Bella
I should thank God for this weather. If it was like the last winter I wouldn't get far with this truck. It barely worked as if. I got lucky, really lucky. I planned this trip for a while now and one condition I set for this to actually happen was the weather. And the money. Which I surprisingly saved a lot of. Thanks to my part-time job at the old Betty's bookstore, the only one in Forks might I add, as well as an allowance I received monthly from both Charlie and Renee. It helped matters a lot.
The road was calm, as it was just 6 a.m. when I got the engines going. It helped to sooth my racing heart. I was so stressed out when I awoke this morning. Scared of waking up Charlie and having to repeat this all over again as well as leaving my letter knowing how my dad would react. He would be crushed. After Edward we bonded, became closer than we ever were. Thanks to our mutual dislike towards the Cullens. What they did was a douche move. To that conclusion, unfortunately, I've came a bit too late for my own good. But it was all in the past now. What I'm doing now or when I'm headed has probably nothing to do with the Cullens. At least I hope so.
After thinking some more about this pull in the last couple of months, when I realized I had it, I've come to a conclusion that it was somehow tied to paranormal, it was not necessarily a vampire thing. In every book I've read, about feelings of abandonment and not belonging, none of them mentioned that such emotional state would have a direction. If not that particular thing I wouldn't make anything more of it than a mental health issue. Not that would've been any better. Maybe then it would've feel more real and not like something made up.
In those first few months after Edward and his family left I didn't give much thought to this queer feeling. I was more engrossed with feelings of sadness and betrayal, as well as unhealthy amounts of resentment. Towards vampires of course. I even found myself despising Esme of all people. I cared about her like my own mother and she, as well as the others, left without saying goodbye. The only goodbye I got, and I wouldn't even call it that, was from my ex-boyfriend. And what was a reason for them leaving? The most mindless reason he could think of. To think he was supposed to be the mature one in that relationship. It's because we're vampires Bella, we're dangerous. You'll be safer without us. Bullshit. If they were so dangerous why didn't they left in the beginning? When Edward got a whiff of my scent? He said it just so he wouldn't feel guilty.
Thanks to them I carry so much bitterness with me and I never considered myself a person to feel so strongly. I would get easily annoyed yes, but this was on a whole new level. I didn't hate them. They didn't earn that. I just felt offended and pathetic. Thankfully not so much anymore, but still I prefer this state of affairs than that gloomy and woeful chapter I had in the beginning.
With time and lack of Cullens, I started to see all the things I should've noticed at the start. That they were patronizing and pitying clumsy, shy Bella. I'm still those things, something like that doesn't change overnight. But that didn't warrant them to treat me like such a weakling. Like I was merely human. What changed was that now I was more aware of my feelings and my worth. I deserved more, I do and now I know that what I felt toward Edward was not equal to what he felt towards me. I put him on a pedestal. Hell, at one point I even compared him to a god, and he was treating me like I would shatter any minute. Our relationship was not right. But thankfully it was over and I don't need to see them again. Ever again.
As to how I knew where I was going, that part was the trickiest. I actually didn't know where I'll end up or if I even find what I'm looking for but this was a quest and I cannot look back now. The only thing I knew was the direction, to be more precise, it was north. No matter where I went it was always north. Even looking at the map anywhere else but the north of my location was hard. Even with such little amount of information I decided that I could figure something out. I accounted for this trip to take me as far north as possible. Hopefully, I'll find what I'm looking for before that.
What distracted me from my thoughts was the scenery around me. After riding through Seattle, that was as lively as ever in the early hours, I expected that I'd see more plain land, and I did. But even though one might look at it and just see fields of corn, wheat and whatnot, I saw something else. Something beyond this rustic scenery. I saw freedom and answers to my bothered heart.
With each passing mile I saw more snow around me, thanks to a bit of sun poking through the clouds, the white that covers almost everything up shined brightly. Making me feel as if I was floating through the sky. Maybe that description is a bit too poetic, but I cannot help myself. Laughing lightly to myself I realize that I'm about to cross the Canadian border. The real fun starts from there.
Crossing of the Canadian border was not as bothersome as I'd thought It would be. Apparently, Canadians are really nicer than most. Anyways, I had to tank soon afterwards. Thankfully, there was a gas station nearby. After that break at the gas station and looking over the map, hoping I'd get some vision as to where to go, I decided that I could do some more miles. It was only 2 p.m. Afterall. So after some more hours of driving, at 6:30 p.m. I arrived at the city called Abbotsford.
It was a nice, peaceful town that didn't look much different from any other small city I've been to. It was rather underwhelming, really. They don't tell you that after leaving your life behind you find yourself at Abbotsford. Not that I hate it. It reminded me a bit of Forks, but a bit bigger and less wet.
