Like all FanFictions, I do not own Harry Potter nor any of the easter eggs you may or may not find in here. The characters that are my own are...my own. Any likeness to anyone real is unintentional etc etc etc. Hopefully you enjoy it. It was just a random Crack!fic idea I had of a Hufflepuff adopting a wayward group of firsties. I may right more, but as of now it's a one shot. Any mistakes are my own, and I tried to keep it timeline/canon compliant (for the most part). Enjoy!
Natasha Olchevskaya was a Hufflepuff. A fifth year Hufflepuff to be precise. She was to Professor Sprout, a troublemaker of the most frustrating kind. She was a kind, cheerful, and playful student. She had O's and E's across the board and Flitwick often lamented he'd missed out on an opportunity for a brilliant Chaser. No, her troublemaking lay in her split-second decision making when approached with simple problems. It wasn't the split-second that was the problem, it was the absolutely ridiculous solutions to the problem which kept Professor Sprout well stocked with headache potions. It was one of these which turned Hogwarts upside down for a number of years.
It was the evening after the opening feast at Hogwarts. Natasha was whistling as she wandered jauntily, trying to stretch her legs in anticipation of the first day of classes. She glanced at her pocket watch, curfew was nearing. She continued on, rounding the corner before halting abruptly outside the Ravenclaw common room. It appeared all of the first years had gathered by the entrance, trying to get inside.
"Hello little Ravens!" She exclaimed cheerily, her Russian-Irish accent causing looks of confusion amongst the little first years. She grinned at the six owlish eyes blinking up at her six foot frame.
"Having a little trouble with the riddle are we?" The firsties nodded frantically, one boy looked close to tears.
"W-we said the answer bu-but he's s'not letting us in." The tearful boy stuttered out. Another little Raven, pulled him into her side, a determined glint written on her face as she encouraged him, "Don't you worry Anthony, we'll figure this out, we just have to stick together!"
Natasha cooed internally at the sight. A Hufflepuff Raven with the bravery of a Lion. Adorable. She'd go far.
"Well, I may be a 'Puff but we've got brains of our own. What's the riddle then?" She turned to the knocker, which, despite being made of metal, sniffed imperiously, refusing to answer her. She turned to the little ravens – little of course being relative, she was six feet and still growing, they were all regular sized eleven year old's, in her mind, very small humans.
"Right. Do you know the Riddle rule? Mind you it's a personal one." The six Ravens shook their heads, eager to learn.
"Fuck dem riddles!"
The first years jumped, blushing at the use of the curse, the knocker protesting, "Now see here!"
"Other than the fact that it's downright stupid to have to answer a riddle every time you need to get something for class you've forgotten or shower after a long day, and ignoring the fact that the only reason this ponce won't give me – someone who is NOT a member of your house – the riddle, is because I've answered all of them correctly. Essentially useless piece of protection."
The eyes of the first years grew wider and wider with every word, glancing at each other at the end.
"We could give you the riddle." A shy girl with massive glasses whispered from the back of their flock.
"Then I am afraid I must change the riddle." The knocked said, voice uncomfortable.
Natasha rolled her eyes. The young Ravens looked terrified, tired, and close to tears. She made a snap decision.
"Right you lot, follow me. You can crash with me in the Den." She said, smiling warmly, ushering them away from the protesting knocker. The first years looked (understandably) confused, but were relieved.
"Now can I get some names? I'm Natasha. I play Quidditch, I want to be a magical explorer and Nando's is the right best buggering place in the world." Clearly swearing around the impressionable youth of the wizarding world was not a concern for her. The Huffleclaw Lion spoke up, responding like a recruit at boot camp. The only thing missing were the ma'am's.
"My name is Natalie! I don't know Quidditch! I want to be...um A TIGER WRANGLER! I think Hogwarts is the best buggering place in the world!" Natasha grinned and reached to ruffle her hair.
"Right good introduction there little Nat. Love the enthusiasm! I'll let you know if I find any tigers on my travels." Natalie beamed. The tearful boy, now looking more hopeful raised his hand.
"Can I go next?"
