PLEASE READ THIS, IT'S IMPORTANT: During this chapter, Midoriya has a discussion with Tsuyu about bisexuality and what it means. Now, I actually am bisexual. I've had boy and girlfriends before, and I'm a girl. As such, I think I know what I'm talking about when I describe it in this chapter. But at the same time, everyone's different and you may not feel the same way about it as I do. And that's totally okay. Just please don't attack me if my opinion and my experiences with being bisexual don't quite match up to yours.
I walked away from my conversation with Uraraka and Iida feeling... Even more confused than I was before. They had told me what was going on, what my feelings meant. But I couldn't accept it for whatever reason. Why? Because there was no way in hell I was in love with a guy.
It didn't make sense. How could I be gay? I'd had feelings for Uraraka once at the beginning of the year, when I made friends with her during the entrance exam we had to take to see if we qualified to enter U.A. and she's perhaps the girliest girl I've ever met in my life. Todoroki was a male. That much was obvious. So how did I have feelings for him?
I made up some lame excuse about not feeling good and hurried out of the mess hall a bit earlier than usual. I didn't realize that someone else had done the exact same thing, and ran into him on my way to my dorm room.
And I mean literally ran into him.
I had my head down, I was muttering to myself as usual. But then I walked right into something solid because I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.
I heard a winded "Oomph!" and realized I had run into a person.
"Oh no, I'm so sorry!" my head shot up as I started apologizing profusely, absolutely mortified by the possibility of running into Kacchan. If it was him, he'd punch my lights out. But it wasn't him at all, it was the last person I wanted to see, which was somehow wayyy worse than getting punched in the face for an accident. It was... Todoroki. "Crap." I muttered under my breath. This was going to be interesting.
The taller boy looked slightly startled, but the corners of his lips still twitched upward in something of a gentle smile. "That's okay, Midoriya. Just make sure you watch where you're going from now on, okay?" he said, scratching the back of his head curiously.
"Yeah. Sorry." I started fidgeting nervously. I couldn't help it. Suddenly a wonderful idea to try and get to know Todoroki better popped into my head, and before I could stop to consider what I was doing, I was already saying it. My mouth was no longer obeying my brain, it seemed. "Oh, now that I think about it, I'm glad I ran into you! Because I've been struggling with the algebra homework All Might gave us the other day and... Well... I know you're pretty good at that kind of thing so I was wondering if you could help me out a bit and reexplain it to me. I know you're good at that type of thing." I suggested, offering him my usual friendly smile.
"Oh, ummm..." Todoroki jumped a little, which was remarkably odd. He was acting like he'd never been asked for help before. "Yeah, sure. When and where do you want to meet up and work on that?"
"Uh, what about tomorrow during the picnic? It's the weekend, so we'll have plenty of time to eat and chat and then work on the important stuff." I clasped my hands together in front of me, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. I knew this conversation was going extremely well, but I kept chastising myself for all the little ways I thought I was messing up throughout.
Class 1A had decided to have a large picnic on the coming Saturday for dinner. We were gonna hike up to the tallest hill in the city and watch the sun set together. It was gonna be a very relaxing trip, a fun way for everyone to unwind after a long week of school and Aizawa's grueling workout routines. And we could stay up there for as long as we wanted. All Might was going with us, but he wasn't gonna be there to supervise. His presence would ensure that any villains in the area wouldn't mess with us, and he just really wanted to go and have fun with his students because he genuinely cared about us.
"Huh. That's a good idea. Just remember to bring your textbook and we'll work on it while we're there, okay?" suddenly Todoroki was acting exactly like himself again. All business, all seriousness, all calm and collected dignity. He got his sense of pride and dignity from his father, but he got his calm, serious manner from his mother. Fire and ice.
"Alright, see you there!" I waved a cheerful goodbye as I hurried off to my dorm room. "Thank you, Todoroki!" I called over my shoulder.
"Any time, Midoriya." Todoroki replied.
I briefly wondered where he'd been coming from. He'd been walking away from the direction I was going now, so I reached the conclusion he'd been in his dorm room for whatever reason. That... Wasn't like Todoroki at all. He usually stayed in the mess hall and hung out with everyone during lunch. He'd even sit with Iida, Uraraka and I every so often. Although he wasn't the most outgoing person in the world, he was perfectly capable of being social. Now I wondered what he'd been doing in his dorm room, assuming that's where he was. Maybe he was just having a bad day and needed some time to himself. But something told me that something about him seemed... Wrong.
