/ II. I'm an Invisible Pope /
i.
For Sister Mary, there were two persons who meant so much to her, her two precious jewels: Lenny Belardo and Andrew Dussolier. She took them under her wings, since the first day they arrived the orphanage. Andrew came first, Lenny was six months after, and they were almost the same age.
Red haired Andrew was sent to the orphanage with tears in his eyes when he was eight. He lost both of his parents in tragedy, Sister Mary took him in on every first day, by permitted him for calling her 'Ma'. Like most of the children, Andrew was very quiet for first couple weeks, with no friends to play or to talk with. Only Sister Mary could open his heart.
Six months later, a sweet boy with blond hair came to the orphanage with his hippie's parents. The couple claimed that they were not able to care for their son anymore, as they wanted to start a liberated life at Venice. They simply abandoned him, without looking back and walked out from the gate.
The boy was named Lenny Belardo, he was only seven.
Andrew and Lenny became friend shorty, just liked a long-lost brother. Sister Mary raised them with love and care. Forty years later, one of them became a cardinal, the other became the Pope.
No mother could be as proud as Sister Mary.
After years of departed, they were finally back together, under the same roof.
"How's our pope?" Andrew asked with a cigarette in his hand.
"In seventh heaven!" Sister Mary laughed.
Andrew felt that was definitely a teasing, "In seventh heaven, right. I mean, who would ever imagine that Lenny would become pope!"
"Me." Sister Mary was always having faith with Lenny. "Andrew, it's so happy to see you but I should go now. It's never a good idea for a nun to be in a cardinal's room."
"Well, if you see our Pope, tell him to hurry up and give his address, because I would like to get back to my good works. Or bad ones, that remains to be seen."
Sister Mary put out the cigarette, "Don't you like it here?"
"This place smells like incense and death. I prefer the smell of shit and life." Andrew knew that he would never be fitted in here, more importantly, he was homesick.
"You haven't changed at all, I see." Sister Mary knew that Andrew stayed here only because it was his duty, not because Lenny became the Pope, and waiting for became his right-hand man.
"And you, Ma? Will you change? Now that you've become a powerful woman?"
"That would be the cross I should bare." Sister Mary hugged Andrew and said, "Be good."
ii.
It was never easy to be the Pope; being a cardinal, life was far more easier. After the first day, Lenny found that, he was perfectly fitted for the job, and he would proceed what he was planning to proceed, with God's guide and help.
He was at his office and expecting the Prefect for the Congregation for the Clergy.
However, outside the office, there was a woman came along with Voiello.
She was Sofia Dubois, the Marketing and PR Director for the Holy See. She dressed in a smart suit, like a Wall Street iron lady.
"Do you understand why I need the Holy Father's immediate approval, Your Eminence? It takes time to develop and update the merchandise, it means we have to move right away, before the fakes start appearing. Do you know how much the Vatican coffers lose for every day that passes without any new papal merchandizing on the market?"
Voiello shook his head, "Not exactly."
Sofia whispered a number to him, and he was shocking.
"Now you know why this is urgent?"
"Yes, I do. But you don't know him." Voiello was worried, no one could understand Pope Pius XIII properly. "Believe me, he's not an easy one. He's a difficult, unpredictable man."
"So? I'm a difficult, unpredictable woman." Sofia only saw there was a challenge out there. No man that she can't be handled.
"Which is precisely why I'm worried."
"Let me handle it." There was big smile on her face, shined with confidence.
"Your Eminence, Holy Father would like to see you." Sister Suree waited by the door.
iii.
What on earth this woman doing here?
Lenny kept his eyes closed, trying to calm down himself and waiting for his coffee. Voiello prepared the coffee like yesterday before he took the seat. And he noticed that Sofia was staring stupidly at the Pope.
Unexpectedly, a click sound broke the silence.
Lenny lighted a cigarette and started smoking.
"May I smoke as well, Holy Father?" Sofia asked.
"Unfortunately, not." Lenny looked sorry, "His Holiness John Paul II, in his day, forbid it."
"May I tell you something, Holy Father?"
"That's why we're here."
"With all due respect, seen from up close, you are an extraordinarily handsome man." Sofia just wouldn't help it; Pope Pius XIII was one of the most beautiful man she ever seen.
She could imagine all the merchandise with his face, all of them would be the bestsellers.
No need to mention, I know myself quite well. Lenny chuckled, "I had asked to meet the Prefect for the Congregation for the Clergy before anyone else, and you, I think it's safe to deduce, are not the Prefect for the Congregation for the Clergy."
