Chapter Two: Evil Dread
[At Camp Wawanakwa]
[Scene shows the interior of the losers' cabin where the males are sleeping. Close up of a sleeping Mr. Bump]
Mr. Bump: [sleep-talking] No, Mr. Strong...you'll drop the piano…
[cuts to Top Cat sleeping on the top bunk, snoring to himself]
[outside the cabin, a lone figure is waiting outside the door with a bucket in his hand]
[the figure bursts open the door, waking up the other males]
Mao Mao: GAH!
Top Cat: WHAT THE HE-
[splat!]
Mr. Bump: Ew, what is this stuff?
Chef Hatchet: This right here is breakfast...for the Hamsters, anyway [chuckles].
Top Cat: [sarcastically] Real funny. Mind not barging in next time while I'm sleeping?
Chef Hatchet: Comfort is for winners only, not that you'd understand. [chuckles sadistically as he leaves]
Yogi: Of all the rotten luck, I can't even classify this mush as food. Oh, what I wouldn't give for a picnic basket.
Lucario: Perhaps that can change, all we need to do is win the next challenge.
Mao Mao: Ugh, anything to not have the escaped criminal of a chef serving us...this every morning.
[several shrieks are heard from the girls' side of the cabin]
Angelina: This is absolutely REVOLTING!
Rarity: I agree, just because we lost the last challenge doesn't mean they have to treat us like prisoners.
Charlotte: [after licking a bit of the gruel] Hmm, could use a bit of salt.
Krystal: Calm down, girls. Sure, this isn't exactly how I wanted to spend the first morning here, but if we put our heads together and win the next challenge, we won't have to indulge in this any further.
Rainbow Dash: Let's hope that happens a lot, I do NOT intend on sleeping on this ratty, old mattresses all season.
[static buzzing]
Krystal: Things were getting really tense among the girls. Angelina and Rainbow Dash got into a huge argument over the leadership of the teams and I had to spend half the night soothing their ruffled feelings. I just hope that if we win the next challenge, the drama will subside.
[static buzzing]
Top Cat: If that Chris McLean thinks he's gonna treat me anymore like a stray on the streets, he's got another thing coming.
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to inside the spa hotel, the Villainous Vultures are enjoying the luxury of what the hotel has to offer]
Shadow: You know, winning the first challenge does have its perks.
Wolf: I know what you mean, that was the best sleep that I've ever had in a while. And the breakfast banquet? Mmm-mmm-mmm.
Aquamarine: And the fact that it's so clean in here just adds to it all. I pity those in the losers' cabin, but it's their fault for being so incompetent.
Mewtwo: That being said, there is the discussion of who we're going to eliminate first if we lose.
Jasper: Isn't it obvious? That Prince John loser. Or that loose cannon Daffy Duck. Can't imagine we'd be losing much by getting rid of either of them.
Shadow: Agreed, but in the meantime, let's not focus on losing because I'm not one who's willing to give up all this.
Wolf: Exactly, and if we keep winning challenges, we can live like royalty all season. [raises his glass] To the Villainous Vultures!
Aquamarine, Jasper, Shadow, Mewtwo: To the Villainous Vultures!
Aquamarine: Although, I do wonder how that Daffy's getting along on Boney Island.
[scene cuts to Boney Island where Daffy is walking along the beach]
Daffy: Stupid immunity idol, where are you?! I've spent all night looking for it and not a trace to be found! Oh, well, perhaps the team might not consider me a lost cause and get rid of that Prince John anyways.
[scene cuts back to the hotel where Pamela is sitting next to the missus who is massaging Prince John, glaring at him all the while]
Pamela: Quit hogging the missus, I want a turn!
Prince John: Pardon me, are you royalty? If not, then be off with you. I'm in the middle of my luxurious session.
Pamela: You may be a prince, but you have no authority over the rest of us. Unlike me, who actually does.
Prince John: Pah! You, having authority over me?! Don't make me laugh! Now be on your way, I'd like to be left in peace.
