Nick considered it a blessing when he found Offred bleeding out in the plants. She survived, her baby survived, it gave Mrs. Waterford something to occupy her time with, and he got an excuse to avoid consummation.
He had been praying to a god he didn't believe in for some sort of distraction, anything to postpone the inevitable from the second he slipped the ring onto Eden's finger. She understood why he didn't want to consummate the marriage that night; she was too shaken up from running down from his loft with Mrs. Waterford and helping to staunch the blood while the Commander called for an ambulance.
Her eyes were glassy from the hysterics of the night. "Does…does that happen often?" She whispered as they crossed the threshold. Nick had to guide her up the stairs to his-their-loft, pausing twice to let her vomit over the railing.
Red, blood soaked water pooled beneath them; he didn't care, the dark tile wouldn't stain. "No. Not in my experience," Nick said. He suddenly realized that Eden was shaking, not just from the shock of the evening. The early spring air was cool, maybe even warm, in the midday. In the middle of the night it was downright cold. "C'mon," he said, guiding her over to the bathroom.
He helped her sit down on the closed toilet and turned on the shower. Nick trusted the healing power of a hot shower more than anything. It was an old coping mechanism back from when he was broke and barely scraping together the minimal rent his cousin's friend's roommate's brother asked for in exchange for a tiny room in his townhome. An hour long shower, usually taken at the local truck stop to keep the water bill at the townhome from raising his rent, cleared his mind and gave him a private place to let out screams or sobs.
Eden wordlessly took the towel he handed her. "Call if you need me," he said. "I'll be right outside." She watched him leave and pull the door shut behind himself. Eden sat and listened to the shower for six minutes before getting up and letting her soiled nightgown fall to the floor. She stood in the shower until her fingers turned white and wrinkled.
This wasn't what she imagined marriage to be like, she thought, looking at the blood soaked under her nails. Eden scrubbed herself with the bar of soap and turned up the heat of the shower until she couldn't stand it anymore. She rinsed herself and turned off the shower. The hot water had turned her skin a bright, painful red. Just like the handmaid, Eden thought.
Nick had slipped her other nightgown inside the bathroom door, taking care not to look inside. He groped the hanger around for the hook on the door until he found it, and left the garment hanging as he shut the door again. He changed and dried himself quickly behind a dressing screen that he never imagined he'd actually need to use. Nick scrubbed his hands, the only place where Offred's blood had stained his skin, in the kitchenette until they were raw.
Then, he sat on the foot of his bed and waited for Eden.
Eden had prepared herself for a great many things. She had walked from home six miles there and back each day for Wives' School, memorized her holy vows and scripture, learned how to cook meals and clean laundry, and practiced the basic birthing position. Aunt Abigail had personally recommended that she be wed to a potential Commander, if not a Commander himself.
Aunt Abigail had also warned that marriage would be full of challenges. God granted challenges to His people, to remind them of their place and to prove His strength. "With Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken," Eden whispered, dressing herself in the fresh nightgown. She repeated the verse once, twice, three times, again and again until her she no longer felt her heart beat in her throat. God was walking her through this, this evening was the first of her divine challenges as a wife.
Nick stood when Eden finally emerged from the bathroom. She held her soiled nightgown folded neatly in both hands, a small smile on her face. "Hey," he said. "How are you feeling?" He couldn't ignore the slight quiver in his voice. A lump in his throat had been growing all day and threatened to burst with worry for Offred and disgust at Gilead, at himself.
"It's a blessed night the Lord has given us," Eden replied, setting the nightgown down on top of the half-full laundry basket. She moved over to Nick, who took a small step back as she moved close, too close. "We must prove to Him our faith. God Himself has given us a trial, and to Him I give thanks."
Nick nodded. She looked up at him with bright eyes full of child-like optimism. Not just child-like, he reminded himself. Eden was young, young enough to still be in elementary school when America fell, if her looks and height were anything to go off of. "But the biggest trial is for Offred to face," he said.
He was scared. Eden took what was probably a miscarriage, a death even-Nick shuddered-and within forty minutes had gone from stress-vomiting and covered in someone else's blood to proclaiming it a blessing. What in the world had Gilead done to her? What would she do to him if he stepped out of line, tried to help Mayday, if they ever reached out to him again. Unlikely.
He'd been tasked to watch Commander Waterford, and she would watch him.
"Yes, we should pray for her and Mrs. Waterford's baby." Eden looked expectantly at Nick until he realized she was asking him to lead a prayer. He suddenly realized that he'd never been tasked with saying a prayer on the fly, and that he'd only listened to maybe half of the prayers ever said within earshot.
Most of them were bullshit, anyways.
Nick clasped his hands in front of him, ignoring Eden's own hands, outstretched in an invitation for him to take. "Dear Lord," he began, "pass your blessing onto Offred; give her the strength and vitality she needs to support Mrs. Waterford's child, and to make it past this. Amen." Nick looked down at Eden, who was nodding along to his prayer.
"Amen," she repeated. They stood in silence for another moment. "So, um…" She blushed and wrung her hands in front of her. Nick knew why. "How should we-"
"We shouldn't," Nick interrupted. Eden furrowed her brow briefly, then looked relieved. "Not tonight. It's already been an ordeal. I'm too worried for Offred, for the baby. I'm exhausted, and want to go to sleep." He doubted he would be able too. His mind was racing faster than ever before.
Eden nodded. "Me, too." She briefly hesitated, leaning slightly towards Nick, then padded to one side of the bed and sitting down. "Goodnight, dear." She slid underneath the covers.
Nick walked to the far wall to turn off the light. "Goodnight," he said whilst walking to the bed. He laid down, feeling Eden's eyes on him as he turned his back to her.