50BC, Gaul, Morning — Boar-Collecting
Obelix and I went boar-hunting today. Boar-hunting is so normal and common and necessary an activity for us Gauls that I would hardly consider it "legendary". But today while hunting in the forest we came across something curious enough to be written down. Here's what happened:
So I was telling Obelix the story about Lovestorix, the Gaul who went all the way to Olympia, Greece, to win the heart of a Princess Irina whom he was madly in love with. Princess Irina was set to marry Brutus, the son of Caesar, and Lovestorix didn't like that. He blurted out how he would win the sacred Olympic Games to stop the marriage and prove his worth to her. Irina liked the idea and decided to give him a chance. But Lovestorix then learned that only Greeks and Romans could compete in the games so the poor guy returned home broken-hearted.
"Poor Lovestorix," Obelix said. So I said "Oh, boy meets girl stuff. It always gets messy, you know," and we got started on our boar-hunting. Obelix wanted to find V boars for breakfast — II for me, II for him and I for Dogmatix. I told him we need only about half but he interjected and insisted that a walk in the park always works up an appetite so V boars it is. Okay, okay. Whatever his appetite says.
I drank some magic potion and went into the forest with him. We found and bashed V boars frolicking around eventually and got ready to go home for lunch. But as soon as we began making our way out of the forest a Roman ran past us. A strange Roman, he was. He looked like he was being chased by someone and he didn't bother to say hi while running past us. Weirdest of all was that he kept dropping this strange smoky stuff behind him. Obelix and I caught up with him and we lectured him a little — we told him how his behaviour would scare off the boars and things like that.
We then ran ahead of him. The Roman stopped, and from afar we heard him grumble to himself something about being caught up with, easy as pie. He then said something about being the greatest at javelin and pulled out a thin twig of tree and threw it in our direction without seeing us. The twig hit Obelix in the back of his head (ouch! But luckily a permanent effect of the magic potion kept him on his feet). Obelix then, to hit back, pulled a fully-grown tree out of its roots (Dogmatix hates it whenever he does that) and threw it at the Roman. It landed square on the Roman, who fainted, and we went back home, carrying our boars with us. Then Obelix told me about a strange dream he had last night. I can't remember how most of it went, but I remember Obelix saying how he didn't want to bash Romans anymore. Talk about your night sweats!
We went to tell Getafix what we saw after dinner. Getafix was not quite himself tonight. He seemed to have…… lost a pound or two and seemed as flat as…… "As a papyrus!" And we all saw Sam Schieffer standing at the entrance of Getafix hut. Yep, Getafix seemed as flat as the very papyrus I am writing on now and looked more like a drawing than a person. What on Earth is going on, by Toutatis?
Sam Schieffer came in and started babbling about how Getafix "is a victim of an evil that threatens us all" and how "the future isn't rosy". Getafix, despite his appearance, remained his usual composed, venerable manner and told Sam to calm down and tell us what's happening. So Sam told the story: he was off on a mission in Olympia, Greece, where the sacred games are being held. And there he discovered an evil wizard named Doctormabus with a key that can access "parallel worlds" — worlds that look like ours but are different.
I asked if it was dangerous to access different world to different world like that. Getafix said yes, it's VERY dangerous because there exists an infinity of worlds similar to our own, and it's never too smart to mess with the key connecting other dimensions as it's generally a recipe for catastrophe and mayhem. I told Getafic he looked like the living proof of it — on papyrus. Sam said he didn't know what Doctormabus is up to, but if he continues prodding and poking with his little key "the future isn't rosy" again.
Obelix then had an idea. We can all go to Olympia and say we're competing in the Olympic Games and help poor Lovestorix. I reminded Obelix that only Greeks and Romans can compete in the games. But Sam Schieffer spoke up and said we are technically Romans — no offense — since Caesar conquered Gaul. "What? Me, Roman? Pull the other one!" was Obelix's reaction. And Getafix said it's better to be Gaulish in name than Roman on papyrus. So that means we Gauls can compete in the games after all!
We're going to set off tomorrow morning for Olympia. I've done my packing. We are going to call ourselves the Gallo-Roman team. The first thing I'm going to do tomorrow is tell Lovestorix the good news. That'll boost his morale and increase his and our chances of winning the sacred Olympic Games.
Asterix.