Peach Creek...
Nobody really knows where this one location is. To many, it's just a speck on the map. To those residing in the cul-de-sac that takes up, at least, 40% of the area, it's the entire world. The only one they've ever known for a good while. Life's pretty normal around these parts, barring the seeming lack of parental supervision. To most, that would be a dream come true. A place of total freedom...
SMASH!
You'd also be super wrong. It just meant people like Eddy could run around and continue to try and milk money out of the gullible masses. Alas, this was one of those days in which the neighborhood folks wizened up to his tricks and summarily beat the tar out of him and his cohorts. Currently, they were lying in one of the many alleyways in a broken heap.
"Gentlemen..." Edd (or Double D, as all would call him) groaned as he pulled himself out of the pile, making sure his torn-up hat was still covering his head up. "I hope it has come to your knowledge that selling clearly rabid hedgehogs as pets and calling them 'Berserker Buddies' was a sub-optimal plan."
"Stuff it, sockhead!" Eddy snapped his shoulder back into place, clearly annoyed. "Besides, Ed liked it enough."
The tallest, strongest, and dumbest of the trio, Ed, stood shakily, several quills all over himself. "They're so ticklish, the little rascals!"
Edd wasn't having any of it, dusting himself off before slumping against the tall fence to the side. "It almost feels as if we've been cursed to a never-ending loop after we met some kind of grisly end. This is our punishment. To forever endure the torments of-"
"Didn't I tell you to shut up, Dante? We're not dead. We just need to try a little harder." Eddy crossed his arms, not even caring if there were some quills lodged in his back.
"I'm...surprised you even know who Dante is." Edd admitted before turning to Ed. "Goodness gracious! Pardon me, but those mammals left nothing to chance with your back area!" He set about to removing the quills while Ed played around with his tongue, not a care in the world.
Truth was, however, Eddy was far from happy. This opportunity for some quarters stung especially because only a select handful of those living here came for his usual scam (Johnny and Jimmy, with an unexpected and very painful interruption by Sarah). For Spring Break was coming to an end and they'd soon have to get back to the usual daily grind of Peach Creek High. A whole long weekend and nothing to show for it. The short one's philosophy listed this as an utter failure. One he'd be stewing over until the next big break.
"Trouble with your friends, I presume?" A suave male voice interrupted them, just as Edd was about to remove the final quill from Ed. "I'm surprised they keep falling for the same tricks."
"Who said that?" The short one quickly turned to everywhere he could.
"What if your intelligent friend has a point? It's time for a change in pace." The voice spoke again.
Now, Edd and Ed were aware that the three weren't the only ones here. "I do believe that we should take our leave. Remember what mother said about talking to strangers."
"But that's how my dad and my mom met!" Ed exclaimed. "Right behind a dumpster, too."
"That...explains a frightening amount." Edd admitted before a shadow fell over them.
The trio looked up before a figure landed gracefully on pointed shoes in front of them. Draped around his lanky tall figure was a cape with many B-Movie posters stitched onto it, covering most of his body. Covering his hooded head was a top hat with tinier posters around it like an amateur's patchwork quilt. He had a pair of shiny glasses, which was the only thing they could see of his face, as well as a pointed nose. "Introductions are in order, are they not?"
The Eds stared at the mysterious stranger before Eddy threw up his arms. "Whatever! Make it quick. We're not in the mood to handle weirdos right now."
The man just bowed, still with the cloaked wrapped around him. "Why, I'm hurt! I am a friend. A very resourceful friend who's merely out and about to help wayward souls with their troubles."
Ed suddenly surged forward, invested in the man's strange outfit. "Oooh! I know that movie! And that one! And that one! Maybe not that one. OH! That one, too! Can I have those clothes?"
The man just chuckled. "Apologies, but this is custom made. A fitting one, considering my expertise. I...am the Wizard of Wonder, though my friends call me W."
"I see. I think we should take our leave." Edd whispered to the others.
"Yeah, I don't like the cut of his jib. He's screaming 'suspicious creep' all over him." Eddy agreed. "Catch you later, weirdo! We've got the big bucks to make!"
