*Materializes from a flock of ravens with messy hair and missing glasses* Hey. I can't apologize enough for not having this up sooner. I meant to post it two weeks ago, but stuff happened, I couldn't rescan anything...and yeah. Just...everything.
But here you go, the next Citizen Soldier story, involving a cold January day, a flashback, and Peter Parker, just because. There are notes about the future of this AU, and an explanation that I owe to everyone who's been reading this.
Thanks to Order of Arcadia for helping me remember to post this!
Bucky is asleep, curled up on Steve's couch. He sleeps better there, he had explained to Steve, quietly, haltingly. He usually takes two or three short naps throughout the day, soft snores coming from his half open mouth.
Steve has taken to taking walks down to the grocery store about a block away during Bucky's naps, using that one-hour window to buy bread, milk and fresh fruit. It's quick and short, and that way he's still there when Bucky is awake, in case his friend needs him.
Most of the time, this works perfectly. He's fairly certain Bucky knows about these short jaunts, like he seems to know almost everything about the apartment that they share with Sam. But other times, it doesn't work so well.
Bucky jolts awake with a start, sliding reflexively into a defensive position. Something's not right, pay attention, the Winter Soldier part of him says. He moves his eyes slowly, carefully, over his surroundings. No threats here. He pads silently out of the living room, through the kitchen, towards the bedrooms. Sam isn't home yet, so unless Steve is taking his own nap, then he isn't...here...
Bucky freezes. Rationally, he knows Steve is okay. But his mixed-up brain is showing him flashes of a tiny, sickly young man who weighs less than a hundred pounds out in the cold, so cold, weather and HYDRA could be anywhere, could take him or kill him all too easily, and -
He bolts for the door, not pausing to grab his shoes or coat, barely stopping to slip a glove over the metal hand. In a moment, he's out the door, hurrying down the apartment stairs, and out into the cold, flinching as the frigid air washes over him.
Steve, where are you? Stupid punk...
Steve juggles his bags as he digs out his keys. He slides them into the lock, and frowns as the bolt slides home. That's weird. He was sure he'd locked the door behind him. He always does; it's a good habit. So why is it unlocked?
His question is answered when he steps inside. There are no snores from the couch, and Bucky doesn't wander in from a different room. That's not good; Bucky always investigates new arrivals.
Steve checks the other rooms Bucky might be, and comes to a very worrying conclusion: Bucky is not in the apartment.
So where is he?
It's very cold. Very, very cold, and Bucky wishes that he had thought to get his jacket and his shoes before he left.
Stupid, his brain murmurs. Barnes, you stupid idiot. Can't even remember something as simple as shoes, can you? How are you supposed to keep Steve safe if you can't take care of yourself?
"That doesn't matter," he whispers to himself. "As long as Steve is safe, I'll be fine."
His head is quiet after that. Normally he would be relieved at that. But right now, all he can think about is the cold.
It's so very cold.
"Sam, we've got a problem," Steve says, pacing the floor as he holds the cell phone against his ear. "Bucky's gone, don't know where." He glances worridly at the rack next to the door. "His coat's still here, and so are his shoes."
There's a pause, and Steve hears Sam talking to someone on his end. "Okay," the other man says calmly, a thread of worry on the edge of his tone, "I'm on my way."
Bucky hasn't been this cold in a long time. His toes are completely numb, and he silently berates himself. Stupid, stupid, stupid. How are you going to explain this one? You panicked and ran off, without your shoes, even. Steve is going to think you're an idiot.
He wraps his arms around himself, shivering. He doesn't really know where he is, or what to do now. He breathes into his flesh hand, warming it with his breath. He's standing in an alley, a chain link fence behind him, trash cans of apartment buildings on either side. After a moment's deliberation, he keeps moving. It's far too cold to stay still.
As he walks, he begs silently, Steve... please find me.
They've covered every street around the apartment. Steve is about ready to call Tony and ask him to have JARVIS comb the cameras on the streets. Sam is on the phone with one of his therapist friends, asking them to keep an eye out for a 'tall, long dark haired man, with a glove over his right hand'.
Once Sam hangs up, he points at Steve. "You stay here. I'll go out and look, if he comes back here, call me."
"Okay." Steve says quietly.
"And this is not your fault."
"I left him here alone."
"You could not have seen this coming," Sam says kindly as he pulls on his coat and grabs his keys. Then he's out the door.
