So, what happens when you take a bunch of characters from different franchises and put them together in one of the worst seasons of Total Drama? You get this. Now, the canon bits of the season will ultimately be a lot of Chris' and Chef's dialogue. But everything with the characters here will be different, with a couple of nods to the official series.
Pamela Bondani Patrol 03
Charlotte Making Fiends
Shadow, Fiona Sonic the Hedgehog
Wolf, Krystal Star Fox
Yogi Bear, Top Cat Hanna Barbera
Jasper, Aquamarine Steven Universe
Angelina Mousling Angelina Ballerina
Mr. Bump The Mr. Men Show
Rarity, Rainbow Dash My Little Pony
Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck Looney Tunes
Lucario, Mewtwo Pokemon
Prince John Disney's Robin Hood
Katz Courage the Cowardly Dog
Carmen Sandiego Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego?
Mao Mao Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart
Chapter One: Heroes vs. Villains
[At Camp Wawanakwa]
Chris: Welcome to Total Drama All-Stars, after my involuntary overextended "vacation", I really need to be in a familiar environment surrounded by people I love - to hurt [he laughs]. So, I'm bringing on twenty-two contestants to battle it out in the most dangerous justifying competition ever, [a helicopter is heard] and here they are now. For our first group, say hello to Charlotte, Top Cat, Wolf O'Donnell, Pamela Bondani, Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Lucario, Mewtwo, Shadow the Hedgehog, and Carmen Sandiego! [cuts to the falling contestants]
Wolf: You're a dead man, McLean!
Pamela: I hate you, Chris!
Charlotte: I'm flying!
Top Cat: Where's Officer Dibble when you need him?!
Chris: Up next, Yogi Bear, Angelina Mousling, and Rainbow Dash!
Angelina: This is NOT in my contract!
Chris: Following that, Mr. Bump, Jasper, and Fiona Fox!
Jasper: You better watch yourself, McLean!
Chris: And finally, bringing up the rear, Mao Mao, Krystal, Rarity, Katz, Prince John, and Aquamarine!
Katz: Fancy a bit of sport before dying, dear chap?!
Prince John: How dare they treat royalty like this!
Chris: [sighs] Man, it's great to be back. [Scene cuts to the wet contestants who are groaning] Greetings, old friends.
Pamela: [she coughs and spits out water] I am not your friend.
Charlotte: Don't worry, Pamela. I'll be your friend.
Pamela: How about [she pushes Charlotte] two feet away?
Rarity: You're just lucky none of us perished from falling from such a height!
Chris: Indeed, I am. Lack of contestants equals the lack of people I can torture for my amusement.
[static buzzing]
Aquamarine: To analyze my competition, I'd say my chances are pretty good. After all, none of them can match my superiority, so I should have them begging before me.
[static buzzing]
Chris: In fact, we've got a lot of big changes for this season: this season features our most diverse cast from all generations or just the ones we thought deserved a chance to go through some of the most excruciating challenges possible.
Rainbow Dash: Gee, it's nice to know you care SO much for our well-being.
Chris: What's the fun in that? [laughs] On the upside, I've upgraded your accommodations. This season, the losers still have to sleep in a dirty old cabin like they are. [The contestants are heard groaning]
Mr. Bump: Are you kidding me?
Chris: But, the winners, get to stay in the returning eco-friendly McLean Spa Hotel, complete with butler, hot tub, and 24-hour masseuse. [The contestants cheer] and in honor of your status, I'm dividing you into teams based on your past performances: Heroes vs. Villains.
[static buzzing]
Pamela: Given my track record, it's safe to say that I'll be on the villains' team. Seeing how I was the Chief of Police back where I come from, so it'll be no surprise once I take the role of team captain.
[static buzzing]
Lucario: Heroes vs. villains? I suppose Mewtwo and I won't be on the same team unless Chris considers Mewtwo a hero, [he sighs] You know, Mewtwo's not really such a bad guy if you get to know him.