"And how would your react if I were to give you the 'big bucks'?" W asked.
That stopped Eddy dead in his tracks. Twisting back with an audible creaking noise, he allowed the strange being to lean in. "...lay it on me."
"You can't be serious! Eddy, are you that much of a one-track intellect that you'd allow your base instincts to take over after sensibility wins out for even the smallest of moments?!" Edd exclaimed.
"Ed, hug him." Eddy instructed.
"Okey dokey!" The stupid one saluted before wrapping his loving arms around Edd, covering his mouth in the process as he tried to squirm free.
"Splendid! I promise that, in the next minute, you shall be the richest man in the history of this one location!" W explained, taking a book out of his cloak with a gloved hand with clawed fingers. That book looked like it was made of human skin, complete with the stitched glowing magenta. "My magic will see to that."
Just that one word (magic, mind you) was enough to make Edd pull away at least one of Ed's arms so he could speak. "MAGIC?! Preposterous! Now, I know we have met a certified con-artist that's in serious need of more protein in his diet!"
"Just let me have this, sockhead. I'm having a bad day as it is. But, you know, what's in it for you?" Eddy raised a brow at the stranger. "Don't get me wrong. If you can set me up for life, I'm sold. But I remember the last time somebody tried to fleece me. Almost destroyed that jerk's house along the way."
W summoned a scroll and pen, surprising the trio. "All I want is to show my amazing powers and use them for your betterment. There is no catch. Just that you have to agree that you'll most likely have to match wits with two other schools from far away. To show that I am not lying..." He snapped his fingers, causing a wad of cash to fall into Eddy's hands.
The greedy one felt the gears turn in his head before his eyes turned to dollar signs and his grin became almost too much for his face to handle. "YES! I'm rich! At last, I catch a break! Alright! Consider it a deal! I don't care what I have to do! Just work that magic and make me a gazillionaire!"
"Make a bunny come out of your hat! Pleeease?" Ed pleaded, amazed by the magic on display.
"No, it can't be...it's nothing but cheap theatrics!" Edd tried to rationalize how the man was able to make the money like that, but it was too late. Eddy had already signed the scroll.
"Marvelous!" W exclaimed again before floating up. "Be warned. There is a price to this." A golden crown with 6 sharpened points and a yellow gem in the center materialized on Eddy's head, making him chuckle in appreciation. "Do you see that? That's the Crown of Affluence. So long as it stays in this universe, you shall never go poor again. Lose it to another universe and our deal is off."
Eddy just scoffed. "When's that gonna happen? I'm about ready to live the good life! Right, boys?" He turned to the other two. Ed was nodding vigorously, but Edd looked ready to collapse. "What's up with you?"
"This...none of this makes sense...magic...other universes...YOU! Explain yourself!" He pointed at W, who suddenly opened a portal behind him.
"Take my advice! Go to the woods and find a portal. It won't be hard to miss. Investigate the world there and you shall have an idea of those that would take your boon away from you. Apart from that, enjoy! We shall meet again..." With that, the wizard fled into his portal, leaving the trio with their crown. At least, until the man's head appeared out of a random portal. "Oh, and don't mention that I told you this or the crown will melt into hot slag. Magical policy. Please don't be mad." He exited again, for good this time.
Despite that warning, Eddy continued to snicker as three quarters materialized in his hand. "Boys...wanna go hit up the candy store?"
"Hooray! Happy ending!" Ed said, ready to close the fanfic right here and now.
"WAIT! Ignoring the utter insanity I just witnessed, you heard the tone in that man!" Edd was rapidly losing his mind deep inside, but, if only to give himself clarity, he played along. "The woods. He said danger lurked there and it would be imperative if we investigated. After all, if what you have on your head IS magical, which I am convinced it isn't and I will do everything within my power to prove so, it will no doubt attract all manner of danger."
Eddy was going to argue, but he actually considered something. It would be no problem at all if any of the Cul-De-Sac folk around here stole his crown. Apparently, if it stayed around town, he'd have no fear of losing his power. If anything from any other universe (whatever that meant to him) tried to take it..."Ugh. Nothing comes for free, anyway. Come on. Let's get this over with."
