you'll feel my wrath, Kakarot!" he laughed as he charged at the others.
Of course, I should have known all this power would get over his head. I paralyzed him with my thought, and I was about to depower him when Goku came to me and asked, "Hey, can you make me as strong as he is?"
"Sure. But I feel a little guilt about turning Vegeta into a penguin, so we'll let him be stronger for just a while, okay?" I responded.
So, I transformed Goku into a SSJ5. To make things even, I turned Gohan and Trunks into SSJ4. As for Piccolo… well, I didn't have much to do with him, so I made him disappear. Mr. Satan is my hero, so of course he stays. I then freed Vegeta, who immediately got into a fight. Typical…
Suddenly, I realized that I was getting low on time, so I decided to rush things up a bit and put everyone I put them all in front of me, without moving. I had to force their personalities a bit to make them cooperate (especially Vegeta's) as to end this quickly and finally begin to write my story. However, Vegeta's personality was too strong…
"Wait a damn minute! How can we know this guy is really our author? He could be some kind of wizard!" Vegeta shouted.
I was tired of this… I decided to just make everyone believe me. Even so, it took them some time to accept it.
"But i-it can't be! I'm the Prince of all Saiyans! Not just some cartoon! At least on this… story. Damn!" Vegeta complained.
"So, we are anime characters?" Gohan asked.
"And we appear on TV? Cool!" Goku happily exclaimed.
"So, you really are the author of this story. I still can't believe it, but I see it is true. It's not something… eeeh… quite pleasant to know that you're only a fictional character" Trunks said.
"Please, don't get depressed now, I desperately need an idea for my story!" I begged.
"Why don't you ask Goten and Trunks? They're very witty" Goku said.
"Yes, but their ideas are too childish and don't make much sense, I want something with a bit more seriousness…" I explained.
We kept thinking for a while, until Goku of all people came with an idea.
"Hmm… maybe a strong being comes to Earth and wants to challenge me? Something like a cat… No… a God of Destruction, or something like that…"
"That's it! A powerful and evil being comes to Earth and tries to conquer it, but I, The Great Satan, am the only capable of stopping it with my great powers and abilities!" Mr. Satan exclaimed.
Everyone looked at him with disbelieving looks, so he quickly shut up and we kept thinking.
"Why not a Christmas story? I love those!" Goku tried again.
"Yeah, you could even do a classic Christmas tale" Gohan suggested.
"Maybe my father could learn the true meaning of Christmas, after being visited by… three spirits?" Trunks opined.
"What?! That's ridiculous! And I hate Christmas!" Vegeta complained.
"Wait Vegeta, that could actually work… unfortunately, it's not Christmas season yet, so I can't write that right now" I explained.
"Maybe Frieza's brother comes to Earth for revenge?" Goku suggested once more.
"How about a legendary Super Saiyan?" Gohan said.
"Maybe a time travel story? With androids on it" Trunks commented.
"Stop it! All of those things have already been done! Geez, I should have known you wouldn't think of anything better than I…"
That's when I realized they couldn't think of anything better because it was my imagination that marks the limit of what the characters can think, since I'm the one imagining what they think and say. It was useless.
"Well, we could at least do a good battle, even if it doesn't have much sense or plot" I said.
So, I made a radioactive meteor crash over Vegeta, which raised its powers even more but made him lose some of his memories, regressing him back to his evil ways from when he was a solider at the command of Frieza. He was unconscious, but to rush things up, I woke him up instantly. The first thing he did when he regained consciousness was, of course, to raise its power up to the maximum, getting into battle stance.
"Wait! You want us to battle him?" Trunks asked.
"Apparently, we don't have any other option" Goku said as also got into battle stance, excited about the upcoming battle. Gohan also got ready to fight.
"Stop! Stop! I just can't make a story so senseless… I don't have any option but to desist, I can't make a good story with such little time… Well, I'm leaving. When I'm gone you'll return back to normal and will forget everything that happened, so don't worry about getting pummeled by Vegeta" I explained.
Defeated, I set out to leave this fictional world. Everything turned blurry and I was starting to distinguish the college's computer room (where I was writing this), when I suddenly felt a strong pull.
"No one leaves until I have settled business with Kakarot!" Vegeta shouted at the same time he pulled from my arm, with such bad luck that he did it at the exact moment I was returning to the real world. Frightened, I saw myself back in our world, but next to me was ... Vegeta, and very angry!