"No, but I would like to be."
"So would I." this woman likes to play smart, "But they made me Pope, instead."
"I'm Sofia, Holy Father, in charge of marketing here in Vatican City."
Lenny inhaled deeply, "Did you study marketing in college?"
"At Harvard, to be precise." Sofia answered immediately, without hesitation.
No wonder. "Don't sound so cocky. The word 'Harvard' may impress people around here, but to an American, it means one thing only: decline."
Sofia disagreed, she was so proud with her education and thought the Pope had underestimated her ability.
Lenny took a smoke and exhaled, "Did you know that when the Archbishop of Boston would visit Harvard, he'd boast to everyone that he never washed his feet? It was public knowledge, and at Easter, at the washing of the feet, everyone was terrified that the Archbishop of Boston might be chosen."
Both Voiello and Sofia laughed.
Lenny smiled and continued, "As soon as I became his superior, I sent him three envelopes. In the first was a letter transferring him to Alaska, in the second was some soap, and in the third a note card on which I'd written: 'Choose'."
"And what did he choose?" Sofia was curious.
"The soap."
"I imagined." How obvious.
"But what you couldn't possibly have imagined was the fourth letter I sent him. 'Excellent choice, Archbishop' I wrote. 'You'll find plenty of water in Alaska.'"
"A most edifying anecdote, Holy Father."Sofia knew the chatting time was over, time for business, "But I don't want to waste your time, so let me come right to the point of my visit."
"Please."
"As you know, Your Holiness, the Vatican holds a monopoly on the production of any and all merchandise with an image of the Pope on it. Today's papal turnover requires us to come up with new designs, which we will then need to get into production as quickly as possible. All those items with the Holy Father's picture on them, which the faithful just love and which make up a sizable slice of the Vatican budget.
"I see. Go on." Lenny sat back a little.
"What would be required then is a brief photo shoot, which will then enable us to get into production as soon as possible a series of items displaying Your Holiness's picture: key chains, postcards, ashtrays, lighters, picture cards, plates…"
"Plates?" That sounds interesting.
"Yes, of course, Holy Father, plates too. In addition to the usual plastic plates, which sell for five euro, we were thinking of something more refined." Sofia pulled out her iPad and shown the picture of the plates design, and continued, "It occurred to us that we might commission a special plate from Vietri, in Campania. The craftsmen there do the most marvelous decorations, so naturally we were thinking of creating a plate with your portrait right in the center, painted by the very best Vietri's craftsmen."
"Nice. And how much would it sell for?"
"Forty-five euro, at least."
"Ah, a reasonable price." Am I worth the much? Lenny mocked.
"I would say so, considering that we're talking about a craftsmanship, Holy Father, handmade, not some cheap factory production."
"Perhaps we could send one to all the heads of State."
"An excellent idea, Your Eminence." Sofia
"Good, very good." Lenny still wore the smile on the face, they both don't get it.
"Very good." Sofia was happy that she had successfully gained the approval of the project on the brand-new merchandise.
"Very, very good." Lenny was nodding, they still don't get it, he leaned forward and said, "Wait a minute. I'll be right back."
Both Voiello and Sofia looked at Lenny as he walked back into his private den. He came back with a white plate in his hand, and stood by the window, showing the plate to Sofia, "Do you see this plate, ma'am?"
"Yes of course I see it." It just a plain white plate.
"Good." Lenny smiled and announced, "this is the sort of merchandise I'm prepared to authorize."
"But it doesn't have your image on it!" What? No way! Sofia argued.
"I do not have an image, my good lady, because I am no one. Do you understand? No one!" Lenny emphasized, "Only Christ exists! Only Christ. And I'm not worth forty-five, or even five euros. I am worth nothing."
"I don't understand, Holy Father." That's what sort of marketing strategy?
A response as Lenny expected, he passed the plate to Valente, "Of course, you don't, because, as you said earlier, you studied at Harvard. And Harvard is a place in decline, where you were taught to lower yourselves. Whereas here, in the Vatican, we try to elevate ourselves."
It seemed Sofia still didn't have a clue.
"Who exactly is in charge of curating the image of the Pope?" Lenny asked.
Sofia sat up straight and said, "The Secretary of State entrusted that delicate task to me, Holy Father, two years ago."
"Very good. And now I'm going to tell you, what you, as curator of the image of the Holy Father, are gonna do." Lenny straightened his face, "You are gonna fire the Vatican's official photographer immediately. No photographs of the Pope are to be issued. Just as there were none when I was a cardinal or a bishop. Do you know why? I never allowed my picture to be taken."
