AN:

Thanks to everybody who hopped on the train with me. Guys you're the best. Enjoy and maybe let me know what you think.

Chapter 2

The houses were drifting by, but Mac didn't see it. His gaze was unfocused, his thoughts miles away. The blond was unaware of the concerned looks his partner was shooting him periodically. Pena. Mac hadn't thought of him for a few weeks and he felt guilty for it. For years, not a single day went by without Mac thinking of his first mentor. Mac blinked. They were parking in his driveway and the engine was out. When had they gotten home? He really needed to get his shit together. Hastily he fumbled with the door handle and jumped out of the GTO. He stumbled on unsteady legs and would have fallen, if it hadn't been for Jack who caught him in time.

„Whoa, slow down hoss. No need for such a rush." Mac managed to get his feet under him and pushed Jacks hands away angrily.

„I can get to my house by myself." The blond stomped to the door and fumbled with the key. With his shaking hands it took him a few attemps to get it open. Jack waited patiently, he didn't want to add pressure on Macs frayed nerves.

Once inside the blonde went to the bathroom. „I'm taking a shower."

„I'm gonna order some food. Do you want anything special?" Jack asked and sat down on the couch.

„Not hungry," Mac mumbled and was gone.

Jack sighed and pulled out his phone. He ordered their favourite pizza and grabbed the remote.

Mac closed the bathroom door and sank down to the floor, burying his head in his hands. Pena. He knew the message was probably faked, but his brain couldn't deny the truth in the words. It had been his fault. Sure the Ghost was the one who built the bomb, but it should have been Mac who entered the building. But the robot had broken down again and Pena had told him to fix it while he went into that damn house. A few minutes later the blast from the explosion had turned Macs world upside down.

Tears were streaming down his face and Mac let them fall. He didn't have any energy to stop them or wipe them away. Grief and guilt were as present as they were the first day it had happened. An open wound no bandage could stop from bleeding. A soft knock on the door startled Mac.

„Are you ok in there Mac? I didn't hear the shower, so I just wanted to make sure you're alright." Jacks voice was muffled, but Mac could hear the concern in it.

„Yeah, I'm fine. I'm going to shower now." Mac pulled himself up from the floor and turned on the water to show Jack everything was good. Mac snorted. Who did he try to bullshit? Clearly Jack knew that Mac was anything but alright. Slowly the blond undressed and showered.

Jack was pacing the hall. Mac had been in the bathroom for over twenty minutes and there was no sound of running water. He knew Mac was barely holding it together and Jack couldn't blame him for it. First the toy and then the message. Who the fuck was messing with his partner? The Delta wanted to break every single bone of that asshole. Why was he doing this to Mac? To Mac, the guy with the heart of gold. Jack shook his head and tried to calm down. His friend needed him more than ever before, he had to keep his emotions in check. Jack took a deep breath and asked Mac if he was ok in the bathroom. Macs answer was not convincing at all, but at least he could hear the shower soon after.

Mac walked into the living room. He was wearing sweats and an old MIT shirt. With his still wet hair he looked more like sixteen than his twenty-six years and Jacks protective nature welled up strongly. His partner was still pretty pale, but he seemed more in control now although his red rimmed eyes told Jack that Mac had been crying. His heart constricted but he didn't address it and embarrass his friend. Mac sat down in the living room and Jack brought the pizza and beer.

The blond opened the bottle and took a gulp. He ignored the pizza, but that was no surprise to Jack. He waited, but when Mac remained silent, he decided to speak up.

„You know it wasn't your fault," Jack was blunt.

Macs head shot up.

„Penas death. It wasn't your fault Mac." Jack tried again. „Matty called. The message was faked, someone used old recordings and a computer program to create the voicemail. They are still going over the files, but nothing so far." He watched his partner waiting for a reaction.

Mac just nodded.

„Talk to me Mac. I want to help you buddy, but you have to give me something." Jack was worried about his friend.

„I knew it was a fake. Not at first … I was too shocked. But later I knew it. I mean I was there when he … when Al died." Macs voice grew quiet and he fought tears again. He looked at Jack and the misery the Delta saw in his eyes broke his heart. „But he was right. It should have been me."

Jack grabbed Macs shoulders. „Mac no. Don't go there. It was the Ghosts fault, not yours or Penas. This asshole just wants to get to you."

Mac laughed, but there was no humor in it. „Well he definitely did." He leaned back and closed his eyes. Jack sqeezed Macs shoulder again. „We'll find him brother. You're not alone in this."

„Thanks Jack. You don't know if it is a man," the blond remarked.

Jack chuckled. „You maybe awkward with the ladies Mac, but even you would remember if you screwed up a date this bad."

Mac smiled and picked up the remote. „You're an Idiot Jack. So what do we watch?"

Jack shrugged. „I don't care as long as it is something without explosions."

They were ten minutes into the movie when Mac was sound asleep. Jack stood up and covered his partner with a blanket. He settled back down and soon drifted off.

Jack was woken by a crash. In less than a second he stood, ready to fight the enemy. When Jack got his bearings he saw that Mac was thrashing on the other couch. He had knocked one of the beer bottles of the coffee table in his nightmare. The blond was mumbling and tears were streaming down his face. „No, no, Al, stop … please no …"

Jack immediately sat down beside his partner. „Hey it's ok hoss. Just a dream, you're at home and you're safe. Come on buddy wake up, you can do it. I'm here for you." Jack accompanied his words by gently rubbing Macs arm and wiping away the tears on his face.

