Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe!

Title: Let You Down

Summary: With Steven's damaged mental health finally coming to the surface, Connie can't hide from her own problems anymore.

...

When Connie was five, her mother had gotten a great job offer and they, of course, had had to move, and because of the long drive her father had gently shaken her awake and carried her to the car just as dawn hit the horizon, and she was so out of it she hadn't realized until much later that she forgot to say goodbye to their apartment. That same sense of unreality hit her when Steven- her jam bud, her partner, her now ex-Godzilla monster friend- woke her and asked if she wanted to go to Pepe's Burgers the day after being said Godzilla monster. Connie agrees, because it's not like Bismuth has a fully stocked kitchen in what is basically her rest stop and bed, and they walk the decent distance to the warp pad in the same clothes they wore yesterday.

This is, of course, not a fullproof plan, and they get maybe five minutes into what is quickly becoming a peaceful if chilly stroll by the loudest goddamn, "Ah, Steven!" Connie's ever heard. White holds her arms out like she's going to hug him again. Beside her are Yellow and Blue, who are not-so-inconspicuously holding hands.

"Have you come to wish us off?" White asks.

"Uh, yeah," Steven says, the polite fool. "I didn't know you guys were going so soon?"

"I'm afraid so. We wanted to stay longer, but after a quick talk with Yellow and Blue I've decided it's probably best to leave for now." White holds a fist to her mouth, eyes shining with tears. "I can only imagine the horrid things we must remind you of."

Connie can think of a few. She leans close to Steven's ear. "Are we still doing the saluting thing or is that gone out the window?"

He leans back, brushing her shoulder with his. "It's not technically necessary but they really like it when people do."

"Inflating their egos?"

"Basically."

"Goody."

White blinks down at him, baffled. "What are you two whispering about?" she asks. Connie takes it as a good sign it's not a demand.

Connie plants her feet to the dirt and does the salute. She hates it. Of course she does. But this isn't a good time to pick a fight. "Just the best way to greet the Diamonds."

Blue's face lights up. "Oh! I recognize you! You're Steven's... um."

"Right," Connie says. "His um."

"I'm sorry, dear. It's a terrible habit of mine to assume." To her credit, Blue honestly does seem sheepish about the mix-up. "But we have met before, correct?"

Connie forces herself to smile. "We didn't really talk to each other, but yeah."

Yellow tuts, pinching her chin. Her brow is furrowed. "I don't quite recall your name. It's on the tip of my tongue, but- a moment! Just give me a moment."

She hopes she can't. It's petty. Connie recognizes it is. It's coming from the same little goblin in her head that had wanted to beat Kevin in racing and make him cry like the pathetic manbaby he is. To look this giant hulking rock in the eye and watch as a tyrant that had made her friends' lives absolute hell stumbled and stuttered over her name is a concept Connie could learn to enjoy.

Spinel saves her- though, honestly, Connie isn't sure which her she saves. She comes cartwheeling over and wraps Steven in a multi-layer hug. "What's up, buddacup?" she asks rhetorically, breaking out in snickers. "You know, I've made more friends in the past day than I have in my entire life? You betta come visit, or I'mma find you."

"You know what buttercups are," Connie says, eyebrows raised. "But not sandals?"

Spinel jumps, clearly having not noticed her either, and her smile bursts even brighter. "Key to comedy, my dear, is to know just enough to confuse everyone else," she explains, looking very smug.

"Garnet says it's fear."

"Oh, a bit'a that too! Comedy is a lotta things." Spinel hugs her next. It's just one layer of arm. Somehow, that makes it feel impersonal, even as she twists her head to an unnatural angle to whisper in her ear. "Don't take it personally. They're a little bit thick in the Gem, but they mean well."

Connie gingerly pats her back. "Thanks."

She pulled away. "Anytime."

Yellow startles, smacking the palm of her hand with her fist. "Connie! I knew it was in my coding somewhere."

"You're so smart, Yellow," Blue says, and giggles, and leans comfortably into the crook of the Diamond's arm.

Connie finally switches her phone on about halfway to the fast food place, per Steven's request. There's five missed calls and a text from her father; somehow even more heart-stopping is the silence on her mother's end. She hoped they hadn't swung by the temple.

She clicks on Pearl's contact. Went to grab food. Will be back soon.

The reply is almost instant. I'm going to skin that boy alive. "She says she's going to skin you alive."

Steven laughs a little, but doesn't sound humored. "That's probably Amethyst. She steals Pearl's phone and pretends to be her sometimes."

"Did you really shatter Jasper?"

Connie chokes on her french fries. Pearl notices and pats her on the back, but her eyes never leave Steven.

"Can this wait?" Steven asks. "I don't want to do this in front of a bunch of people."

Bismuth promptly stands and clasps a hand on Lapis and Peridot's shoulders. "Alright! That's our cue, gang."

Lapis struggles, but not, like, hard. Lapis could kill them all with a flick of her wrist if she really wanted to. "Aww, come on. We have every right to know."

"This is a family talk," Bismuth replies, having had one just like it herself back in the war. "If Steven feels comfortable talkin' about it with us, he'll let us know. Besides, I wanna get the temple up and runnin' in a day and a half, tops."

Peridot fixes Amethyst a puppy dog look. "You'll let me know later, right?"

For once, Amethyst isn't drawn in by her charm. "I'll tell you exactly what I'm allowed to say, P-dot."

"But with details, right?"

"If the only detail is that I'm not allowed to share details, then yes."

Bismuth lightly baps the top of her hair, eliciting a hiss. "Let's give them some space."

Steven smiles nervously. "Thanks, Bismuth."

"Anytime."