After acquiring a small room at the local motel for quite a cheap price, I decided to spend the rest of my day in the rented room and planning my next steps. Not that they would be any different from what I already did. I will wake up early, drive up north and stay at some other town like Abbotsford. Until I realize I might be truly insane or confirm that what I feel is real.
I had a passing thought, of calling Charlie, but it was soon dismissed by the mountains of guilt and fear I felt. Since I arrived here by myself, without any police officers chasing after me, I suspected that Charlie did as I asked him. He let me leave. And if I called him now, he might change his mind. That would be really bad.
Ever since I left, these few hours ago, my level of anxiety has lowered. When I was still at Forks the feelings of confinement and uneasiness grew with each passing day. Sometimes I would barely feel it, other times I was paralyzed by how overwhelming it was. It got better with me driving, moving towards something.
When I started to think more about this strange pull, I was still quite overcome with feelings towards Cullens that I rationalized that it was them causing me this pain. That somehow they missed me so much I felt their regret and sorrow and it manifested this way. After the haze of mourning the loss of my second family - their betrayal - I cringed at the past thoughts I had. I was so lost in the despondency that I almost truly lost my mind. I didn't know then that something else might make me lose it. The pull. This inexplicable feeling that no book spoke of. No legend, no science. It was truly one of a kind as far as I was aware. It almost made me feel special. But I was already special that one time, and look how that turned out. In a broken heart. And on a journey without clear destination.
Unaware of where I'd end up in the upcoming weeks my eyelids closed, and it was as if I was dead to the world.
What awoke me the next morning were the thin, bright strings of sunlight poking through curtains of this rugged room. Even though I was sure I slid them tight, so no one would be tempted to look inside, their state was too severe to expect much coverage. It made me frown and get up to get clean. But could you really get clean when everything around you is so filthy? I was about to find out. After the dreadful shower full of tiptoeing around the bathroom, trying to not step on anything suspicious, I managed to get clean enough. To my satisfaction.
Afterwards, I needed to prepare myself for another day of strenuous driving. So some grocery shopping is warranted. A lot of energy drinks that's for sure. Maybe even a cup of coffee somewhere? I was making my grocery list in my head as I grabbed my bag and went outside to check out.
Outside, as I was closing my doors I noticed something on the window when I looked up. Looking closer I noticed five short, parallel white lines. On instinct I put my right hand against those marks and immediately jumped back. Those marks matched my hand. They were fingernails scratch marks. My mind promptly jumped to Victoria. That one part of my past with Cullens that had yet to be solved. When nothing happened in those first moths without Edward and his family I really thought she'd left me alone. That she regained some senses. Apparently not.
But stop. What if these marks were here before? What if I just missed them yesterday when going into the room? It was pretty dark then. I might've not seen those. I shouldn't be panicking like that.
I was still breathing pretty heavily and my heart was like a drum in my chest. Not yielding to reason. These feelings were just about survival, I couldn't just quench them so easily. No matter how much I wanted to my body wouldn't listen. In the end I sat on the unpleasant floor waiting for adrenaline to run out. I think I might've sat there for full five minutes having the worst panic attack ever. I felt like every sound around me disappeared and the only thing I could hear were my own breathing and blood running through my head. After those five minutes I started to regain some bearing. I started to think logically.
So, let's just think for a second, that if, just if, that was Victoria. Why didn't she kill me when I was sleeping? She had the perfect opportunity, like the last couple of months, yet she remained gone from my life as far as I was aware. Maybe this was some sick idea of psychological torture? She wanted me to know I could die at any minute, or something like that. In that case probability of those scratch marks belonging to Victoria was decreasing. But what, or rather who, besides a vampire would live scratch marks like that on the window of the room that I was sleeping in? Probability of that somebody being a human did not seem high.
Alright, so let's say it was a vampire. Doesn't matter if I know them. What should I do then? I could just drive back to Forks, say it was all a huge mistake and go back to the way things were. But I couldn't. I would go crazy if I went back and did nothing about this pull. It was harder to bear with each passing day. But would I really trade my life for better state of mind? Considering, once again, those scratch marks might've been random. I might be blowing this situation out of proportion.
So, should I continue or go back? I really do not want to turn back but am I really going to risk my life for this pull? As soon as I had a thought about going back I felt it again. The pull was acting up. It was the most intense it's been since I started driving. It gripped my heart and it pulled. Trying to sprint from my chest towards something mysterious. It felt like walls were closing up on me, punishing me for not listening. But I was! After several months I finally yielded and this is how it's repaying me? That doesn't seem fair. I just want it to stop being like this, that's why I'm here. In Abbotsford, potentially having a vampire plotting how to suck me dry.