"Course you can! No need to raise your hand there lad."
"Um...I am Anthony, but I want to be called something else. Uh, my mum plays Quidditch, and I want to be an assistant tiger wrangler? Oh! And my favorite place is Dover." He stumbled over his words, cheeks flushed as he kept glancing at the determined face of Natalie. Natasha stroked her chin.
"Right, how does Tony sound"
Anthony nodded vigorously. They'd reached the stairs now.
"Alright you lot, watch your step on the tenth one, it likes to vanish. Who's next?" The girl with the massive glasses shyly looked up from her place in front of Natasha as the steps moved slowly, as if understanding the nervousness of the first years.
"I'm Patricia, m-my favorite sport is Quidditch but I like football. I want to make spells, and the best, bugge- the best place is um with my mum after a match."
"My name is Richie! I love swimming! I want to fight off dragons! The best buggering place is Gringotts because they have rollercoasters!"
"I'm Niamh, I don't want a nickname, I want to be a Magizoologist. I don't like Quidditch, I think bugs are scary."
"I'm Gregory. I've never seen a match. Do the balls hit the crowd? I want to be a teacher and I think bugs can be cool."
Natasha's smile grew wider with each introduction as she carefully escorted them further into the depths of the school, heart swelling with 'Puff pride as her little Ravens – and really they were hers now – nodded at each introduction, listening keenly. They were adorable. They all turned to her as one at Gregory's introduction. She stopped, they were outside the kitchens. She tilting her head to one side. They clustered around her.
"Right, Gregory-"
"I wanna be Greg! Dad never lets me shorten my name!" Natasha blinked owlishly, nodded and ruffled his hair.
"Right, anyone else have a preference?" Richie and Natalie raised their hands.
"I want to stay Richie." Natalie nodded in alongside him.
"I just want to be Nat."
"I want to be called Patricia."
"Alright then you lot-
"I want to be Gabriel!" The last one came from Anthony. She looked at him for a long moment, bobbed her head and tickled the pear. The painting swung open.
"Welcome to the kitchens my little Ravens!"
"I'm not little!" The mumbled protest came from Niamh, but they followed her inside. The house elves were working cheerfully, tidying up the kitchen as Natasha's ragtag flock wandered inside with curious caution. Each group froze at the sight of each other.
"Little Ravens, these are the kitchens! All you have to do is tickle the pear for access. These lovely Beings are House Elves. They take care of the castle, do your laundry, and ensure all your little tummy's are full at meals and can even bring you snacks in between if you ask politely."
Several of the House Elves looked close to tears, and were smiling brightly at Natasha.
"Miss Tasha is too kind! So kind! Is the little ones hungry? Did they not eats enough at the feast?" One House Elf spoke, going from adoration to horror at the thought of the 'little ones' – who were quietly grumbling and blushing about not being little – going hungry.
"I'm sure they ate Poppy, but I need some snacks to tide them over and some Pajama's. The Knocker is being a right ponce, and there's no way I'm leaving this little flock in the halls at night. A few school kits and some bunk beds in the den for them would also be helpful." The House Elves sprang into action, whipping up a massive basket of food, sliced fruits, wrapped sandwiches, thermoses of hot chocolate all while others popped in and out. In less than thirty seconds they had a basket of food, each first year was handed their school bags, and Poppy informed them the den had been set up and they were sent on their way.
In less than ten minutes, Natasha led them through winding halls, and through the entrance to the Hufflepuff dorms. Of course, she made sure each one of them knew the knock before leading them all inside.
The common room was half full with 'Puffs lounging around, joking, and generally relaxing. Natasha got several waves, many chuckles, and the amused shaking of heads from the entire room. The little Ravens were greeted by everyone with either a quick hello, a wave or a formal introduction. By the time Natasha led them to her room, almost every single 'Puff save two Prefects and the first years (who were off on a "bonding adventure") had met the new Ravens.
There were gasps as they entered Natasha's dorm. She had a four poster bed (of course) but had transformed it to be large enough for "lounging with a lion" (and wasn't that an adventure). There were three sets of bunkbeds, each with its own chest of drawers. Their trunks sat at the foot of the beds. The six scrambled to claim one, with three looking distinctly more comfortable on the ground. Natasha checked her pocket watch once more.
