(Authors Note: To , better known as "burpfart", who review-spammed another story I wrote. I do know how to delete anonymous reviews. I leave many of yours up to show just how horrible of a person you truly are. You are the type of person who gives no respect, and therefore deserves no respect.)
After holding on to dear life in the cab of the Dinosaur Train, the conductor, his nephew, and his mother were all slammed into the instruments as the train finally came to rest somewhere.
"Ugh…" said Mr. Conductor as he got up. He exited the locomotive. Taking off the pair of gauges that got into his eyes like a pair of glasses, he looked into the sky and frowned.
"What the actual fuck is this place?" he said. There were two suns in the sky, which was strange already, but even stranger were giant landmasses floating above the surface.
Mr. Conductor then yelled as he was abruptly pushed forward. His backside started to sting in pain as his mother whipped him furiously.
"IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU AND GILBERT THAT WE GOT INTO THIS MESS!" she said loudly, "YOU BETTER FIND A WAY OUT SOON BECAUSE I'LL BE DOING THIS TO YOU EVERY NIGHT WE'RE STRANDED HERE!"
As Ms. Conductor was spanking her son, Buddy, Tiny, Ms. Pteranodon, and Don (who was sleeping offscreen when he got jolted awake by the crash) got out of the passenger car.
"Woah," said Buddy, "that was too intense for me!"
"You tell me," said Tiny, "It was so scary, I almost peed myself!"
Tiny then noticed the orgasmic fluid leaking from her mother's nether region.
"Mommy, did you pee yourself?"
Ms. Tranodon's cheeks were yellow from embarrassment, "Uh… I think I did, sweetie!" she said, "Totally pissed myself! Case closed!"
"Hey look!" Don said suddenly, pointing toward the back of the train, "It looks like we ran over something!"
Everyone ran to behind the Dinosaur Train's caboose, and saw a crushed and mangled corpse. It was hard to make out details due to it being horribly mutilated, but it appeared to resemble a bipedal mammal. Its blue asphyxiated body was stained magenta by its own blood, which also gave off a nice coppery scent that grabbed the attention of Buddy's nostrils.
"Poor thing… Can I eat it?" the young tyrannosaurus said. Before Buddy could get an answer, the corpse was buried under a layer of vomit which came from Laura.
"Sorry," she said, "I was holding that for a while."
As Laura stepped aside to rest, the rest of the Dinosaur Train Crew stood around, talking.
"So how the Yucatan Crater are we going to get out of here?" said Mr. Conductor, "We are out of coal. I don't want us to be trapped here for eternity, let alone me getting spanked for all eternity!"
"How about we get Laura to push us back the way we came?" asked Mrs. Pteranodon.
"I'M ILL, CAN'T YOU TELL?!"
"Okay, scratch that. How about me and Laura go out to search for male lifeforms. We can then pose as hookers and get money to buy-"
"I'M ILL, CAN'T YOU TELL?!"
"Okay, scratch that. How about I enter Laura's own Giganotosaurus Cavern, find her Gigantosaurus Spot and-"
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
"Okay, scratch that. I give up." Mrs Pteranodon sat down, "Someone else have their own idea?"
"We can find a hole!" Don said, "It could be a wormhole!"
"Good Idea! Laura-"
"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Laura screamed.
Suddenly, Gilbert pointed toward the barf covered corpse. "Look!"
Everyone turned their heads to find bin weevils snacking on the cadaver. Their presence pretty much confirmed the identity of the run-over victim.
"That was...burpfart?" asked Mrs. Pteranodon in bewilderment.
Buddy then stood up and pointed to the sky. "That's it!" he said, "bin weevils make mulch! The Dinosaur Train can use that as fuel!"
"Smart hypothesis, Buddy!" Mr Conductor said. The troodon captain races over to the bin weevils and negotiated a pretty sweet deal with them: Their mulch in exchange for a magical drug called "Krokodil," which happened to make the bin weevil's mulchmaking capabilities all the more better. Mr. Conductor was very good at his second drug dealer job.
The weevils marched up to the train's coal bunker and put their shit in it. They even did Laura's job of flipping the Dinosaur Train so it could go back the way it came. Mr. Conductor put some mulch in the boiler and lit it up. The train was now steaming, and everyone cheered, then quickly got back onboard.
Ms. Conductor slapped her son on the back.
"OW!" Mr. Conductor yelled.
"Hey, be glad I won't do that to you more often. Your amazing plan got us rolling again."
"Actually it was bu-" Mr. Conductor paused, "Actually, yes! It was my idea! Thank you Mom!"
"You're welcome, sugar."
Mr. Conductor adjusted his hat. "All aboard? LET'S GO!" he said. The train then headed back home as what remained of burpfart's body was eaten by the Krokodil-enhanced bin weevils behind them.