Pamela: Why you little-
[Pamela is cut off by a hand on her shoulder, revealing it to be Katz. He strolls over to the prince and gives him a blank stare]
Katz: You know, I brought a collection of spiders along with me. It'd be a real shame if they somehow "got loose" and I heard that they're rather keen on royal blood.
[this causes Prince John to fall off in shock and he stands up rather uneasily]
Prince John: Um, you go ahead, fair lady. I'll just be...over here…
[as Prince John leaves, Pamela watches Katz with a surprised expression]
[static buzzing]
Pamela: No one's ever stood up for me like that. It almost seems...suspicious. I'm gonna have to keep a close eye on Katz. Who knows what he's up to?
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to a loudspeaker]
Loudspeaker: Attention, campers! It's challenge time! Get your hinnies down to the beach, pronto!
Fiona: [sarcastically] Another day of suffering under the wrath of Chris McLean. Oh, joy.
Carmen: You get used to it.
[scene cuts to the beach where the teams are standing on platforms. Pamela and Katz are standing right next to each other, the former giving the latter a suspicious look]
Chris: Ooooh, tension! I can tell the villains are gonna have quite the time with each other.
[the Boat of Losers drives past with Daffy onboard, the duck jumps off the boat and lands right on the platform]
Mewtwo: Any luck finding the invincibility statue?
Daffy: No, I couldn't find the stupid thing anywhere. Not like I'll need it though.
[static buzzing]
Katz: That duck has about as much arrogance as a deluded child who thinks they're special. I could understand it if he had my intelligence, but alas, he does not.
[static buzzing]
Daffy: Arrogant?! I became famous by being one of the original cartoons ever made! What's the most he's ever done? Get beaten continuously by a scrawny little mutt? Pfft, he's got no room to talk.
[static buzzing]
Chris: Bonjour, mis campers! You may recall from our World Tour challenge in Paris: find and build your own artifact. Well, this time, our interns have buried 3-D puzzle pieces all over the beach; seven pieces per team. Find all your pieces and assemble them on your platforms to recreate one of the landmarks visited on our World Tour. First to finish wins.
Charlotte: OOOOHHH, we're going to be making art! This is so exciting!
Top Cat: Heh, this'll be a cinch!
Chris: Since the Villainous Vultures won the first challenge, they get to dig with shovels. INCOMING!
[shovels are seen being thrown at the Vultures, most of whom catch them with ease]
Daffy: [as he catches two shovels] Ah, yoink!
Prince John: Ahem, shovel?!
Daffy: Oh, I'll give you one...if you say please.
Prince John: Oh, like I'm going to beg like some filthy commoner.
Daffy: Who are YOU calling commoner, ya' little wimp?!
Prince John: Someone who can't keep his beak in the right place!
Wolf: Hey! Twiddle Dumb and Twiddle Dumber! Pick a shovel and shut up!
Prince John and Daffy: He started it! No, you started it!
Jasper: Shut it or my fist is gonna pop both your snouts!
[Prince John and Daffy settle on a shovel and give each other death glares]
[static buzzing]
Wolf: Perhaps getting rid of either their useless hides might benefit us in the long run.
[static buzzing]
Mr. Bump: So wait, where are our-AAH! [he falls off the platform and into the moat]
Chris: One thing I wanna point out; getting on and off your platforms will be challenging due to the moats [Fiona taps the base with her shovel which dissolves around the platform] which are filled with-
Mr. Bump: [as he pulls himself out of the moat] AHH, crabs!
Chris: [laughs] I dunno why, but it gets funnier every time.
Daffy: This'll be no problem for m-[he jumps off the platform, only to have a wooden board slam into him, sending him into the moat, crying out in pain]
Chris: Aaaand ya' might wanna watch out for booby traps in the sand.
Yogi: And what are we supposed to dig with?
Chris: Sorry, shovels are for winners only. [chuckles] I guess you'll have to use your hands.
Mao Mao: [sarcastically] Well, isn't that just peachy?
Chris: Your challenge starts…[blows air horn]...NOW!
Krystal: We should divide our area into sections and each dig in one.
Angelina: No, let's separate into quadrants and each pick a quadrant.
Top Cat: Isn't that literally what Krystal said?
