I'm in a painting, playing poker with a big boo.
Luigi won a mansion in a contest he never entered, and I was suspicious. Visited it in my coveralls and gloves. Didn't want him getting any nasty surprises... I got the nasty surprise instead.
The moment I stepped inside, something felt wrong, the entrance doors locked, and boos swarmed and chased me around the house. They grabbed at me the whole way, taking my left glove, right shoe, and hat.
When they dragged me through the courtyard into the well, I panicked and caused an explosion with a flower before they knocked me out down there.
There's a redundant amount of enchantments on this place. Can't even make a spark.
I'm not sure what they want to do with Luigi or me, but they're current plan is to use me as bait. Maybe they want our souls? To turn us into minions? Sure, we're well known, but that doesn't mean we'll be powerful minions.
Regardless, the boo is awful at poker and can't keep a straight face, can't even deal well... Has a tacky crown, too.
Of the the fifty-two games we've played, I won one. The first game. He electrocuted me with various voltages for what felt like an hour over that.
I started throwing games and he complained that I wasn't trying, made me want to rip my ears out with high pitched sounds.
So now I have to pretend I'm not trying to lose, counting cards and tracking the boo's hand to avoid winning hands. Emoting isn't something I'm used to doing. I don't show much emotion as is, so it feels odd trying to emulate expressions to help my opponent.
I'm bad-mouthing Luigi, too. Whenever he asks about Luigi, I basically tell him that Luigi's a coward. That he's oblivious and can't do basic things to take care of himself. That he's a sitting duck.
Luigi's got fame, but not the best kind. My lack of expression has made people view him as a coward by comparison, which is untrue. He's complained about it, but I'd rather not intervene; if he wants a better reputation, that's on him to earn it.
I don't really do anything about how people view me. To the masses, I'm a simple, short, jolly, and fat man who rescues a princess out of love. Three of these things are false, two are observations, and one is a generalization of what I do.
Regardless, if the boos mess around and don't ambush him like they did with me, he'll have a good chance.
I wonder when he's gonna get here. The boos'll think he's a pushover, but they'll get a nasty surprise... I also want to play a real poker game.
I'm at Pauline's house. She invited me to a ball, so we're practicing a week in advance. It's a casual ball, but both of us like to show off.
We're having a break now, but she and I are going over a waltz. It's a fast waltz, jazzy, too.
We're mapping out the solos where we'll split off, and key changes where we'll foxtrot and quickstep in transition to swapping leads.
Talking isn't what anyone with class wants to do during a dance, but there is communication. How we respond to each other's gestured propositions in the moment is important. What we're listening to is just an audio recording, but the live music will be a least somewhat different, and we'll need to account for that.
We used to dance more often and practice instruments together, but since Luigi and I left Diamond city, I haven't done either hobby that much.
I can't really lug an alto saxophone when trekking for miles, and not many people want to dance with a short, fat guy for obvious reasons.
Maybe I should hold a slightly taller shifted form, I've heard of people changing their regular form over time... it sounds stressful. Also, I can't get into nooks and crannies if I'm too big to fit. Almost crushed myself when I shrunk to get into a squeak bandit hideout and couldn't hold the form after a while...
Break's almost over, can't be distracted during practice.
Luigi and I are at an inn in the Bean Bean Kingdom.
The food's good, and their maple syrup is great on almost everything, Luigi's been gorging on it.
We already met the Bean Prince through strange circumstances. He seems well intentioned and... charming. Despite his... charms, I'm not impressed. Luigi's swayed, though.
The beans are cordial and welcoming, but I'm sure it's because we're considered celebrities. Usually, I'd be unrecognized, but Luigi insisted that we shouldn't be lying low.
I do see his point, we've gotten reduced prices, free stays at inns, and the guards let us into restricted areas. It's helped us more than anything, but I prefer blending in. It's no fun having everything handed over on a silver platter.
Luigi's also more of a haggler than me. Well, anyone's more of a haggler than me. Keeps up appearances, too; he doesn't have a hair out of line, whereas my mustache and hair has always been a mess...
We're here tracking a bean witch and her apprentice who stole Toadstool's voice, and are planning on using it to awaken a sleeping Star Sprite.
Bowser was at the castle when it happened. He immediately rallied the crew of the leisure airship he arrived in. I had to run in to get aboard, Luigi getting taken along. He didn't want to go, but Bowser decided that it'd be a good idea to have him on hand. I kinda did nothing but watch as the ship's storage claw grabbed him. Seeing him run from an airship was funny.
And then we met the witch. She and her apprentice attacked the ship and downed it just at the border.
She was annoying and looked like a dried up old hag in a silly rocking chair.
Her apprentice spouts nonsense and seems more like a drama student than a magic user. In fact, he doesn't even use magic, just a robotic helmet.