"Right you lot there's a few bathrooms behind that second door there, wash up, change into your pajamas, and we'll do a few games and stories before bed.
There was another mad dash and a few bumps, but nothing for Natasha to sort out. She took their distraction and began to prep the room with a pillow fortress. It paid to befriend the House Elves.
In the meantime the fifth year Ravenclaw prefects were beginning to panic. Stephanie Rothschilde was berating her partner. He'd sent the young Ravens ahead while he went to speak with Sinastra about transferring into her more advanced class. The young Ravens had apparently (according to the irate knocker) been trying to solve the riddle for half an hour. This was all she could get out of him before he refused to speak with her after she'd asked why he didn't offer a different riddle or fetch an older year from inside. Apparently too many students had been belligerent that day and he didn't feel like giving out information.
"I don't care Tristan! Grab the rest of the prefects and find the Head Girl! I'm going to get Professor Flitwick." Tristan sprinted back into the castle, knowing where at least two of the prefects were.
Stephanie took a deep breath, smoothed her robes and moved down the hall to Flitwick's office. Flitwick was rather amused at first, summoning the rest of the prefects and the Head Students with a wave of his wand before sending them out to search the castle. Two hours later, and with no luck, he was far less amused.
"Tristan Pennyworth, with me, we're going to the headmaster. The rest of you continue searching. Ms. Rothschilde please go to the kitchens with Mr. Aberdeen to see if the House Elves know where the children are." They disbursed quickly.
It should be noted that Mr. Aberdeen was a right git when his sleep was interrupted, and he had a habit of vocalizing his irritations at a low mumble. House Elves have excellent hearing, it makes them incredibly efficient. So while Stephanie is kind, gentle, (if incredibly panicked) while she asks Poppy about their missing Ravens, Mr. Aberdeen's low mumble of "brats messing with my sleep schedule" caught the attention of every Elf. House Elves, like most magical sentient species valued children. A potential threat to the kind little children Ms. Tasha had brought by, and the potential threat to Ms. Tasha was not taken to kindly. Poppy gave Stephanie no information. The House Elves wouldn't stop glaring at Aberdeen.
Stephanie didn't notice the glares, (though Mr. Aberdeen certainly did), and left dejectedly while Aberdeen wouldn't stop glancing around in terror. Angering a House Elf was supposed to be incredibly difficult to do, and no one with half a brain wanted to be on their bad side. Unfortunately for Aberdeen, his intelligence was of no use in this scenario and he would find himself under the watchful eye of the entire House Elf population.
By midnight, all of the faculty and staff had been recruited to search for the lost Ravens. The Head Boy and Head Girl joined them along with the Ravenclaw prefects. Two hours later, the students were sent to bed, and McGonagall had called the Aurors.
That same morning, Natasha woke with a sleepy yawn, trudging into the bathroom for a shower. By the time she exited, hair in a towel (sometimes it was nice to do things without magic), comfortable muggle clothes on (it was a Sunday after all). All six of her Ravens were stumbling out of bed, hair askew, tidying up their trunks. They'd stayed up a little late and Natasha let them raid her chocolate stash. All were half dressed and looked up in sleepy excitement at the sight of her.
"Hello chicklets. Why don't we head to breakfast. Then I'll take you on a tour of Hogwarts alright?"
"But we're not dressed." Gabriel protested. Natasha blinked slowly at him, taking in their attire once more.
"Right. Dress however you like and we'll leave momentarily. Don't worry about hair, I know a Griff who knows some amazing charms." The six first years needed no more and they grabbed what they needed and dashed to the bathroom to change. Natasha marveled at Hogwarts' ability to create new spaces at the sound of six doors slamming at once.
Ten minutes later all of her Ravens, freshly scrubbed if their damp collars were any indication, and Natasha was leading them out of the den and through the halls. By the time they made it to the great hall, all six had asked a dozen questions each and were excitedly chattering to each other about classes, magical creatures, and arguing over who knew most obscure Quidditch rules. The Great Hall was mostly empty and no one was at the Ravenclaw table except a few third years.
