A/N uhh...exactly what the chapter title says, I guess. Sakura was a challenge to write because Canon Sakura was so badly written (sorry!) but i definitely would've loved to see a more independent, mature version of her. I'm still mad because she had so much potential.
Sakura stares blankly at the white doors of the operating room. Beyond those doors, the Godaime Hokage and her apprentice were working furiously to save Naruto's life.
She bites her lip as she feels it begin to quiver. She was not about to cry. There was nothing to cry about. Any moment now, Naruto was going to burst through those doors and laugh at her for being so worried. Then she would scold him for scaring her the way he did. Naruto would scratch the back of his head and apologise. He would ask her to get ramen with him at Ichiraku's.
She would finally say yes this time.
Kakashi-sensei had barked out orders back at the rooftop, telling Jiraiya-sama to head back down to the hospital with Naruto. The jounin then told her to report directly to the Hokage, while he took Sasuke away.
Sensei hasn't returned, leaving her alone with the large man. His long white hair makes him look even larger as he leans against the wall, across from where Sakura was currently sitting. The front of his kimono and haori sported a large red bloodstain. Sakura thinks that it is impossible for the silent and serious man across from her to be the the same as the "Ero-sennin" from Naruto's stories.
It has been hours since Sakura returned to the hospital. Kakashi-sensei was nowhere to be found.
Inner Sakura was fuming, and Sakura feels the hot emotion simmer through the haze of shock and numbness.
Where the hell is her teacher? Did the man even care about how Naruto was doing?
Or was he too busy teaching Sasuke more deadly jutsus?
Kakashi-sensei didn't give neither her nor Naruto the time of the day before the final stage of the Chuunin exams. But sure, Sasuke gets a jutsu that the boy would happily use on his team mate.
Naruto had always been a brave boy, even to the point of idiotic recklessness. He jumped right in the middle of Haku's ice mirrors. He faced Orochimaru in the Forest of Death. He had saved her from the monster that the boy from Suna turned into.
Sakura remembers how Naruto had pleaded with Kakasho-sensei, back on the rooftop. That was the first time Naruto had admitted he was scared.
And Sakura could do nothing to help.
Sakura was angry at herself the most. More than she was angry at Kakashi-sensei, or even Sasuke.
She stood aside and did nothing as her teammates fought on the rooftop. She may have cried and yelled and screamed at the top of her lungs, but she didn't, couldn't, stop them. She felt utterly useless. It was a feeling that she was getting too familiar with.
Suddenly, the Hokage's assistant walks through the doors. She is breathing heavily, and her face is sweaty and pale. She slumps against the wall and slides down, hugging her knees.
"Shizune? How is he?" Jiraiya-sama asks immediately. She grimaces, looking up at the ceiling.
"The Chidori grazed his heart and ripped a clean hole through his lung." She breathes out a shaky breath. "We fixed the hole, but his heart stopped twice. If it weren't for the Kyuubi…"
The lady, Shizune, trails off as she notices Sakura's presence.
"The girl is on Naruto's genin team. She has a right to know." the Godaime exits the operating room. She looks older than when Sakura first saw her. Tsunade-sama continues to stand tall, despite looking even more exhausted than her assistant.
Sakura was too in shock to notice when she first reported to her, but the Godaime Hokage was officially the most beautiful woman she had ever met. Despite the situation, Tsunade's presence commanded respect. Sakura feels obligated to stand and bow.
"At ease...relax..whatever." Tsunade-sama flaps a hand irritably at Sakura. "Naruto is resting now. He's being moved to his own room as we speak."
Tsunade sighs tiredly before speaking again.
"Look, I don't know why the Sandaime chose to hide this information, but there is something you must know." Tsunade's frowns. "You're going to want to sit down for this."
Sakura sits down slowly, and listens.
She does not say a word as the Hokage tells her the story of the Kyuubi's rampage twelve years ago.
Her expression does not change when she learns that the monster responsible for the attack was sealed inside Naruto in order to protect the village.
Even Inner Sakura is silent at the onslaught of information presented to her.
"I understand, Hokage-sama." she said as the woman finished the story.
Sakura does not know how to feel when she hears that such a creature was the reason that Naruto was still alive. Without it, Sasuke would have succeeded in killing Naruto.