Macs eyes opened, his breathing fast and shallow. He blinked several times until he was back in the present. Mac sat up and threw himself into Jacks arms. The Delta hugged him and mumbled soothing nonsense. He felt his shirt dampen with Macs tears and willed the anger over the unfair situation away. Macs sobs turned into hiccups and he sat back. „Sorry Jack, I'm sorry," he mumbled embarrassed.

„Hey you've nothing to be sorry for Mac. Just relax and breathe buddy. Do you want to talk about it?" Jack asked, but Mac shook his head. „It's ok, I guess I know it anyway."

Mac looked like a ghost when he was walking into the war room the next morning. Dark shadows under his eyes were a dead giveaway how the situation was getting to him. He sat down and asked. „Did you find out anything?" His expression showing hope and dread at the same time.

Matty shook her head. „Nothing so far. Riley and Bozer are out and questioning the guys from your old EOD training camp. I'm sorry, but the message you got was a dead end. No traces who had sent it."

Mac nodded, not surprised.

„Take today off Mac, get some rest. You look like you need it." Matty suggested.

Mac felt, he had to defend himself. „I'm fine, if there is a mission, I'm ready to go." The blond persisted.

„No missions until this is cleared up." Matty used her boss voice and Mac knew he had to give in. It made him angry, that Matty didn't trust him to be capable to do his work.

„Fine!" He spat at her and it could be easily translated into Bite me!

Mac rushed out of the room and Jack opened his mouth to defend his partner. „Matty, he's just …"

The director waved her hand. „I know Jack and I don't blame him. I just don't want him out in the field in this state. Take care of him."

„I will Matty." Jack followed his partner. Mac was leaning against the GTO when Jack reached the parking lot.

They were driving to Macs house, when Jack spoke up. „Mac, she's not punishing you. Matty's just concerned about you."

The blond sighed and ran his hand through his hair. „I know. It's just, it feels like she's not trusting me to do my job."

Jack disagreed. „That's where you're wrong buddy. Matty is trusting you, but as long as we don't know who's behind this she's playing it safe and I don't blame her for it. She's looking out for you, for all of us."

Mac shot Jack a small smile. „I hate it when you're right."

„Listen to your elders, young gun," Jack replied smugly.

They walked into Macs house and the blond hesitated. „You don't have to stay, go home Jack."

The Delta plopped onto the couch. „Nope, not gonna happen buddy."

Mac knew it was no use to argue with his partner about it. He walked to his bedroom and changed into shorts and his running shoes.

„I'm going for a run, alone!" Mac was ready for a fight, but Jack surprised him by saying. „I get it Mac. You need to clear your mind. Just do me a favour and don't push yourself too far." It was hard for Jack to let go, but he was well aware that Mac needed some room to breathe.

Mac grinned relieved. „Thanks Jack, I promise I won't overdo it."

After two hours Jack grabbed his keys. „I won't overdo it, my ass." He went to his car and began to scout Macs favourite running trails. It took Jack another hour to find his friend. Mac was sitting on the side of the road and Jacks worry skyrocketed, when the blond didn't seem to notice the loud roar of the GTOs engine. The Delta parked the car and walked over to his friend.

„Mac, what'cha doing here bud?" Jack called out but got no reaction. He slowly sat down beside his partner who was staring into the distance. Mac still didn't acknowledge Jacks presence. „Mac brother, can you hear me?" Jack tried a little louder and laid his hand on Macs arm. Finally the blond looked at his friend and Jack knew immediately that something was seriously wrong.

„What is it Mac? Are you alright? Are you hurt?" He couldn't see any injuries, but with Mac everything was possible. Tears started to run down Macs cheeks and Jack couldn't stand to see his partner so …. broken. Broken was the only word that fitted. Jack pulled him into his side. He didn't like how Mac was shaking. The blond still hadn't uttered a single word.

„Talk to me Mac, you're scaring me bud," Jack urged and Mac slowly handed over his phone.

Dread washed over Jack. No, not another one, his mind screamed. Mac hit play and Jack recognized Penas voice.

„You are a failure, Mac. How many comrades did you let down in the sandbox? How many deaths have you caused? How many people did you not save? Don't you feel responsible Mac? How can you sleep at night with my death on your conscience? How can you look into the mirror and not hate yourself for killing me? How can you go on with your life, when mine was cut short because of you? Why did you kill me Mac?"

Jack fought the urge to smash the phone on the road. He started rubbing soothing circles on Macs back. „You know that's a whole lotta bullshit, right? That's not Pena, it's just some sicko who wants to mess with ya. Don't let it get to ya. You know Pena woulda never have said such crap." Jacks Texan drawl was always more pronounced when he got emotional.

„I know it's not Al, but you know … there's a truth in those words … I failed … I let people down … they died … and if it hadn't been for me … Pena could still be alive …" Macs voice was a hoarse whisper but it felt as if he had screamed them at Jack.

Vehemently Jack shook his head. „No, Mac no. Listen brother and listen good. You saved a whole lotta people, it's true sometimes people die, but that's not on you. You're always giving your best, no you do more. But you are only human. Please Mac, don't believe this crap. It's not true, you hear me. IT'S NOT TRUE."

Macs eyes found Jacks. Searching for blame, disappointment or rejection. But all he found in those brown orbs was love, support and trust. He didn't know if he deserved it, but Mac craved for those feelings like a starving man for food. He managed a tiny nod and Jack smiled.

„How about we get you home buddy?" The Delta stood up and pulled his friend with him. As soon as he was upright Macs knees buckled and Jacks quick reactions prevented him from falling.

„I gotcha, I gotcha Mac. Just lean on me, I take care of ya, hoss." Jack uttered and maneuvered the blond gently into the car. Mac leaned back into the soft seat and closed his eyes. He felt totally drained.

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