If I could only do it again

by jacksc01

So in Season 5, Episode 16, Alex blasted into Kara like always when she is intoxicated and angry - this time about her father and going to his funeral...but what if she was faced with the fact that she might never get the chance to say I'm sorry to Kara. Note: In this story Kelly is aware that Kara is SuperGirl.

"If I could only do it again"

GENERAL COPYRIGHT/DISCLAIMER:
SuperGirl/Kara, Alex, J'onn, Nia, Brainy, Kelly and all other characters who have appeared in the series SuperGirl, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of the CW. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author except where indicated (see footnote 1 for details). This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.

MILD VIOLENCE WARNING/DISCLAIMER:
This story depicts scenes of violence and/or their aftermath. Readers who are disturbed by or sensitive to this type of depiction may wish to read something other than this story.

HURT/COMFORT WARNING/DISCLAIMER:
This story may be best classified as a Hurt/Comfort Story involving the characters SuperGirl/Kara, Alex, J'onn, Nia, Brainy, Kelly and other characters from the TV show. Readers who are disturbed by or sensitive to this type of issue may wish to read something other than this story.

Description: So in Season 5, episode 16, Alex blasted into Kara like always when she is intoxicated and angry – this time about her father and going to his funeral….but what if she was faced with the fact that she might never get the chance to say I'm sorry to Kara.

(Note: in this story Kelly is aware that Kara is SuperGirl).

Fiction K+

IMPORTANT NOTE:

1The conversation below, in italicized bold, was taken verbatim from Episode 16 "Alex in Wonderland" Film Sections 1:12-3:24

"SuperGirl we could really use your help with this one – he's in the city and aiming to kill as many people as he can." "Can't Brainy I have to meet Alex – we need to make the arrangements to go up to Midvale and help Eliza with Jeremiah's funeral arrangements."

"Okay then Nia maybe you would like to come with me?" Nia holding back excitement finally answered "yes –I've been waiting to practice my powers on another alien." SuperGirl turned – "Wait a minute Brainy – didn't you say this was a Mercotian?" "I did, that is why I needed your help but I think Nia and I can do the job."

"Okay guys I am not going to let you go up against this one by yourselves – let's make this quick Brainy." "I knew you would change your mind." "Okay Brainy, I'll go in first, then You, Nia and your men can deliver him back to the DEO cell he belongs in."

As Kara arrived in the city she landed by the Mercotian who was a little taller than her with human looks and features – the only thing that really gave him away was that one eye was green and the other eye was brown. Mercotians were also known for their strength and ability to find the weak spot in an opponent and use it against them. The Mercotian looked SuperGirl up and down sizing up his opponent.

"SuperGirl – the female Kryptonian wonder herself…I am honored to fight such a worthy opponent – I was hoping you would be the one to come." "You could just give yourself up – would make my life a bit easier, after all, I have another appointment to make. " The Mercotian just laughed which irritated SuperGirl even more.

"Okay since you think this is so funny why don't we just get this over with." "My pleasure SuperGirl – but before we do – you should know that many of us know that the Girl of Steel does have a weakness." SuperGirl looked at the Mercotian thinking that he might have Kryptonite somewhere near him but she didn't see any and besides Superman had flown the last of the Kryptonite out of the DEO when J'onn was still in charge.

SuperGirl for a split second turned in the direction of the sirens of the DEO cars as they approached closer, the alien used SuperGirl's lack of attention to quickly approach her. SuperGirl felt a sudden blunt pain as the Mercotian drove a kryptonite knife right into her left side.

Kara screamed in pain but managed to get a hold on the alien's left leg and pull it out from under him. Once the Mercotian was flat on the ground SuperGirl delivered two right punches which effected the Mercotian long enough for the DEO to finish the job with a tranquilizer dart rendering the Mercotian unconscious.

As Brainy approached to thank SuperGirl he quickly notice the pain on Kara's face and ran over to hold her as she dropped to the ground on her knees. Nia ran over. "Supergirl what….what happened…is that knife made of kryptonite…I thought you said there was no more kryptonite around here….what …..what can I do?" "First you can calm down, I need either you or Brainy to pull the knife out as straight as you can so that it leaves no pieces of kryptonite in the wound….it's the only way it will heal."