Whoever knew Lenny Belardo, all said that he was a legend. He was a highly private and secret man back to the days when he was the Archbishop of New York. He had only been seen when he held the mass, no videos and no photo taking, even interviews, were would not be allowed.
Why? To preserve and protect his reputation. With his good-looking and charming smiles, he enchanted loads of people to join the Sunday services. He knew it, even he didn't like. Therefore, he should uphold himself and stayed away from scandals at all cost.
And now, he became the Pope Pius XIII, the leader of the Catholic Church, he must be more careful. As he knew, he was walking on a thin ice, and one photo, even there was nothing inappropriate, may ruin him.
"When someone manage to sneak a photograph of me, I always bought them up before they could be published. Now that I think about it, I've been training my whole life to be an invisible pope. And so, for my first address, you will see to it that the light is so dim, no photographer, no TV cameraman, and not even the faithful will see anything of me but a dark shadow, my silhouette. They will not see me because I do not exist."
"If I may, Holy Father, what you are proposing is nothing short of suicide, media suicide."
"Media suicide, you say?" Really? I don't think so. "Fine, now try to keep up with me, if you can."
"I'm right with you, Holy Father."
"Good." Let the game begin. "So, who is the most important author of the last twenty years? Careful now, not the best, virtuosity is for the arrogant, the most important, the author who has sparked so much morbid curiosity that he became the most important?"
"I wouldn't know." Sofia didn't have a clue. "I'd say Philip Roth."
"No, Salinger. The most important film director?"
That's easy. Sofia answered without hesitation, "Spielberg."
What a common mistake. Lenny rolled his eyes, "No, Kubrick. Contemporary artist?"
"Jeff Koons, or Marina Abramovic." Sofia started blind guessing.
"Banksy." Lenny kept asking,"Electronic music group?"
"I don't know the first thing about electronic music." That's not my area.
Lenny was disappointed, "You say Harvard is a good university! Anyway, Daft Punk."
"How about the best Italian female vocalist?" Voiello tried to help.
"Mina?" Sofia was not so sure.
"Brava!" Finally, you got one right, "Now do you know what it is, what the invisible red thread is that connects them all, all these most important figures in their respective fields? None of them let themselves be seen. None of them let themselves be photographed."
"But you're not an artist, Holy Father." Voiello disagreed and found that there were totally irrelevant. "You are a head of State."
"Yes, of a city state so small that it has no outlet to the sea, and in order to survive, its leader has to make himself as unreachable as a rock star." Lenny made out his point, "The Vatican survives thanks to hyperbole. So, we shall generate hyperbole, but this time in reverse."
Most people liked to dig the other's secrets, so the more mysterious I am, the more they liked. Isn't it?
"I'm beginning to get your point, Holy Father." Sofia smiled."Yes, not only am I beginning to get it, I'm beginning to like it, too."
"Good, very good." Lenny was pleased, he got himself an ally.
iv.
Later at the afternoon, Lenny was leaded to a warehouse at the Gardens, where was keeping all the gifts he received.
All shelves were full of all kinds of gifts: vases, big and small statues, clocks, jewellery, plates…even some unusual items, such as motorbike and workout machine. Together, there were boxes of stuffs, one of them was full of cigarette lighters.
"A British newspaper got the scoop with the headline 'The Pope Smokes', and this is how the world responded."
"Well, in this case, I will never short of lighters of my whole life." Lenny spotted one with St. Mark's Square of Venice on it. He picked it up, it had a tag attached with a name Rosetta on it.
"Anything wrong, Holy Father?" Valente asked.
"Nothing." He pulled off the tag and kept the lighter in his pocket.
After that, there was a table with small boxes, full of letters from the faithful around the World.
Lenny picked up a drawing, with a letter on it:
Dear Pope,
What do I have to do to believe in God?
-Tommy, Amarillo, Texas.
"I want us to write back to all the children." Lenny cared about children.
"Of course, Holy Father."
"And how would you respond to this child, Eminence?"
"I…" Not waited for Cardinal Aguirre's responded, Lenny said, "You'd write back and say: 'Dear Tommy, think of all the things you like. There, that's what God is' …"
Suddenly, there was a banding sound from the back.
"I knew it, there are mice in here." Cardinals said, skeptically.
However, Lenny was very calm, he folded the letter into a small piece, then put it in his pocket, "That's no mouse."
He followed the sound to the back, where was a covered cage about eight feet tall.
"A gift from the Australian Foreign Minister, Holy Father. We thought we would donate it to the bio park."