She remembers the pure fear on Naruto's face when he saw the Chidori in Sasuke's hand. The other boy's blood red eyes were filled with hate and rage. And for what?
Sakura wonders who the real monster is.
"This brings me to my current concern." Tsunade's voice draws her attention back to the present. "Before all this, Uchiha Itachi put Naruto under his Tsukuyomi for...an extended amount of time."
Wait. Uchiha Itachi?
"Being exposed to that genjutsu the way that Naruto was would have left any other person brain-dead. However, according to Jiraiya, that brat was running around after a few hours." Tsunade-sama pauses to look at her friend for confirmation. He nods. Sakura feels the room begin to spin.
"Under normal circumstances, the person slips into a coma after being under the illusion. This is the body's way of coping with the severe psychological damage caused by the genjutsu. I fear that the Kyuubi's healing prevented Naruto's psyche from recovering completely."
Severe psychological damage? Inner Sakura is screeching. Sakura's mouth goes dry.
"I tried my best to fix what I can, but…" The Hokage looks grim.
"But what, Tsunade?" Jiraiya-sama snaps. The room is suddenly tense.
"I'm a medic, not a miracle-worker!" Tsunade explodes, slamming a hand against the wall. It cracks under the impact.
"Oi!" the Hokage snaps her fingers in Sakura's face. "You know Naruto well, I assume. Did you notice anything different? About his behaviour?"
"Please Tsunade-sama, she's still in shock." Shizune says nervously.
Her heart pounds as two of the Sannin's eyes are suddenly on her, demanding an answer. Naruto looked tired this morning. Did that even mean anything? Or maybe the way he almost seemed scared of her earlier?
Sakura opened her mouth to say something, anything.
She vomits all over the Hokage's feet instead, right before passing out.
When she comes to, Shizune-san is gently wiping her face with a cold towel. She smiles tiredly at Sakura.
"Oh, you're awake." The older woman straightens as Sakura slowly sits up from the bed she is on.
"I puked on the Hokage." Sakura deadpans. If not for the exhaustion, she might have felt mortified.
"It's not your fault. For a medi-nin, Tsunade-sama can be a little…" Shizune-san struggles to find the right word. "...intense. As her assistant, I took it upon myself personally to make sure you were okay." Sakura nods numbly, not really listening.
"I should go home. I need to walk, and get some fresh air." she says, moving to get off the bed.
"A-are you sure? It's just past midnight. You're more than welcome to spend the night." Shizune-san asks, concerned. But Sakura can see that she's tired as well, and decides to not burden anyone further.
"I'll be fine Shizune-san. Thank you for your care." she bows before turning to leave. "I'll be back later, for Naruto-kun."
Outside the hospital, the cool night breeze is a small comfort. Her empty stomach rumbles. She does not quite have the energy to care.
She walks in the general direction of her house.. Some stores still have their lights on. If she squinted and looked up, she would see dark figures running across the roof, a common sight in a shinobi village.
She finds that she is not ready to go home just yet. Sakura finds herself at the park, and sits on a swing.
"You should be at home." Kakashi-sensei's presence is suddenly in front of her. She does not look up at him. She is too tired, too empty, to be angry at him. She shrugs instead. A packet of plain crackers appear before her, held out by her teacher's hand.
"You must be hungry, after, you know." So he's heard about how she embarrassed herself in front of the Hokage. Great.
Sakura gingerly takes a cracker, and chews on it mechanically. Kakashi sits in the swing beside hers. They are silent for a while, with Kakashi handing her a cracker every few minutes.
"I was helpless, up there, on the roof." Sakura whispers. "I was weak, like always." Her voice starts to crack. She feels something break inside her with the soft admission, and she cannot stop talking, despite the lump in her throat.
"I thought Sasuke-kun was perfect. All I wanted was for him to look at me." she laughs humourlessly. "Naruto was the same. He only wanted to be acknowledged as his equal." Look where that got him.
Sakura squeezes her eyes shut as reality sinks in. Sasuke had actually tried to kill Naruto. The boy of her dreams never existed. The shinobi life was not at all how she imagined it to be.
"How could he do something like that?" Sakura's resolve finally crumbles, and she begins to sob. Tears and snot soon cover her face, but she cannot care anymore. She was crying like a baby in front of her teacher. Right after puking on the Hokage.
Here lies Haruno Sakura's dignity. May it rest in peace.