He was being a bit antisocial lately, and some of his close friends like Yaoyorozu had been complaining that he'd been ignoring them for no reason over the past week or so. Now, I can understand having one bad day where you don't want to talk to anyone and you just wanna be alone. I've been there before. But Todoroki was basically having a week-long bad day.
It made me worry that he wasn't acting anything like himself. I'd have to ask about it while we worked on algebra together.
I ran into Asui Tsuyu later that evening, after our social studies lessons with All Might. She was one of my closest friends, although she didn't sit with me at lunch. I trusted her with pretty much everything because she wasn't as much a chatty Kathy, so any secrets I told her would be kept secret.
"Tsu!" I called out, using my favorite nickname for her. "Hey! Can I talk to you for a second?"
"Oh, hey, Midoriya." she turned to look at me, her freakishly large eyes taking me in as I approached. "Sure, what's going on?"
"I know you won't tell anyone, but I'm just gonna remind you to keep this secret because I really don't want anyone else knowing..." I grabbed her arm and practically dragged her into an empty corridor where we could talk in private.
"Of course. You know I'm not gonna say anything." she shrugged, brushing a loose strand of dark cyan hair out of her face. Her voice was unnaturally high-pitched and stuffy, like she couldn't breathe through her nose. "Ribbit." she croaked out.
"Thank you so much. Um, so yeah, I've been having weird feelings about Todoroki lately, and Iida and Uraraka told me they were feelings of love. Basically I'm head over heels for him, the way they made it sound." I was wringing my hands anxiously again, just thinking about Todoroki made me nervous. "They don't know who it is that I'm having these feelings for, I didn't tell them because I worry about it spreading around. You're the only person I trust not to say anything about it."
"Midoriya, it's totally normal to fall in love with one of your classmates. Especially someone as fascinating and intriguing as Todoroki. After all, he's got one of the most unique quirks I've ever seen and I know you're a sucker for that kind of thing..." Tsuyu grinned widely, as if she had the whole thing all figured out.
"But... But that's not the end of the story. I know it's normal to be feeling this way but the thing is, it's definitely not normal for me." I started to say, my voice wavering as I tried to muster the confidence to keep talking. This was extremely difficult. "Why I'm saying that is because... Well... I had a silly crush on Uraraka for the first month or so of school. And she's a girl. So how am I suddenly having feelings for a guy? Nobody just turns gay like that."
"You see, that's also normal, believe it or not. You know it is possible to be attracted to both genders. That's called bisexuality." Tsuyu tilted her head to one side, eyes sparkling with interest. "It seems you're just now figuring out where you fit in the LGBTQ community, and that's okay. We're all super young still, now's the time to be figuring out our place in the world."
"So... I must be... Bisexual, then?" I frowned, looking down at the ground.
Of course I'd heard of bisexuality before. I just never really understood it. I never looked into the LGBTQ community and what the different sexualities actually mean. All I knew was that if you were a guy attracted to guys, you were gay. If you were a girl attracted to girls, you were lesbian. And if you were born into the wrong body and decided to swap genders to fix it and become comfortable in your body, you were transgender. All the other ends of the spectrum were a bit of a gray area for me. And I'm sorry, I know that's offensive as hell, but I spent all of my life studying heroes and quirks, so I haven't really had much time to look into other important things like that. Which resulted in me being so uneducated it's offensive.
"Yep, that sounds about right. But that isn't a bad thing. It just means you're flexible when it comes to your partner, it doesn't matter what gender they are. If they're good-looking and attractive to you, you can have feelings for them. Gender goes out the window because all that matters is personal attraction." Tsuyu explained, speaking slowly and carefully so I had time to digest her words.
"So you're saying I love Todoroki because I personally find him good-looking and attractive, not because he's all that and a male." I said, making sure I fully understood what she was saying.
"Yes, exactly. So... Don't judge yourself or him. Just be yourself. You never know, he might find himself attracted to you as well." she put a comforting hand on my shoulder, smiling warmly. "After all, you're the famous Izuku Midoriya. I'd be surprised if he didn't fall for you. You're incredible."
"Thanks, Tsu. I owe you one." I slowly backed away from her, still thinking about everything she'd told me. "Sometimes I wonder how you manage to keep such a clear head in all this. You know a lot more about everything than I do."
"Heh, that's definitely something I can brag about later because you're smart. I know more than the famous Midoriya!" she pumped a fist in the air triumphantly, making me laugh.
"Alright, alright, don't let it get to your head." I flapped my hands dismissively, chuckling in amusement.