As I was still sitting before my motel room's door I heard a sound of someone closing the door below me. It made me get up and shake my clothes of any dirt before promptly moving to my truck, that as soon as I had it in my sight, made me relieved. The idea of choice was liberating. That I could go wherever I wanted. Be it Forks or somewhere else.
When I was in front of my truck I decided to wait with the decision. I had to still go and buy supplies for the road, in the meantime I can think it over. With that weight off of my shoulders, at least for a while, I was able to check out and drive around town looking for a grocery shop that could supply me with some much needed food.
While I was in the shop, every little sound that was a bit more louder than normal made me jump and look back, searching for anything remotely red. Red as deep as Victoria's hair or eyes. Some people must've thought me crazy. I would too, I was acting like it. But, I couldn't help being paranoid. The weather was perfect for a vampire to go out. Thick clouds were covering up the sun and a light snow was falling. The weather from yesterday apparently was a one time thing. Just enough to entice me and then put me in this situation.
Now, I had to decide what to do. I have everything ready for a day of driving. Anything but a goal. Looking over the map of Canada my eyes automatically moved up, and I really didn't want to be looking south for some reason. Every single part of my body wanted me to continue my original purpose. But there was still this seed in my mind, whispering about the potential danger. In the end, refusal to the pull was not possible. I just had to continue, even knowing likely dangers awaiting me.
I couldn't help but sigh as I drove outside of Abbotsford. Facing north once again. I planned to drive at least eight hours today. Whether or not my truck would comply made me feel like I was playing Russian roulette. With my car malfunctioning in the middle of a freaking tundra or whatever I would be screwed. I didn't want that to happened, that's why I looked at the engine regularly and never drove faster than I knew my truck could take. I was cautious. It had to count for something. If I was smart and resourceful nothing unfortunate should happen, right?
Sadly, that would apply to everyone who didn't have a rocky past with vampires, except me. But even then I couldn't go against this one thing that made me lose all my rationale.
Driving today, on January 11th to be exact, was very stressful and made me sweat as if I ran five miles. Having all the other cars around me made me less afraid, knowing that no vampire would try to do anything while I was driving with all of these other people around.
As, I was driving, more comfortably after some hours, I noticed the weather change. Some sun started to poke through the clouds. While I saw it I remembered the rugged curtains of the motel room I left today. With that the image of the scratch marks resurfaced. Then a question popped in my mind. Was I really sleeping so heavily that I didn't hear the scratching happening? I always thought of myself as a light sleeper. That thought made me suspect that these scratch marks were not left by someone after me. Even with that, I should remember possibility of that still being present.
After some tiring driving I decided that I am done for today. The next town I saw was called Watson Lake and I really liked it. Even when I couldn't see much in the already dark surroundings. For a moment I considered a motel like before but when driving and looking for one I noticed homey looking inn. I had a thought then that maybe staying in an inn, when there is usually a lot of people might not be a bad idea. The possibility of being killed at some shrubby motel seemed more likely. Spending some more money on safety wasn't a dumb decision.
As soon as I finished the awkward conversation with the receptionist I was able to go into my room. It was a warmly colored room with a painting, a plastic plant and even a TV. I decided that I'll watch some TV and try to relax. When I switched to a news channel I became anxious. What if there were some reported "animal killings" happening or something? I would become very scared then. Thankfully, the news were not different from anything usual. It put me at ease immediately.
Laying in bed that did not have a suspicious smell was amazing. That night I didn't need to worry about anything, except getting a healthy dose of sleep.
The moment I woke up my heart was heavy in my chest. I promptly inspected the area around me, looking for anything suspicious but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. It made me sigh of relief. I quickly took a shower and dressed up. I ate my pre-made sandwich in silence as I thought about my next steps.
It was apparent that I felt reprieve from the pull since I started this strange trip. Yet, I still felt at loss because I didn't know if I was getting anywhere closer or anywhere at all. Everything that I feel could be a trick of my mind. A sick joke that I unconsciously made on myself. It felt real, though. So very real that It was hard to even think about the possibility of this pull being false.
After eating my sandwich I decided to take look at the map. I was currently at Watson Lake that is positioned around middle of Canada, nearing west. I already moved so far from home. It's hard to think about. Looking over the route that I took I could clearly see that I was moving towards Alaska, I think. If that was indeed the case it would be unfortunate. I'm not sure I'm suited and packed for the Alaskan weather. Either way, I went too far to turn back now. Even if every rational part in me screamed that this was not the smartest idea from the beginning, my heart still managed not to surrender to reason.