She feels a hand on her shoulder as her sobs gradually subside into sniffles. She turns toward her teacher, who is now handing her a handkerchief.
"Thank you." she whimpers pathetically.
"What are you going to now?" Kakashi asks gently. Sakura thinks for a moment.
"I want to stop being so useless." She says bitterly. "Please Kakashi-sensei, train me! I may not be as strong as Naruto, or as skilled as Sasuke, but I can learn! I'll give it my all! I promise!" she begs.
"I'm sure you will, Sakura-chan." Kakashi tone is gentle, and sad. "But I don't think I can train you." Sakura furrows her eyebrows at this, and she feels a spark of anger and indignation. She opens her mouth to protest, but he holds up a hand to stop her.
"There is a possibility that Team Seven will be disbanded. You may have to look for another mentor."
Sakura shuts her mouth at the news.
"I've lost all my precious people, through my own fault, mostly. The Sandaime thought that assigning me a team like ours would be beneficial to all of us." Kakashi-sensei's head is bowed. He scrubs at his hands, washing away something only he can see. "He was wrong."
"You won't even try?" Sakura asks. She wishes her voice weren't so small. Kakashi-sensei does not look at her.
Sakura watches the man beside her. For the first time, she does not see an unflappable jounin, but a flawed man haunted by his past. Sakura wonders what he's seen. She doesn't think she wants to know.
"You would make a great medic, you know. I can introduce you to possible teachers, if you want." Kakashi says. Sakura recognizes the apology for what it is. It does not make her feel any better.
What kind of sensei are you? Inner Sakura wants to shake the jounin.
"Thanks." Sakura says instead.
"Things will be okay, Sakura-chan. In time."
Sakura shakes her head and turns away.
"You don't trust me." Kakashi says instead. It is not a question, but she answers anyway.
"No, no I don't."
Silence falls upon them again. Sakura thinks about her next step. She could join the Genin Corps, and be a desk-shinobi for the rest of her life. Maybe take on D-ranks and C-ranks when she got bored.
She remembers Shizune and Tsunade''s tired faces after they saved Naruto's life. She could be like them. She may have lost her faith in her former sensei, but he was right about one thing.
Sakura stands up, and begins to walk again. Kakashi does not make a sound behind her, but she is aware of his presence a few feet behind her. It does not leave until she reaches the Hokage tower.
She does not know the protocol for requesting an audience with the Hokage, but she heads straight for her office anyway. She finally reaches the doors to the office, and the ANBU guard blocks her path. It does not matter, because at that moment, Tsunade-sama opens the doors. Through the opening, Sakura can see Jiraiya standing by the window. He looks just as grim as he did in the hospital.
"Bring me another bottle of s-" Tsunade frowns at her. "What are you doing here, brat?"
Sakura bows deeply before answering.
"I wanted to formally apologise for the incident earlier, Hokage-sama." Sakura says.
"Yeah, yeah. It happens." Tsunade replied impatiently, cheeks flushed from the sake Sakura can smell on her breath. "Why are you really here? You did not come here at-" She glances at the clock. "-two in the morning just to apologise."
"Please, make me your apprentice! I promise to work really hard!" Sakura bites her lip, anticipating a firm rejection. Tsunade raises an eyebrow and leans against the doorway.
"Apprentice, huh?" The Hokage looks her up and down in consideration. "How's your chakra control?"
"I learned to tree-walk on the first try." Sakura replies.
"Impressive." Tsunade then waves a hand at her in a shooing motion. "Now go home and sleep, brat. Come back the day after tomorrow, at eight in the morning. Do not be late." Sakura nods eagerly, and her new mentor turns to one of the ANBU guards.
"And you. Get me another bottle, now." Tsunade growls before shutting the door in Sakura's face. She turns to leave, but is startled by a shinobi running toward her.
"Tsunade-sama, wait!" the shinobi exclaims. Tsunade opens the door again.
"This better be important, Izumo." she growls.
"It's Sasuke, he's gone."
A/N AHHH I know Kakashi seems like an ass in this chapter but this is in Sakura's POV and to be fair, he did kinda neglect her in favour of Sasuke and even Naruto sometimes. Don't get me wrong, Kakashi is my favourite character but he has his flaws, and I really wanted to play with how he'd react to his team falling apart, again.
Don't hate me!