[static buzzing]
Chris: Pamela, Wolf, Shadow, Carmen, Mewtwo, Daffy, Jasper, Fiona, Katz, Aquamarine, and Prince John, from now on, you're the Villainous Vultures. [The logo appears on top of their heads]
[static buzzing]
Mewtwo: To say that I'm surprised would be a lie. After all, I'm not exactly what you'd classify as the "nicest person." On the contrary, with Lucario and I being on opposite teams again, communication between the two of us will have to be rather secretive during non-challenge hours.
[static buzzing]
Chris: Charlotte, Top Cat, Lucario, Bugs, Yogi, Angelina, Rainbow Dash, Mr. Bump, Rarity, Krystal, Mao Mao, you're the Heroic Hamsters. [The logo appears on top of their heads]
Mao Mao: If you wanted heroic, you could have just made the logo modeled after me.
Top Cat: Alright, slow down there, hotshot.
[static buzzing]
Angelina: I've worked with a class of dancers from where I come from. And believe me, some of them get rather competitive when they get the chance, especially if they're a pair of snobbish twins...here is where I'm going to put my best foot forward and secure my victory.
[static buzzing]
Charlotte: Wow, so many new people to make friends with! This is gonna be so much fun, I only wish that Vendetta could be here as well. Then again, she did file a restraining order against me...but at least the team I'm on has ponies, so it's win-win!
[static buzzing]
Chris: This year's challenge is a nod to classics from the past, but with harsh new twists to make this the toughest, brutalist, most exciting Total Drama season ever! Your first challenge: find the key to the spa hotel and you'll do it in homage to Total Drama's first-ever challenge: cliff diving into water infested with ravenous sharks.
[Mr. Bump looks worried and gulps]
[static buzzing]
Yogi: I swear, this man's trying to kill us, but it's gonna take a lot more before this smarter than the average bear gives up.
[static buzzing]
Mr. Bump: This show will be the death of me, mark my words.
Chris: [A clip shows Chef kicking an intern and falling into the water] Once you dive into the water, try to avoid the sharks long enough to snag the key, [the intern keeps the shark's mouth from eating him] and choose wisely, [camera shows several keys in the water] only one of those suckers is the real deal [the two sharks high five] assuming you live long enough to reach dry land a teammate will drive you to the hotel in one of the baby carriages from season three's race through Central Park. The first team to unlock the spa door wins and someone from the loser team will be going home tonight. Meet me at the base of the cliff in 15 minutes, chop, chop. [Chris and the chubby intern drive off]
Bugs: Wait, shouldn't we change into our swimsuits or something?
Chris: [off-screen] Sorry, no time.
[The camera shows the cliff and the forest]
Pamela: Keep your distance, spider hoarder.
Katz: Charmed, try not to lose your temper when the team prefers me.
Pamela: Woah, hold up, who said YOU were team leader? I'm the one who was Chief of Police.
Katz: And such a brilliant job you did upholding the law...by trying to remove the mayor from power.
Jasper: Oh, please. If anyone should be the team's leader, it should be someone with the muscle to back it up.
Wolf: As if any of you would make a good team leader, I am actually the leader of my own crew.
Prince John: Oh, bullocks. You're all delusional, being a figure of royalty, it makes sense that I should be the team leader.
Wolf: Yeah, I'm totally gonna let a spoiled little thumb sucker lead me. Find a brain, perhaps?
[static buzzing]
Shadow: I'm surrounded by idiots
[static buzzing]
Fiona: Heh, I don't care about Pamela being chief of police or anything like that. I do as I please and no one is gonna tell me different. Pretty soon, I'll have the entire team eating out of my hands.
[static buzzing]
Charlotte: Has anyone ever told you that you have the prettiest mane ever?
Rarity: Oh, why, thank you. It's nice to know that someone has good taste in hair.
Top Cat: All I know is by the end of this season, this cat's gonna be heading back to the city with a million big ones.
Bugs: I wouldn't count on it. After all, nothing gets past me.
Top Cat: Heh, yeah you keep telling yourself that.