Angelina: Well, good...we'll use the plan that Krystal AND I came up with!
Rainbow Dash: Go Team Heroes!
Krystal, Angelina, Top Cat, Lucario, Rarity, Yogi, Charlotte, Mao Mao: Go Team Heroes!
[static buzzing]
Angelina: If there's going to be a team leader, it's going to be me. Krystal is a good person to rely on, but I'll be the leading force for our team. With my guidance, we're sure to win!
[static buzzing]
Jasper: Strategy, people! Stra-te-gy! We should start from one end and dig to the other one in a straight line!
Pamela: And what if the pieces are all at the far end, huh-huh?! We need two lines that push in towards the center, right, guys?!
Daffy: None of you ain't telling me where to dig, I'm my own duck!
[static buzzing]
Daffy: Pamela and Jasper think they're so special, trying to be the "team leader" and all, no one tells Daffy Duck what to do!
[static buzzing]
Carmen: You might wanna choose your words more carefully, duck. You're on thin ice as it is.
[static buzzing]
[scene cuts to the Hamsters digging in various spots, Mr. Bump is seen near a glowing red light in the sand. He touches it and explodes in front of him]
Chris: Chef's dirty laundry!
Mr. Bump: BLAH!
Chris: [chuckles] Prett'ay stink'ay!
Angelina: Of all the degenerate things-
Krystal: Just keep digging, we'll have plenty of time to gripe about Chris later.
Rarity: I'm just thankful it wasn't me, I just got my mane brushed this morning, kudos to you, Charlotte.
Charlotte: Oh, it was nothing, I just LOVE getting the chance to brush a real pony's hair!
[scene cuts back to the Villainous Vultures digging]
Pamela: Fine! We'll work in a circular motion towards the center.
Jasper: No! Start with the corners, then move to the center and zig-zag!
Fiona: Ugh, idiots.
Pamela: I heard that!
Fiona: Well, if you two spent less time arguing and more time digging, then I wouldn't have said it!
Pamela: Don't look at me, this one right here is too stubborn to admit the superiority of my plan!
Carmen: You realize that none of us are following with what either of you have said, right?
Jasper: Exactly, which is why I should be this team's leader.
Pamela: No, I should!
Jasper: Let's let the team decide!
Pamela: Fine!
[Pamela and Jasper walk away from each other, ushering to the teammates]
Fiona: Ugh, I give up-whoa! [she falls over next to Katz]
Katz: I just want to let you know that I appreciate your efforts, especially given your excellent knowledge of knowing how to take charge.
[static buzzing]
Fiona: Finally! Someone other than Scourge who appreciates what I do!
[static buzzing]
Jasper: Attention, team! I am your leader!
Pamela: No, I am!
[clink!]
Pamela: I found a piece! [digs it up and carries it to the base, only to be stopped by Jasper]
Jasper: You'd never have found it without me!
[Pamela and Jasper struggle with the piece until the former drops it on the latter's foot]
Jasper: AAAHHHH!
Pamela: Oops, sorry. [she is pushed into the moat by Jasper] AAAAHHH! [she cries out in pain as the crabs pinch her]
Chris: Two booby traps, two puzzle pieces, and two DELICIOUSLY evil moats! It's still anyone's game, but it won't be for long. Right here, on Total...Drama...All-Stars!
[The screen goes to black, the episode continues]
Chris: [whispering] An hour has passed and the teams are still tied at one-all, which raises a pertinent question...WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?!
[the contestants start to grumble and complain at the host]
Chris: Blah, blah, blah! Whine, whine! Hurry up, I have dinner plans!
[Charlotte steps on a trap, springing her across the beach, which causes Fiona to laugh, only to have Charlotte collide with her]
Charlotte: Whoops, sorry! [she runs back to her own team]
Fiona: [after looking behind, she notices a piece] Ah-hah, alright! [she sets the piece on the platform]
Chris: And that's two for the villains!
[Krystal is seen struggling to pull her piece out]
Mao Mao: Allow me, ma'am. This calls for the strength of a REAL hero!
