"Keep your musty-ass, crawdaddy-smelling coochie AWAY from MY woman!"
"Lola, you can't just call dibs on a human being! She deserves a say in this too! Plus, you're ooooonly being a bitch about this cuz you know she digs on me."
The sound-proofing that Lana installed in all the rooms per the outcome of The Great Sibling War of Summer 2017 admittedly does a pretty good job blocking out most of the hustle and bustle of the going-on's of the Loud House (or at least whatever happens behind closed doors), but as things grew more quiet nosy ears grew shrewder.
Lincoln got up off the floor and folded up the pocket knife he was using to separate the vinyl lining underneath the door to the twins room to let some sound out. Not because he was nosy, or some kind of meddler. It's well within his right as Head Honcho to breach privacy to maintain order, I mean come on! This is America! 4th amendment or whatever!
"From what I've gathered from my sources, Lana and Lola are arguing about the coming Spring Sock Hop, the date has been postponed indefinitely.", Lucy stoically whispered to Lincoln, he has a theory that Lucy either bugs the vents or still manages to creep in them, "It isn't like Lana to show interest in a dance, I wonder if she's just trying to get Lola's goat. Sigh. At least they aren't freaking out about the coming plague."
Lucy is 12 now, right on the cusp of breaking into her teens. This is a troubling time for everyone, please be patient with her, remember to salt your doorways to keep her out. She sports an embroidered silk muslin maxi dress underneath a Saint Laurent velvet single-breasted tuxedo tailcoat (you know the one, from the Summer 2020 ready to wear collection), both black as night. Only color she's sporting is the yellow piping on her Doc Martens goth-stompers, you'd think with those clunky shoes she'd be a lot less quiet skulking around. Doc Martens are actually pretty quiet AND comfortable, Lincoln has a pair of brown Chelsea's but no belt to match them so they stay in the closet.
Finally starting to hit puberty she's able to see eye to eye with Lincoln. Probably because of the 3 inch heels on those bad boys. Though the term "eye to eye" is used here a little goosey-loosey, Lincoln doesn't even know if she's got eyes underneath those bangs. She could be sporting one of Luan's groucho glasses and Lincoln wouldn't be able to tell.
"Lincoln, you're staring ag-", Lucy timidly replied, Lincoln was right up on her grill with an intense squint on his face, Lucy doesn't really like Lincoln when he's caffeinated out of his gourd. But understands that there is a lot of pressure on him.
"AARGH!", Lincoln freaked out, flailing his arms and spilling Gamer Fuel from his flinged red bull can, "Jesus, Lucy. Don't sneak up on me like that!", Lincoln took a moment to collect himself, "I thought I was hallucinating you again…"
"No, Lincoln. I'm corporeal at this moment." Lucy calmly stated as she pulled a handkerchief from her coat to wipe away the sugary substance on the door, "Though I am surprised you posses the ability to perceive beyond the veil, that could be Harriet's influence. Alas, sigh, we should put a pin on this and attend to the matter at hand."
Lucy retrieved a spare key from one of her pockets and handed it to Lincoln. Lincoln raised an eyebrow and retrieved the key and held it close to the light.
Looks like she used a file and hand-ground an acceptable copy of the twins room key. Her work was acceptable but Lincoln knew she couldn't hold a candle to Leni. He made a note to install a new lock on his credenza, not that she'd have any luck breaking into his safe for any deeds or articles. She'd have to call in Leni for that.
But she revealed this card from her sleeve on purpose, she's either bored of not a chance to use it or it has outgrown its usefulness.
Lucy has been a pain in Lincoln's ass since he won Head Honcho last year. She attempted to usurp the time honored Head Honcho position and install a regime of equal power and representation. She almost won the majority vote if it wasn't for 2 votes and an excessive 36 hour filibuster on Lincoln and Lisa's part. Lincoln had an inkling that she's since been trying to figure out who betrayed her.