Nia knelt on the ground next to SuperGirl. "Okay, tell me what you need me to do." "I need you to wrap your hand around the handle of the knife and in one continuous motion pull the knife out in a straight path." "Around the handle like this?" "Yeah, like that….now pull it …..pull it straight out."

Nia nervously started mumbling a prayer to herself while Brainy knelt down in back of SuperGirl to hold her up. Brainy looked at Nia – "let's do it on the count of three….you ready?" Nia nodded nervously. Brainy continued, "okay one…..two…three… pull…pull straighter – don't stop… pull until you pull it out." SuperGirl tried her best not to make a sound but that was impossible and the scream came out loud and clear – fortunately by then the DEO officers had cleared the crowd away.

Tears streamed down Nia's face, "I am so sorry Kara, I didn't mean to hurt you….I'm sorry." Kara held her hand over the bleeding wound…."you didn't do anything wrong….it just hurts."

Brainy helped SuperGirl stand, "let's get you back to the DEO and take care of that wound". SuperGirl quickly glanced at her watch, "No time to get back to the DEO, I promised J'onn I'd meet him at my apartment and from there we would go to get Alex. Just get me some gauze out of the med kit in the car and I can wrap it – with the sun out, it should heal on the way over to Alex."

Nia looked concerned, "Kara if that is what you want to do then I think I should go with you – right now you are looking pretty pale." Kara just nodded her head no and then took the gauze that Brainy handed her. "Nia, if I take you with me then Jonn will know something is wrong. Don't worry I've been dealing with kryptonite for years and one stab wound is not going to do what numerous previous attempts of Kryptonite failed to do." Kara did her best to deliver a smile to both Nia and Brainy but the pain was evident in her face. "Remember guys – no need to mention this to Alex or J'onn. It should be healed by the time I get to them."

Arriving at J'onn's door, Kara still felt severe pain in her side, removing the gauze she was surprised to see that the wound had not healed and was seeping blood. Kara quickly covered the wound and knocked on the door. As J'onn opened the door the first thing that struck him was how pale Kara looked.

"Kara, you okay?" "Yes why do you ask?" J'onn eyed Kara - "is there something you care to tell me." "No " Kara said in as strong a voice that she could muster– "no J'onn, I was just up all night worrying about Eliza and thinking about Jeremiah and Alex and I didn't get much sleep." Jonn again looked at Kara…. "Okay let's get over to your sister's apartment."

As Kara entered the apartment the first thing she saw in Alex's hand was a glass filled with an alcoholic beverage….(hmmmm, most likely wine" Kara thought to herself. 1"'I'm not going.' Alex said in an elevated intoxicated voice. 'What do you mean you're not going?' Kara asked in surprise. 'I'm not going and you can spare me the big accusing eyes Kara, I'm not going.' 'Excuse me Alex, I don't understand you were with me last night when I made the arrangements'. 'I know I never said that I was participating.'

'I know you're in pain.' 'I'm not in pain.' 'Of course you are.' 'Ok just stop telling me how I feel.' 'Okay then you tell me how you feel. Tell me why you're refusing to go to your father's funeral.' 'Because I don't feel the need to bury a man who has been dead to me for years.'

'Jeremiah was changing his ways – he was helping people, he was making amends' 'Well not to me.' 'He had to live in secrecy for his safety.' 'Right.' 'After leaving Cadmus did you think he was just going to be able to call us whenever he felt like it.' 'I am the one who held out hope for him I am the one who said that he was good and that Cadmus was forcing him to kill people' 'and he helped you escape.' 'and then disappeared again just like that.'

'He is still your father. You should be at his burial.' 'The man that I loved hasn't been a father to me in years and yes, yes we were so close we could finish each other's sentences. But obsession with keeping you safe changed all of it – nothing else mattered – least of all me.' 'That's not true.' 'C'mon Kara he treated you like you were some golden girl…of course you have love for him and I totally respect that but he treated me like I wasn't even worth his time.'

'Okay, so what do you want me to tell Eliza?' 'I don't care.' 'You don't care what I tell our grieving mother?' 'I spent my entire life protecting this whole family and will not do it again.' 'I'm not dealing with this.' Kara stated and turned to go."

