Chapter 1: Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you
Welcome all. I've published this on AO3 and it was well received. So it gave me the idea to publish it here too.
Song used: New Year's Day – Taylor Swift
Being the youngest of three, I was always the baby in the family. This is despite me having two nieces and one nephew already. Growing up, I have to say my family being overprotective had its pros and cons but I know it stems from nothing but love. I also know that in reality they can never resist me when I actually decide on something or someone.
Jut when I became a doctor, Gramps passed away and it devastated Grammy. Together with my siblings, we made sure to spend as much time as possible with her on alternating weekends. I had always known I was their favourite so I tried to visit as much as I could. This was also the same reason as to why I decided to stay here in Portland.
I have been working in Portland Animal Clinic for the past five years focused mainly on companion animals – cats and dogs. I love all that come with it. It's such a bonus that I work with my best friend, Stacie, too. Stacie is one of my oldest friends. Someday we will be running our own practice together.
"So what are we doing tonight hot stuff? Just because you're in a relationship now, doesn't mean you can't take me out." Stacie peeks behind my computer screen.
"I don't know what you're saying. Tyler never says no to our girls' night. And we are not in a relationship."
"You sure act like you're in one. As much as we hate to admit it though, he's good for you. Especially after everything that's happened."
Stacie talks about the past as if it were just yesterday. "I don't think we will work as a couple, we're better off friends in my honest opinion. Also since we're both single, no harm just fooling around."
"Fooling around? You think Tyler is just fooling around? I think he's falling for you and I can't blame him."
"I think we're just enjoying each other's company."
"Why are you punishing yourself? I really don't get you. Why not give Tyler a real chance? Better yet, if you're not going to try to move on from Beca, maybe it's time you stop shutting her out and swallow your pride. You two are so good together, in a relationship or not." Stacie, just like all our close friends and family, still believes that we are not done for good.
"It's been years and she hates me."
"How do you know that? What if I say to you she doesn't?" Stacie responds quickly. "And even if she does, I'm sure you'll figure something out."
I would hate me. I was the one who broke up with her and I still stand by that decision. We are both very happy in our careers and I am happy for her. Don't get me wrong Tyler is a great guy. To be honest, I don't know what I'm waiting for. Maybe under different circumstances…
"How are things with Aubrey?" I try to change the subject. Anything about Aubrey always works.
"She's still on tour with Beca as you may or may not know. But we're managing it just fine unlike some..."
I rolled my eyes at her. "Oh shush."
It's actually impressive how Stacie and Aubrey are still going strong in their relationship and are able to keep their friendships with me and Beca, separately of course.
Beca and I have been strangers for almost three years now. If it wasn't for Stacie and Aubrey, we would probably be completely out of each other's lives. But as it turns out our two best friends ended up dating.
I appreciate them both though. They both make sure to meet us on separate occasions. It was a conscious decision as well for both me and Beca to avoid each other. It was for the best.
"So… Plans?" Stacie going back to her first question.
"I'm on Grammy duties this weekend so I'll have to call rain check."
"Oh right, I forgot you mentioned that earlier in the week."
"Yes and you know how she is now. Her birthday is also coming up in a month so that's something we are all looking forward to."
"Fine. Send my love. Let me know exactly when it'll be. So I can let Aubrey know. We wouldn't miss it for the world."
"Of course I'll send you guys invites soon."
"Are we inviting Beca this year?"
Before I could respond, our conversation was cut short when one of the nurses popped his head in.
"Dr Beale. Scruffles and Maximus are here for you."
"Thanks Scott. I'll be right out."
"Good talk." I say to Stacie and wiggled my eyebrows as I grabbed their charts.
"This isn't over Beale."
I practically skipped out of the office.
After my last patient, I was rushing to leave. I wanted to be there just in time for dinner with Grammy.
As I was gathering my belongings I could faintly hear Aubrey in the background. I really am genuinely happy for my two best friends that things worked out for them truly.
"Hey hun I'm off. I'm going to be on call. I'll see you on Monday otherwise." I say to Stacie.
"Alright, don't worry I got this. Aubrey says hi."
She then pans her phone towards me and Aubrey was there beaming at me. I gave her a smile back and blew her a kiss. I thought I saw someone in the background. I'm not sure if it was her but the tug in my heart says it was. It happened so fast though and I was already running out the door.
"Love you both!" I shouted back at the both of them.
From Tyler: Hey. So sorry I won't be there with you this weekend. I was excited to meet your Grandmom. I miss you already.
Tyler and I have been sort of seeing each other for four months now. Nothing too serious yet, just casual. We met through Billie, his jack Russell terrier. I cared for Billie when Tyler brought her in and the rest is history I guess. Billie is a regular at the clinic for grooming and boarding.
