It was a normal day in France. Marinette was in her room, expressing her passion for fashion, Alya was in another part of France doing some blog stuff, and Adrien was out modelling, because his dad told him to.
He was sad. Why did he have to be such a talented and attractive young man with a long and successful future ahead of him? He sighed, miserably. He posed in front of the camera, and that camera was the camera of his phone.
Jean-Philippe, his photographer, told him that he should become one of those 'influencers' in order to become more famous. Adrien didn't know what that was, but it seemed like a good idea because he was told to do it by a big person, sO iT MUsT Be a gOoD iDeA (don't try this at home fellow kids)
Anyway, as Adrien was out there telling little 8-year olds to SMASH that subscribe button and like his picturesque pictured pictures on a certain social media this author won't mention, he started to notice something. A sort of …sound. He gasped!
OH NOOOOOO! tHE ScHOOl wUz bEING aTtACKeD bY AKUMASSS! AGAIN, I GUESS?!
He looked to his right, and saw all his fellow classmates being super scared n stuff by the akuma even though this happens like every single day (why DID his classmates always react this way? This question kept him up many nights.)
But WAIT! Oh no! The whole country of France is under attack from the evil Akuma! He has to leave and transform!
Just as Adrien was about to make up an excuse about eating too many burritos from Taco *ell and having to go to the bathroom, he stopped himself.
Wait, he thought. When do I ever notice my classmates leaving the classroom?
He looked around the classroom of this untitled school. Easily a fifth of the class was missing, and no one cared. They were all on their phones typing away, and Adrien could even see Rose and Julieka buying his healthy slimming tea on *nsta Gram.
Adrien was relieved. There was no problem! (other than the fact that SOCIAL MEDIA is RUINING THE WORLD, GAHHHHHH!) but that was a can of worms Adrien was NOT about to open up today. Today, it was time for…
…Chat Noir! Yeah!
Adrien went outside super stealthily into the vacant and empty hallway and transformed into a Pretty Cure- I mean uhhh, into Cat Noir, his alter ego and superhero persona. Adrien instantly felt better.
When he was Chat Noir, he was unstoppable, irresistible, and unpredictable. Even though his only good qualities as Adrien vanish as Chat Noir and all he is left with is his incredibly ridiculously dense mind that could rival that of a shounen protagonist (but you didn't hear that from me guys uWu)
Just as Adrien was about to yeet away to find the super scary akuma that is terrorizing the city, he thought about his fellow classmate that had also gone missing. Marinette. She was honestly really forgettable, probably due to the fact that Adrien's primary social circle used to be extremely attractive girls and guys. But never before did he realize the fact that she, too, was also missing every time HE was missing. Co-in-ki-dink? Maybe. Hotel? Trivago.
Being a millennial, Adrien's attention span was super short and so he forgot the CRAZY plot twist he had just thought about and flew through France's many streets to find Ladybug, his crime fighting partner and reluctant love interest.
He found Ladybug. (A/N: Due to the fact that the author (moi) can't be bothered to think up some super-duper HAWT PG-13 flirting on the spot, imma just wing a typical ladynoir convo. Diehard fans, viewer discretion is advised.)
"Hey Ladybug! I'm Cat Noir, and you should love me!"
"Hah, no."
"Ok, harsh *insert cat pun*"
Even though Cat Noir's heart was wounded from the harsh rejection he faced from his dear Ladybug, he solved it by joking around with cat puns. Cat puns save EVERYTHING! Oh well, maybe she'd love him if he just waited a few minutes. Yeah, that's a safe bet.
The fighting was the toughest they'd EVER faced before. But then suddenly, Ladybug got an IDEA!
"Cat Noir, do (_) and do (_)!" Ladybug said.
"Okay my love!"
Then, Cat Noir DID the thing Ladybug SAID he should do! WOOOOAHHHH! WHAT A TWIST! Then Ladybug used her status quo-yo to stop the chaos, property damage and deaths that happened all over the city. Thanks, status quo-yo, where would we be without you? No, seriously. What.
Ladybug looked around the city. She'd done it again. She saved the world. She looked at Chat Noir, and did the fist-bump thing that Chat Noir obviously reads WAY too much into. Then, she started running up to a tower, ready to leave.
"Ladybug, no! Don't leave! I really love you and stuff! You should love me back, it's only fair!"
"Hmm…. No. Bye, cat dude!"
Chat Noir looked at her until he couldn't see it anymore.
'She toootally digs me.'
(A/N: This is a 100% accurate depiction of their conversations. Probably.)
Yes, all was well in the life of Adrien Agreste… wait what?