Natasha took them on a detour to the Gryffindor table dropping the kiss on the head of her girlfriend, one Isabel Johnson, older sister to Angelina Johnson, though the young girl had yet to enter the school. If Natasha remembered correctly, Angelina wouldn't enter for another two years. The Ravens watched with wide eyes, several blushing. Isabel tugged Natasha to sit behind her and beckoned each Ravenclaw forward to fix their rumpled hair.
"This is my girlfriend Isabel-"
"That's like my mum's name!" Gabriel exclaimed in excitement as Isabel tamed his dark mane. Natasha chortled and popped him gently on the head.
"That's a fun coincidence then eh lad?" He blushed and she continued, smiling brightly at him, "this is Isabel Johnson, my girlfriend. Isabel, meet my little flock."
"Is there a reason you've got a flock of baby Ravens in tow Nat?" Isabel asked, amused as she worked Patricia's long blonde hair into a "Viking braid of death" per Natalie's suggestion.
"It's not my fault they're small adorable humans who's door guardian wouldn't let me help them."
"Well let's get them fed then."
With exclamations of joy, Natasha led her flock to the Hufflepuff table, girlfriend in tow. She made sure to seat them three on each side, Natasha with her back to the door, Isabel opposite her, little Raven's on either side.
"All we need is a few Slytherins to complete the set." Natasha joked, passing plates of food to each of the first years. Isabel rolled her eyes as she poured water for the firsties.
"You already have the adoration of the third years, after that stunt you pulled last year."
All six heads snapped to Natasha, who was blushing sheepishly, each of them clamoring for a story.
"But the Slytherins are scary." Greg whispered. Natasha laughed and began to tell them how she won the admiration of how she managed to gain a fan club.
"It all starts with Malicious Compliance..."
Meanwhile in Dumbledore's office, he was getting the bollocking of his life. Madame Bones was not pleased Dumbledore had not only managed to lose six first years somewhere in the castle, or worse, in the Forest, but he'd not been the one to call her. McGonagall held the most pinched expression he'd seen in his life, and Flitwick and Sprout were not far behind. Snape was not in the meeting, because he was still dealing with the aftermath of two, potentially three years of Slytherins who were obsessed with Malicious Compliance. He was already handling howlers. Madame Pomfrey was not pleased.
"It's been twelve hours Dumbledore! Twelve! And you didn't even have the responsibility to call my Aurors! Can you explain why your Deputy had to summon me, after you insisted the teachers, and eight students would be enough to find children in a massive castle, or Merlin forbid, the Forbidden Forest?" Bones demanded, voice icy. She was flanked by two Aurors.
"I'm sending two additional squads to the forest and another the help with the castle. One more piece of interference and I'll bring you before the Wizengamot and you explain to Lady Griffiths why her eldest child is missing? What about Harvey Ridgebit? He may be dead, but his son continues his work on the reserve he founded in Romania, do you really think losing the grandson of the greatest Dragonologist in the last century is going to help the relationship we've been cultivating with Romania! Not to mention the Lewis and Marquis clans! They may not be of wizarding blood, but they will have our heads Albus!" With each leveled accusation, Dumbledore seemed to shrink deeper into his gilded chair. Bones had barely finished before a jackal Patronus burst through the door. A smooth calm voice emanated from it.
"Madame Bones. The centaurs have not agreed to help, citing Saturn. We have found no traces in the children so far into our search, however we have come across a massive Acromantula nest. I am requesting permission to summon Mathilda Grimblehawk to negotiate with them if at all possible. We await your orders and will only attack if threatened. Fox out."
Madame Bones turned to Albus, her face tight with rage. He'd internally groaned when this Fox Auror had mentioned the Acromantula nest. He'd been hoping they wouldn't go in this far. Amelia's voice was ice cold.
"Albus. Care to explain why there is a nest of class five giant magical spiders who are in NO way native to Scotland in a forest on the school grounds?" She demanded. Dumbledore's mind raced, searching for a...reasonable excuse.