Ed, however, suddenly lifted the two onto his shoulders. "Other universes? Do you know what this means?"
"Your grasp on anything of the sort is weak, I can tell, but go on." Edd said.
"I saw this in a movie. About a brave group of explorers going into new realms of terror and excitement! I think...we're going on an adventure! Yoiks and AWAAAAY!" Ed zoomed into the distance, his buddies hanging on for dear life. It would only be a matter of time before they would realize just how in over their heads they were.
Meanwhile in Shibihama High...
Kanamori cracked her right knuckle as she would usually do when either planning something or, in this case, incredibly bored. Granted, the Eizouken that her best friend had been coming up with was always something to keep her on her toes, but today was one of those days where she could just kick back and relax. Almost made her want to go to sleep, but she knew better than to tempt fate and have her hyperactive friends wake her up and render her a grumpier mess.
She had just recovered from getting sick and production for the second anime short had been going well. Despite the snags that came with Asakusa's imagination and Mizusaki's requests when it came to the motion and (as of recently) how in sync the music was, the deadline was looking to be less of an obstacle and more of a day to look forward to. Surely, the profits that would come with this would be more satisfying than the last one, right?
"I dunno about something." Asakusa said as she loomed over Mizusaki as she diligently worked on the digital aspect of the drawing process. "I've been thinking if the Kappas should look more cartoony or like monsters."
"Isn't this about the humans and Kappas realizing they're not so scary after all?" The model/animator asked.
"I knoooow, but the Art Club recently brought up about how we always make these 'good monsters' look all adorable in some capacity. Something about an 'inner sense of vanity' we designers have." She just shrugged at that while Mizusaki pondered that thought.
'Good.' Kanamori thought as she marked on the board another hour without them going off on their own little flights of fancy again and/or complicating this than it already had to be. The past few days may have been productive, but having to reign in Asakusa everytime she had a new idea had proven to be its own special form of headache. Annoying, but there would be some good at the end.
Suddenly, the doors burst open. Mercifully, it wasn't the School Council once again trying to get another crack at them because of budget reasons or the like. It was their dutiful sound designer, Parker Doumeki, but it looked like she had seen a ghost. "Lock your doors! Board up the windows! And don't call me crazy when I explain the whole thing!"
"Eh?! Are we under attack?!" Asakusa was the first to zoom up to the boyish sorta-blonde.
"This had better be good." Kanamori groaned. Normally, Doumeki was one of the more level-headed members, only eccentric when it came to sound-hunting or sound effects in general, but that look in her eyes showed that whatever she saw must have been serious.
Doumeki took in a few breaths before the doors started to creak open. "It's the ghost!" She pointed, causing Asakusa to go white as a sheet and get out her stuffed rabbit for protection.
"Can you not? You're scaring her." Mizusaki reprimanded before the doors finally opened, revealing the floating figure we all saw one transition ago. Now, THAT froze the four in their tracks.
"Pleasedonteatmysoulpleasedonteatmysoulpleasedonteatmysoul..." Asakusa kept stammering as she hid behind Kanamori, whom continued to look unimpressed.
W tipped his hat and bowed. "Salutations, girls! I am no ghost, nor am I your foe. I am the Wizard of Wonder, but you can just call me W. And I just want to say that I am a great fan of your work. That one with the mecha and the crab-pistol shrimp hybrid? Good stuff."
"If you're here for an autograph, pay up. It'll cost you about...2000 yen. You seem rich enough for that." Kanamori said before he suddenly teleported behind her.
"Do not take me for a mere patron. I am also here to bring you a dire warning." He raised a bony finger before pointing at the four. "Are you aware of other universes?"
Asakusa's imagination was racing once more, turning the studio into the place of a mystical shrine, with this very-much real wizard in the center of it. She and her friends were merely travelers beseeching this being. "Kinda! But that depends. Are we talking about alternate realities or-"
"I speak of the means to protect the Eizouken and, by extension, your ultimate world from total collapse!" W conjured up images of the various ideas they all had before he shattered them when he closed his fist. "If you do not listen, the Eizouken is doomed to fail and all of you shall be forgotten to the passage of time."