"What do you mean 'Bio Park'?" Clearly that must be an animal, Lenny pulled down the cloth.
"The zoo, Holy Father."
"Not on your life." Lenny said in a lower voice, he unlocked the cage and looked inside. He smiled, reached out his hand and said, "You can come out, sweetie."
The animal inside slowly came out.
Everyone was shocked as the animal finally shown itself.
It was a kangaroo.
"We'll set him free in the gardens." Lenny was happy as he got his own pet. I should write to the Australian Foreign Minister. Then he left the warehouse with the kangaroo.
v.
When Lenny was enjoying his time with the kangaroo, Sister Mary chose to take a walk of the other side of the gardens on her way back.
Where she met Voiello, who was reading a newspaper. "Do you intend to follow me even in my more private moments?"
"I wasn't following you, I just found you here." Sister Mary was telling the truth, she was planning to go back to the office.
"Well, you know, just one day, and we've already discovered we have something in common." Voiello put down the newspaper.
"Don't be funny with me."
"No, I've never been more serious, and worried about the Pope."
"The Pope is a saint. Let him be the one to worry about you."
"Yes, I've been told he chats with kangaroos, a St. Francis of Sydney." Voiello mocked, "The Holy Father and you would do well to be a little more humble. The Vatican is a State. There is politics, finances, there are delicate balances and grave dangers, if those balances are upset."
"Yes, but there are also lobbies, internal tensions, scandals, vendettas, and threats. All of this the Holy Father understands only too well."
"His bizarre refusal to show himself in public is just crazy." Being seen by the faithful was the duty as the Pope.
"To reveal his eyes, right now, maybe too much, too much for the world." Sister Mary knew Lenny quite well, he didn't use to be in the public. He just a servant who serve God, not a popstar or a celebrity. He had faith and ambition, she believed he would be a great pope.
"I'm afraid I don't follow you." Voiello puzzled.
"You will, one day." Sister Mary ensured. "Let me reassure you that we intend to tackle all the concerns that you have raised, one by one."
We? Voiello was highly alerted, "Who's we? You and the Pope? Do we have two popes now?"
Sister Mary smelled smoke but chose to ignore it, she continued, "We also intended tackle the question of the Secretary of State."
"Sister Mary, I must admit, you're a first-class adversary. Anyway, here is the address I wrote for Holy Father. I worked on it all night long. It's a good address. It's well balanced, prudent, and takes account of various positions."
"It's diplomatic, in other words." She collected the folder, "Haven't you realized the Pope is indifferent to diplomacy?"
"Yes," that's why I am worried, the Pope seems have no idea how the Vatican works, "the Pope needs to know that as an anomalous State, diplomacy is the only thing we have. Let me say again, it's a good address, with all my commitment and passion."
vi.
It was always nice to having dinner with Sister Mary, especially after being apart for so many years.
"Have you already seen Dussolier?" Lenny asked Sister Mary at the dinner table.
"Ehm…no, not yet."
Lenny glanced, noticed Sister Mary was trying to hide her face under her veil.
"Do you have any ideas for your first address? Because you could ask Spencer for advice." Sister Mary suggested.
"I don't need Spencer's advice." My mentor is still mad at me, he won't want to see me even I really need his help. Lenny thought.
"That incident today, with the kangaroo was…"
"Stop it. It was nothing." Lenny looked at Sister Mary, "Just chance."
"Okay, just chance." Sister Mary didn't want to give up, she wanted Lenny to know that he was special and blessed by God, "And that time when we were…"
"Stop it." Lenny interrupted; he didn't want to talk about it.
The dinner was fell into silence.
vii.
At night, Voiello was helping a friend to look after a child who was suffered from a serious physical disable. He got the door when the doorbell rang.
"Good evening, Eminence." It was Amatucci.
"Good evening."
Voiello shown him in and came back after he put the boy to bed.
"His childhood?" Voiello asked.
"His parents, both hippies, abandon him at an orphanage, and I'm quite sure they give fake names to Sister Mary, making it impossible for Lenny to find them. Sister Mary's orphanage has ties to Cardinal Spencer's university. Spencer at that time was in New York." Amatucci reported, "Of all her little orphans, the only one she recommends to him was Lenny. At Spencer's side we're familiar with the direction his career takes. Lenny succeeds him when Spencer is called to the Curia. He takes over the entire Archdiocese of New York at a young age and becomes a cardinal at the age of 42."
"But if Lenny was so submissive, so dull, why did Spencer favour him so much?" Voiello didn't understand, Lenny was never a submissive. For what he behaved on last couple days, he was not a submissive at all. How come Spencer didn't find out?
