TWO
JACOB
WTF
EARLIER, SAME DAY (before Leah sees Rosalie at the cafe)…
"Bella, say something." I look over at Edward, who grimaces and shakes his head. I can tell he's alright with the news but clearly Bella won't be so easy to win over. And it's what I expected because I know she hates Leah.
"Maybe you should give her some time, I'll talk to her," Edward offers.
At Edward's reassurance, Bella seems to snap out of her vampiric coma thing that she does whenever she's lost in thought, "Don't you think this is a little too soon? I mean think about it Jacob, the legends say that the imprint is a mating bond, so what are you doing? Why are you going against your own traditions?"
I shake my head. If she remembered anything about me, Bella would know that one my personal mottos is "fuck everything else" when I really want something – or someone. The irony of it all however, is that I am actually trying to keep my traditions, and live my life as a Quileute, rather than run off to hide around the world for the rest of my life. "The imprint's not going anywhere, Bell. It's just not that kind of bond for me and Ness okay, she's a child and I'm a man. I will never see her as anything more than your kid. As a Kid – period! I love her with all my heart, but it's just not that type of love. Quite frankly, I thought you'd be happy to hear that considering that you nearly tore my throat out when you heard about the imprint. You didn't want my wolfish shit anywhere near your precious baby, remember?"
Edward chuckles quietly and I know he's reliving that particular moment in his mind. He loves it when Bella turns on me. Ass.
"If it were the other way around I am sure you'd feel the same," Edward says, reminding me that he's always got that fricken open window to my thoughts.
"Get out of my head, leech!" I growl back.
"Oh just quit it, will you!" Bella snaps at us both. "I'm serious Jake. You should wait, give it time. Don't jeopardize my daughter's future happiness for her. She's not the person who deserves you."
"You can't say that Bella," I caution, heat rising up my spine as my temper steadily builds. Digs at Leah are off limits. Bella's the last person to know anything about what Leah deserves.
"Calm down Jacob," Edward warns.
"I am calm," I insist.
"Renesmee's grown now Jake, she is NOT a KID. Stop being silly - this isn't a regular situation, she is supernatural and that makes her different to normal children who really are seven. If I'm alright with it, and Edward, then why aren't you? What are you so scared of now? Isn't this what you've been waiting for ever since she was born?"
"Are you KIDDING ME?" I yell. Bella is my best friend but times like this, when she chooses to be so fucking bull-headed about the wrong thing, I want to strangle her for the words that come out of her mouth. "Bella, you're basically saying that I've been a pedophile for the last seven years!" Even Edward looks disgusted at her insinuation. He and I both know I'd be dead already if I'd ever had one inappropriate thought about Ness.
Bella back peddles with a stammer, her little fists clenched at her sides, which always happens when she gets flustered. "No- that's not what I meant, obviously! I-I just mean that you've always expected that one day she'll want something more from you. She won't want a brother or a best friend! She'll want a lover. A…ah… a Man."
"Oh God," Edwards grimaces and bows his head, shaking it in disgust while pinching the bridge of his nose. "Bella, love, please."
Bella chuckles nervously and dips her head. If she were human her face would be beet red by now. "Sorry Edward, trust me it's weirder being the one to say it. But there's no other way to say it! They were meant to be together. That was the whole point of us being best friends! And for the imprint! Jacob's role is to always be what she needs through each stage of her life, and the next stage IS coming. Renesmee is a woman now."
"She's SEVEN years old, Bell!" I yell, throwing my heads up in frustration. She was just NOT listening! "I'm never going to see it different to that!" And it was always easy for her to say that Nessie was the reason for her and I being so close at one point - because Bella never loved me the way she loves Edward. But I refuse to belittle the feelings I had for her, feelings which had nothing to do with her having a daughter with a vampire. Nothing to do with the supernatural at all. I was just a boy, in love with a girl who fell down the rabbit hole, and who went tumbling after her. Now she didn't want me to crawl my way back out.
Edward frowns and looks up at me and I snarl, daring him to comment about what he shouldn't be listening to in the first place. "Look, Jacob, Renesmee hates to be compared to that number and it simply isn't fair to her. Renesmee acts and thinks nothing like a seven-year-old. She is fully grown physically, she's mature and extremely intelligent. While I do understand your feelings on the matter - and trust me, this isn't as easy for me as it seems to be for my wife - I have to stand with Bella on this one. I think you should go to her, and spend time figuring things out. I would like to see you show my daughter the respect she deserves as a young adult."
Edward moves to stand next to his wife and wraps his arm around her. They are both dressed in matching blue sweaters and designer denim and boots; looking as immaculate and porcelain as ever. I don't think I'll ever get used to it, and I am grateful that Nessie is a little more human than these two weirdos. Edward cocks a brow at me and I roll my eyes and shake my head.
I am no fool. I know just as well as they do, that when I talk to her about the other aspects of the imprint, the mature part to the protection and companionship, that it will potentially change how Renesmee feels about me. It would be like activating the romantic switch of the imprint, in her brain. Telling her everything will not be easy, and all I can think about is what I could lose. I'm desperate for an out. "Will you back me up? I need your word that you will encourage her to keep living her life and doing her own thing."
"We can only promise to do what's best for Renesmee, Jacob," Edward answers.
"That's not good enough leech, and you know it!" I snap.
"I don't understand what you're so scared of." Edward rolls his eyes as if I am the one who's being a righteous prick right now. "You are, Dog!" he hisses then gets all up in my face, forcing me to take a step back as his stench burns the back of my throat. "It's as if you have no common decency! You've betrayed her! You have NO honour! And you're... ABSURD, Jacob Black! You don't even deserve my daughter, so it's fine! Run along back to your den! I'll be sure to tell Nessie exactly what bullet she dodged!"