Connie curls her fingers in Steven's. They're both greasy. "I can go too," she says, though she really, really doesn't want to.

Steven instantly tightened their grip. "Please don't leave me," he answers, then looks guilty about it, which is every reason for Connie to stay.

"I won't," she tells him, and means it. Her phone is buzzing in her pocket.

"Well?" Pearl presses, once the room has shrunken by three. Her face is a jumble of things; fear, hope, understanding. Connie can't help but wonder how this must feel to the Gem- the reversal of the day she got her phone.

Steven scowls, fidgeting with the neck of a coke bottle. "I did."

The room goes silent. Connie isn't surprised. In a way, she feels bad about it. She was supposed to be his knight, after all. She had been the one who'd begged Pearl for the chance to go to war. She brought the snacks and survival gear to every mission. If anyone should've shattered a Gem, it should've been her.

(Maybe it's... jealousy?)

(God, Maheswaran. What's wrong with you?)

It's Garnet's turn to speak next. "You're sure," she states, because Garnet doesn't ask questions, arms crossed.

"No," Steven says, straight-faced. "I guessed that I killed a Gem. What do you think?"

Garnet has never taken disrespect well. But this time she tables her feelings, gently setting a hand on his shoulder. "Steven, I know this is hard. I know we've dropped the ball for you so many times. But I need you to understand; you're in like company. You don't have to be afraid to tell us these things."

"You've shattered Gems." His voice is flat. This isn't new information, technically, but neither he nor Connie had liked to think about that. His eyes slowly swivel towards Amethyst; the only non-veteran. "Even you?"

Amethyst shifts uncomfortably. "It was a corruption. It was just me and..." her voice cut off. "It almost shattered Rose, dude. I grabbed it with my whip, but there was a cliff, and it tripped, and... it fell gem-first."

"My first was an Amethyst," Pearl says.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Pearl," Amethyst says.

"We don't say fuck in this house," she chides. "It was horrible. It was on purpose. And I'd do it again."

Connie feels Steven start to tremble beside her. "You're doing it again," she snaps, and they stop.

"The point is, we understand," Garnet finishes.

"No, you don't." Steven shrugs her hand off. "No one does. No one can. There's never been anyone like me; that's the problem. I'm too Gem for human stuff and I'm too human for Gem stuff. I just... want things to be okay again."

"Therapy," Connie suggests.

Steven squints at her. "The guys in the cartoons with the long couches?"

"No. Well, yes, kind of. They're people who go to school and learn how to help people with mental health issues. They help you go step-by-step into the life you want." She cleared her throat. "I, uh, I had to go see one after I flipped Jeff. For my temper."

Pearl scoffs, rolling her eyes. "Honestly, with how talented you are, the boy's lucky he got out with the arm attached. They should be praising you on your restraint."

Connie ignores that, and how good it makes her feel. She shouldn't feel good. She assaulted someone. "It's an option, if you feel like you're up to it."

"I don't really 'feel up' to much of anything," he admits, shrugging his shoulders. "Do you... really think it'll help?"

She grits her teeth. Connie couldn't give him all the answers here. Hell, they might not even be the right answers. "I think that's entirely up to you, and finding a therapist you mesh well with." She hesitates. "I could ask my mom."

"You could?" Connie nods. A small, relieved smile creeps up Steven's face. "Thanks, Connie. That really helps a lot."

The missed call is from Daniel, wanting to know if their plans to study were still viable. Connie hangs up her voicemail and goes to her mom's. Nothing. The last message is Connie asking if she could swing by the hospital with Steven.

It's late. Almost eleven. The talk had gone through the afternoon and into dinner, and now everyone was off doing their own things. Steven was reading a book. Amethyst was sleeping. Connie was pretty sure Garnet and Pearl had gone to help fix the temple. This is the best time to possibly call a human being right now.

Damn it.

Connie steps outside. The night is a lot nicer when the Diamonds aren't there, even if she's only out here to throw the devil a bone. She sits on the slab that connects the house to the ground and texts Priyanka the first thing in almost two weeks now. Steven wants to try therapy. Can you send me a list of potential doctors to try?

There's a long pause. She's pretty sure her mother is driving home right now, so she's more surprised when she calls than she probably should be. She hits answer with a heavy swallow, holding it to her ear. "Hi, mom."

"Finally got it through his thick head, did you?" Priyanka responds. "Well, I won't say I have any personal recommendations, but I'll ask around and see. I've heard a lot of good about a fellow about twenty miles west."

"Thanks."

"Hmm."

Connie's lip quivers. She wants to say I love you.

"I'm sorry I had to go like that," she says instead. "Steven needed me."

"I know," she says, her voice betraying a million disappointments. "He always does."

"Ma'am, I-"

Priyanka cut her off. "Connie. You're sixteen. Don't ma'am me."

"Sorry."

"Don't. You don't mean that, either. I know Steven is important to you, Connie. He's important to me too. But when are you going to stop throwing aside everything for him?"

"A few days not studying won't stop me from going to college, mom."

"I'm not talking about the damn studying! I'm talking about the sword lessons. I'm talking about the insomnia. I'm talking about your trauma. When are you going to let someone help you the way you're always helping him?"

Connie's grip tightened on the rim of her cell phone. "I gotta go, mom. I'll text you in the morning."

"Fine." Distantly, she can hear the turn signal flick on. "Good night."

"Night."

The dial tone buzzed in her ears.

Author's Note: A lot of phone stuff in this chapter lol. I don't have much to say other than Spinel's squeaky noises could sound out that bar tune in star wars and I dunno what to do with that knowledge.

I will forever write Yellow and Blue as wives who're finally allowed to be open around their family after being together for like 10,000 years secretly and that's the TEA.

-Mandaree1