"Precisely, because he never threatened Spencer's boundless ego. And besides, Spencer has always preferred servile underlings."
"But now, he's the one who has to serve that little boy." Spencer miscalculated this time. "Lenny's moral conduct?"
"Irreproachable. No gossip, no insinuations, even no love affairs."
Really? Only a saint can have a perfect record. As a man, you couldn't be flawless. "What do you think his sexual orientation is?"
"Unknown."
"And?"
"He only cares about the Church."
"Then the Church is female." Voiello eyed outside.
May God bless us all.
viii.
Next morning, Sister Mary walked into the Pope's Office when Lenny was having a meeting with Cardinal Assente. She left a red folder on his desk, that was the draft of the Pope's first speech prepared by Voiello. Lenny just took a look, without a word or a glance to her then closed the folder.
"Thank you, Sister Mary."
Lenny waited until Sister Mary left.
"So, I finally get to meet the Prefect for the Congregation for the Clergy. I've been anxious to see you." This meeting was supposed to be scheduled on yesterday.
"Here I am, Holy Father." Said Assente, with a bow.
"Did you vote for me in the Conclave, Your Eminence?" Lenny asked.
"Not even once." Assente replied without hesitation.
"Why not?"
"Even though I don't know your ideas, in truth, no one does. You are a pupil of Cardinal Spencer, he is a conservative, a moderate one, but a conservative, nonetheless. I am not a conservative. I figured that you were probably a conservative as well. Are you, Holy Father?"
"What do you think?" Lenny wondered what Assente was going to say.
"I think that if the name you have chosen, Pius XIII, is intended to signal a continuity with Pius XII, then there is the reason for concern. Let's not forget that Pius XI considered Mussolini to be a man of divine providence. At any rate, the College of Cardinals was very rash to elect a pontiff whose ideas and orientation they did not know."
"I agree with you. It was rash." So, he is not one of them.
"At any rate, Holy Father, please do not take this as a criticism, or think that this will in any way dampen my obedience. You asked me a question I considered it my duty to respond truthfully."
"I appreciate your sincerity." Lenny was very grateful that Assente was be honest to him. "I'm going to ask you another question, and you will grant me the courtesy of another sincere answer."
"Of course, Holy Father."
"Are you homosexual, Your Eminence?" The sexual orientation of priests and cardinals was Lenny's main concern, he didn't want any sexual scandal under his papacy.
It was not the question that Assente expected. He thought that might be something about the Church's future. It took him a while to consider how to answer to the Pope. However, the Pope needed his sincerity, that left him no choice.
He took a deep breath, and made his confession, "Yes, Holy Father."
So, the rumor is true.
Lenny said nothing but leaded down and pushed the button under the desk.
Assente's eyes were wide opened - the Pope is anti-gay. I'm doomed.
Sister Suree came in.
Lenny stood up and held out his hand, "Goodbye, Your Eminence. Sister Suree, see Cardinal Assente out for me please."
ix.
After the meeting with Assente, Lenny went up to the roof of the Basilica, pacing. There is something wrong. Something is plotting behind me.
He was waiting for Tommaso.
He didn't like being in dark, being uninformed, being uncertain.
He just didn't like these feelings.
With a click sound, Tommaso shown himself through the door.
"What are you going to tell me?" Lenny asked.
"I saw Sister Mary coming out of Cardinal Dussolier's room yesterday."
Why she lied to me? "What else?"
"People are saying that Sister Mary is the real Pope, not you."
"Who's saying that?" Lenny felt his blood began boil up. Who dares!
"Cardinal Ozolins. He's heard it said that Sister Mary uses 'we' when she talks about the Pope. 'We will do, we will tack', I overheard him talking to the Vatican Secretary of State: 'Lenny semper puer.' (Latin: Lenny is always a child), he said."
"And how did the Vatican Secretary of State react?"
"He was impassive. He's a clever devil. But it's a lie, what Ozolins says." Tommaso looked at His Holiness, he could tell that His Holiness was very upset. And he was feeling upset too, "It is a lie. Isn't it, Holy Father?"
"Of course, it's a lie. A woman will never become the pope." Trying to control his anger. "I am the Pope."
My Lord, please guide me! Tell me what to do! Lenny looked up to the sky and prayed.
x.
Next morning, there was a shocking news travelled through the Curia: Cardinal Ozolins was removed from his position: Curator of the Vatican Museums, and replaced by Cardinal Aguirre, with immediate effect.
