Welcome back! A shoutout to Soron Rocket. Thank you so much for the review! I never would have had the gall to start writing this it wasn't for you and AQR.

I was nervous to write in Levi's POV at first. He's loved by the entire fandom (cue fangirls screaming), so he needs to be right, but he's so similar to my own male protagonists in my original works, so I just went with that. I have a thing for jaded, stoic guys in my fiction. They just... do it for me. Since this is first person, I had to get right in Levi's head, so there's a lot of the word shit, and the F-bomb comes up twice. He does seem to be a man of few words, but I bet he has a million thoughts running through his head on a daily basis. Quite common for silent, reflective types.

This one was hilarious to write. I loved the banter between Historia and Levi. I could listen to them talking about shit all-day 😂

...
Levi

Tch, how did I get stuck babysitting this brat?

When they find the shooter… I'm going to cut their limbs off.

It's been hours and still no sign. Did Nile find any lead yet? If I hadn't needed to protect the queen, I would have found them in an instant.

I'd made a quick assessment of the area the moment the gun went off: the shooter came from the right of the building, a perfect view of Historia on the steps of Orvud HQ. My guess is that they used ODM gear to make a quick getaway. If it weren't for all the screaming civilians, we could have heard the tell-tale signs of a discharging wire.

Typical. The very town Historia single-handedly saved from her tyrannical father, and this is how they thank her? Fuck them. They don't deserve such a noble queen.

I realise it may have just been the actions of one individual, yet I know how the world works. These things are usually orchestrated by groups. However, not many ordinary civilians can use ODM gear without proper training. I was the exception, of course…

If it wasn't the people of Orvud District who organised this… then who was it?

A rumbling sound comes from the chair, and I roll my eyes. Her Majesty looks at the floor, a sheepish grin forming over her petite face. "S-sorry…"

I grind my teeth, fish my hand into my pocket, then throw her a ration bar. "Eat. It's high in protein. It should be enough to sustain you for several hours. Maybe even days."

She opens the wrapper, looking up at me aghast. "D-days? Will we really be here that long?"

I shrug. "Maybe even weeks..."

She drops the bar in shock, getting crumbs all over the rug. I resist the urge to clean. Now's not the time.

"I was kidding, Your Majesty. Have you gone senile in your short reign?"

She narrows those saucer-shaped eyes, leaning over to pick up the ration bar that I so kindly donated. "Well, you're not usually one to joke, Captain."

"Don't be silly. I'm always telling jokes."

Historia scoffs and chomps on her ration bar. It's been on the floor now, but beggars can't be choosers. I'd brought it for Sasha initially since she gets so hungry, even on short missions, like escorting the Queen through Orvud District for her royal visit.

Another awkward silence stretches between the two of us, and I just want to sink my blades into that grandfather clock on the right of the room. Its swinging pendulum is driving me nuts.

What's a thirty-plus hardened war vet supposed to say to a seventeen-year-old queen anyway? We're worlds apart. We have nothing in common. Well, apart from a shitty childhood.

Hers certainly was shitty. Mum may not have had a lot, but at least she'd hugged me. Maybe a little too much…

Despite her bitch of a mother, Historia turned out all right. While I turned out cold and rigid. Funny how the world works…

I keep stealing glances at the young queen, and just seeing her sitting there on that hideous pea-green chair, looking like one of those porcelain dolls that only the richest kids can afford in the capital, just makes me want to cut someone.

Who in their right mind could deem her a threat? She's tiny, doe-eyed, and sounds twelve. Not that it stopped me from closing my hands around her throat two years ago. As they say, desperate times call for desperate measures…

I still hate myself for doing that — her heart had been thumping like a rabbit at the time.

I've done many things that I'm not proud of, but that one is in my top ten, along with kicking Jaeger's ass during his trial (even if it was for his own good). It takes a special kind of asshole to pick a fight with a little girl. Even Flegel Reeves was frothing at the mouth for crying out loud, the bumbling idiot.

Well, I guess I've made up for that now by saving her life today. The last thing I want to see is a bullet-shaped hole in that pretty blonde head of hers.

It's strange really… The moment the bullet went off, my instincts kicked in, firing up my brain as usual, and it's like I knew exactly what to do in that typical Ackerman fashion.

I haven't told anyone about my family name (well, apart from Four Eyes because she fished it out of me in the end), but it can't be a coincidence. I'm a descendant of a noble family line. Historia's a descendant of royal blood.

Kenny worked for the Reiss brothers too, and acted as their personal sword… I've even seen the gloomy brat Mikasa running for Historia's side when her life's in danger.

It's definitely more than a coincidence.

Tsk. All this thinking is making me thirsty. How does Four Eyes cope? I click my parched tongue, wishing I had some black tea to quench the thirst. I can't even remember the last time I ate. Judging by the stale taste in my mouth, this morning.

Her Majesty's finished the ration bar, and I bite my cheek, scowling in my dark corner.

She shifts uncomfortably then, and I sharpen my eyes. "What?"

The queen gives another sheepish smile, showing me those pearly whites. "I… need to use the restroom."

My eye twitches. These brats and their whining…

"So hold your shit in. As I said, we'll be here a while."

She shakes that golden crown, crossing her legs. "It's… not a sh—... I mean… a poo…"

Tch, five-year-olds say poo. Judging by her pink cheeks, she's highly embarrassed to talk about something as filthy as poo around her gracious captain.

Has she not met me?

I shrug. "So, what's the problem? The urge will go away if you just stop thinking about it."

Now those pink cheeks turn red, and I peel my back away from the wall. "Historia? If you've got something to say, just say it. Nothing is sacred in the Survey Corps, trust me. You should see the size of some of Blouse's shits first thing of a morning."

It's not as if she's a member of the Survey Corps anymore, but still; we did technically live together for a few days during the Uprising, but it was enough to learn all of Her Majesty's bathroom habits. Like how she used to turn the tap on so no one would hear her piss, or how she used to take half an hour cleaning up afterwards.

She removes her hands from her eyes, biting her lip. "I've… just gotten my period..."

My eyeballs swell in size. It doesn't take a lot to unnerve me, but fuck… that did.

The sweet little queen produces a nervous giggle, hiding her face again. I didn't sign up for this…

Suddenly, I yank on my cravat, getting hot under the collar, then release a growl, stomping towards her. I pull her out of the seat and she gasps. "Wait, what are you…?"

"Just come on and not another word!"

…

We found a restroom eventually, and now I stand on the other side of the door, listening to that running tap inside. Does she think I don't already know what's she's doing in there? Idiot.

Not that I want to think about what she's doing, and my stomach clenches. Disgusting…

Wherever Erwin is, I hope he's laughing down at me. Or up at me since he was such a devil.

They had to have found the shooter by now. What the hell's Nile doing out there, throwing a party? