Lily Evans groaned as she picked her head up off the table in front of her. What started as a last-minute Defense Against the Dark Arts N.E.W.T. study session with Mary ended up becoming a joint sleeping session in the middle of the Gryffindor common room. She rubbed her stiff neck with one hand and shook Mary's shoulder with the other.
"Wassamatter?" Mary mumbled. Lily could see Mary's eyes starting to open, thanks to the early morning light that was making its way into the room. "I was just resting my eyes."
Lily would have rolled her eyes had she had enough energy. "Right," she said, checking her watch, "because it's not truly resting your eyes unless you shut them for about four hours."
At this, Mary's eyes shot open. "Merlin's beard!" she shouted, checking her own watch. "Lily, we only have two hours until the exam! Why didn't you wake me sooner?!" She scrambled to organize her notes, using her wand to siphon the small puddle of drool that had accumulated on them over the last few hours.
"I only just woke up myself," Lily said, defensively. "Besides, at this point there's not much more studying will do." She tried to calm her friend's frantic tidying down, putting a hand on hers, "We know what we know, nothing more can be done other than to have a good breakfast." Lily was suddenly aware of how much she sounded like her mother. "We did study a fair amount last night. We're going to be fine."
Mary still looked skeptical. "Of course you can say that, you're brilliant at Defense."
"Potions are more of my thing, really." She shrugged. "Maybe even charms. Definitely not Defense, though."
"I dunno, Evans," a voice came from the staircase behind them, "you've never faced yourself in a duel. Learnt that lesson the hard way."
"Well, Black, at least you learned something during these last seven years," she shot back.
"Is that anyway to talk to your boyfriend's best mate?" Sirius said as he made hopped off the last step of the staircase that lead to the boys' dormitory, an oddly straight-faced James Potter in toe.
"I don't understand, I was talking to you, not Remus," Lily said, feigning confusion.
"You wound me, Evans," said Sirius, holding his fist to his chest. Lily scoffed.
"'Morning, Lil, Mary." James said quietly, breaking his silence as ruffled his hair. "Studying?"
"We were," Mary said a little testily, "then someone fell asleep."
"Oh hush, we both fell asleep, but we'll be fine." Lily waved her wand, banishing their study materials back to their room and clearing the table in front of them. "Where are you two off to so early this morning? Breakfast won't be ready for another hour or so."
James stiffened. "Er, we were just- I mean, we're only-"
"Getting one last fly around the pitch in before the year ends!" Sirius interrupted, striding over to the babbling man and throwing an arm over his shoulder. "It is the last year you know. Never know when it'll be the last opportunity to fly! Life's not all books and Quidditch outside these castle walls, ya know."
Lily raised an eyebrow to James, but he seemed to be studying a corner of the table rather intensely. "Don't you have a friendly scrimmage with Hufflepuff tomorrow?" she asked.
Sirius's mouth opened without sound for a few seconds before responding, "Right, my dear, you are exactly right, Lily-pad. All the more reason for us to practice this morning before the exam! James?"
"Mm-hmm," James hummed, still not quite meeting Lily's gaze. Lily exchanged a glance with Mary. Sirius, who was clearly expecting a little more from his friend, cleared his throat.
"Right, well, we're off," he said, nudging James towards the portrait hole. "See you at the exam, ladies!" he hollered as they left.
As the portrait door closed behind them, Lily shook off the experience and turned to Mary. "Well, breakfast won't be ready for another while, so what do you reck-"
"Breakfast? Are we not going to talk about that?" Mary said incredulously. Lily's brow furrowed.
"Talk about what?"
"I mean, what was that? They were acting totally strange."
Lily shrugged. "You know them, they're always up to something. James may be Head Boy but he hasn't quite given up his prankster ways. They're just a bit milder."
"So you don't think James was acting odd?" Mary raised an eyebrow.
Lily paused. "Well, yes. But he does act odd now again when he's up to something."
"You don't think it's possible, I mean- I always thought you were meant for each other, but I did notice- not that it means anything really, it's just-"
"You're rambling, Mary."
"Well," Mary looked down at her her hands, avoiding Lily's questioning look. "I'm suppose I'm just worried that, well—James didn't give you a 'good morning kiss."
Lily laughed. "Really? That has you worried?" She started to get up from her chair.
"James has been in love with you since third year! When has he ever passed up the chance to kiss you since you two got together?"
"It's not as if we snog all the time, Mary," Lily said exasperatedly, trying very hard not to roll her eyes. "What are you implying anyways?"
"Nothing! Really! At least, I hope it's nothing." She trailed off.
Lily was growing more annoyed by the minute. This was not a good start to the morning. Mary was clearly skirting around whatever was on her mind. Lily put her hands on her hips. "Mary," she said, almost in a growl.
"Er, well, it's not my business but, have you and James been less affectionate lately?"
Lily's mouth dropped. "I-we, that's not," she sputtered. But as she struggled to find words, she thought about the last couple of weeks. James had been acting a little odder around her. It may have been true that they hadn't spent as much time together recently, but important exams were approaching, and both had agreed that it was important to focus on their studies. And perhaps it was true in that in the time they did spend together, they spent less time being affectionate, but Lily actually preferred it that way as it gave them more time to talk. James seemed to enjoy it, too…or so she thought. And even though she gave it a pass at the time, perhaps she should have been wearier of the fact that James insisted they go to the last Hogsmeade visit with their respective friends rather than together. Lily suddenly felt ice spreading through her chest. "I mean, that's just something we agreed to do. N.E.W.T.s aren't called nastily exhausting without reason."
But Mary continued to chew on her lip. It would seem she wasn't done making her observations. "I know, and it's probably nothing either, but I—well, maybe it can wait until after the exam?"
Lily rolled her eyes. "Out with it. You've already come this far."
"Okay, it's just- well, Emma Blackthorne, you know the sixth year Ravenclaw prefect?" Lily raised an eyebrow, signaling Mary to get on with it. Mary took a large breath and in one sentence blurted, "She told me that her friend Jenny saw James chatting up last year's Head Girl at Rosmerta's pub during the last Hogsmede trip and, well, I didn't think much of it at the time but this just isn't adding up and I don't know what to think but I-"
But Lily cut her off, having heard enough. "You're absolutely right, Mary," Lily said, coldly, "as you said earlier, it is none of your business."
Lily quickly tucked her wand into her robes and stormed out of the common room to wander the halls, practically slamming the portrait behind her. The second her foot touched the stone in the hall, however, the ice in her chest was melted by the guilt gnawing at the pit of her stomach. Mary really hadn't deserved the brunt of her reaction. Overreaction, more like, she thought. Still, she continued down the hall, needing the time to cool her temper before she could return to properly apologize. Mary was only looking out for her.
With most students still in their beds, the only sounds in the castle were those of the staircases shifting. Left alone to her thoughts, Lily started to replay the scene from this morning in her head. Surely it wasn't possible that James was having second thought about their relationship. He accompanied her to her sister's wedding not that long ago. He even put up with Petunia and her walrus of a husband through the night. In fact, when they got back from the event, James had finally told her he loved her. He can't have possibly changed his mind so quickly, she thought.
Her feet led the way up a staircase. Could he have? She wondered. Surely one of his friends might have let something slip to her. Remus definitely would have. Out of all their gang, Remus was the one she had been friends with the longest. He may be loyal to James, but he would also watch out for Lily's best interests, too. Peter was likely too shy to say anything to her. Maybe even Sirius might have told her if something was off. They may not be close friends, but Sirius finally seemed to take a liking to her once she started dating James.
Which made her think, Sirius was helping James avoid her this morning. He was the one who made excuses. He was also the one who all but pushed James though the portrait hole.
She shook the thoughts from her head. No, she thought, it's just the stress from N.E.W.T.s that's making me overreact. James loves me. Don't be ridiculous, Lily. Besides, if James was really starting to back out, why would that make Sirius feel the need to take part in this morning's escape from the common room. Surely, if James was sneaking out to meet someone, Sirius wouldn't be tagging along.
She started to make her way to the Astronomy Tower, figuring that some fresh air would do her some good. Now with a clear destination in mind, she found her self moving faster, each step reassuring her that everything between James and her was fine.
When she finally reached the open air of the Astronomy Tower, she took a deep breath. The cool morning air seemed to bring calmness into her. The breeze ruffled her hair and robes as she looked out across the grounds. She could hear birds chirping from their nests in the forest. The giant squid in the lake occasionally splashed the surface of the water to scare off a few visiting owls. Voices from below wafted up to her ears-
Wait, she thought, voices? She scanned the grounds below her. Sure enough, she saw two boys sitting on the grass below. The messy jet black hair gave the identity of the two away. Too far to make out distinct words, Lily drew her wand and pointed in their direction. She hesitated for a minute. On one hand, she knew eavesdropping would be a definite invasion of privacy. On the other, if she listened in for only a second to make sure they weren't talking about her, perhaps she would feel more secure. Lily knew the justification was weak, but after a few more moments of internal struggle, her selfishness won out. "Sonus amplificatur," she muttered.
Their voices were suddenly clear, as if James and Sirius was sitting next to her.
"Honestly, Prongs, hasn't she suffered with you enough for you to know this is the right decision? You can't back out now."
"I know, it's just- What if she's disappointed?"
Sirius scoffed. "Please. She's probably been waiting for this for weeks. You haven't been exactly subtle about it."
"Yes I have!"
"Oh, Lily, maybe we shouldn't go to Hogsmeade together this weekend, doesn't that sound good?" Sirius mocked.
"I don't sound like that." James snapped. He sighed, and let a few seconds pass before responding. "But what if I'm making a mistake?" he asked, weakly. "What if she doesn't really want this and I've been reading her all wrong? This could ruin everything- all the progress we've made the last couple of years. I don't think I can take it back once it's said."
Sirius didn't reply right away, but Lily had heard enough. She ended the charm, sat on the floor, and drew her knees to her chest. All the confidence she had gained as she climbed up the tower vanished in less than a minute. She let out a few shaky breaths, trying to run through every scenario that would allow her to believe she had misunderstood the conversation she had overheard, but it wasn't working.
She sat for what felt like hours, thoughts racing through her head, before she finally settled on her resolve. If James wanted to break it off, he could. She wasn't going to let some boy ruin her mood and her chances of getting an O on her last exam.
Oh, shite, the exam. Lily scrambled to her feet and checked her watch. She released the air she hadn't realized she had been holding when she saw she had a little over 45 minutes before her Defense practical started. Just enough time to stop by the kitchens for a bite, she thought, all but running down the Astronomy tower stairs.
Several hours later, most students walked out of the exam room looking as if they had just faced Voldemort, himself. Lily saw Mary walking out of the room, just a few feet ahead of her, but the mere thought of picking up pace to catch up to her made her want to take nap right in that spot.
"Lily! Lily, wait!"
She didn't have to turn her head to know that it was James chasing after her. How he still had any energy left was a mystery. In just a few long strides, he was already out her side, but Lily, as tired as she was, couldn't shake off her frustration from this morning.
"Look, James, I'm really tired. All I want to do is go up to my dorm and sleep until the end-of-year feast."
"But that was our last exam ever!" He was practically giddy, bouncing up and down beside her. "It's time to celebrate."
"I guess I'm not in the mood to celebrate just yet," she said, dully.
"Hopefully you will be soon," James mumbled, moving in front of her to stop her in her tracks. "Look, Lily, I was really hoping to talk to you right now." Lily was starting to realize his giddiness from earlier was starting to take the form of nerves.
"Can't it wait? I really am tired. Whatever this is, it can wait, I dunno, an hour to two." She said, trying her best to maintain a poker face.
"Uhm, I mean, yes, I suppose, but I would really rather do this sooner than later, or I'll lose my nerve. Please, Lily, it won't take more than a few minutes, I don't think."
Lily thought about her comfortable bed, just a few floors above them. She supposed it would just be best to get this out of the way. It's not like she couldn't tell what was coming. And if he just broke it off now, well, she could get dual purpose out of her nap: rest and moping.
She sighed. "Alright. Fine. What is it?"
James looked around. Most of the seventh years had retreated to their dorms, but there were a few stragglers. "Uh, well. Let's do this somewhere more private."
He took her by the hand and led her to the nearest empty classroom. At least he's considerate, she thought, if he's going to break my heart, might as well do it in private. No one needs to see the Head Girl burst into tears in the entrance hall.
James shut the door behind them. Lily made her way to sit atop a desk.
"Right, okay," James started, alternating between looking at the ground and the ceiling. "Um, so I have this really big thing that I really feel that I need to get out. I've wanted to do this for a long time, but I was talking with Sirius this morning and he really kind of helped me see, well, it's now or never isn't it? We're almost out of Hogwarts, and we really don't know what's waiting for us—"
Lily groaned. He was really going to drag this out wasn't he? "James, I'm sorry, but can you get to the point?"
James finally met Lily's eyes. A flash of uncertainty flickered through his face.
"Right. Yeah." He cleared his throat. "Lily, these last few months have been great, but seeing as we're graduating in a couple weeks, well nothing is going to be the same anymore, is it? So, I was just wondering, if you'll marry me?"
Lily froze. "Wait, what?"
"I mean, obviously not right now, maybe in the fall or something- we'll need time to plan of course—that is, if you'll have me."
Lily's brows furrowed in confusion. "I'm sorry, what?"
"Oh, right," James said suddenly, getting down on a knee and fumbling with his robe pockets. "I'm buggering this all up," he muttered to himself. He produced a small box, and opened it. A small right sat inside, a garnet stone sitting in the center. "Lily Evans, will you marry me?"
The only noise in the room was James's heavy breathing. Lily once again, found herself holding her breath. Seconds passed before she was finally able to exhale.
"So, you're not breaking up with me?"
"What? Merlin, no! Why would I do a thing like that? Do- do you want to break up?" James stood up. Looking just as confused as Lily felt.
"It's just, Mary was telling me that she thought you were trying to get rid of me for Helena Blanch." Lily suddenly felt very exposed, swinging her legs. She had never aired out any of her insecurities like this before. She always knew that James had had a crush on her for the longest time, but when Mary brought it up this morning, the buried feelings of what if James realizes he doesn't actually like me bubbled up.
James started laughing. Lily looked up at him, glaring. "What's so funny?"
"Mary loves drama, doesn't she?" He said, smiling. Lily bit her lip and shrugged. "She saw me meet up with Helena at the Three Broomsticks?"
"Something like that."
He laughed again. "Well, ring shops are a little hard to come by in Hogsmeade. Hel owed me a favor, and I figured now was a good time to ask her to come through. She picked this up for me in Diagon Alley," he said, gesturing to the box that was still open in his hand. "I don't really trust owls these days."
Lily stared into James's eyes for a second; the sincerity in his eyes unmistakable. She shook her head, feeling foolish for having even a second of doubt. She let out a little laugh, the stress that she had held in her shoulders fading. "Okay, yeah, yes."
"Yes, what?" James asked, scratching his head.
"Yes, I'll marry you, you idiot." She laughed, hopping of the table. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, grinning from ear to ear.
James pulled away a bit to look at her. "You didn't want me to break up with you, right?"
Lily shook her head and kissed him sweetly. "Of course, not. I was just being stupid. I let Mary get in my head."
"Don't let her do that again, yeah? Nearly scared the dungbombs out of me when you weren't saying anything just then." Lily laughed. "But in all seriousness, I love you. Can't imagine heading into the world without anyone else by my side."
"Aw, that was incredibly sappy." Lily teased. "Is it too late to change my mind?"
"Don't count on it, Evans."
"Good, so hurry up and put that damn ring on my finger, I still need that nap."