Steve drops onto the couch. Despite what Sam says, he knows very well that this is his fault. He left Bucky here alone. And now his best friend is gone, out somewhere in the cold.
After a moment, he gives in and picks the cellphone again. "Tony?"
"You have reached the Kingdom of Stark, this is his Exellency himself, how can I help you?"
"Bucky's gone missing and - "
"On it, Cap. You want JARVIS checking cameras?"
"If it's not too much trouble."
"Of course not. Hey, why haven't you brought the Terminator here yet? I've been wanting to look at that arm, maybe make him a new one, does he like red? I think that would look good on his arm, JARVIS, look for Capsicle's shadow, will you?"
Steve listens in amusement to Tony's ramblings while the engineer talks about anything and everything under the sun. "Do you think I should tell Pepper you're bringing an assassin to the Tower? I think not. Maybe I should tell here you aren't coming at all. Because then she'll investigate as to why you aren't coming, and then she'll invite you to come here and I can make Barnes a better arm. Or find someone to make Fullmetal Alchemist an arm. I'm not saying I don't know how of course, because I do, but I heard of this really smart teenager in Africa who does work with bio-engineering. Maybe I should introduce you to her."
"I...don't think that will be necessary, Tony," Steve says in amusement. "How long do you think it will take you to find him?"
"Are you questioning my capabilities, Spangles? JARVIS? What's the status? Brooklyn, Manhattan, Queens, what're we talkin'?"
Steve can hear JARVIS's accented voice through the phone. "According to the footage I have accessed, Mr. Barnes is currently in Queens, at approximately Twenty-Third and Eighteenth, Captain Rogers."
Steve's heart leaps. "Thanks, Tony, JARVIS." He hangs up and calls Sam. "JARVIS found him."
Bucky is getting worried. His bare feet are almost purple, as is his flesh hand. The seam where metal meets flesh is so cold it burns. He thinks he knows where he is now, but he isn't sure if he can make it. Where is Steve? It's too cold for him to be wandering around, especially now, when he's recovering from pneumonia - but that's right. Steve is big now, not little, why is Steve big, what's happening, why can't he remember the face, the name, the soundsmellcolor coldcoldcoldcold wet and dark, ready to comply, followordersdon'ttalkback Stevewrapup, youcan'tgetsicknow. Where is Steve, why isn't Steve herewhoisStevewipehimkillbloodpain themanonthebridgeIknewhim I knew him
"Uh, Mister? Do you need help?"
The Asse-Bucky, his name is Bucky, looks down sharply. There's a small, round-faced boy looking up at him, curly brown hair falling into his eyes. "Who are you?"
"My name's Peter. What's yours?"
"My name is - is Bucky."
"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Bucky! Um - do you need any help? Or shoes? I could get you shoes if you want. I don't know if they'd fit though."
Shoes. Right. "Yeah. Uh - yeah, that would be nice."
"Got it. D'you want to come with me? Or would you rather wait here? It won't take me very long," Peter says, bouncing on the balls of his feet. The movement reminds him of Steve.
"I'll wait here." Have to wait for Steve. Tiny Steve, Big Steve? doesn't matter. Still Steve.
"Okay!" Peter is off in a flash, disappearing into one of the apartment buildings. Bucky looks around in confusion and sits down on a bench. He's fairly certain this whole mess isn't normal. Or is it? He doesn't know what normal is. He's not good at normal.
"Here you go, Mr. Bucky!" Peter is back, a pair of battered, beat up, house shoes in his hand. "I don't know if they'll fit, they're too big for me, but they might be too small for you - here." He holds out the slippers.
Bucky takes them in numb hands and slips his feet into them. His heels hang out the back ends, but it feels good to not have his feet on the pavement anymore. "Thanks."
"You're welcome. Is there anything else I can do for you?"
Bucky shakes his head. He doesn't want to take up anymore of the kid's time then he already has. "No. You can go - get to school, I don't want to make you late."
Peter grins. "No school. We got out early today, and Ned's off on some trip with his family. Besides, I don't want to leave you out here alone because I'm pretty sure you were having a panic attack and those aren't much fun, and even less fun to work with alone, and anyway, you look really miserable, so maybe I could cheer you up?"
Bucky shakes his head, feeling a smile on his face. He looks like Steve, but Peter acts like his little sister. Which one though? Not Becca, was it Lizzie? It might have been, or Rachel. One of them. "You - you don't have to do that, kid."