There was the first appointment changed since Pope Pius XIII took the office. Moreover, there was a rumor that Cardinal Ozolins will be relocated outside the Vatican in the near future.
"How can I thank you, Holy Father, for having entrusted the Vatican Museums to me?"
"There's no need to thank me, Cardinal Aguirre." Thanked Ozolins, "I just think that you are more appropriate for the position, and it about time to have a change."
"I will never let you down, Holy Father." Cardinal Aguirre always had the warm smile.
Lenny looked at him and asked, "What made you enter the Church, Your Eminence?"
"Life is so short. I decided to opt for eternity." Aguirre answered with calm and peace.
Lenny nodded.
xi.
Lenny was always curious about the Calling. He found that was the most mysterious connection between man and God.
After the tourist's hour, Lenny was with Gutierrez in the Basilica, "Did you receive your calling as an adult?" Lenny asked.
"No, I heard the call." Gutierrez pointed a corner by the nave. "Right here, when I was sixteen. Right here, where May afternoons land. It seems only yesterday, that light spoke to me: 'Be calm, Bernardo, be calm. The boy had become a man.' My mother, my father, they were here with me. They looked at me, but they were no longer themselves. I was no longer myself."
Lenny looked at Gutierrez's eyes, where was full of grace. Yes, God does exist. Why should I doubt it?
Gutierrez continued, "'Where do afternoons land?' The voice of conscience asked, and I replied: 'They land here.', and the voice responded calmly, 'Yes, it's true, but I will continue to protect the boy.'"
"That's magnificence." Lenny was fascinated. Every Calling is a unique experience.
xii.
" What have we forgotten? We have forgotten… We have forgotten… What have we forgotten? We have forgotten… We have forgotten…" Lenny was in his bed chamber, working on his first speech.
He was trying so hard to remember the speech in his dream, but everything was a haze, he only remembered the first line. Voiello's draft, he was not planning to use it.
With the task in his mind, he was pre-occupied when he was having meeting with Sister Mary and Voiello, in his private study.
"What do you think, Holy Father?" Lenny was reading the cover page of the draft.
"I thought it was beautiful, I thought it was full…"
"Did I ask your opinion, Sister Mary?" Lenny said, with authority.
"What? No, I just thought…" Sister Mary was overwhelmed, Lenny never talked to her like that before.
"Keep quiet then!" He snapped and walked out of the door.
Voiello was shocked, too. What on earth just happened?
xiii.
The dining room was so quiet tonight.
Lenny looked around and found out the table was only setup for one…for him only, "Sister Mary?"
"Sister Mary preferred to dine in her apartment this evening." Domen replied.
He understood why Sister Mary chose not to eat with him tonight, because of what he had done this morning. He hated to explain but the damage had been done.
He finished dinner all by himself, just liked those old days.
Does she understand, with Voiello around, my hands are tied…I have no choice but have to do this?
Lenny felt his heart was about to split in half.
In this realm of men, women should not be in power.
He didn't want to put her in danger, he didn't want her to get hurt.
He felt so alone, so empty.
Even smoking couldn't help to ease the loneliness, he was standing by the window, waiting.
Waiting for Sister Mary.
Oh Lord! Will she forgive me? For those words I am about to say.
"What is it you wanted to say to me?" Sister Mary stood by the door of his private study. "What have you decided about your address?"
She is keeping a distance from me now…
"I've got some very clear ideas about it." Lenny said, looking outside, smoking.
"Do you think you might use some of what the Secretary of State wrote?" She suggested.
"No. It's rather weak." He said firmly.
"I thought it was beautiful. What a shame, Lenny!"
"Sister Mary." Lenny was struggling, for what he about to say.
"Yes, Lenny."
"From now on," he closed his eyes, and tears rolled, please forgive me, Sister Mary, "you are to call me Your Holiness."
Sister Mary was stunned, speechless. Finally, she found her voice, "As you wish, Your Holiness."
Before she turned away, Lenny said, "I remembered now what it was I wanted to say to you."
"What?"
"You can let everyone know that tomorrow evening, at 9:00 p.m., Pope Pius XIII will appear on the balcony of Saint Peter's Basilica and deliver his first official address."
I am sorry, Sister Mary. Lenny walked back to his bed chamber.
xiv.
At late hours, Lenny was with his mentor, Cardinal Michael Spencer.
"I'm so happy you asked me to come see you. I love you, Michael." Lenny was in Michael's apartment. "I couldn't wait to talk with you, Michael, to thank you, and to tell you I owe it all to you that I've gotten this far. You taught me about life, you taught me about Theology."
"I was supposed to be pope." Michael announced, with disappointment.