[static buzzing]
Daffy: What they meant to say was "this season is gonna be MY season to win it." That Bugs thinks he's SO slick, anything good that's ever happened to him is due to pure luck, nothing genuine about it. Well, by the time this season's over, this duck's gonna be a millionaire!
[static buzzing]
Pamela: [pushes Jasper and puts her behind her] Excuse me!
Jasper: Watch it, crazy cat lady!
Pamela: You watch it, beefy!
Carmen: You know, just because Chris labeled us as villains, doesn't mean we have to act like children. The more we act like this, the opposing team's gonna take note of this.
[The Vultures agree reluctantly]
Daffy: Sure.
Wolf: Right.
Pamela: Oh, yes
Jasper: Right
Shadow: Sure thing.
[static buzzing]
Pamela: As if a loser team like the hamsters is gonna throw me off my games. I am going to put all my expertise in crushing the competition.
[static buzzing]
Carmen: I tend to have a way with words when talking to others. It makes it easier for people to follow my lead.
[static buzzing]
[Angelina looks and glares at the Vultures]
Fiona: Hey, look. The frilly ballerina's giving us the death glare. [chuckles]
Wolf: I'll give her a glare back. [he glares at Angelina but she closes her eyes and turns around and crosses her arms, Wolf just rolls his eyes]
[static buzzing]
Wolf: I'm telling you, that girl's all bark and no bite.
[static buzzing]
Krystal: Are you alright? You look a bit tense.
Angelina: It's the Vultures, they're making me tense. I already have to deal with the likes of Priscilla and Penelope back where I come from, but to deal with a whole team of people like them is just unbearable to think about.
Krystal: I can tell you're rather apprehensive, but don't let it eat at you. Believe me, I've been there and it's not a pretty feeling.
Angelina: [sighs]
[Scene cuts to the two teams standing beside the river with the logos appearing on top of their heads]
Chris: [laughs] Greetings, All-Stars. [The characters cough as dust passes them, he lands with his jetpack] Here are your carriages: blood red for the Villainous Vultures, and purest gold for the Heroic Hamsters, you've got 30 seconds to pick your carriage driving starting, now!
Shadow: I'll drive.
Fiona: No, I'll drive!
Daffy: Please, you couldn't push this thing back and forth even if your life depended on it.
Fiona: I can't imagine those flat feet doing much good when it comes to running.
[static buzzing]
Daffy: I'll have you know that these flat feet got me out of the military. That girl just doesn't know what she's talking about.
[static buzzing]
Shadow: I could have pushed the carriage with ease, but I suppose I'd be putting the hamsters at an unfair disadvantage. And the fact that I wasn't in the mood to hear those two idiots arguing.
[static buzzing]
Fiona: Trust me, I'm not one who lets victory slide through my claws.
Mewtwo: No, instead, said claws are used for swiping little children across the face.
Fiona: Hey, watch it, twiggy! You'd better not go on a rampage if we lose!
Mewtwo: [eye twitches]
[static buzzing]
Mewtwo: Do something once and you're branded for life…[facepalm] ugh, I hate these people.
[static buzzing]
Fiona: Like he has any room to talk!
[static buzzing]
Chris: Ten seconds!
Charlotte: You can do it
Rarity: Maybe you should do it.
Bugs: I'll do it. You know what they say about lucky rabbit feet.
Angelina: Hmm.
Chris: Okay, everyone but Fiona and Bugs up the chiff you go!
[Some of the contestants are heard panting while climbing up the cliff]
Shadow: Hmph!
[The contestants come after Shadow and panting]
[Prince John groans and falls on Aquamarine, the gem glares up at him]
Aquamarine: Um, do you mind?!
Prince John: Too tired.
Chris: Who's the best key spotter who's dead in the shark-infested water, find out when we return on Total...Drama...All-Stars! [Before Chris takes a break, we can see that Top Cat and Mao Mao are holding each other and Yogi looks worried and Lucario crosses his arms looking worried]
[The screen goes to black, the episode continues]
Chris: Places, people, It's diving time! [he laughs]
Prince John: [stammering, shoving Pamela in front of him] A-a-a-after you, I-I-insist, heh.
