a/n: hey, guys! It's been a while since I've posted anything, and I've had this in my head all day. It randomly came to me while I was working and just couldn't wait to see where my brain took me! I don't think I've written anything Olivia/Elliot related in a veryyyy long time, so this is different for me!

Enjoy

It had been ages since she had thought of him, let her mind wander to how he was doing… Or even what he looked like now. Olivia had lost hope that she would ever hear from him again, or be able to look him in the eyes. The eyes that she always got lost in…. Every damn time.

But there he was, standing in front of her, and it came quite a shock to the both of them. Elliot had known Olivia Benson and Ed Tucker were in love at a point in time, and he never understood it, and hated himself because it wasn't him. It wasn't him that she wasn't with; in a romantic way.

Elliot couldn't deny the feelings that he had for Olivia all those years ago, but he was a married man at the time, and never could act on those feelings. He had thought a million times to call her after his divorce, but he had always assumed that she wouldn't want to hear from him, or yell at him. He deserved both, and he knew it. He knew he had fucked up and lost the love of his life… Sure, Kathy was the love of his life, in a way, but deep down, he had known he needed Olivia in his life.

It had taken Olivia a long time for her to accept the fact that Elliot was not coming back, and he had left her. She didn't want to believe it, but she knew she had to move past him not being there. It nearly killed her at first. She had spent many drunken nights alone, some nights with men to fill the void of the only man she ever wanted, and other nights crying. But she pulled herself together, and then she met David Haden.

David was smooth on the eyes, amazing in bed, and loved Olivia with all of his heart. Until that changed. And she went through the heartbreak cycle again, dated men on and off, thought she was pregnant with Brian Cassidy's baby, and decided that was enough heartbreak for a lifetime. And then Ed Tucker came strolling into her life, so casually. The two had always butted heads; he was IAB and she was a cop, who didn't fuck around with who she thought was a dirty cop. But it happened, so naturally, and she thought that she had finally found the one. Olivia battled her own demons, and thought of every way out of the relationship before it all became too much, but she didn't try fast enough. Ed had proposed after their trip to Paris, and she knew it was going to break his heart when she said no, but she didn't think she was capable of something so good. After all of the bad that had happened to her, she let herself believe she didn't deserve Ed and all of the beautiful things he had brought into her life. So she ended it, and that heartbreak was almost the same pain she had went through with Elliot leaving.

The last thing that Olivia wanted to be doing right now, was standing in front of the man who she loved with all of her heart and soul, at the funeral of a man who she should've been married to. She was speechless and all she could do was look at him, study the change in his face. He was more salt and pepper…a fuller beard. But those goddamn beautiful baby blues still got to her, and made her feel weak in the knees.

"Goddamnit, Benson. Pull yourself together. You're at a funeral of your ex-boyfriend for fuckssake!" Is what she thought to herself, and when she tried to speak, there was nothing that came out.

Elliot knew she wanted to strangle him, yell at him, make him feel the pain she went through, but he knew she was at a loss of words. He wasn't even planning on coming, seeing the people he hadn't seen in years. Everyone knowing who he was, and how his career had ended at the NYPD. No one wants to end their career by shooting someone, let alone a teenage girl. But he couldn't let go of the grief that he carried with him, and he knew it was time to leave when that had happened. He didn't understand how to tell Olivia that and make her understand, because she wouldn't.

"I….Li…Olivia.." Elliot finally stuttered out.

"What are you doing here?" Olivia was pissed, she had every right. Him showing up to a funeral of a cop who he had hated? Who the fuck did he think he was?

"I.. just wanted to give my condolences.." He knew she was upset, and he didn't know what to do or say next. He wanted her to give him a chance, let him explain himself, but he didn't think that was going to happen.

"Your condolences?" She laughed at that. "Your fucking condolences? You're going to show up to a funeral, and come around acting like you didn't LEAVE ME?" Olivia was yelling at that point, and Elliot wanted to pull her into his arms, but he was afraid of what might happen if he did so.

"Liv…" His voice was soft, and meant well.

"Don't you fucking do that!" She pushed his chest, and caught the stares of a few people.

"Let's not do this here.."

"Don't give me this shit, Elliot. You LEFT ME, and now you want to show up and say you're sorry to someone other than me?" There were tears streaming down her cheeks at this point, and he knew he had no business showing up here.

Olivia took a deep breath and closed her eyes and exhaled. As mad as she wanted to be at him in this moment, she was already hurting.

"We can talk after." She spoke softly and wiped her cheeks. She looked up at him and she felt an overwhelming amount of emotions hitting her, hard and fast. "I'm sorry." She sighed and walked away and went into the restroom to clean up.

"You've got some nerve showing up here, don't you?" Alex hissed and followed Olivia in the bathroom.

"Cabot?" He asked in disbelief. It had been ages since he had seen or heard of her. She looked good. "Fuck." He muttered under his breath and went to the bar to get a drink. "Make it double."