"I know." Lenny said. Before the Conclave, Michael was the favourite for the papacy. "But that was your mistake."
"You could have refused the deal Voiello offered you: to betray me in exchange for the election." Michael believed that Lenny had a deal with Voiello.
"What are you talking about? No one ever offered me a deal." Lenny didn't understand. If there was one, then I no need to find out who make me Pope.
"You liar!" Michael barked. "But I don't expect anything from you. You don't know how to love."
"Don't talk to me like that. Please." Lenny pleaded. That hurts!
"If you think I'm gonna talk to you differently now that you're Pope, let me tell you something, Lenny, that's never going to happen. Never!"
"Don't talk to me like that, you're hurting me." I hurt Sister Mary, so now Michael hurt me…
"I'm hurting you? You've ruined my life. You destroyed any sense of destiny in my life." His voice full of raged.
"So," Lenny tried to change the subject, "I spoke with Assente. He confessed to being gay. It's unacceptable that a homosexual heads the congregation that trains priests. He's out."
"That's nuts."
"I want you to take his place." Lenny was sincere, "We'll work together side by side, every day. You can continue to mentor me, just like you've always done."
"Are you crazy? People will say you are just doing a favour for a friend. Who have you taken me for? Did you really think I'd accept your charity?"
"Charity? No!" He couldn't believe what just Michael said. "I don't have the power to make you pope, Michael."
"It's not true that you don't have the power to make me pope. You do."
"What?"
"Resign. I'll win in the next Conclave." Michael was so sure about it.
"I wouldn't be so sure." Lenny disagreed, "The Conclave is mysterious."
"You don't know shit! You're just the blue-eyed kid." Michael laughed, "The Conclave is merely a place where games get played. Games in which you were never included."
Michael hinted that Lenny was not qualified as the Pope. He got elected was a mistake.
"You're just saying that to hurt me."
"I'm saying it because I'm the one who invented all the games that get played during Conclaves."
"If you invented them, then why aren't you pope?"
"I shall soon find out."
"Things went the way they did, Michael." Lenny pleaded; he couldn't bear to lose his mentor. "Please, just accept it and accept the post as Prefect for the Congregation for the Clergy. You'll be the most powerful man in the whole Church."
There was one more thing Lenny needed him most, "and Michael, help me. I'm begging you, help me write my first speech. I need you."
"But I don't need you, Lenny." Michael shouted.
"Help me write my speech, I need your advice." Lenny insisted.
"I have no more advice." Michael yelled, "Get out of my house, Lenny!"
Oh Lord! Is this my punishment for hurting Sister Mary? Lenny felt light-headed, and vulnerable, "Why did you have me come here, Michael?"
"To remind you that you're the Pope now. And you are all alone. Just as you have always been."
"Please, Michael!" No need to mention, I know. My parents don't love me. That's why they abandoned me.
"You're a nothing. Nothing! Your Holiness Pius XIII!"
xv.
After leaving Michael's house, Lenny was so lost, he needed Sister Mary. He knew it was late, he still went to knock on her door.
Sister Mary was surprise when Lenny shown up at her door.
"Tell me about my parents." He asked when he walked inside.
"Your parents left you at the orphanage, saying they couldn't keep you anymore because they had to go to Venice."
This was the version Lenny had heard hundred times already. He wanted to know more, why they abandoned their own son?
"And you didn't ask them what they had to do in Venice?"
"We didn't ask questions."
"What were they like?"
"I don't remember, Lenny." Sister Mary knew there must be something made him so upset. "I must have seen thousands of parents leave their children with us; I can't remember them all."
"I remember them." Lenny took out his precious pipe, "at least I remember them in my dreams. In theory, they might still be alive."
"Yes. They'd be just over seventy now."
"And, in theory, they might still be in Venice." Hope might be still out there.
"Logically, yes. But they could be anywhere, Lenny."
"I search everywhere, I pray everywhere." Lenny cried, "But I don't see God. Because I don't see my father. Because I don't see my mother."
Lenny was just longing for his parents.
"I, on the other hand, see everything." Sister Mary said softly.
"What do you see?" His eyes covered with wretched.
"God's plan." Sister Mary looked in his eyes, "A complex architecture that depends on you, Your Holiness. Everything is so clear."
"No one loves me," His voice full of hurt and lost, liked he was giving up, "which is why I am prepared for every kind of vileness, from everyone."
Sister Mary slapped on his face; Lenny looked shocking. Then she held his face in her hands, she searched that spark in Lenny's eyes, "Holy Father, I see Christ's reflection in you."