"It's acceptable, Lucy. This is good work." Lincoln said as he opened the door, not bothering to look at her. Lucy sported a tiny smirk, a very tiny one. It hurt a bit, she's not really used to working her face muscles.
"Hey! How'd the fuck did you get in here! Subsection 3c of the FRIENDZY laws explicitly state that locks must be respected when guests are over!", Lola shouted as she held Lana in a chokehold.
Lola has grown up from her 'Terrible 2's' to her 'Terrible 10's'. She's got a Gucci pink poplin dress on and a pair of white Keds. Her long blonde hair tied up in a ponytail, coupled with her pink sweat wristbands Lincoln can only assume that her and Meli were about to play a couple rounds of tennis in the backyard. Lola's been really into tennis lately. She used to be able to put her boundless energy into her passion of modeling and pageantry, but the current restrictions going on right now are driving her into a corner. Please be patient with her.
"As we are all aware, the current terror level is above Code Puce. Any locks can be bypassed for the sake of House Safety per the April Fool's Protection Act." Lincoln said as he looked at Lucy, she gave a curt nod back, "Now enough about that," Lincoln waving that conversation away with a chuckle, "What's this I hear about my favorite little sis Lana going to the dance!?"
Lana slipped out of the choke and performed a Full Nelson Atomic Drop on Lola, "You hear that Lol's? I'm the favorite!", Lana announced as she got up, "Yeah, the stupid, lame, and totally waste of my time Spring Break Sock Hop is coming up soon and I wanna take Meli over here as my date."
Lana is also 10 and also terrible, whether or not she is as terrible as Lola is up to debate. She is Lola's twin sister, after all. It depends on your tastes. Personally, I like Lola's spunk and Lana's can-do attitude just the same. Lana is decked out in a dark blue short-sleeved speedsuit custom made by Leni with the most rugged khaki available. Damn thing could stop a buzzsaw. She's got black thermal longjohns underneath her work clothes and her once red hat is now a sun-bleached salmon, but don't tell her that. It's a red hat not pink. Her brown Timbs are noticeably cleaner than usual, much to her displeasure. She's been a little stir-crazy lately from having to be inside, please be patient with her.
"Oh please,", Lola sneered as she drove an elbow into Lana's sternum, "He says that to all of his sisters. And you can't just take Meli out on a date! You have to romance her! I've been working on that for the last three weeks! It's called a slow-burn for reason, you skank!"
Lana gripped her chest in pain and blew steam out of her nostrils as she pounced on Lola, both of them disappearing into a fight cloud.
"How are you feeling about this Meli?", Lincoln asked with concern as he took a seat next to Meli on Lola's pink chaise longue, "They can be pretty intense sometimes, as I'm sure you know. But I'm sure their intentions are pure..."
Meli was too enraptured by all this attention being placed on her and took a while to process Lincoln's question. She possesses a shy disposition, but she's been working on it. Meli had a grey baggy T-shirt on with some kind of cartoon horse on it tucked into a grey pleated skirt, probably her movin' around clothes since Lola's been on that tennis kick. She nervously played with her pink Converse shoelaces as she tried to drum up an answer.
"Two pretty girls are fighting over me… It's a lot for me to handle…", Meli mumbled to Lincoln, "I'm really flattered but Lola did ask me first…" Lincoln beamed at her response as she went on, "I didn't know that Lola meant it that way when she asked, but now I'm actually really looking forward to the dance… If it gets cancelled I won't be too bummed out, maybe I can work up the courage to dance with her here."
"LUCY, GET THE CAME-", Lucy cut off Lincoln's shout with a finger to her lips as she waved dad's camera in the air. Lincoln nodded in response as he applied hand sanitizer from his coat and picked up Meli and placed her in front of the fight cloud, then he stepped out of frame and applied hand sanitizer again. Meli gave a nervous wave as the flashbulb went off.
It's memories like this that last forever.
Lincoln wiped a tear from his eye as he relished in knowing that Lola's black heart is actually capable of love. Lola always played the part of the pure-hearted maiden, so it was nice to have some actual evidence backing that up. She found her princess, not the one in the mirror but the one in Meli.