Chris: [with his air horn] One diver per team at a time, the next diver has to wait until their team's carriage return, ready, set... [he blows his airhorn]
Lucario [running] It won't be long now!
[Aquamarine runs, jumps then screams]
[Lucario dives, the camera cuts to the three sharks in the water and grinning and cuts to Lucario]
Lucario: [dodges the sharks as he dives into the water]
[Aquamarine screams and splashes into the water]
Lucario: [spits out water] Got it! [he swims and jumps into the Hamsters' crib]
Bugs: [pushes Lucario in the crib] Yes, so long, suckers!
Chris: [Aquamarine swims while kicking off one of the sharks] And the heroes take the lead!
[Aquamarine runs and pants and jumps into the Vultures' crib]
Aquamarine: Go, go, go!
Fiona: No need to tell me twice!
Bugs: So, what's up, doc. Mind if I offer you my services?
Lucario: I beg your pardon?
Bugs: The point is that I wanted to talk to you. Allies are an essential part of this competition and personally, I can guarantee you a safe journey throughout the game if you and I partner up.
Lucario: Hmm...I'll take it into consideration, but at the moment, let's just focus on the challenge.
[Scene cuts to the McLean Spa Hotel]
[Lucario and Bugs arrive]
[Lucario uses the key to open the door but it's the wrong key]
Lucario: Come on, key get in the lock!
Bugs: Ugh, wrong key! Guess we'd better head back.
[Bugs and Lucario head back while Fiona and Aquamarine arrive at the spa hotel]
Aquamarine: [uses the key to open the door but it's the wrong key as well] Bugger, wrong key!
Fiona: [slaps her forehead] Oh, brother!
[scene cuts back to the cliff]
Wolf: Come on, come on!
Rainbow Dash: Might wanna give up while you still can. We've got this competition in the bag!
Wolf: Spoke too soon! [runs and then jumps]
Rainbow Dash: What?! Hey, no fair! [jumps after him]
Wolf: [he grabs a key and dodges the sharks, Aquamarine jumps out of the carriage and Wolf jumps in the carriage] Let's roll!
Aquamarine: Hurry up, we can make up for lost time!
Rainbow Dash: [jumps out of the water with a key] Don't worry, we're not out of this yet!
Bugs: Hop-on, Doc!
Rainbow Dash: Um, it's Dash.
Bugs: Eh, you know what I meant.
Fiona: Listen up, eye-patch, I'm in charge, get in my way, and I'll make your life a walking nightmare.
Wolf: Oh, sure. Like I'm going to listen to whatever you have to say. I'm my own man in this game and no one is gonna push me around.
Fiona: How about you mind your tongue?
Wolf: [puts the key in the open the door but it doesn't fit as well] No go, it's a dud.
Fiona: Way to pick the wrong key, moron.
Wolf: Less yapping, more pushing!
Fiona: [scowls]
[static buzzing]
Fiona: That Wolf better watch what he says or else he's gonna be eating a knuckle sandwich for lunch!
[static buzzing]
[Bugs and Rainbow Dash arrives at the spa hotel]
Rainbow Dash: [puts the key to open the door but it doesn't fit as well] Argh, the key's too small! Back we go.
Bugs: [sighs]
[Scene cuts to the contestants waiting]
Krystal: Oh, there they are!
[Bugs pants and then stops to catch his breath]
Krystal: Well, here goes nothing! [she runs and jumps off as Mewtwo jumps after her]
Mewtwo: [comes out of the water and makes contact with the shark. With a silent glare, the shark swims off in fear] Hmph, inferior creature.
Krystal: [comes out of the water with a key] Whoa.
Prince John: That's a LONG way down.
Pamela: That's okay, we'll know who to vote off in case we lose the challenge.
