Missing You

Like everyday, Lance Corporal Rivaille woke up by the single ray of light that shown down on him through the window in his room. He took a warm shower and got himself into his uniform, preparing for a new day.

"Levi?" Hanji hollers, setting a hand on her waist. She is not waving her arms frantically, her glasses glinting under the bright shine of the sun. She is not doing anything: she only stands at the end of the dark hall, her silhouette strong despite the exhaustion drawn on her face. Her hair is kept up in a messy ponytail, greasier than usual. She has bags under her eyes and, as Levi draws closer, he can see a stack of paperwork stuffed under her arm. The names of the deceased, he thinks, the only record that will be left of them in their narrow world. "Do you want to do it?"

"What are you going off about now?"

Hanji half-smiles. "The room has to be vacated for the next recruits. So it's either you or me, Corporal, and I still have to account for some bodies."

Levi ponders it a second and walks past her without another word, only a cool side-glance that speaks louder than any words he could have ever said. Hanji watches him go, dropping her eyes to the ground with a sad smile. His movements are smooth, they're undisturbed, and he collects his cleaning supplies with an air of indifference. But he can feel their sorrowful stares, can hear their whispers, but he does not look. He does not need to look at others to see pain: he sees it every morning in the mirror.

Walking, he thought of how many months it had been. How many indeed since they—she died. Truth to be told Levi didn't want to vacate every room of his fallen comrades. He's to afraid to lose the only sign that they were there, the only sign that their memories still lingers.

Corporal Levi made his way trough every hall until he made it into the kitchen, dropping the cleaning supplies. He sat on a chair and placed his arms at the table. He rested his head on his hand, closed his eyes and cleared his mind. He's mind was blank; however, his sense heightened when he heard someone's voice—no her voice.

"Heichou, do you want some tea?"

He sighs sadly, feeling selfish that he can't cry for his fallen comrades. How can he mourn and grief like that. He hate it, really really hated it. Levi learned to never feel attached to someone but he still does. He despised the fact that other people can live in piece while him he's still stuck in the slums.

He missed them—truly. That's why it hurts, the five years of being a squad, doing missions and going to through hell. It really fucking hurts.

The way everybody left him his mother, his friends, his squad and now her. Speaking of her, he recalled his talk with his father. Would he have married her?

Levi knew she was his subordinate, a comrade and a friend but...

Do friends make tea for them, do friends takes care of you when you are sick, do friends always talk to you about their problem, do friends shared a sweet tender moment, do friends kissed your cheeks; then,blushed and do friends make you feel warm and yourself.

Honestly friends do that; still, this was different she was different and now his feeling this way when she's already dead. He regretted everything, regretted the way how he couldn't tell it to someone like her. It's always like that, if he gets attached to someone, they fade away from him.

"Captain!" Levi looked up with eyebrow arched, he look at the source of his annoyance then sighed. "What is it Eren?" he asked the boy, through his loads of documents. Levi watched as the boy fumbled with his words and he felt amused as he reminded him of someone, someone like he— he blinked and shook himself awake. Why of all times he remembered her.

"Uhhhm me and the rest where wondering if you want to join us in the common room?" he finally say and Levi looked at him confused. "Okay, why would you invite a thirty years old man in your group of teenagers?" he retorted back at him, who flinched at his stare.

Ever since he picked a new squad, those kids always makes him things that made his day. Though, he was still thankful for them, for cheering him up especially this boy. Levi wants to nail it in his head that it was not his fault, technically it was his fault because he let them die, the team years ago he promised to protect.

"Thankyou Eren, but I'm fine on my own." With his answer, the brat, must got his message. Eren nods, his head low as he walked to the door. But before he got out of the room, Levi spoke again.

"Stop blaming yourself for everything kid...it's not your fault to begin with. It was mine so stop fretting over spilled milk." he said outloud, his voice booming the room. "Besides they wouldn't want to see you hurting yourself."

There was a pregnant silence, he heard him muffling his cries before being followed by a 'Yes Corporal'; then, leaving the room, closing the door behind him. As he left, Levi sighs, his face darkening full of grim. He stared at the paper and continued them but before hearing a voice say: "Would you want some help with that Captain."

He buried his face at his hands. He was being haunted by her, he sighed one more time but more sad. He chuckles, believing he's really dense. He looked up from his hands and banged his head down the table. He muttered some sentences as he thoughts lingered to her. One thing for sure, Levi couldn't deny it any longer.

He trully misses her.

To those other shippers, I don't want to be biased but I really ship Levi and Petra so much. It isn't considered as a pedophile relationship cause, Petra is in her adult yrs (Being 20 or 21, etc). Besides a pedophile is someone who has a weird taste for younger kids...anyway I was thinking to include other ships since I don't ship other characters besides them.

Now let's explain some details regarding the story.

1) In this fanfic Levi refuses to let go. Due to his stubbornness to not accept his squad was gone (When he refuses to vacant their rooms). He was led trough hearing their voices—specifically Petra's.

2) It is stated in this fanfic (my fanfic) that the squad Levi, had been together for five years. To this conclusion, Levi seems to have recruited Petra and Oulo at the age of 15 or 16 since they were technically in the same class.

3) Levi is being confused with his feelings.

4) In here he had already recuited a new squad. Consisting of Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Christa (She still isn't Historia here yet), Connie, Sasha and Jean. This squad (Mikasa still hates him but doesn't trully hates him) tried to make him feel better but he still refuse their offers.

That's all and thankyou for the support hope you look forward to the next chapters.

1238 words