"WHAAAA?!" Both Asakusa and Mizusaki cried out, hugging each-other in terror.
"But that's impossible! We put so much blood, sweat, and tears into this!" The model exclaimed.
"How are you doing this anyway?!" Doumeki was looking around, hearing entirely new sounds that were heard like a mixture between TV static and the gonging of a bell. Apart from that, they were beyond the mere perceptions of humans. Almost eldritch in their wavelengths. "And can you stand still for a minute without making any noise?! I need to record this!"
"There is no time!" The wizard commanded before staring Kanamori in the face. "You care for the money that goes into your project? Do you wish for this to not become like a certain convenience store?"
That actually managed to get a reaction out of her, as her eye began to twitch. "How the hell do you know about that?" She demanded.
"I know everything. I know that this means everything to you all, regardless of motive. What I mean to say is that your anime will lose its funds, no matter where you turn to, and this will all be for nothing. But...there is a way to solve this." W showed the image of the Crown of Affluence in his hand. "This...is the Crown of Affluence. So long as it remains in your universe, it shall ensure you never lose an opportunity for funding. It will be literally around the corner."
"Ooooh! And we have to go on a quest to find it?" On one hand, Asakusa was freaking out inside on the possibility of losing everything this Eizouken stood for. On the other hand, an adventure was always something she looked forward to. An actual REAL magical adventure? Perhaps she was dreaming and she didn't know it. Even Mizusaki and Doumeki were leaning into her, interested in this prospect.
"I have a better question." Kanamori interrupted, narrowing her eyes at the mysterious man. "Do you really think we're that stupid to believe some fortune-teller wannabe? That fate will decide whether we go broke or not? To cast aside the facts and focus entirely on fairy tales to decide your financial future is completely-"
Suddenly, he extended a hand and pressed it against her forehead, assaulting her mind with images of the money going dry, people they needed/liked leaving Shibihama forever, the studio falling to pieces, and the group going their bitter separate ways. She fell back onto the sofa, clutching her head as those images faded into memory that wouldn't go away anytime soon. "Do you think I'm jesting NOW?"
As the others rushed to comfort their tall friend, Kanamori just sighed. "...fine. Magic's real. Case closed. We find the crown, we're allowed to get careless."
"I just said it would bring opportunity. Nothing guaranteed, but a good way to find resources. Trust me. I don't really know how all of this works. I've only been alive for hundreds of years focusing my efforts on...nevermind. Either way, the thing you must do now is wait patiently. The crown will come to you. You just have to make sure it doesn't get away from your grasp. Should you fail to acquire it, have no fear. I will be there to provide additional support." W instructed.
Asakusa, forgetting her fear of the ghostly man, stepped forth and gave a whistle. "Everybody! Group huddle!" They did so, though they had to lean down for her sake. "We have at least 40 days until the deadline. We can handle taking an hour or two to get this thing, okay?"
"Yeah! With Kanamori on our side, getting it will be a breeze!" Mizusaki beamed.
"I dunno. Something about this guy seems...shady." Doumeki looked over her shoulder. "And why does he have American B-movies stitched to him?"
"Not gonna lie. His fashion choice is a bit...weird. But I like weird!" The model replied.
Kanamori, the more pragmatic one, leaned in more. "The way I see it, we're not to break away from our work. But, the moment we see if this crown nonsense is true, concentrate our efforts to acquiring it. No hesitation. No regrets. No mercy. Because I have a feeling this isn't as easy as we think."
"Nothing's ever easy unless you set your mind to it!" Asakusa stood proudly, the world of Eizouken rising above her like the dawn of day. "Our world is our responsibility!" She raised a finger to the sky. "To allow it to fall into ruin would be the same as inviting death to ourselves! Crown or not, we will be victorious! We ARE the Eizouken! And we are-"
"Portal's opening. Crown on its way. Might want to get to that. Cheers and good luck! And don't mention my name, or I'll curse you all into failing anyway. Magical policy. Don't be mad." W waved before swirling into a portal of his own, heading off to one final destination.