Suddenly Kara let out a low scream and grabbed her side as she fell to her knees. "Kara… Kara!" In a flash Alex dropped her wine glass and ran over to her sister's side. "Alex – pain…hurts" "Kara what hurts?' "Hurts Alex…hurts…my side hurts… it's the knife wound from earlier today" "I knew she looked pale when she knocked at my door earlier" J'onn stated in a worried voice.

Kelly started rubbing Kara's back gently to calm her down. Alex was facing her sister who was on her knees due to the inability to stand. "Listen Kara, you've got to let me look at the wound, okay?" "…kay" "First I need to lay you down flat. Let's get you flat on the floor." "Can't Alex it hurts too much to lay flat." "Trust me Kara, you have to trust me, you have to lay flat for me to look at it."

Kara nodded her head and let J'onn and Kelly lay her down flat. Alex bent over Kara, "okay I'm going to lift your shirt to take a look at the wound." Kara just shook her head. Alex was surprised to see a bleeding wound that was swollen and the skin red.

"Kara – how did you get this?" "Fighting a Marcotian earlier….he had a …ahhh, he had a knife a kryptonite knife – Nia pulled it out for me…it should have been healed by now." Alex took a closer look – "there is still kryptonite in the wound, I can see it….let me think …let me think, okay J'onn I don't want to move her until that kryptonite that I see comes out. I don't want to take the chance of it embedding itself even further.

I need you to find Brainy at the DEO, I'll call ahead for things that I need and you can bring them back as fast as you can….listen Kara, you got to stay with me until we get this out, I'll ask Brainy to include something to ease the pain." "I'm so sorry Alex." "You don't need to apologize Kara…..Kara?" "She's lost consciousness Alex", Kelly stated as she kept hold of Kara's hand.

"She'll be okay won't she Alex?" "I don't know and if I don't get all the kryptonite out, the wound can be fatal. I'm so STUPID! I can't believe I said the things I said to her when I know it's not true. Every time I get angry, Kara becomes the person I vent on." "I'm sure Kara knows you didn't mean it Alex." "Yeah Kelly but what if she doesn't make it – my very last words to my sister weren't even true, they were mean and vicious. Kelly what if I never get to tell her how sorry I am." "She'll be okay Alex, you said the sun would heal her if you get all the kryptonite out." "..Yeah, if…"

Alex picked up her phone and dialed Brainy and described the items she needed which Brainy quickly gathered and gave to J'onn. As Alex waited for J'onn to return she kept rubbing Kara's other hand. Alex saw Kara slowly becoming conscious again but her eyes remained close and her voice a whisper.

"What is it Kara, what are you trying to say?" "I….I'm sorry Alex, I never meant to hurt you ….I'm sorry I ruined your life…..better…better if I had died in that pod" "No Kara, I'm the one that should be telling you that I'm sorry, none of what I said was true…you are just the one person I know I can lose my temper at without you holding a grudge.

Plus I know your weakness is family and you thinking you played a part in splitting it up. My comments would lead you to believe that you are the reason….but I was wrong….I am so sorry Kara…I won't do it anymore, I promise, please just give me another chance Kara….Kara?" "She's out again Alex." Turning her attention back to Kara, she pulled a strand of hair away from her eyes and kissed her forehead. "I'm not going to let you die….I will get the chance to apologize to you…do you hear me Kara, you can't die on me….not like this."

Jonn stepped through the door, "how's our patient doing?" "Not so well Jonn, this wound is really swollen and infected. There must have also been some kind of dirt on the knife along with the knife being made out of kryptonite." "Here are the supplies you asked for on your list." "Thanks J'onn."

J'onn noticed tears in Alex's eyes. "Hey you okay?" "Yeah J'onn, I'm okay that's just the point….I'm okay….I say a bunch of mean vindictive things and I'm okay. Kara wouldn't hurt anyone and yet I keep doing the same thing over and over again…constantly using her weakness of family against her." J'onn laid his hand on Alex's shoulder "You know your sister is aware that you didn't mean what you said and that Kara doesn't hold a grudge." Kelly handed Alex a box of tissues, "wipe your eyes with these and let's clean out that wound….there will be plenty of time to tell Kara you're sorry when you're done."

"Kelly keep holding her hand so she knows that we are right here with her – I don't know how much she is feeling at this point and this will be painful. I don't want her to think she's alone" "John if you could rinse these tweezers in the alcohol that Brainy put in the pack that would be great." Alex went about washing her hands and then put plastic gloves on.