Krystal: Well, if you insist-
[the piece unlocks a cannon, which shoots out a boxing glove at Mao Mao, who collides with Angelina, sending them both into the moat, crying out in pain. They both quickly run out of the moat]
Carmen: YES! Got one!
Wolf: Way to go, Car-[he steps on a trap that launches sand in his face]
Carmen: [chuckles as she walks away with her piece]
Jasper: Hah! Finally! [digs out her piece, only to have it grabbed by Daffy]
Daffy: Hah-hah, the duck strikes again!
Jasper: Hey, come back here with my piece!
Mr. Bump: Hey, everyone, look what I found! Another-[a trap sets off underneath him, hitting him the crotch and causing his voice to go up in pitch]-piece.
Chris: [holding a bowl of nuts to Chef] Nuts?
Prince John: [holds a piece in his hand] Haha, they can't perceive me as useless now! [he chucks his piece towards the platform, only for it to hit Jasper in the head, causing her to fall into the moat, grumbling to herself as the crabs come after her]
Lucario: Heads-up, team! We're making excellent progress, all we need are a few more pieces.
Rarity: I think I've got a good idea of what we're making, the pieces do look familiar.
Rainbow Dash: Hehe, we've got this challenge in the bag!
[Carmen is seen digging when she sets off a geyser, soaking her with a scowl on her face. Chris and Chef fist-bump to this]
[Wolf is seen carrying two pieces and throws them onto the platform]
Wolf: Hmm, the structure looks familiar. So long as we keep this up, we'll be heading right back to the spa hotel.
[Aquamarine is seen near the perimeter that separates the two teams]
Aquamarine: Hey, Hamsters! Nice job on eliminating one of your key players! How does it feel to suck so much?!
Angelina: If you had any brains, you'd know that it was a decision of strategy. And that it's none of your business.
Aquamarine: Oh, of course. Only a loser would say such a thing, which is exactly what your team comprises; a bunch of losers!
Angelina: Oh, bug off, you little pixie! Before I slam this shovel in your face!
Aquamarine: Hah, I'd like to see you try!
Angelina: GRRRR! [she storms off in the opposite direction]
[static buzzing]
Aquamarine: It's so easy to wind up people like her.
[static buzzing]
Angelina: If that evil little fairy thinks that she's going to get the better of me, she has another thing coming!
[static buzzing]
[Pamela notices Katz digging and calls out to him]
Pamela: Having trouble, are we?
[Katz pulls out a piece, much to her dismay]
Pamela: Oh…
[a crab pinches Katz's foot, but he only yawns in response]
Jasper: Hey, devil cat! Nice accessory!
[Katz, in response, smacks the crab with his shovel]
[static buzzing]
Pamela: It's like that crab didn't even hurt him. I wonder if he's immune to spider venom?
[static buzzing]
Katz: There are times when you need to keep your composure, especially when there are peers around you. But when you're alone…[his expression gives out to a more painful look and he screams into his arm]
[static buzzing]
Charlotte: Mr. Bump, how many pieces do we have now?
Mr. Bump: [while carrying a piece] I dunno, maybe we should-
Yogi: Up we go! [he tosses Mr. Bump onto the platform]
Mr. Bump: [unamused] Well, that's one way of doing it. [he looks across the platform] We've currently got 6 out of 7 pieces, all we need is one more.
Krystal: You guys start working on the puzzle, the rest of us will keep digging!
Mao Mao: Phew, good plan! Let me just catch my-[a trap springs from underneath him, sending him high in the air]
Top Cat: You alright up there?
Mao Mao: [he is using his cape as a parachute] I'm alright! My bones are still intact! Although, let me just say that YOU'RE A SADISTIC MAN, CHRIS MCLEAN!
Chris: I know, I take pride in it.
[static buzzing]
Mao Mao: I swear, I'm gonna put that man behind bars myself one these days! Mark my words! A legendary hero like myself always upholds the law by any means!
[static buzzing]
Mr. Bump: A book, a crown, what even are we supposed to be building?!
Top Cat: Ain't it obvious, the pride and joy of New York City; Miss Lady Liberty herself!
Daffy: That's seven, let's start building this together!