"I'm smarter than you!" she continued to chant, much to my chagrin.
"You're letting it get to your head, dummy!"
"You're the dumb one, remember?"
"Oh god, I shouldn't have said anything to you..." I shook my head and turned away from her, walking back out into the main hallway.
Kaminari saw me coming and waved a greeting. I returned it, allowing my usual friendly smile to cross my face. It was time to swing back into the mess of life. I could think about my sexuality and what it meant later. For now, I had a Friday night to enjoy.
"Midoriya!" All Might snapped, and I realized I'd been daydreaming again.
I jumped out of my skin and immediately saw the tree I was about to walk into if it weren't for the fact All Might had grabbed me by the back of my shirt and held me back.
"Holy... Wow, that was a close one. Thanks, All Might!" I rubbed the back of my neck as the tall, extremely buff hero released my shirt and crossed his beefy, muscular arms to glare at me. "Sorry, I was lost in thought again. You know I don't just walk into trees on purpose."
"But that's the third time I've had to save you, young Midoriya. Perhaps you should focus on where you're walking and save the intensive thinking for when we reach the hill." he suggested, tone softening.
"Y-Yeah, you're right. Sorry." feeling slightly deflated, I clasped my hands neatly in front of me and kept walking.
All Might didn't feel the need to say anything else. I was glad he didn't. Silence is golden.
I tried extremely hard to not get lost in thought again, and instead focused on the lovely scenery around me. All my classmates walked ahead of me while All Might and I brought up the rear. I was surprised I hadn't walked into anyone yet, it was just the trees I kept meandering towards. The entire meadow we were crossing was bathed in a warm golden-orange light from the bright sun overhead, which was beginning to dip down into the Western horizon, directly ahead of us. It was like a giant ball of shimmering orange fire. The grass was emerald green, tall enough to brush my shins, waving and shimmying in the cool breeze that grazed the area, whispering in the trees, which grew few and far in between. The entire meadow consisted of softly rolling hills, but the largest one that overlooked all of the city was just ahead of us.
It's lovely out here. Absolutely lovely. I often wonder how such places maintain their peacefulness even in a world ravaged by villains. Iida chose a great spot to have our dinnertime picnic, though. Props to him. I thought to myself, gazing out over the hills.
It really was beautiful. The perfect atmosphere for a young couple to go out on a long walk together.
No, wait, stop thinking about romance! I realized I had been picturing Todoroki and I walking together through this meadow, all alone, hand in hand. He was smiling, a rare occurrence when it came to him because he was more stern and silent rather than easygoing and upbeat. And I was laughing. It was a perfect, beautiful image. But I hated it because now wasn't the time or the place to be fantasizing about foolish dreams.
Todoroki and I will probably never be a couple, so I should stop thinking of him so much. If I'm not careful, this might become a bad habit. I don't want to reach a point where I'm obsessing over him. I inwardly kicked myself for being such a starry-eyed idiot. All Might was right, I seriously needed to just stop thinking. But... I don't know how to stop. How do I stop thinking about someone when they're all my brain wants to focus on? How?
I peered around the marching group of students ahead of me until I spotted Todoroki. He wasn't chatting idly with his friends like the others were. He was just walking in silence, as if lost in thought like me. It wasn't often that I saw him dressed in casual clothes, so I thought the white shirt and black leather jacket with ripped denim jeans looked really good on him. I wondered why he wasn't talking to anyone. He normally would be striking up a conversation about quantum physics with Yaoyorozu right about now.
He defenitely hasn't been himself lately... I need to ask about that and make sure he's okay.
I had just finished eating the turkey sandwich Uraraka had made me and was sitting back, watching the beautiful sunset. The sky was painted with rippling shades of orange and yellow, gradually fading into a deep, dark blue by the time it reached the eastern horizon. It was almost like the atmosphere itself had caught fire. The gray, fluffy cumulus clouds nearest the sun were rimmed with hot pink with purplish centers, only adding to the majestic sunset. The sun was a flaming orange color, having sunk halfway below the Western horizon and going down at an almost visible rate of speed. Almost.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" a familiar voice asked from beside me.
I jumped out of my skin and whirled around. Todoroki was kneeling behind me, staring into the gorgeous sky. The warm orange light of the sun reflected easily in his ice blue eyes, giving him a hellishly beautiful look. When had he come up behind me? I had no idea, but I quickly realized that we were alone. Our other classmates had finished eating and wandered off. I could just barely make out Kirishima and Kaminari down at the foot of the hill, playing a heated game of tag. Todoroki and I were the only ones left on the hill.