That left the four of them in one place, standing around like a bunch of knuckleheads. "...wait, what?" Asakusa softly asked.
Fifteen minutes earlier in a High School in Tokyo...
Yes, this is in one last other universe. No, we have no idea what school is named. What we can tell you that it was Class #3's third-year here and they were intent on keeping it lively as per the usual...intentionally or not. Naturally, things may have gotten out of hand, as they usually do. Case in point...
Chiyo and Osaka ran for their lives through the halls as a cicada innocently flew behind them, making its usual horrible noise along the way. That wasn't so much the problem (although it did look rather big for its kind). It was Yomi trying to crush it with an entire desk with her eyes closed in utter fear while screaming "KillitkillitkillitKILLITKILLITKILLIT..." Over and over again. Every time she slammed the desk down, it left an impact crater that trailed back all the way to class.
"Calm down, Miss Yomi! It's only a harmless bug!" Chiyo pleaded as the crowd of students parted as fast as they could.
"Yeah! Chiyo's not all that intimidatin'." Osaka replied.
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" The prodigy asked before the desk got thrown at the insect, to which both it and they dodged as it lodged itself into the wall. Yomi paused for a moment, panting before just heading into another classroom and grabbing another desk.
"Aw, phooey. We should have just gotten out of the way in that time." Osaka sighed. To add insult to injury, the cicada landed on a terrified Chiyo's head, making its brand of noise again before the chase began anew.
Back at the classroom, Tomo was laughing herself sick while Yukari stared daggers into her. "You finally got her this time. I hope you're proud of yourself for disrupting the quiz in the process." Yukari grumbled with barely contained anger.
"Aw, don't bring in the buzzkill, Miss Yukari! Get it?! Buzzkill?!" With that, she continued to laugh, with Kagura wishing she had a video camera for Yomi's sheer level of panic.
Sakaki, however, was standing up, ready to defend her Chiyo-Chan from whatever pain the usually composed smart girl would unintentionally bring. "Aw, don't worry about it, Sakaki." Kagura assured. "Give it a few minutes and she'll come back to reality."
"I guess." Sakaki sighed. "I just wish I could have been there when Yomi snapped. That way, nobody would get hurt."
Kaorin felt tears of joy well up in her eyes as she looked up at her crush. "You're so kind and brave, Sakaki...the days in which you've protected me, I'll cherish forever..."
"Maybe next time, you'll be more on the ball so stupidity like this doesn't get by!" Yukari gritted her teeth before attempting to compose herself. "Okay, while I still have a grip on my sanity, let's continue and hope to whatever sadistic god is up there that things resume as normal as soon as possible."
"Shoot for the stars. That'll never happen as long as I'm around!" Tomo said proudly before the cicada from before entered the class room again, landing on Tomo's desk and looking up at her almost tauntingly. It took her a second to realize what this meant as the shadow of a desk loomed over her. "Wait...HOLD ON!"
'Karma's a bitch, ain't it?' Yukari admitted in her head before, suddenly, a portal emerged from the top of the class, surprising everyone and causing Yomi to finally open her eyes. The cicada flew into the portal, only to be vaporized by its intensity. Floating downwards came W himself, settling down right next to Yukari. When the portal cleared and the being looked at their shocked reactions, the language teacher just flopped onto her desk. "Yep. There goes my grip. I'm already insane. Which size straight-jacket will fit me, sir?"
Tomo was the second to break the silence. "Whoaaaa! Do that again!" She was interrupted when Yomi accidentally dropped the desk she was carrying in her shock, smashing it against her hand. She bit her lip and held back the tears as she sucked on her entire hand, feeling pain unimaginable.
Chiyo and Osaka, whom were at the door, entered slowly, far more willing to enter this brand of craziness than whatever got into Yomi. Sakaki instantly stood in front of her classmates, especially the littlest ones, unsure about this stranger,with Kaorin clutching her leg and shivering like crazy. "Greetings!" The stranger tipped his hat. "I am the Wizard of Wonder, but you may call me W. And I've come to bring you a dire warning! You all like this school, don't you?"