[the Villainous Vultures rush towards the platform, jumping onto it, one by one]
Pamela: Come on, people! Put this thing together already!
Katz: Try those two together. No, those two!
Wolf: Put that piece here!
Aquamarine: And then this piece here!
Jasper: It's tall, whatever it is.
Fiona: And boxy, like a tower.
Prince John: The very same: Big Ben from my pride and joy, England!
Rarity: One piece to go! It must be in the remaining quadrant!
Rainbow Dash: All we need is the torch, hurry!
Yogi: I'm moving as fast as I can!
Pamela: What's with the big hole?
Carmen: It's missing the clock.
Wolf: You all searched everywhere, correct?
Mewtwo: All the places that I could find.
Prince John: Hmph, clearly not.
Jasper: C'mon, everyone. We've still got digging to do.
Pamela: Mind your tongue, twiggy.
Prince John: Twiggy?! There is nothing wrong with my form!
Pamela: Yeah, apart from the fact that it makes you look like less of a king in general.
Jasper: Oh, yeah! [holds up the clock piece]
Mao Mao: Come on, come on! AHA! Go it! [throws the torch to the Hamsters]
[Jasper runs with her piece to the Vultures' statue. However, seeing his chance to get the pressure off him, Prince John pushes Daffy towards the statue, but the duck retaliates and the two begin to fight off with each other. Until Prince John pushes Daffy into the tower, causing it to fall over]
[the torch is placed on the Statue of Liberty, securing the victory for the Heroes]
Chris: The Heroic Hamsters win!
[the heroes cheer while the villains groan]
Chris: Ahem, I do require a volunteer for exile duty.
Mao Mao: I'll volunteer for exile!
Top Cat: Stay safe out there, man!
Mao Mao: Haha, I LIVE for this kind of danger!
Prince John: Well done, duck! You ruined everything!
Daffy: YOU pushed me first!
Prince John: You were the one who fell onto the statue!
Wolf: Will you two SHUT UP?!
Pamela: I'm going to lose it if you both don't stop talking!
[Shadow steps on a trap that unleashes a garbage bag into the air, he hits it with his shovel, sending it straight into Chris]
Chris: AAH! I'm covered in-WHO DID THAT?!
[Shadow puts on an innocent expression and walks away]
Wolf: Okay, THAT just made my day.
Shadow: Hmm, the pleasure's all mine.
[The screen goes black, at the Campfire Ceremony]
Chris: Welcome, Hamsters! Sit back and enjoy the show. Vultures, it's time to vote off your first villain.
[static buzzing]
Wolf: Prince John and Daffy cost us the challenge today and both are annoying beyond belief. But if I had to choose which airhead to keep, I pick-
[static buzzing]
Carmen: Remember what I said about thin ice? Yeah, you've just cracked it.
[static buzzing]
Chris: The following players are safe for another day: Wolf [catches the marshmallow], Carmen [catches the marshmallow], Fiona [catches the marshmallow], Katz [catches the marshmallow], Pamela [catches the marshmallow], Mewtwo [catches the marshmallow], Jasper [catches the marshmallow], Shadow [catches the marshmallow], and Aquamarine [catches the marshmallow]. Prince John, you're on the block for being completely useless and generally annoying to your teammates.
Prince John: Pah, you lot would never understand the means of royalty.
Chris: And Daffy, you're on the block for also annoying your teammates, but being slightly less useless than Prince John.
Daffy: Hmph!
Chris: And the last player safe tonight is…
…
..
.
[The scene cuts to Prince John who is haughty then it changes to Daffy who is irritated, then back to Chris]
Chris: [tosses the marshmallow] Daffy!
Prince John: Blast!
[The scene cuts to Prince John boarding the Boat of Losers, scowling at the villains]
Prince John: This isn't the last you've seen of me! I'll be back, you hear?! Prince John shall rise again!
Chef Hatchet: Can it, ya' scrawny broomstick! [the Boat of Losers sails off into the distance]
Chris: Who else is in line for an unfortunate goodbye? Find out next time on Total...Drama...All-Stars!
[The screen goes black as the episode ends]