Maybe Lincoln was getting ahead of himself, but you know how big brothers can be.
Lucy almost jumped for joy, but quickly caught herself. Real easy to roll your ankle in those shoes. She returned to her senses as she realized the gravity of Lana's transgressions, hopefully Lola can pull through.
"Girls.", Lucy announced in a voice above a whisper, still her voice stopped the twins, leaving them in a trance. Her voice is like a dog whistle to her younger siblings. "You know the rules. Sister Fight Protocol: Hasta-Śastra"
Lincoln cringed at the words as the twins went to their respective sides of the room and started digging through their things.
"Meli, know that my love for you burns. You are my flame. I draw my blood for true love. I want to give you just a bit of the happiness you give me. I draw my blade against my sister because of this.", Lola announced to the court as she pulled out a rapier and retrieved an unopened bottle of pink ink and painted the dull edge.
"Meli, I think you're really cool. I dig your whole style. I know you got the hots for Lol's and all that, but I at least I wanna throw my hat in the ring. And Lola stinks, she don't floss her teeth. I do cuz I like finding pieces of food in there. All's I want is just one lousy dance. I draw my blade against my sister because of this.", Lana roars as she pours blue ink on the tip of a broken viking spear, she wipes the excess on her coveralls and motions for Lucy to commence.
"Don't worry Meli, both of them should be using dull weapons…", Lincoln whispered to the overstimulated Meli sitting on the floor outside the makeshift ring that Lucy made with white tape.
"What's a 'hast a sasta'?", Meli fearfully asked Lincoln.
"Well the in's and out's of the Sister Fight Protocol remain an enigma to me today, though I do like to think that I have some glimmering of understanding of it now…" Lincoln whispered to Meli as Lucy inspected both of the twins weapons, "Technically the tenants observed by my sisters are supposed to be secret but the Sharp Agreement gives me a little room to explain, since you miiiiight be my lil sis in-law soooooon!", Lincoln calmed himself after a chilling gaze from Lucy, "Sorry, anyways, basically whoever's gets a clean hit in a vital area first gets whoever's at stake. A little barbaric, but this little fight can go on for weeks without intervention. I've seen Lana take down kids 3 times her size before but Lola has been taking knife fight lessons from Stella recently, probably for this very occasion. So she might have an advantage."
Meli's eyes glazed over as she ran through the implications of what Lincoln revealed to her, the Loud sisters are hardcore.
"Today you sisters draw your blade. Remember, for love you must draw more than just blood. Commence." Lucy arbitrated from the front of the ring, with a wave of her hand the duel commenced.
Hasta-Śastra is not just a dance with two people. Hasta-Śastra does not end when your legs tire, your body screams, or your heart stops. Hasta-Śastra is more of a mirror than a dance or a duel.
There are those who walk on hot coals.
There are those who walk the Hasta-Śastra.
With a roar Lana bounded towards Lola and jumped up with her hands gripping her spear dripping blue ichor, attempting to plunge it straight to her heart. Lola looked up with piercing eyes and held up her left arm and caught the spear and ripped it from Lana's grasp and sidestepped the assault. Lola then tossed the spear aside and held her sword at Lana's neck planting a foot on her chest to hold her down. Her blued hand limply dangled at her side, staining her pink skirt.
"Please…", Lola pleaded, "Give up."
"No!" Replied Lana in a hoarse whisper, "That's not how this works!"
Lucy's voice buzzed like a moth in their ears, "Do it."
Blinking away tears in Lola's eyes she painted Lana's neck pink with her blade. The both of them shedding more than just blood.
Another flashbulb went off and Lucy motioned as if she was wiping away a tear, but Lincoln had his doubts. Lana smiled up at Lola, "Guess you win this one, Lola. Sorry about trying to mack on your chick like that, I didn't really know you were into her like that till today."