"Um...yes?" Chiyo peeped. "It's where we all met, sir."
"Yes! Yes, we do! Don't hurt us!" Kaorin yelled before sucking it up. "Or Sakaki here will hurt you!" The taller girl said nothing but she gave a nervous nod in response.
"Back up! Now that I'm no longer doing...whatever it was I was doing with a desk..." Yomi looked rather sheepish and confused at same time before adjusting her classes. "How did you do that?!"
"Magic." W snickered. "Seems I have to explain that every time."
"Well, duh! You can't just, like, poof in here and start talking about doom and gloom!" Kagura pointed out.
"If it's not too much to ask, can you teleport all the way to Maine, U.S?" Osaka asked gently. "I wanna see if they really do worship lobsters all the way there. I heard about it on the internet once."
"First off, we talked about this. Snopes isn't a legit news site." Yukari rubbed her temples. "Secondly, just lay it on why you had to come in here with all the theatrics and crap."
"I suppose I'll get straight to the point." The wizard cleared his throat. "Soon enough, you'll be under attack by a group of people about your age that have in possession a crown that ensures total wealth for anybody who wears it. What the current wearer plans to do is destroy your school and turn it into a jawbreaker factory with all of you as his slaves. There is another party that plans to create an anime that will drain your school dry of resources, reducing it to a hollow shell of its former self! The only way to stop them is to defend yourselves and stop them for good by taking that crown, with me as your ally."
The group took in that info dump with varied results. "Are you saying we're going to be under attack?" Sakaki asked, to which he nodded.
"And what proof do you have?" Yomi put her hands on her hips. "Or are you just a panic-monger that knows a few stage tricks and with some wild stories up your sleeve?"
"I say I believe him! He's obviously got super magical powers. Just look at his outfit and that weird swirly thingy above him." She pointed to the portal that was opening up over him, signifying how he was about to leave any time now. "Who's with me?" Osaka raised her hand, though the others were still hesitant.
"Do I detect doubt among you all? Have no fear. Your proof shall come to you sooner than you think." W then swiveled to Yukari. "Also, your enemies called you an old drunken hag whom will most likely die alone. Ta-ta! And remember not to mention my name or your school will burn with all of you in it." With that, he left.
The whole class was still left stunned, but their teacher was just slowly taking in those last few words. "So...who's ready to go Yokai hunting? Because I'm ready to believe anything now." Kagura sighed.
"Or we could just all agree that someone slipped something into our lunches before today." Yomi shook her head, still gripping to her reality where nothing including the word 'magic' existed. "Right, Tomo?"
"Hey, the cicada thing I'll gladly take the credit for. Messing up with our lunches? That was last month! And since when was I a one-trick pony?" The self-proclaimed wildcat of the school reprimanded her friend before everybody noticed that Yukari now looked ready to erupt, steam coming out of her ears and her skin turning volcanic red. "That...doesn't look good."
"Everybody, hold onto something!" Chiyo shouted, prompting everybody to cling to Sakaki, Yomi, and Kagura in some fashion.
"Hey! I was here first!" Kaorin yelled at those crowding around her smaller body.
Back outside the school, the windows nearly shattered with the resulting soundwave from the yelling. "DRUNKEN OLD HAG?! Whoever these guys are, I'll string 'em up and then-" The following could not be revealed for just how vulgar and long it was. Either way, W stood outside, chuckling to himself.
"I can't believe I once walked among humans at some point. They're so gullible." He opened another portal, eager on following the first group he visited. "Let the party begin..."
Up Next: The Eds and the Eizouken group square off, leading to a chase that leads to destruction at Yukari's school! It can only go downhill (or uphill, really) from there.
Author's Note: As feedback is important, I want to make sure I managed to nail all of these characters down. This is, indeed, a rather ambitious crossover of mine. I'm also aware that Eizouken, as of this writing, is ending soon. Don't worry. This takes place before then.
As for why the Wizard has those posters affixed to his outfit, they factor in later. Bet on it...