"And Dussolier?" he asked.
"I see Christ's reflection in him too. But yours are stronger."
xvi.
Lenny was reading the speech that drafted by Voiello.
"My dear faithful ones, I'm sorry I'm late. But here I am. Look at me. Only don't look at me. Look up. Do you see the sky? Do you see God? No? No matter. Now look at the person next to you. Look joyfully upon him, and remember what Saint Augustine said: If you want to see God, you have the means to do it. God is love."
This speech was not enough.
That was not the speech he wanted to deliver. Those words were Voiello's.
Those, were not mine.
Even his conscience said 'No', too.
If I used this, there will be no Pope, only Voiello's puppet.
No. This will be my speech.
Because, I am the Pope.
xvii.
The clock was clicking.
Lenny was pacing at his chamber, working on his first speech. He was getting distress, so he knelt down in front of the window, arms opened, let the sunlight shining over him, with eyes closed, he started to pray.
My Lord, help me. Help me to speak for you. Inspire me, when nobody hears you. Let me be your voice.
He prayed and prayed.
Repeated it again and again.
His mind got clear and clear.
When his eyes opened, he saw a folded paper on his nightstand. He fetched and unfolded it - it was the letter form Tommy.
Lenny smiled. That's it. Thank you, Lord.
And now, he needed to prepare himself for the homily.
He dressed himself with the basic white shirt and trousers underneath. Next, he put on the white silk cassock, fascia on his waist, followed by the lace-trimmed rochet. Finally, the red papal mozzetta and the red gold-embroidered stole on top, finished with his white zucchetto, white socks, red slippers, and the pectoral cross.
Looked at himself at the mirror one more time, Pope Pius XIII was ready for his first speech.
When he arrived the Basilica, he was greeted by the College of Cardinals, he took the seat and waited.
Sofia had setup the balcony exactly as he wished: no spotlights from the front, or the side, or overhead, only a dim light from the back, therefore, only a dark shadow or the silhouette of him could be seen.
Now the crowd on the square were cheering, waiting for their Pope. Lenny was nervous, he looked at Sister Mary. She gave him a warm smile, that made him felt so much better. Then he waited, waited until Cardinal Andrew Dussolier shown up. He was late.
After he join the cardinals, Lenny stood up, with the red folder in his hand, he walked towards the balcony.
"Let yourself go, Your Holiness." said Gutierrez.
"And if the saint here were you, Gutierrez?"
They both smiled at each other.
He walked through the French doors; Pope Pius XIII finally shown himself to the faithful. He opened the folder and placed it on the stand.
"What have we forgotten?" Lenny asked the crowd.
"What have we forgotten? We have forgotten God. You, you have forgotten God. I want to be very clear with you. You have to be closer to God than to each other. I am closer to God than I am to you. You need to know that I will never be close to you. Because everyone is alone before God."
The cheers from the crowd was gone, only left was the chill. The photographers on the press stand were frustrated, because none of them were able to take a normal photo of Pope Pius XIII.
"I have nothing to say to those who have even the slightest doubt about God. All I can do is remind them of my scorn. And their wretchedness. I don't have the proof of God existence; it is up to you to prove that He doesn't. Are you capable of proving that God does not exist? If you aren't able to prove it, then it means that God does exist.
"God exists, and He isn't interested in us until we become interested in Him, in Him exclusively. Do you understand what I am saying? Ex-clu-sive-ly! Twenty-four hours a day. Your hearts and minds filled only with God. There's no room for anything else. No room for free will, no room for liberty, no room for emancipation.
"'Free yourself from God', I've heard people say. 'Liberate yourself from God', but the pain of liberation is unbearable, sharp enough to kill. Without God you are as good as dead. Dead, abandoned strays wandering the streets."
"We want to look you in the face." Someone from the crowd shouted.
"You want to look me in my face?" Lenny asked, he pointed to the sky and continued, "Go see God first! I won't help you. I'm not gonna show you the way. Search for it. Find Him. And when you have found God, perhaps you will see me as well."
The faithful didn't seem to understand the Pope's speech, also, they were more upset that they could not see the Pope properly. From the crowd, there was a laser beam spotted on Lenny.
"Stop it!" Lenny was furious, "How dare you shine a light on your Pope? What you are doing is more than a simple lack of respect. I don't know if you deserve me."
Lenny could not stand such an insult, "I don't know. At this point I don't know if you are worthy of me. I don't know."
Thunder struck through the sky when Pope Pius XIII walked away and disappeared from the balcony.
Thunderstorms all night.
Is God upset too?