Down in the great hall Natasha had just finished coaxing some stories out of her recalcitrant girlfriend (how she didn't end up in Slytherin was beyond the Hufflepuff) when the Ravenclaw's finally began to trudge in. The rest of the hall was half full and had been fluctuating throughout the morning. Isabel frowned as she popped a forkful of eggs into her mouth. The prefects were all exhausted.
"Darling?" She asked.
"Yes poppet?" Natasha murmured, absently helping Niamh peel an orange while the Niamh used the peels to build a surprisingly accurate replica of the den. Isabel took a moment to enjoy the sight of the flock all enjoying their breakfast. Natasha still hadn't noticed her owl nestled in the dark locks of hair braided and coiled neatly at the nape of her neck.
"Did you happen to do anything to the Ravenclaw knocker that would...adversely affect the prefects?" Natasha looked up, confused. Isabel tilted her head towards the Ravenclaw table, one of prefects was actually face first in a bowl of oatmeal. Another had caught sight of Natasha and immediately sprinted out of the hall. She turned back around.
"I didn't do anything to that ponce."
"Natasha! Language."
"English."
Isabel gave Natasha a light glare. It was entirely ineffective, and both Natalie and Gabriel giggled to themselves. Niamh took this opportunity to ask a question.
"Tasha, do you have a nickname?" Natasha gave a wicked grin.
"Well Isabel likes to call me-"
"Don't you dare!" Isabel protested.
Amelia Bones was in almost to the entrance hall, having sent a Patronus for Mathilda when a Ravenclaw prefect, Rothschilde's girl if she wasn't mistaken, came barreling towards them.
"Professor Flitwick- great hall- ravens" She panted out before sprinting away, leading the four to the great hall. The entered, barreling past the students. Flitwick was hot on her heels, sprinting like a goblin possessed. Rothschilde pointed to the Hufflepuff table where a Hufflepuff sat with all six missing Ravenclaw's and a Gryffindor. The Gryffindor in question immediately locked eyes with Madame Bones, looking confused. Pomona groaned behind her. Amelia turned.
"Of course it's Natasha." Pomona whimpered, rubbing her temples in anticipation of a massive migraine. The five of them marched to the table. Amelia wanted a damned explanation.
"Excuse me." She said, voice tightly controlled. The young woman turned and Amelia wanted to reel back at the familiar face.
"Hello Madame Bones! How can I help you today?" She was cheery and not concerned in the slightest.
"Would you please care to explain why you are in the company of the six first year Ravenclaw's?" Amelia's voice was practically frosty. Natasha was certain she could see frost emanating from her mouth.
"We're having breakfast." Was the confident slightly confused answer she received from the fifth year.
"Ms...?"
"Olchevskaya." Natasha provided. Amelia nodded, she'd hoped her family moved back. She didn't need more insanity from the family.
"Ms. Olchevskaya, are you aware that the entire castle has been in an uproar trying to find these six Ravenclaw's when one of the prefects learned they'd never made it past the knocker?"
Natasha looked unconcerned, blinking in the face of the head of the DMLE. She shrugged.
"It hardly could've been the entire castle in an uproar seeing as no one contacted the other house prefects." At this Amelia turned to the three heads, Natasha continued blithely, "Doesn't Hogwarts have some sort of mystical ward thing that lets the headmaster know when students wander off school grounds after curfew?" She mused, peeling yet another orange for Niamh.
"It was dismantled in 1903 because Dippet got tired of waking up every time students snuck out of Hogwarts." Patricia said quietly, blushing when the attention shifted to her. Isabel stroked her hair soothingly, allowing the girl to relax.
"Huh, good to know Patricia. We'll be sure to use that when I take you ducks on our first bonding trip." Natasha said, whipping out her quill and parchment to scratch a few notes.
"Minerva, discipline this one as you see fit, I'm headed to the forest where things make sense." And with that, Amelia Bones marched off to deal with giant spiders. Natasha was too busy writing to protest, but her little ravens did it for her, loudly and with many accidental puppy dog eyes.
"Ms. Olchevskaya, where were my ravens sleeping this past evening?" Flitwick asked with a frustrated sigh.
