Basically, every time I look at you I wanna run away

Jim Kirk, Captain of the Enterprise, was not a 13-year-old with a crush. He didn't have time for one, always saving the world. He couldn't have one, not with his rank or his past. Most importantly, however, Jim Kirk didn't want one. He was fine to sit on the sidelines, or in someone's lap, watching his friends get paired off. He had never worked well with another person like that.

But he works so well with Spock.

Well, after some trial and error, but they worked through it. After three years in space with a man it would be difficult to not work like a well-oiled machine. There was a sense of rightness Jim felt with Spock at his side.

He knew it couldn't last.

Everything inside me tells me not to hang on the words you say

He wasn't surprised, not really, when he realized that Spock didn't lie in his report. Of course he didn't. And because Jim broke a rule or three and Spock was incapable of lying, they get separated.

Not that it lasted long. It must have been a sign from the universe, Jim thought, perversely. When Jim and his First save the world (again) it's no surprise that they get their titles back. They get their ship back, too.

Jim thinks, with just a little bit of hope, that maybe this could work.

I told myself I wouldn't fall again, not this way

They start playing chess again, at least once a week. They eat together for most meals. They both ate breakfast with Uhura and lunch with Bones. Dinner was usually just the two of them, sometimes in someone's quarters. They fall into a rhythm.

After dinner they would play chess or do reports together. Jim sometimes followed Spock to the labs, just to see how his science crew was doing, of course. Spock would accompany him (not follow) when he tinkered with Scotty or sparred with anyone that happened to be in the workout room.

It was calm, predictable. Nice, even.

Of course Kirk would mess it up.

In his defense, he didn't think it would do as much harm as it did. It was an innocent question, offer, or whatever you want to call it. He didn't think it through, of course. He never did. Four little words was all it took. "Wanna spar with me?"

In hindsight, Jim would tell anyone battling a massive, completely inappropriate crush on a co-worker (friend?) was a bad idea. Anyone who knows anything would tell you that it couldn't end well.

Especially when said crush was a touch telepath.

And three times stronger than you. And twice as fast.

"Are you sure that is wise, Captain?" Spock quirked an eyebrow. Because he isn't an idiot. Like Kirk.

"Yeah, I need a challenge. Unless you don't think you're up for it."

"I do not require you to taunt me in order to accept your proposition."

Yeah, okay. Fuck. When he put it like that, as if Kirk was offering something. It was too late to back out.

Both men took their spot opposite of each other on the mat. It started slow, both circling each other. Jim had seen how Spock fought before, but never when someone's life didn't depend on it. Spock had the upper hand of watching how Jim fought with others.

Soon they were trading blows, shirts and pants between their skin, coming together and apart again and again.

Spock caught Jim's leg with a hand and brought him down but not before Jim grabbed his shirt, effectively pulling Spock on top of him.

Because Jim is an idiot.

Several seconds of heavy breathing pass before Jim notices that Spock is on top of him, face flushed green and covered in sweat before Jim decides to do something about it. Namely, to get out of the situation.

He wrapped one leg around Spock's waist and used the other one to push him up and over. With his hands he pinned Spock's wrists to the mat, straddling the other man and shitfuckdumbass this is not at all better and it's too late because his hands are on his fucking uncovered wrists and now he knows shit-

Spock's eyes widen in understanding and Jim bolts.

He's a coward, he'll admit. Not when it comes to genocidal super-humans, no, but with emotions? Fuck yeah.

He's fucked up because now Spock knows. He knows and now there won't be any more easy conversation, no more dinners alone, no more lunch dates. He won't be allowed to follow Spock through the labs and he won't be there when he's working on the ship with Scotty. No more chess. Fuck.

At least he won't be alone, not all the time. He still has Bones. He'll just end up with more free time. More Jim-Kirk-alone-with-his-thoughts time because everyone knows that's a good idea and how will he explain to the Bones and Uhura what happened how will Spock explain it and to Scotty Spock wouldn't completely ignore him would he what if he wanted a transfer fuck shit -

A familiar knock at his door yanked him from his train of thought. "Captain? May I enter?"

Not the time not the time notthetime have't you already fucked up enough- "Sure, Spock."

His door opened (of course it did that's what it's supposed to do) and Spocked stepped in, looking slightly unsure of himself. He paused before Jim, who was sitting on the edge of his bed, doing his best to not run, not again and wow is he a fucking coward-

Spock stepped into Jim's space and lowered himself to his level. "If I may?" he asked and Jim nodded mutely, not knowing what he just gave him permission for.

Spock gently took Jim's slightly shaking hands into his own before continuing. "You have nothing to fear from me, Jim. Our relationship will not change, unless that is what you wish."

"How could it not?" Jim couldn't remember the last time he felt so small, so young, as he stared down at their intertwined hands and what does Spock mean nothing will change unless he wants it why would he want it to change its almost perfect and-

And Spock was kissing him.

And maybe, just maybe, Jim didn't mess up after all.

Basically, every time I look at you, you see me perfectly