Prince John: [huffs indignantly]
[Scene cuts to Fiona, Mewtwo jumps into the crib]
Mewtwo: Hurry and get a move-on!
Fiona: You think I don't know that?!
[Bugs and Rainbow Dash arrive back at the cliff]
Rainbow Dash: It's all yours.
[The scene cuts back to Mewtwo putting the key to open the door but once again, it doesn't fit]
Mewtwo: Blast!
Fiona: For crying out loud, How is it hard to pick the right key?!
Mewtwo: Guess you should have been a diver, huh?
[Krystal and Bugs arrive at the spa hotel, by now, Bugs is looking rather tired]
Krystal: No, back we go.
[Bugs groans]
[scene cuts back to the cliff]
Mao Mao: Here goes [he jumps] gaaaaaahhhhh!
Pamela: Finally, [she jumps] aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
[Mao Mao splashes in the water, then Pamela splashes in the water]
Mao Mao: Now, let's see here. [he dives underwater]
[Pamela grabs the key and comes out of the water and jumps into the carriage]
Pamela: Sucker!
[Mao Mao comes out of the water and scowls]
[Scene cuts to the spa hotel where Fiona is seen panting]
Fiona: Oooooh, my legs are killing me!
Pamela: It doesn't fit! [she jumps into the carriage] Come on let's go!
[Bugs and Mao Mao arrive at the spa hotel while Mao Mao hurries up to the entrance. Bugs is grunting and goes down]
[static buzzing]
Bugs: Okay, I wanna win the million more than anyone, but this is insanity! My feet haven't been this sore in a while [sighs]...but don't think this means that I'm done for the count just yet.
[static buzzing]
[Prince John shivers while looking down, additionally with Jasper's glare]
Jasper: You'd better not chicken out on us, it's bad enough you're a weakling.
Prince John: How DARE you speak to me like that! As a figure of royalty, I deserve the utmost respect!
Wolf: The only respect that you're gonna get is if we don't vote you off if we lose!
Prince John: Oh, we'll see about that!
Angelina: Wait, I can see Bugs!
Top Cat: Guess it's all up to me now.
[Top Cat dives]
Wolf: It's not like you would have even measured up to your brother anyway, have you SEEN how scrawny you are?!
Prince John: This is my normal look, the one that I prim and pamper every day to make it look it's best.
Wolf: You lot, tell me, would you rather have this toothpick as your king or his brother, an ACTUAL king?
Jasper: Heh, do I even need to answer that?
Carmen: Ugh, you people are impossible [she jumps off the cliff]
Prince John: If we lose this challenge, it'll be YOUR peasant hide on the chopping block!
Wolf: [scoffs] Yeah, sure it will.
Yogi: So, a night at the spa hotel sounds pretty in our favor, what with the vultures arguing like it's no tomorrow.
Mr. Bump: I just hope that if we do lose, I won't be on the chopping block for not jumping.
Yogi: Ah, don't worry, you'll be fine. In fact, if you stick with this bear, you'll be golden throughout the entire competition!
Mr. Bump: Huh, what do you mean?
Yogi: Oh, nothing much. Just wondering if you'd be willing to join me in...an alliance.
[static buzzing]
Mr. Bump: I'm gonna be cautiously optimistic about it. I need all the help I can get in this competition, but I don't just wanna use the others as a buffer for any pain I'll have to go through. I just hope it doesn't come back to blow up in my face...and why do I feel like I just jinxed myself for saying that?
[static buzzing]
[Scene cuts to the beach, Carmen lands, she catches her key, she looks at the audience]
[Everyone cheers for Carmen]
Daffy: [off-screen] Yes!
Jasper: [off-screen] Yeah!
Pamela: [off-screen] Go, Carmen!
[static buzzing]
Carmen: It's all in the technique, being trained at Acme for all those years has really paid off in my career. Whether it be the world's greatest thief or the eventual winner of Total Drama.
[static buzzing, the scene goes to Bugs and Top Cat at the spa hotel]
Top Cat: Wrong key, so much for a lead.
