Malfoy was the first to wake in the morning. Everyone else was sleeping in, but Draco had woken from nightmares so he decided to get up and try and find a way out of this room.

He had gone around the room twice when he heard it.

Humming.

"Lemme guess, you don't sleep either?" Malfoy said to the girl holding them here. He sneered at the front wall, where the voice was strongest.

"Oh, 'course I sleep, I just get up early. Never been one for sleeping in" Luna said, sounding far too cheerful for so early an hour. "I know why you don't sleep too, but don't worry, I'm not gonna tell anyone"

Malfoy snarled. "What would you know you stupid muggle?"

Luna's laughter rang out through the room. "Muggle? You are aware that the doors are enchanted shut right? Also, how would I have made the Portkey's without magic? Honestly Draco, stop making assumptions about people, some may actually surprise you," the girl said, a suggestive tone in her voice, which confused Draco.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, you'll see in due time," she replied evasively and would say nothing more.

He was about to try and get her to answer again when Hermione walked out of the room she was sharing with Ginny. He didn't notice until then that Luna had never told him how she knew about his nightmares, but it was too late now.

Hermione nodded at him. "Malfoy," she said tersely. He nodded back, but didn't greet her back.

Instead, he said, "What are you doing up so early?"

"I was hungry, and I don't sleep in much anyway, I get too restless. Normally I have books, but now, well..."

"That's what I was just saying!" Luna said cheerfully, ignoring the hint that they wanted their stuff to be brought here. It seemed that their talking had woken the rest of the residents, though it took Harry a good five minutes to wake his lazy roommate. By the time Ron surfaced, everyone was sat down eating breakfast.

Meals seemed to be relatively simple, as Luna had said. Anything they asked for appeared on the table before them, which was a lot of fun.

When they'd finished eating, Lavender spoke up.

"How about we watch the next scene? I wanna see who they're gonna introduce next!" she said eagerly. Everyone agreed with this and went to take their seats in the main room.

As soon as everyone was comfortably seated, and Ron had summoned more snacks than anyone thought possible, the scene began.

GW: Ron! You were supposed to take me to Madam Maulkins' and use those Sickles mom gave you for my robe fitting!

Ginny blanched. "What the hell!?" she screeched, nearly deafening Ron and Hermione who were sat closest to her.

HP: Uh, who's this?

RW: This is stupid little dumb sister Ginny,

"Um, excuse me!" Ginny demanded, thumping her brother on the arm. "Also, why the hell am I wearing ballet pumps that are bright yellow? They look awful!"

Nobody had an answer for her.

She's a freshman.

"What's a freshman?" Harry asked.

"A freshman is what a first-year is called in American schools, wizarding and muggle." Luna supplied, when it was clear that Hermione didn't have an answer. She wanted to save the young witch the embarrassing taunts that often followed her not having the answer.

Ginny this is Harry, Potter. Harry Potter, its Harry Potter.

GW: Oh! You're Harry Potter! You're the boy who lived!

This caused both Harry and Ginny to blush profusely, whilst Ginny protested adamantly.

"I was not like that when I met him!" she said impatiently at the laughter from her brother.

"No," he agreed, "you just wouldn't speak to him at all!" Ron said, earning him another well-deserved punch from the youngest Weasley.

HP: Yeah, and you're Ginny.

GW: It's Ginevra

Ginny hid her head in her hands. Did they have to include that? Harry turned to her.

"Your real name is Ginevra?" he asked, although it didn't sound mocking.

"Yeah," she answered in a quiet voice.

He smiled at her. "It's beautiful," he told her, before directing his gaze back to the screen

HP: Cool, Ginny's fine

RW: Stupid sister *claps above head*

Everyone looked around in confusion.

"What was that meant to be Weasley?" Malfoy enquired, breaking the silence.

"I don't know," Ron replied in confusion. "Luna, a little input?"

"I've always assumed it was you slapping her, it was the best theory I could come up with. It happens in future musicals as well" Luna said, effectively silencing the room.

Don't crowd the famous friend!

HG: Hey do you guys hear music or something?

HP: Music, what are you talking about?

"Someone's coming," Ron said.

RW: Yeah, someone's coming

Ron blinked.

"No need to repeat yourself mate," Harry said, whilst Lavender laughed.

HP: Someone's coming

CC, LB & PP: Cho Chang, Domo Oregato. Cho Chang, Gung hey fat Choy Chang, happy, happy new year, Cho Chang.

"They've cast Cho really well considering some of their other choices," Hermione admitted.

"Speaking of characters, who haven't we met yet in this room?" Ginny asked, looking around.

"Ummmm, we still need to see Lavender, Malfoy, Dumbledore, and Snape," Harry answered, counting on his fingers. "They've already introduced us," he said, indicating himself, Hermione, Ron, and Ginny.

GW: Konichiwa Cho Chang! It is good to meet you! I am Ginny Weasley!

The real Ginny could hardly watch. The others had no such reservations, finding it very amusing.