"Edward!" Bella gasps, completely scandalized by her husband's behavior.
Honestly, I am stunned too. The bloodsucker is always the King of Composure. He always makes sure to be on his p's and q's whenever I'm around so that when I open my loudmouth, I'll always look like the real monster.
"You ARE a monster!" Edward shouts right in my face before leaving the room at vampire speed. I hate when they do that, it always stirs up their scent. I sneeze and my wolf squirms in my chest. Gross.
"I've gotta go," I tell Bella, before the wolf gets the better of the man. Edward and I both know that if we see each other's faces again right now, there will be a fight. Fucking leech. My wolf yearns for the satisfaction of tearing him limb from limb, a desire I haven't felt since Nessie was born.
Where the fuck does he get off calling ME a monster?! He's the one who fucking slept with Bella when she was nothing but a fragile human girl. She DIED right there in front of me because of what he did. And I am the monster? I am the fucking monster? He showed up out of nowhere and stole her human life away, and mine!
My breaths are shallow and hard now and it's a wonder that I haven't phased and gone after him. I wonder sometimes if I'll ever get over the havoc that the Cullens brought to our lives those years ago when they moved back to Forks.
Bella tugs on the sleeve of my shirt, pulling me out of the bloodlust. I blink a few times to clear my head and my vision which was slipping into wolf mode. But the action only buys a short time because the wolf is awake now and there's no suppressing the need to phase when a vampire is right in front of me. "Bell, I can't stay, your husband's going to end up leech barbeque if I do."
"Jake wait, please, don't do this okay? Just go to her, go to Ness and do what's right. Please. Just talk to her. If you need a ticket just let me know, you know I'd gladly foot the expense."
"I'm not promising you to change my mind, just like you won't promise to give me your support."
"Jacob I have to think of my daughter first."
"And I've got to put myself first for once. You're telling me to do what's right but what's right is for me to be true to myself, Bell. You want me to lie to your daughter, but I can't. I've dedicated my whole life to you and your family Bella, you do realize that right, don't you?"
"Jake! You were happy with us."
"No! Not all the time! I wasn't happy living by vampire rules. That's why I had to leave because I was dying inside Bella! You don't see anything past Edward's sparkly skin! You just want me to fit into your world and always be your safety net, but I can't. Now it's my turn to think about me. And you know what? If you won't support me, consider us done." I turn on my heel and exit the room.
Bella calls out to me but does not try to stop me, and I am grateful. I don't want to fight her. Edward's reaction has me shook, has me feeling like maybe I am making a little too light of the situation with Nessie. But it also has me angry, indignant. I am not some kid or pet that they can order around. The days of the Cullens controlling my life ended when I moved back to the Res; when I looked at Leah Clearwater and realized that she was the only thing that made sense in my world.
I stomp down the stairs to the bottom floor and out of the mansion. But as I am about to open the door to my truck, Blondie zooms in front of me. I growl instinctively, even more annoyed that another leech stench is in my nostrils. I'd kill for some fresh air, literally. "What do you want?" I spit through clenched teeth.
Rosalie smiles at me, but the way she does it is anything but friendly. "You really got Edward good! I think he almost said a bad word, poor thing. But you should listen to him, Black. Talk to her."
I roll my eyes. "Stay out of my fucking business, Dumbelle."
The vampire bares her teeth with a growl. "Nessie IS my business! And I'm not going to let you hurt her!"
"I am NOT going to hurt her!"
"You think you know what you're doing but you're wrong! She doesn't feel what you feel, Jacob."
"What are you talking about?" I feel my blood start to cool in fear of what is going to come out of her mouth next.
"Renesmee wants you."
I shake my head and step away. "I don't believe you." My heart picks up speed and I find myself stumbling backwards. What the fuck is she saying?
"She talks about these things with me, not Bella. I know she cares about you a lot, and she misses you. It's lonely in a way that she struggles with, because she thinks her feelings are wrong – to have feelings for her mother's friend. I was going to tell you this before you left to visit for her birthday. It really is time to tell her the whole truth so that she understands why she feels that way. She's confused."
I shake my head as if the action can somehow make my world stop falling off its axis. "Don't fuck with me, Blondie." Nessie is suffering? Missing me? Wanting me?
FUUUUCKKKKK.
And it doesn't help that the wolfish part of me, after hearing what Blondie said, just wants to be on the next plane out to Paris. The need to protect and comfort the imprint is rearing its inconvenient head. "This doesn't make sense! Whenever we talk she's all happy and chipper. I would know if something was wrong." I'm grasping at straws, my mind working in overdrive to make heads of this sudden revelation. I thought she was happily dating and making friends!
"I'm not lying, I swear on my eternity that it's the truth. Nessie's been hiding it from you and the coven because she knows you're happier with the pack. That's why she said she wanted the year to herself without anyone around. No one knows but me how down she's been lately."
"But Paris…"
"She is enjoying her art studies and her friends and travelling, yes, but that has nothing to do with you and her, Jacob. Don't look for excuses that are not there. The separation is taking its toll in spite of all she does to distract herself."
I can't listen to one more word. My stomach churns and I need that fresh air. With a quick shove I push the leech out of my way and climb into my truck. I tear down the gravel driveway so fast that rocks and grit go flying everywhere. I head up the backroads that would take me to the coastline and press the gas. I need to think, I need to clear my head and figure out what the fuck I'm going to do.
How can I face Leah or Nessie?
How can I NOT give either of them what they want more than anything?
For the first time I truly question just how in the hell I'm going to pull this off.