How Jaime Lannister played Cupid

Disclaimer: all characters belong to George Martin and HBO.

Across the multiverse…

Once upon a time in Westeros there was a king, named Robert Baratheon, and he was feeling rather lost. His beloved Lyanna was dead, his best friend (and her brother) Ned was back in the North, where he had to be the new Lord Paramount, (something that he was not too happy about either, but what could he do? Hand over the North to the Boltons? Just no), and all that His Grace, king Robert Baratheon the first of his name was his former mentor, and now his current Hand, Lord Jon Arryn, who was a wonderful man, and also his new wife, Cersei, nee Lannister.

Here was a problem, actually, maybe several. For one, Robert did not need a wife. Okay, he wanted to have Lyanna for a wife, but that was because Lyanna had been that amazing, and so Robert was certain that he could be married to her, no problem. Cersei Lannister, however, was never a part of that plan, so she was a problem, one of Robert's now.

Did he need to marry her? That was the question. To secure his line on the throne, Robert had to marry someone, and Renly was the gay one in the Baratheon family, so it had to be a woman. In addition, Cersei was the most eligible of those women, who were appropriate for a king of Westeros, and so Robert was stuck with her.

To further compound the problem of Cersei was the fact that her eligibility was primarily because of her being the daughter of Tywin Lannister, the richest, the ruthless, the smartest, the most formidable man in Westeros, (the Targaryens didn't count, they were disqualified, because Robert said so), and the former Lord Hand – only now, the Hand of the King was Jon Arryn, a wonderful man, who just might be angling for all of those labels himself; put otherwise, Jon Arryn might be trying to be the new Lord Lannister, metaphorically speaking – but as long as lord Tywin was alive and well, this wouldn't work. This did not work for Hosier Tully, the Lord Paramount of the Riverlands, (and one of the least likable men that Robert had met, Targaryens aside), and it wouldn't work for Jon Arryn either, even if the latter was the Lord Paramount of the Vale, aside from anything else.

Jon Arryn was, however, at loggerheads with her Grace already – Cersei was proving to be a most unpleasant woman, if she was not his wife, Robert just would wipe his hands off her and forget about her – basta! Only she was his wife, and she was not talking to him after their nuptials, and was acting all pissy, and Robert was not entirely sure what to do to her – maybe if he just ignored her, she would go away?

Robert looked outside. He had to agree with Cersei about one thing – King's Landing was not anything good to look at, oh no. And to think that he never wanted to be king, just to rescue Lyanna. Boy did this fail! And now he was stuck with Cersei, and had no idea what to do with her, (aside from the obvious)-

"Ah, Your Grace!" It was Jaime Lannister, one of the Kingsguard, and Robert's goodbrother, he supposed. So far, he had seen little of Jaime, which was good – Cersei was about all the Lannisters he could stomach right now, and- "What this?" he pointed to a roll of some material underneath one of the Kingslayer's arms.

"It's fur from some sea beasts, got them from some Ironborn, who came here to trade," Jaime shrugged. "Apparently, they can be peaceful and reasonable, who knew?"

"Mmm," Robert muttered something in general agreement, even as he took the roll from Jaime and felt it. It did indeed feel good and exotic, (because it came from Westeros' counterpart of Earth's sea otter, which has one of the best furs in the world, cough), but-

"What am I supposed to do with it?" he inquired of the other man.

Jaime blinked. "Get some seamstresses or whatever they're called and have them stitch some clothing for Her Grace. Apparently, you called her the wrong name last night, and she's unbearable-?"

"That does make sense!" Robert blinked, as suddenly some things became clear to him. "Good idea, ser! If you'll excuse me, I'll be off!" And so he was.

Jaime sighed. "The things I do to make this a proper AU," he told no one in particular.

…And when Cersei stomped into the measuring room, already half-angry with Robert and more than half-sceptical about his 'surprise'… she did get one, in a good non-sexual way, and was rather confused – but Robert could work with a confused Cersei; this version was certainly better than the constantly angry and pissy one.

End