LB: Bitch, I ain't Cho Chang

This confused everyone in the room. If she wasn't Cho, who was?

RW: That's Lavender Brown!

Lavender looked incredibly confused. That wasn't really her, surely?

*claps above head* racist sister!

This brought a laugh from the room, though Malfoy and Snape stayed resolutely silent, even as their mouths twitched - in amusement or derision, mo one could tell.

CC: Hey hey! That's alright! I'm Cho Chang y'all

This was even more insane. They had made Cho southern?

"It's like they just swapped your appearance and Cho's to confuse the audience. To be fair, it got a good reaction."

HP: Oh, she's perfect!

Harry didn't look at Ginny, he couldn't. However, Lavender didn't notice the now tense atmosphere in the room.

"You like Cho?" she asked the boy in question.

"Liked! I liked Cho, past tense," Harry rambled.

RW: Yeah, too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory though!

The mention of Cedric made the residents of the room, Malfoy included, bow their heads in respect. They were still trying to carry on following Cedric's death during the Triwizard Tournament. However, Luna spoke up.

"Guys, I'm afraid they're going to mention Cedric quite a few times in this performance. You will enjoy it more if you try and treat this as a nice tribute to him." This was met with vague murmurs and nods of agreement.

HP: What, who the hell is Cedric Diggory? Who even is that guy?

CD: Cho Chang, I am so in love with Cho Chang. From Bangkok to Ding Dang. I'll sing my love aloud for Cho Chaaaaaaang.

HP: ugh, I hate that guy!

"No I didn't," Harry said sadly. Not many knew just how much Cedric had helped Harry during the tournament, not to mention being a very fair player in their Quidditch matches, once even calling for a rematch when he won due to Harry falling off his broom. Harry truly missed the young Hufflepuff.

RW: So are we gonna get those robes or not?

GW: Alright, alright I'm going!

RW: God sister!

"Why is it suddenly my fault?" she demanded of her brother.

"It's still not actually me," Ron exclaimed, his cries falling once again on deaf ears.

*cue Neville*

"Who is that?" Lavender asked. Nobody knew, and Bibz wouldn't say a thing.

GG: Present your arm nerd. Indian burn hex!

RW: Oh, Crabbe and Goyle

"Oh should have known these two sods would be in it!" Malfoy said in despair.

"Hey, maybe this means we'll see Malfoy soon," Ron whispered to Harry with a laugh.

GW: Are you okay?

HP: Hey why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone alright?

"That's meant to be Neville?" Hermione said in confusion.

GG: Well, well, well. If it isn't Harry Potter. You think all because you're famous, you can boss everyone around!

This caused Malfoy to go into hysterics, and even Snape had the beginnings of a smile on his face.

Through tears, Malfoy said "Oh that is so true! They have your character to a T!"

The Gryffindors were not so amused.

HP: No I just don't think it's cool for guys of your size to be picking on guys like Neville.

GG: Well you know what I think? Glasses are for nerds. BREAK! We hate nerds!

VC: And girls!

"But Crabbe is being played by a girl isn't he?" Ron asked in confusion.

Hermione looked despairingly at him. "I think that's the point."

RW: Oh well you asked for it! You don't mess with Harry Potter he beat the Dark Lord when he was a baby.

Everyone laughed at the sight of Ron cowering behind Harry, whilst the boy blushed.

"I wouldn't be scared of Crabbe and Goyle!" Ron said, puffing up his head with a false sense of bravado, making everyone laugh again.

HG: Alright, everyone just calms down. Occulus Repairo!

"You really do need to remember that spell," Hermione said to her raven-haired friend, who nodded in response.

HP: Whoa, cool!

HG: Now let's leave these big baby childish jerks alone!

"Ooh, cutting remarks Granger!"

"Shut it Malfoy."

DM: Did someone say Draco Malfoy?

"IS THAT A GIRL!?" Draco shrieked. "WHY THE HELL DO THEY HAVE ME PLAYED BY A GIRL!?"

Nobody could answer him, they could barely hear him as the room erupted in hysterics. This lasted several minutes before the baritone voice of Professor Snape drawled, "Maybe we could all settle down so we have a chance of finishing this performance?"

This had everyone silenced, but before the video could start up again, Luna interjected, "Feel very fortunate Draco. Lauren Lopez is an inspiration to fans everywhere."

HP: Ugh, what do you want Draco?

DM: Crabbe, Goyle, be a pair of total doves and go pay for my robes, will you?

Crabbe and Goyle lumber off stage

So Potter, back for another year at Hogwarts are you? Maybe this year you'll wise up and hang out with a higher caliber of wizard.

Harry snorted. "Yeah right."

HP: Hey listen Malfoy. Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world. I wouldn't trade them for anything.

Ginny shoved her brother in return for him shoving her on the screen, leaving him muttering to himself.

Meanwhile, Harry, Ron, and Hermione smiled at one another, knowing that fake Harry's words were true.