Lola helped Lana up and started freaking out about the ink everywhere and got her trust oxiclean bleach pen to get the smudges off of her Gucci skirt. "I'm going to go freshen up in the bathroom, Meli. I'm sorry you had to see that, but I'm glad I put all my cards on the table. I won't demand a immed-"
"My answer is yes, Lola." Meli chimed as she got up and fiddled with the hem of her skirt.
"Huh, I guess that takes the slow out of my burn. But I'm not complaining.", Lola said with a smile as she carried a clean change of clothes out of the room.
"And I'm sorry things didn't work out Lana, but I thought you were really cool.", Meli said as she handed a towel to Lana
"Thanks, Meli. Well… if things don't work out with Lola you know my number. And we've got the rest of our lives to figure crud out, that's what Hasta-Śastra is all about, baby." Lana chuckled, she shook her head as she stuck Hops Jr. in her pocket and went out the door, "Alright, Linc' we're done here. I'm gonna go hose off in the yard. We'll be simmering it down now."
Lana poked her head back into the room, "And I'll be bringing up the compromised lock next Meeting, Protection Act or not, that's not cool, bro.", Lana went down the stairs, "AND Lucy. Lincoln fucking blows at anything handy, I know that key was your work, Lucy."
Lincoln raised an eyebrow at Lucy who tilted her head and shrugged in response.
"Well, Meli, that's enough excitement for one day. But be sure to stick around, there'll be more to come after the commercial break", Lincoln said as he got up, "Oh, and make sure you get your parents to sign those forms I gave you about the camp."
"Yeah, sure thing, Lincoln! I'm gonna go lie down a bit that was kinda scary. But it was kinda fun, thanks for making sure no one was hurt, Lucy." Meli said with shaky breaths as she came down from the adrenaline rush of witnessing a mock duel.
Lucy gave a nod and left the room followed by Lincoln, both of them were greeted with a voice as they closed the door behind them.
"Oi, wots all this about Lincoln getting a handy? Go do what I did when I was your age and keep it outta the house, mate! Go borrow vanzilla or go to the movies, that's right nasty"
Lucy actually chuckled at Lincoln's sigh.
"Hey, Luna. Lana was talking about like handyman work, not handjobs. But I appreciate the concern.", Lincoln said as he checked his watch, "Go keep Luna company, Lucy. I'll be with you in a sec to catch up, Luna, but I gotta go talk to an alternate dimension version of Lisa to find a cure for Covid-19."
Lucy and Luna were left in the dust as Lincoln stomped over to Lisa and Lily's room.
"Lucy, Lincoln looks a little rough. I'm kinda worried about him.", Luna whispered, "Think he might be hitting that Gamer Fuel of his too hard."
"Sigh, at least he's eating right and staying hydrated. He's been making sure to keep everyone properly fed, thinks it'll help when it finally hits us.", Lucy replied, "I'd swear that his hair is even whiter now.", Lucy shook her head, "But whatever, how are you and Sam?"
"We're uh… doing okay… how about we take this conversation somewhere quiet, dude." Luna said as she led Lucy back into Luna's old room.
Oh shit, thought Lucy, Luna's not gonna like what Luan did to her side of the room…
It is me, Needlessly Meta. Hope this is finding you in good health. This chapter came put later than I would like, didn't get a chance to check for spelling or grammar or secret coded messages subliminally planted into my subconscious and in turn put into my fic. I've never tried being creative before and it feels kinda nice, thanks for giving this fic a chance.
My grandma called me again to let me know that she sent me some canned sardines in the mail. Don't know what I'm supposed to eat them with, white rice? Maybe with cheese and crackers? What a mystery!
This chapter was kinda wild, but I'm glad it all worked out in the end. Didn't see that coming at all. Anyways next chapter might be a little short, and then the next one after that is probably gonna be pretty big.
Stay frosty, out there. The Man is still makin me go into work despite all this hullabaloo goin on, but I'm trying to stay positive. I started this fic with the assumption that I'd be able to put a lot of time in it super quick considering the pending closures, but time keeps on slippin into the future.