J'onn then handed the tweezers over to Alex. J'onn had filled the squeeze bottle up with water and handed it to Alex who gently rinsed the wound to get dirt and debris out. Next Alex took the tweezers and started the dig. Half way through what they were doing Kara became conscious and tried to get up and reach for her side; however the move was stopped by J'onn holding her shoulders down while Kelly prevented her hand from reaching over to the wounded area.

"Alex….what are you ahhhhhh, what are you doing, please stop….stop!" Alex stopped for a minute and took a tissue and wiped the sweat off of Kara's forehead. Kara kept taking deep breaths with tears streaming down her face. "Kara….Kara look at me, I have to get the kryptonite out of this wound and any dirt that might be in there. I'm almost done, just give me 10 more minutes hon and I'll be finished." "You promise Alex…..now is not the time to lie to me" Kara said with her eyes tightly closed shut.

"I wouldn't do that…I promise…you tell me when you're ready for me to start again." Kara just nodded her head and Alex placed the tweezers back into the wound. J'onn kept a tight hold on Kara's shoulders so she couldn't move while Kelly kept Kara from reaching over to touch the wound. "Okay Kara we're on the last piece of kryptonite to be removed, it's deep in the wound and embedded really good. I'm going to count to three and then I'm going to quickly go deep down into the wound and remove it."

At this point Kara didn't care she just wanted the pain to be over. She nodded her head and Alex began. Kara squeezed Kelly's hand some now controlling her strength enough not to do any damage to Kelly. As Alex went deeper the more tears Kara cried. As Alex grabbed hold of the piece, Kara gritted her teeth but the pain of the piece coming out was too much and Kara screamed.

"Okay Kara I know it hurts hon but all I have to do is flush the wound out with this antiseptic solution and stitch you up and put gauze on it." Kara laid there gritting her teeth with each stitch Alex sealed up the wound with. Gauze was then placed over it and it was done. "All done Kara" Alex said as she kissed Kara's forehead.

Ten minutes later J'onn answered a knock on the door and Brainy walked in with two lamps used at the DEO for SuperGirl. "I thought these lights might just help." "Brainy you are a genius and I love you for it." "Yes, well I do try to anticipate what a situation will need in order to be complete." J'onn smiled at Brainy…"help me place her on the sofa.

By the time Kara was placed on the sofa with a pillow under her head and a comforter that covered up to but not including the wound which Alex had removed the gauze since Brainy had brought the lights and she wanted the wound to have direct exposure. Kelly looked at Alex, "Will she be alright?" "Yes physically the wound should heal now and physically she will be okay - I just worry about her mentally the one part there are no operative tools to fix – the part that I keep breaking with my harsh words."

"Alex?" "Right here sis" "will we still be able to make the morning train to Midvale? I want to be there for mom and support her." "If your wound heals the way it should, I don't see any reason why we couldn't make the train tomorrow….except J'onn is going to drive us there while Brainy and Nia will take the train the morning of the funeral and arrive on time. How do you feel Kara?" "The wound feels better but still hurts and sore." "….and how do you feel mentally?" J'onn broke in, Brainy needs to leave to get back to the DEO and Kelly and I will go pick up a pizza….give you two time to talk." "Thanks John."

Alex pulled up a chair to the sofa and sat down. "Kara….we need to talk. I….I didn't mean those awful things I said to you. They weren't even true, I was just fishing for excuses not to go and those were created in my mind." "I know Alex, but your statements do have a bite to them." "I don't mean to hurt you Kara – I don't know why I come up with the things I do…..but I do know that I'm sorry."

"I know Alex." "No, let me finish. You're my baby sister and my life would be so very empty without you. I don't like to see you hurt mentally or physically and yet I did hurt you. If you forgive me Kara, which may take some time to do, I will promise that I will watch my words and feelings more carefully and not make up false lies to satisfy a deeper hurt inside of me that has nothing to do with you.

You're my sister and I love you." "I love you too Alex. I hate when we fight but those thoughts must reside in you for you to even come up with them." "No what I said to you was twisted, you are my sister and I will never hurt you again like I did today. Please forgive me?" "I've already forgiven you Alex – don't have a choice, I don't have another big sister so I'm stuck with you I guess." "How else can I prove to you that I'm sorry?" "A hug has always been good." "Alright, then a hug it is."