an: the first chapter had been posted before in my micro-fic story so here's two to make up for it!
once again, happy birthday to mica 3 you're amazing and i appreciate you so much! i hope you enjoy the angst uwu
Riza entered her apartment, sighing in relief once the door was closed. It had been a long night. It was pushing three o'clock in the morning and she felt dead on her feet. After the happy couple left, Riza had followed behind in a car to make sure they reached the General's townhouse safely. Then she had to go back to the venue and make sure everything was squared up and all right there. It was midnight the wedding had finished, but there was no rest for her. There was never any rest for Captain Hawkeye.
Hayate padded over with a yawn, having been awoken by the sound of her arrival. His tail wagged happily as he greeted her, his tongue lolling from his mouth.
Lowering herself to a crouch, Riza smiled fondly at her dog. The one man in her life she could count on. Shaking her head at the amusing thought, that was also not too far from the truth, Riza rose and made her way to her bedroom. She stripped out of her evening dress to leave it a puddle of rich fabric on the floor. Her pyjamas were hastily thrown on, then she collapsed into her bed. Hayate hopped up beside her and Riza buried her face in his fur.
At the ball, she'd vowed she would hold everything in until she got home. And she did. The tears that threatened to overwhelm her when she witnessed Roy kiss his new bride after they were announced. It was hard to watch their first dance as he held her close, a soft smile on his face as he looked down at her. She'd had to give a speech too… Oh god, that speech.
It was awful. She was a professional though, so outwardly it was a toast to the new and happy couple. Inside, it felt like her chest was burning. At one point, she'd caught Roy's eye and had faltered slightly. His gaze was burning into hers with a heat that she didn't need to see at that moment.
Roy had been the one to ask her to make the speech. His eyes had begged her, and she was frozen in place, unable to escape. Riza couldn't turn it down.
The boys didn't like it, and they told her, asking how Roy could do that to her. Riza reassured them she was fine, and she was… Until she came to be standing in front of hundreds of people, wishing the man she loved a long and happy life with someone else.
He was truly out of reach now. He always had been, in a way, but now he was married. He'd just ejected himself a million miles away from her, and it felt like Riza was losing him. Regardless of her feelings for him, it was still difficult to lose someone from her life. Especially someone she'd been so close to.
Nothing came to her as she lay there in her bed. No tears, no emotions, nothing. All she could think about was the soft look on his face when he'd exited out onto the balcony to come and see her.
He had sought her out.
Not that it mattered now anyway, but it was a nice thought. It was a comfort, nonetheless. It made her feel seen. It made Riza feel like she wasn't being left behind or tossed to the side.
One tear fell down her cheek.
She was still useful to him, and that was her main, driving, goal in life.
Another tear.
Soon they were flowing freely. Hayate whined and inched closer to her, pressing his face into the crook of her neck. Riza gripped the dog tightly – always mindful of his size, though – and cried. She cried for what she'd lost – the man she loved and her best friend.
It took her an hour to calm down. The birds were chirping cheerily outside her window. Riza was exhausted as she fell into sleep, only to awaken four hours later because of her alarm. She turned it off – her hand slamming the top of it harder than was necessary – and dragged herself out of bed and into her bathroom.
The General was away on his honeymoon today, and as his bodyguard, she had to make sure he made it to the train station in one piece. The train wasn't due to leave until ten o'clock, however these things didn't plan themselves, and Riza had to make arrangements for the transport for the two of them, not just the General.
She was so tired.
Mechanically she got dressed and ready for the day. This wasn't healthy, but neither was watching the man she loved being married off to someone else, so Riza gave herself this time to grieve. Fuck, she'd been the one to toast their marriage yesterday. It had been a lie. It felt like ash in her mouth, coating it so it felt like she might vomit or be unable to breathe properly.
The brush tugged through her hair roughly.
She was only human, and she was devastated. This process had taken over a year and only now was it finally hitting her, once it was all over.
The brush hit the table with a clatter and Riza's hands flattened on the top of her vanity. Her eyes closed as she composed herself, willing the tears not to fall. She already looked bad enough with lack of sleep. She didn't need red and puffy eyes from crying as well.
Hayate's whine broke through her despair. Her head jerked up, bringing her face to face with her own reflection.
You need to stop.
Drawing herself up to her full height, Riza took two full deep breaths. Turning to grab her jacket from her bed, she scratched Hayate behind the ear.
"Thank you, boy." He'd broken her out of her funk. He really is the only man I can count on. "Time to go get to work."