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Snape quickly closed the door behind him before he collapsed inside Grimmauld's Place. He began to shake and sob quietly in the dark.
Was it all worth it? How much more he had to suffer for something stupid he committed when he was a foolish, terrified young man?
Albus had been his constant, the one who anchored him and as hard as it was to admit, the only one who accepted him as he was.
And everyone would hate him for what he'd done.
Shakily, he made his way to the older Black's room and started to rummage the drawers, looking for anything that could ground him to this insane reality. He found a picture of Lilly but with the other idiots were around her so he ripped it in two to remove them. She was his last reason to finish this, the other two were gone now.
He heard the creaking of the door and was on his feet instantly, wand in hand. His eyes met huge ones staring back at him in disbelief from the doorway.
'Severus?' Remus asked incredulously.
Snape stood frozen, ready for an attack. Lupin had his wand in hand but it wasn't pointed at him, it was only illuminating the room with a lumos.
'What are you doing here?' Remus asked.
'What are YOU doing here?' Snape turned the question around.
Remus blinked.
'I... well, I came here to think and... well, wait for you.'
Snape frowned. Could it be that the werewolf knew he was coming here and was waiting to get his revenge?
'Well, you found me, beast. Now get on with what you had to say or attack me without delay. Not that you could win in any duel with me, of course.'
Remus blinked, puzzled.
'I didn't come here to hurt you.'
'Like I would believe that.' Snape sneered and pocketed Lilly's torn picture into his robes.
'Severus...' Remus entered the room and Snape rose his wand, pointing it directly into the werewolf's heart.
'One more step and you will be dead, Lupin.'
Remus raised his hands in defeat, then thought better of it and lowered his wand to the floor. Now, Snape was really puzzled. Maybe Lupin thought he could best Snape physically with his dark creature speed. Well, Lupin didn't know that he fought werewolves in human form before and would have a big surprise if he tries to attack him.
'Severus... I don't think we'll ever see each other again... Not after what you've done. So I had to talk to you.'
'Talk, then.' Snape said without emotion.
Remus sighed, he looked very nervous.
'I... love you.'
Snape's eyes widened. He felt bewildered enough that his thoughts of Albus and Lilly vanished. What he heard was so absurd that the corner of his lip twitched a little.
'Nice trick, Lupin. You did surprise me. But if you thought that would be enough for me to drop my wand or something...'
'It is not a trick, Severus. I've been fighting this since I was 14 or so. I've always been afraid to show, then I thought that I could forget you after enough time... But even after learning what you've done... I finally realized I'll never get rid of this. I loved Albus and a part of me will never forgive you, but no matter what you do and what a traitor you are, I can't stop feeling the way I do. Why do you think I've been alone all this time?'
Snape would normally attack Lupin and say that it was because he was a dark creature but he couldn't word his thoughts. If that was true, then they wasted their entire lives. While he had been jealous of Black and all of Lupin's many female friends, Snape could have had him but now it was too late. For both of them. If they got together, Lupin would be looked at with suspicion - again - by the Order. If the Dark Lord's side found out, they would come after Lupin.
At the same time, what did he had to lose? His life was destroyed anyway. He did it himself, a few hours ago.
Snape slowly approached Lupin with his wand still pointed at the werewolf's chest. 'I won't drop this.' He warned.
Lupin only nodded dumbly, his blue eyes wide in disbelief as he stared at Snape intently.
'Do you want me to share similar sentimental confessions?' Snape asked.
Lupin chuckled. 'I would think that you are someone polyjuiced as Snape.'
'Indeed.' Said the Slytherin before kissing the other. He saw Lupin close his eyes as if enjoying the contact but he remained ready, still not sure if this was a trap or not.
As the kiss heated, he must have dropped his wand somehow because his hands were full of Lupin's cloak, then his infernal tweed jacket and then his shirt, always dressing like an old man and hiding so much in baggy clothes.
Snape couldn't believe when he was pushed onto the bed and that they were stripping naked over Black's childhood cushion. That he was going to screw Lupin on Black's bed. Under all the covering up, Snape found that the werewolf was hot as hell.
They were both clumsy but enthusiastically on their first time. The contact of naked skin against naked skin made them moan together. Lupin was incredibly passionate and his body's temperature was much warmer than a normal human, seeming to melt the ice around Snape's heart. He didn't know how much he needed this until he was finally tasting it.
They were frantically in their coupling, with Snape penetrating a willing, pliant werewolf who showed his appreciation with wonderful noises the dark-haired never knew Lupin could do. Their climax was messy and overwhelming and for what felt like the first time in his life, Snape smiled. Lupin cupped his cheek, looking at him like his smile was the most astonishing sight he'd ever seen, then the werewolf smiled back.
Before dawn, Snape regretted what he'd done. He dressed quickly and got the hell out of there.
The morning after made him feel unbearably vulnerable like he never felt before and he just couldn't face Lupin.