"Oh, hey!" my heart skipped a few dozen beats and I was instantly anxious again. "Y-Yes, it's lovely. I'm really enjoying the view."
"Heh, yeah. Same here. Now, did you bring your textbook or are we just gonna wait around all night?" Todoroki tilted his head to one side, regarding me with those enigmatic eyes I sought to understand but just couldn't.
"O-Oh, of course. Yes, I brought it." I shrugged my backpack off my shoulders and pulled it in front of me, setting it down between my legs so I could unzip it and fish out my algebra textbook. "Thank you for agreeing to help me with this, by the way. Math has never seemed to like me." I added, a bit bashfully.
"You're kidding, right? You're Midoriya. I doubt even the toughest, most impossible algebra problem in the world could dislike you." the taller boy retorted, causing me to blush and look away.
Is he... Complimenting me..?
Stop reading too much into it! I shook my head to clear it and seriously considered slapping myself for being such a wishful idiot.
"Hah. I wish." I grumbled, as I flipped open my textbook to the page of equations we had just been learning. I seriously didn't understand a word of it. "Here, this is what I'm struggling with. The point-slope form is driving me insane." I pointed it out to him, holding the book open in my lap.
He scooted closer so he was sitting next to me, shoulder to shoulder, peering down at the textbook. "Huh. I'll admit I had some difficulty with that too, but I figured out a really cool way to do them that makes a lot more sense. I'll show it to you." he offered, gently taking the book out of my hands and pointing to the equation. "You see the two there? Well, you wanna carry it over to the other side to make the whole thing negative. And then you're gonna..."
He continued to explain the tedious, boring algebra problems to me in detail. I was absolutely fascinated by his intelligence. He seemed to clearly understand these equations and how they worked out. He was so freaking smart!
By the time it became too dark to read half an hour later, I possessed that crystal-clear understanding of how these particular problems worked.
"Wow, that makes a lot more sense now! Thank you so much, Todoroki!" I exclaimed cheerfully, closing the textbook and stuffing it back into my backpack where it belonged.
"Anytime, Midoriya. I hope I was of some help to you." Todoroki nodded with a gentle smile on his face.
He scarcely smiled, I realized. So this was good. It meant he actually enjoyed being around me. He only ever smiled in his most sincere moments. It took my breath away and I almost choked on my own saliva.
"Yeah, thanks." I repeated before turning and laying down on my back so I could stare up into the seemingly infinite obsidian-colored sky. There were so many stars up there, flickering and twinkling, burning brightly enough to remind me of the night light I used to have when I was little. I sighed, perfectly content as I thought of days past. "It's so peaceful and quiet up here, I wish I could stay forever." I remarked, voice soft and awestruck.
I was pleasantly surprised when Todoroki lay down beside me and folded his hands behind his head neatly, also staring up into the sky. "Yeah. Me too." He said.
I swallowed hard, and briefly wondered when All Might would decide to drag us back to U.A. It was getting late, but because it was so warm and pleasant, he didn't seem very interested in dragging us home just yet.
"T-Todoroki?" I called out, tentatively.
"Hmm?"
"Um, I'm sorry if this seems like a nosy question to ask, but... Are you okay? You haven't been acting like yourself lately, I just want to make sure you don't need anything." I asked, trying to keep the nervous edge out of my voice.
"Oh, uhh... Thanks. I-I'm fine." Todoroki flinched beside me like I'd slapped him. That told me he wasn't really fine, but I wasn't about to pry for answers.
So I just shifted to a more comfortable position with my hands folded over my chest and looked sidelong at him. He met my gaze evenly, and we just stared into each other's eyes for a moment. Once it started getting awkward, I returned my gaze to the infinite black sky. It was so vast and deep that it seemed to go on forever.
"Okay. Just know that I'm here. If you ever need to talk about something, about anything at all... I'm here. For you." I wasn't sure what else to say.
Todoroki sighed softly, and I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my head. I could sense his hesitance, like he really wanted to say something but couldn't for whatever reason. Finally, he opened his mouth and asked,
"Can you keep a secret?"
To be continued...
Oooo what's this big, mysterious secret Todoroki is referring to? Guess you'll have to keep reading to find out!! Hey I hope you enjoyed this chapter, pls leave a review and tell me what you think? Yay! Love y'all, see you next chapter!!
(Next chapter is when the real angsty stuff starts to happen so... WATCH OUT!!!)
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