They've been constant annoyances, almost fully turning the Bean Prince into a creature, trying to block our way down a mountain with rock slides, and nigh destroying the capitol city.
We're preparing to enter the Bean Bean Castle. The beans told us about their queen's condition, and that witch hasn't been spotted leaving with the star yet, so I assume something's holding her up.
I'm hiding inside a robotics lab at the Bean Bean University, it's quiet at the moment.
The university's been locked down, and guards are outside keeping people from coming in or leaving. Luigi and I got in because the Bean Queen gave us badges with detective privileges.
The students have been turned into creatures, some of the equipment is now sentient, and both are aggressive. Luigi's stuck somewhere, taken by a crane.
When we walked into the lobby, I could feel something was off, and then we saw a kid in the dark, hobbling towards us.
Luigi focused his flashlight on him, and asked if he was okay. Almost on cue, the kid collapsed and started turning into a creature.
His face grew out into an elongated snout as his body shifted under his coat. He screamed the whole time, trying to claw into his face. I don't think beans have blood, but fluids seeped out as he struggled.
I watched the whole thing as Luigi ran behind me. I'm not sure how long it took for him to fully transform, it felt like ages, but also moments.
It was easy to kill what he turned into, but I still feel guilty for just watching and not doing something when he started turning. The Bean Prince was almost turned, but I managed to save him. This was much faster though.
We discussed our options, well, Luigi did and I nodded along. Both of us were wary of what could be deeper within.
The guards warned that we'd have to stay if we came in. Plus, the witch is in here with the star sprite and the tools to awaken it.
There was no other way. We had to move forward.
I thought that we could end up with the same fate as that student. That what turned him into that creature was contagious.
Now that we've seen more creatures, I'm afraid. Didn't tell Luigi though. We can't leave, so it's unnecessary stress.
The guards warned us that we'd have to stay here for forty days. It sounded like a quarantine to me, and I asked about it. The guy explained that some of the creatures slipped past them disguised as students.
But the guards lied to us. Those were students. They turned into the creatures.
Hopefully, whatever the witch did, it isn't contagious...
Luigi has to be somewhere in here.
Our adventure in the Bean Bean Kingdom has finally ended. Toadstool, Luigi, Bowser, and I are lounging in a private pink airliner.
This whole thing was odd.
Bowser showed up after the ship crashed as a minion to this Popple guy, and popped up again possessed by the witch! Had disgusting alterations to his body, too... At least he reverted after we beat the witch out of him and destroyed her soul.
The students at the university got turned into monsters... unfortunately we couldn't save them.
I got trapped in a liqueur barrel for a couple of hours, got drunk just by breathing in there, then went down a river while still trapped. Threw up as soon as the lid popped off and I got out of there.
Some guy in an egg costume wanted to open up a Yoshi theater. Didn't look very comfy for the Yoshis though; no holes in the seats for their tails, a lack of fruit in the concessions, etcetera.
We also met this weird shirt designer who painted with a water gun... It was fun designing shirts with him.
Toadstool's voice wasn't stolen at all. She was hiding out with the Bean Bean prince while it happened. Somehow, they got a birdo to stand in for her. Luigi, Bowser, and I are still pissed over this whole thing.
My guess is that she made a deal with the Bean Bean royals so I'd get rid of their problem without them having to request help from foreigners. Kingdom pride and all that, royal politics arent too hard to grasp. Toadstool pays me to hide in the rafters with a gun during royal conferences when I'm available. Imagine that schemer having a pure voice! They must've spread a rumor to get the witch's attention.
We got paid, but maybe I should've hustled them. You have a problem? You go and hire the guys to fix it! Don't go through hoops to pretend you didn't ask for help.
I'm still bitter about being called in while Luigi was over. He was forced along by Bowser, but at least he came along.
Toadstool tried to get me to recite a speech, but I froze up before leaving the podium. Something about facing a huge crowd freezes me up.
I've heard people say things behind my back.
They don't seem to realize that I don't face armies, nor do I face crowds.
Luigi's actually braver than me. He has no issue talking about whatever he wants, even his fears. He talks about his life and makes updates on a site. He goes around the world to speak to people.
As for me, I don't chat much, and people tend to not know I've been in a city until my traveling companions say something months later.
Bowser wouldn't have an army to attack with if I was a great warrior.
That is, if he even attacked anymore. He's only really kidnapped Toadstool five times. The first time, he turned the toads into stone; plenty of variations on that one. Second was while we were at Yoshi's island. Third was when he occupied her castle. Fourth was an attempt to marry her on the moon. Fifth was when his son kidnapped her without him knowing.
I understand why people are interested in what I do. Rescuing people and going on adventures is one thing, but I'm also elusive. People apparently don't pay as much attention to those who save the day and stay to give out signatures. I don't think I've given out a signature once in my life...
Being an adventurer doesn't equate to being a good public speaker.
At least Toadstool knows to avoid having me at the podium.