DM: Have it your way. Wait, don't tell me! Red hair, hand-me-down clothes, and a stupid complexion? You must be a Weasley!

"They got that word perfect," Ron said. "That was what you said to me in first year right Malfoy?"

Draco didn't respond, still struggling to cope with his character being played by a girl.

RW: Oh my God lay off Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass, but she's my pain in the ass.

Ginny grinned sarcastically at her brother. "Thanks, Ron, love you too (!)"

DM: Oh isn't this cute? It's like a little loser family.

"Well at least she's smart," Draco muttered to himself.

Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs. Luckily next year, I'll be transferred to Pigfarts!

"TRANSFERRED TO WHERE!?" Draco yelled. Wasn't it bad enough that he was being played by a muggle, not to mention a girl, what the bloody hell was Pigfarts?

Meanwhile, everyone in the room was in hysterics, aside from Snape, but even he seemed to be withholding a smile. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled more than usual as he chuckled away. But on the inside, he panicked, "How had they found out!"

It took several minutes before anyone could catch their breath.

Ron had collapsed on the floor whilst Hermione and Ginny were holding each other up, and Harry and Lavender's faces were scarlet. Meanwhile, Malfoy was a similar shade, though through indignation rather than laughter.

When everyone finally calmed down, they looked back to the screen to hear Malfoy's solo part.

This year you'll bet, gonna get out of here. The reign of Malfoy is drawing near.

'You wish Malfoy' Harry thought.

I'll have the greatest wizard career, and it's gonna be totally awesome.

"Oh great, now I'm saying it!" a still-red Malfoy exclaimed in frustration.

Look out world, for the dawn of the day, when everyone will do whatever I say.

Ron faked a cough, "Never gonna happen."

And Potter won't be in my way, and I'll be the one that is totally awesome.

GG: Yeah you'll be the one that is totally awesome.

This shocked them into silence, why was that guy's voice so deep? And how? He sounded like a Troll!

CC: Come on, we're gonna miss the train!

All: Who knows how fast this year's gonna go. Hand me a glass, let the Butterbeer flow.

HP: Maybe, at last, I'll talk to Cho!

RW: Oh no that'd be way too awesome!

All: We're back to learn everything that we can. It's great to come back to where we began. And here we are, and alakazam!

"That wasn't a real spell," Snape said in confusion.

"No, it's a muggle thing. Kids pretending to be magic make up magic words like alakazam and abracadabra," Hermione explained. She couldn't help but notice how the entire room flinched at the sound of a spell so like the killing curse. Snape rubbed his arm, almost regretfully.

Here we go this is totally awesome! Come on and teach us everything you know. The summer's over and we're itching to go.

NL: I think we're ready for, Albus Dumbledore

Everyone got excited by that, leaning slightly forward to see who would be Dumbledore and if they were a good choice.

All: ooooooohhhhhhhhhhh.

A middle-aged man with a cheap, fake white beard walked onto the stage, making the room and the audience burst into laughter. This man looked nothing like their Headmaster.

Dumbledore: Welcccccooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooome

The whole room was unanimously impressed by this long note. Then again, who wouldn't be?

All of you to Hogwarts! I welcome all of you to school. Did you know that here at Hogwarts, we've got a hidden swimming pool.

"Wait, really?" Ron asked, and Harry perked up.

"Of course not," Dumbledore replied, but the boys knew they were going to go searching anyway.

Welcome, welcome, welcome Hogwarts. Welcome hotties, nerds and tools.

Professor Snape chocked. For that matter, so did most of the room. Dumbledores eyes just kept twinkling.

Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts, I'd like to go over just a couple of rules. My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am the headmaster of Hogwarts. You can all call me Dumbledore. Of course, you can also call me Albus if you want detention. I'm just kidding, I'll expel you if you call me Albus.

"Is that one true?" Lavender asked, and Dumbledore simply replied with a "Perhaps." Ron decided to mention this to Fred and George, let them test that one out for him.

All: Back to witches and wizards and magical feasts. To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts. It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts. Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends.

To Gryffindor!

The Gryffindors in the room cheered.

Hufflepuff!

Ravenclaw!

Slytherin!

Malfoy quietly cheered for his house, taking pride in the fact they were clearly the loudest house.

Back to the place where our story begins at Hogwarts, Hogwarts

AD: I'm sorry what's its name?

All: Hogwarts, Hogwarts

AD: I didn't hear you, kids!

All: Hogwarts, Hogwarts

HP: Man, I'm glad I'm back

The scene came to an end, leaving the room's occupants looking at a blank wall.

"Well, even though we have another scene coming up, I think some of us have somethings to think about, so we are taking a 5-minute break. You can use the table to get drinks, rather like a theater." Luna told them.

Dumbledore answered, "Yes that would be most welcome miss…"

"Black, my surname is Black." Harry and Snape started, both remembering different people with that same surname

"Very well, Miss Black."