I was actually a bit relieved Tyler couldn't make it. I haven't told Grammy about him and I honestly don't know how she was going to take it. I also don't think I'm ready to take that step with him yet. We're not even seriously dating.
Stacie asked me once why I was entertaining him, I never gave her an answer. I guess it was to keep me distracted. It didn't help that there was a certain pop star out there having the time of her life. I wasn't jealous. In fact it gave me assurance that I did not break up with her in vain.
I parked my car in front of Grammy's house and let myself in as I had spare keys to her house, all of us had one in fact. Grammy lived in a five-bedroom, two-storey house with a good size yard. This is where we all grew up.
"Grammy?" I was looking around for her. I know she's still strong and able but I can't help but worry about her. She insists to live here alone. I offered to move back in on several occasions. So did my parents, but she wouldn't budge.
"Chlobear!" She was on her walker. It amazes me how mobile she is at 89.
I approached her slowly engulfing her in a gentle yet firm hug. "Grammy. Have you had dinner yet? Sorry I'm a little late."
"No not at all love. Come let's get comfy at the table. Where's Beca? I cooked her favourite."
My Grammy was diagnosed with Alzheimers about 4 to 5 years ago. A little after Gramps passed. She adored Beca when we were together and these past few months, Grammy's been asking for Beca more and more when I visit her.
"Grammy… Don't you remember? We don't see each other anymore. Beca and I broke up. It's been a while now."
"Oh nonsense. You young ones break up and make up all the time."
"Not this time Grammy…"
"Don't say that. I'm sure whatever it is you two will be fine. Just reach out to her. She can never say no to you."
I just smiled sweetly at her not wanting to argue anymore.
"You know her music is her way of expressing her feelings for you. She told me that herself."
I nodded. I did know that. The good and the bad. I always knew. I could always tell by her songs. That's why since the break up I tried not to listen to her songs as hard as that is since they were being played everywhere.
"Oh but wait that reminds me. What was the one she wrote for me and your Gramps? Can we listen to that one?"
My Grammy looked at me with those blue eyes very similar to mine and how could I say no to that. I grabbed my phone and looked it up. I put the volume up to the loudest and set my phone on the table between us.
The piano starts and so does the verse and I was holding my breath.
There's glitter on the floor after the party
Girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby
Candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor
You and me from the night before, but
How could I not sing along to this song? I knew the words by heart.
Don't read the last page
But I stay when you're lost, and I'm scared
And you're turning away
I want your midnights
But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day
It also doesn't help that Grammy loves this song so much. So I keep singing along Beca. At first Grammy just closed her eyes and listened to me and Beca 'harmonise' but it doesn't take long for Grammy to join in.
Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you
Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you
Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you
And I will hold on to you
Please don't ever become a stranger
Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere
Please don't ever become a stranger
Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere
As much as my heart aches hearing Beca's voice and this song, it swells just the same as I hear Grammy sing along and the way her face lights up. She would ask me to play this song every time she misses Gramps and this always brings a smile to her face.
"I miss him too everyday Grammy."
"You and Beca remind me so much of what we had love and it makes me miss him. So tell Beca to come home soon."
I was trying my best not to cry and it was hard to focus on anything else.
"So someone's birthday is coming up!" I randomly bring up to brighten things up. "What would you want me to get you for your birthday?"
Her eyes lit up some more. "Oh dear. My birthday already? Time flies indeed. You don't have to get me anything love. But do make sure Beca will make it. Maybe you two can just sing me a song instead. Remind her of the promise she made."
I choked on my food and grabbed my glass of water. "What promise and when exactly did she make this promise?"
My Grammy thought about it. "I'm not too sure. Maybe a few weeks ago? Oh what's the deal. I'm actually surprised she's not yet home and here with you. I'm assuming still on tour? I think she said she'll be another one or two weeks."
I sighed. To be honest it broke my Grammy's heart when I told her we have broken up. I didn't even know until later that Beca had called Grammy too to let her know and to confirm that we were over.
But wait a minute. I froze at the realisation.
"Grammy what do you mean she told you she was going to be back from tour in a week or two?"
"What about it? We talk every now and again."
"You and Beca?" I looked at her in disbelief.
"Come on Chlobear, it's just me. Surely you can share Beca with me."
I kept waiting for her to say she was just kidding and take back what she said. That this was just a memory strayed from years ago but no such punch line came. Instead Grammy reached for my hand.
"You will be fine. It's only normal you miss her. I'm sure she misses you too. Come to think about it, I know what I really want for my birthday. I want my Chlobear to be happy. You deserve all the love and happiness this world can offer. Be selfish for once."
I blinked back the tears and gently launched myself at Grammy. "I am happy. I promise."
"Now now love. I didn't mean to make you cry. But seriously, make sure Beca is there. I don't want you sulking all weekend long on my birthday."