At the reception I checked out and went back on the road, but before that I needed to gas. While paying for it I checked how much money I still had. It was enough to last for some time. I was surprised when I was planning this trip by how much I actually saved. It was little over a thousand dollars. Apparently part-time job at a bookstore and one hundred dollars from each parent a month was a profitable situation. Thanks to that, money was not a problem, for the time being.
When I was driving I noticed that it was darker than yesterday, even though it was still kind of early. It made me nervous. I should've checked weather prognosis for today while I watched the TV. After an hour or so it started snowing. It was a heavy and sticky kind of snow. The type that I remembered likening playing with. Because of that it was harder for me to see the road and even with a heavy jacket on I felt chilly.
Surprisingly, when I was getting closer to eight hours of driving, with multiple breaks in between, the thunderstorm began while the snow was still falling. There was a roaring sound everywhere around me. As if gods where playing with rocks. This weather amazed me because I heard it was rare for this to actually happen. I believe it was called thundersnow or something like that. It was as beautiful as it was intimidating. The white snowflakes were coming down fast, blizzard fast, the snow a superwhite blur against all that blackness. It made me feel weak and mortal, knowing that something, someone much stronger and greater was out there. It reminded me of them. It didn't matter if I wanted to appreciate the weather more, it was time for me to stop. At another town up north of Canada called Whitehorn. It was a nice place, not that different from any city really. The only thing that made this town different in my eyes was the thundersnow raging above me, menacingly watching my every move. As if prophesizing something tremendous, or of great importance. The sense of dread was strong.
My head buzzed from the shriek of the thunder. Every time there was a thunderclap my heart got closer to my throat. Making me choke on my own thoughts and feelings. It felt as if it was feeling me to the brim. The power that the thundersnow brought was unmistakable.
Driving into Whitehorn was a strange experience. Even in the thick snow, contrasting with the blackness of the sky I could still see pretty clearly the silhouettes of buildings surrounding me. There were no people though. It made the city feel like a ghost town. I felt chills creeping up my spine.
Having spent all of the food I bought early today I needed to buy something else to eat, some night snack and provision for tomorrow. I parked near the small grocery store that had a bright sign that said they're open 24 hours slightly crooked. It looked shabby. But it would do.
When going into the store a strong scent hit me. It was that of a alcohol and tobacco. The owner or the store clerk apparently did not care about whether or not it would scare of the customers. At the counter was a girl around my age dressed in clothes that had probably seen better days. But even though her appearance was unappealing she had a welcoming smile.
"Would that be all for you, miss?" Her calling me "miss" surprised me but it was said so sweetly that I couldn't bring it in myself to care.
"Yes, that's be all." I said quietly as I was quite tired from today's journey. When I paid and was gathering the things I bought an awkward silence befall over us. It was soon destroyed by the girl at the counter.
"Are you perhaps passing through town? Because just when you went in I saw a strange fellow like you passing by. I was wondering if you knew him?" Even though the question she asked me was unexpected I decided it was polite to answer.
"Yes, I am. Just me." The girl apparently was very talkative because she continued talking to me.
"Oh, I see. The strange fellow I mentioned before was very pretty, with dark and shining skin and strangely bright eyes for someone with such complexion. I just thought he looked very cute…" She blushed as she said it. The description of a dark-skinned man with shinning eyes somehow made me uneasy so I asked her if she could describe him more.
"Well, I'm not surprised you're asking! That man was a vision. Almost too perfect if you'd asked me. He had dreads, which are not normally my style but with that face I wouldn't care about anything else! He was just passing through the window so I saw him just for a second but he moved so gracefully that I couldn't take my eyes off of him! And when he looked at me, thanks to fate I'm sure, I swear his eyes were shining hue of burgundy, perhaps? The street light didn't do him justice!" At the beginning of her thorough description, the image of the man she saw starter become clearer in my mind. At first I had my suspicions but at the mention of burgundy eyes I became certain. There was a vampire in town. Walking around the store that I soon came into. This was no accident.
I didn't hear that store girl yelling after me as I run out of the store. As I was racing to my car, as quickly as humanly possible, my heart was hammering in my chest. The fear more profound that any other time I felt it. Panic was encompassing my mind and my hands shook. Constantly repeating the word vampire in my head, unable to think about anything else but escaping.
Near my truck, as I was just about to reach for the handle, I felt caressing hands moving like a snake through my middle and my head. It was not as harsh and rough as I imagined being killed by a vampire would be like. Instead I felt swooped up and moved at an inhuman speed towards my certain downfall. The speed was so great that the gentle touch of a marble, cold hands and silky hair touching my face, as well as an almost animal like panic were the last things on my mind as I succumbed to the darkness of unconsciousness.