My name is Saiki Kusuo, and I'm…

Ah, who am I kidding? You probably already know all the stuff about my powers. You just wanna get straight to the action, don't you?

Fine, fine, let's move on.

So, it all started at about 8:00 PM with me in my room, playing Alien Buster. Video games are one of the few ways I can really challenge myself, since a lot of games are immune to my powers. And then I noticed a snake outside the window.

Was it a snake? I thought to myself. The last time I had seen one was at the zoo, and back then I could hear it's thoughts. Snakes mostly think about food and what women look attractive. But this snake, I couldn't hear anything coming from its mind. At first, I thought it was a different species, but then I realized that this snake looked exactly like… ugh, can't believe I'm using that name… Murder Dragoram Snake. Looking back, I couldn't read that snake's mind either. I mean, it could be a different snake, but I'd have to use my psychometry to find out for sure.

My first instinct was to call my dad, before immediately remembering neither of us had the insanity to deal with psychic-proof animals.

I didn't get a lot of time to think before the snake burst right through the window.

On instinct, I summoned a bolt of yellow lightning to kill it, but it bounced harmlessly off the scales, and by that point I was starting to really freak out.

"Pyrokinesis!" The flames did nothing to stop the snake's approach towards me.

"Telekinesis!" The snake was sent flying backwards through the broken window. I mentally hurled a few shards of glass at it to make sure. But that was only the beginning of my problems.

Outside the window, a mature-looking woman stood up from where the snake had landed and glared at me.

"Ah, you're a lot stronger than I thought, huh?" She chuckled and brushed the broken glass off of her black leather outfit. "Well, let's see how you deal with this, huh? Dragon Breath!"

She swung her arm in a wide arc, sending a cloud of purple energy straight at me. Why was that called Dragon Breath if it was an arm attack?

I blocked it using a few books, before rushing towards her with a punch prepared.

Her eyes widened before I struck her with my Super Strength. She flew right out the window and off into the sky. Hey, since when could I use that level of violence in a comedy anime/manga?

This is bad. For whatever reason, this story's genre has changed into some kind of fantasy/action thriller.

And what's worse, that snake girl has powers and it looks like she wants to use them to hurt people. I went after her with my Levitation, and used Invisibility to make sure nobody noticed me.

It just so happened that she landed right into the roof of Kaidou's house, just before I got there.

"Restoration!" The pieces of the roof reconstructed themselves into their earlier state, just as I entered the house. And it just so happened to be Kaidou's room.

"Ugh… you'll be sorry!" The woman glared at me. Kaidou immediately shot straight up in his bed.

"Gah! What? Huh? Dark Reunion? Jet Black Wings! Saiki? What are you doing here? Who are you?"

The woman gasped and turned to him

"Who told you about Dark Reunion?"

What?

She noticed one of Kaidou's notebooks lying open on his desk and gasped again.

"You know about the Jet Black Wings too?"

What?

She grabbed the notebook, flipped through the pages, and almost fainted.

"You… you're the Jet Black Wings?!"

WHAT?!

Kaidou looked confused for a moment before jumping into character in the blink of an eye. He hopped out of bed and struck one of his poses.

"Yes, it would seem you have discovered my secret!" Since when was it a secret?

"Well, it's been a while, Jet Black Wings, but it looks like I'll finally have revenge on you!" What, is he your ex-boyfriend or something?

"Revenge?" Kaidou raised an eyebrow.

"Of course, you would not recognize me in this form!" she struck an equally ridiculous pose. "I am the Human Sorter, Dragorae Hasenek! The one you know as Murder Dragoram Snake!"

"What?"

"You were clever, defeating me back at that school. But I've returned after years of training, and I will defeat you, so the Dark Reunion shall rule this world forever! And besides that, this is personal!"

"Not as long as I have anything to do about it!"

Kaidou: What the heck am I doing? I got lucky last time, but I can't actually fight her! Also, what the heck is Saiki doing here?

I didn't know what to do, which was a first for me. There was no way I could defeat Hasenek without revealing myself to Kaidou. So I Teleported away before I could think about anything else.

The next thing I knew, I was right in the middle of town. I realized that I had forgotten to specify where I would be Teleported to. Now was a good time to...

"Hey, buddy!"

"Saiki, what's up?"

Nendou and Hairo were running down the street at that exact moment. Good grief.

"You're going for a late night running race too? Awesome!" Hairo laughed. "Hey, you should join me and Nendou!"

Preferably not. I'm busy dealing with an agent of Dark Reunion.

Just then, a ball of purple light flew out from the distance, above us, and down into the pavement behind us.

"Ngh!" Hasenek struggled to crawl out of the smoking crater. "You may have defeated me, Jet Black Wings, but Dark Reunion will send more after you! They will not stop until they have Black Beat, and take over the world!" Yeesh, confident much?

"Not as long as I am here to defend it!" Much to my suprise, Kaidou floated down from the sky almost like Frieza. "Jet Black Wings, finish her off!"

A purple spirit-like thing appeared next to Kaidou; It looked something like a mix between a wolf and a raven. It flew past Hasenek and separated her head from her body with a slash from it's wing.

The spirit redrew into Kaidou before he flew over to us.

Kaidou: I don't believe it! I really have powers!

Either that or the author has been reading too much Jojo. Wait a minute, this isn't the usual author…

"Kaidou?" Hairo and Nendou looked confused. Nendou seemed less confused for some reason.

"Friends, I am Jet Black Wings!" He struck a pose mid-air. "Earth's one and only defender!"

"Okay… but what's Saiki doing here?" Nendou scratched his head. That's his biggest question?

Saiki: I was just following that snake girl.

"Well, that was quite the event!" Hairo chuckled.

"Well, goodnight everybody!" Is he used to this?

Nevertheless, we all went home. Sure, I could have erased their memories of the event, but it really wasn't that much of a bother. Besides, there's a special event going on in Alien Buster and I don't want to miss it.