[Carmen and Fiona arrive at the hotel]
Bugs: [gasps for breath] How much longer am I gonna have to keep this up?
Carmen: Oh, not much longer I reckon [she uses the key to open the door and it is the right key] Finalmente!
Fiona: Finally!
Chris: The door is open, the vultures win!
Bugs: Awwwwww!
Top Cat: Uuuuuugh!
[The screen goes black, at the Campfire Ceremony]
Chris: Welcome to our first elimination ceremony, do you like the new peanut gallery? Huh? Now winners can watch their opponents give someone the boot as they head to the spa hotel for a deluxe dinner. [The Vultures high five]
Mewtwo: [approaches Lucario who appears content, he looks at the fellow pokemon] You know, in spite of the fact your team lost, your efforts today were valiant.
Lucario: Well, I appreciate the sentiment.
Mewtwo: Hmm, the feeling is mutual.
[unbeknownst to them, Katz is watching them with a frown on his face]
[static buzzing]
Katz: I'm going to have to keep a close eye on those two. Personally, I don't understand Mewtwo trying to fraternize with the enemy. But not to worry, should he appear weak, I have ways to "motivate" him. And believe me, when I say, I know how to get people to do what I want.
[static buzzing]
Chris: Before we start, I need one winner to volunteer for a special reward.
Daffy: Hah, got it!
Chris: Great, your reward is spending the night in exile on Boney Island with all the hungry wild animals!
Daffy: Aww, how is that a reward?
Chris: Because there's a McLean invincibility statue hidden somewhere on Boney Island, find it [camera shows a close-up of the McLean invincibility statue] and you're golden.
[Scene cuts to Shadow]
Shadow: [sighs] Now he tells us!
[Daffy walks with Chef to Boney Island]
Chris: Alright then, in order to vote, place an x on an 8x10 photo of the person you want to eliminate, now get voting.
[Scene cuts to the Hamsters voting someone off with a red marker]
[Angelina puts an X on Bugs to vote him off]
[Bugs holds a picture of Angelina and puts an X on her to vote her off]
[Scene cuts to Chris holding the marshmallows]
Chris: The following people are safe: Charlotte, [catches the marshmallow] Krystal, [catches the marshmallow] Yogi, [catches the marshmallow] Mr. Bump [catches the marshmallow], Top Cat [catches the marshmallow], Lucario [catches the marshmallow], Rarity [catches the marshmallow], Rainbow Dash [catches the marshmallow] and Mao Mao [catches the marshmallow]. [Scene cuts to Angelina and Bugs] Bugs, you're on the chopping block for your terrible driving skills [Bugs is shocked] Angelina, you're on the chopping block because it appears you have a bit of an attitude problem.
Angelina: Hmph!
Chris: And the last marshmallow goes to...
…
..
.
[The scene cuts to Angelina who is apprehensive then it changes to Bugs, then the marshmallow]
Chris: Angelina! [Angelina catches the marshmallow]
Bugs: Oh, come on! Seriously?! [sighs in defeat]
Chris: Bugs, it's time to hit the Dock of Shame!
[The screen flips to Bugs on the Boat of Losers]
[The Heroic Hamsters have a varying degree of expressions for Bugs' elimination]
Charlotte: Bye-bye, bunny!
Top Cat: Sorry, man.
Lucario: Nothing personal.
[Angelina looks on with an indifferent expression]
Bugs: Well, see you guys, it's been-
[The Boat of Losers jerks forward, sending Bugs falling to the floor with a grunt]
Bugs: If this is your idea of comedy, McLean, then I'm GLAD to be getting as far away from you as possible!
[The Hamsters are unamused as Chris chuckles at Bugs' comment as he sails off into the night]
Rainbow Dash: Now that's just cold.
Rarity: [sighs] Only from the likes of Chris McLean.
Chris: [laughs] Who'll be flushed into the history books next? Find out when we return on Total...Drama...All-Stars!
[The screen goes black as the episode ends]