Peter doesn't have time to answer. "Barnes!" It's Sam, pushing his way through the people around him towards the bench Peter and Bucky are sitting on. "There you are."
Bucky feels immense relief, followed by all encompassing shame. Sam must think he's an absolute idiot. Who wouldn't?
"Steve's been really worried," Sam says as he closes the gap between them. ""He's pacing a hole in the carpet back home. Who's this?" he adds, looking at Peter.
"I'm Peter. You know Mr. Bucky?"
"I do," Sam says. "It's nice to meet you, Peter. Thanks for helping Bucky here."
"You're welcome!" Peter says as Bucky gets up, slipping the shoes off. He doesn't hand them back - Peter seem like the kind of kid who would tell him to keep the shoes, and he's not going to do that.
"Bye, Peter," he says quietly.
"Bye, Mr. Bucky!" Peter waves as he follows Sam towards the car.
"You know him?" Sam asks after they get in, as he pulls into traffic.
"No," Bucky says, peering out the window as New York City rolls by. "He kind of just - showed up."
By the time the door opens, Steve has collected blanket's, Bucky's favorite hoodie, and has hot cocoa ingredients laid out on the counter. Bucky shuffles in, followed by Sam. The latter disappears back outside to deal with the car, and Bucky hesitates, looking down. "Sorry," he whispers. He shuffles his feet, partially lifts his arms, as though asking to hug, then drops them again, looking miserable. "Sorry," he says again, and Steve doesn't hesitate to cross the room and give his friend a hug.
Bucky returns the embrace immediately, dropping his head to Steve's shoulder with a sigh. "I think I got a little mixed up," he says quietly.
Steve squeezes him a little tighter, and then leans back, taking in his friend's state. "Let's get you a blanket, okay?"
Bucky frowns. "Thought you'd - thought you'd be more upset."
Steve recognizes where that train of thought is going - the self-blame and self-deprecation issues that Bucky is still working through, will be working through for quite a while. "No, Buck, this one's my fault. I should have told you where I was going."
"But I ran off!" Bucky protests, looking more and more agitated. "I ran off and got lost, not you."
Steve grabs a blanket off the arm of the couch and hands it to Bucky - when their hands brush, he has to repress a frown. The ex-assassin's hands are ice cold.
Bucky curls up in his favored spot on the corner of the couch, watching Steve make the cocoa. Steve watches out of the corner of his eye as Bucky pulls his feet up underneath the blanket, settling into a little ball, chin on his knees. "Did you see anything interesting on your adventure?" Steve asks lightly.
"Ended up in Queens," Bucky says quietly. "Met a kid named Peter. Kept me company 'till Sam came."
"That sounds nice," Steve says, handing Bucky his cocoa.
"Reminded - reminded me of you, Stevie,' he continues. "Kept bouncin', y'know? Eager. Reminded me of - think it was Rachel? The generous one, that was her, right?"
"Yeah, Buck," Steve says, smiling fondly as he sits down next to his friend. "Rachel. She was the one who would patch up everyone's clothes."
"I - I think I remember that."
For a few minutes, they sit in silence, enjoying their cocoa, until Sam comes back in. He hangs his coat up and heads for the kitchen. As he does so, he tosses a rectangular package to Steve. "Think it's about time we watched this."
Bucky scoots closer to look at the case. "Frozen," he mumbles. "Another Disney one?"
"Yup." Steve answers flipping the case over to read the back.
"Can't hurt," Bucky says quietly.
About halfway through the movie, Steve feels Bucky shift until he's horizontal on the couch, head against Steve's leg. "Sorry for making you worry," he mumbles. "Won't - won't do it again."
"You do whatever you need to," Steve says quietly, running his hand through Bucky's hair. His friend hums happily at the feeling. "But maybe next time, wear shoes."
Two days later, a rubber duck with a hat and scarf is placed on the shelf above the coat rack. It holds a tiny sign that says 'bundle up!'. Bucky smiles every time he passes it. So does Steve.
When the weather warms up, that duck gets a neighbor - a duck wearing a swimsuit and sunglasses that says 'remember sunscreen!'. That one was Clint's doing.
First off: Sofiarose613, if you read this, I am so sorry. I know I told you a month ago it would be out in a week. To anyone else who was accidentally given that information, I'm really sorry I didn't follow through on that. A lot has happened, between the virus and some other stuff, so I took an unplanned hiatus. I'm back now, and hope to be posting regularly again.
Stay safe, and stay positive! My prayers are with y'all!