"In the den with me of course." She frowned, "I'm not going to leave six innocent little-"
"We're not little."
"Sorry Niamh, six innocent not little firsties out on their lonesome so close to curfew. What if the Nargles had come for them?" This led to groans from faculty and cries of shock from the firsties, who were now desperately trying to cling to Isabel and Natasha. Isabel scowled at her girlfriend, who was grinning unrepentantly.
"Natasha, you and I both know Nargles do not patrol the school halls." The Ravens relaxed.
"A months detention for not informing me my ravens were trapped outside the dorm." Flitwick growled out. It was rather intimidating for the first years and they shrank back from the normally affable professor. He flinched and knew he'd made a mistake. Natalie puffed up, yes, she certainly was the lion of the bunch.
"We're not your Ravens! We're Tasha's!" She practically shouted. If the entire hall hadn't been paying attention up to this point, they certainly were now. Isabel rubbed Natalie's back, the girl was rightly worked up. Flitwick tried to backtrack.
"Ms. Lewis, I apologize. However, Ms. Olchevskaya should have let either myself, Professor Sprout, or at minimum one of your prefects, know that she'd found you. It was not her responsibility to take you. Happy though we are that you were safe with her, she should have contacted one of us."
This apparently did not please any of the children, they were a smidge confused, but they were sorted into Ravenclaw for a reason.
"But the knocker knew!" Gabriel protested.
"Yeah! And he was being mean! He said he couldn't help us 'cause Tasha was there!" Richie added.
"And all Tasha did was be really good at riddles. He's just being prejuiced!" Gregory shouted. Niamh whispered across the table to him. He nodded and turned back to Flitwick.
"I mean, he's being prejudicial!"
Pomona had to stifle a giggle. Flitwick hadn't witness what chaos Natasha injected into Slytherin last spring and was thusly unprepared for anything large scale the girl would do.
"That is all well and good but-"
"Tristan left us alone!" Greg interjected.
"I thought Ravenclaw's looked out for each other." Nimah said sadly.
"The Hufflepuff's were really nice."
"Natasha got us bunkbeds."
"And she got Isabel to give me Valkyrie hair!"
"It's not her fault nobody asked Hufflepuff." Interjected Richie. His worry for Natasha getting in trouble faded to sadness.
"Did you not care enough about us to ask the other houses for help?"
The blood drained from the faces of the three heads, Flitwick in particular. Natasha immediately pulled Richie close, cooing to him as she tugged him up into her lap.
"Now Richie, Professor Flitwick does indeed care for his house. However sometimes wizards are just plain stupid." At this point the heads protested, but a fierce glare from Isabel halted any response. She continued, "Sometimes we make poor decisions in the face of stress. Even Ravenclaws can be a bit dim."
"Even us?" Patricia asked quietly.
"Even you. Though with me and Isabel, we'll make sure it doesn't happen too often." She replied with an exaggerate wink. She hefted up Richie and with a wave of her wand, removed any spilled food from their robes and faces.
"Come along now little ducks, we've got some exploring to do! There's a whole abandoned section I haven't explored yet!" She strode out the hall with her line of Ravens, ducks really considering how the toddled after her, in tow, her statuesque girlfriend following along. Isabel turned to give a cheeky wink.
"Flilius, I do believe you've been outsmarted by one of my 'Puffs." Pomona chortled.
"Don't forget about my Lion. Though why Ms. Johnson wasn't sorted into Slytherin is beyond my understanding."
Filius just stared blankly, wondering how he'd been subverted so easily.
"Well at least nothing else will disturb the year." He said quickly. Minerva and Pomona gave him looks of abject horror before they moved rapidly off. Minvera's robes billowed behind her as she rattled off instructions to her colleague.
"I'll contact Poppy about re-stocking the hospital wing. You go write to the Board of Governors. Why did he have to jinx us?" Minerva groaned.
This was the start of a hellish three years. A pity Minerva wouldn't get a break until she retired. Those first years would be sure to continue the legacy of Natasha Olchevskaya, Badger of Chaos.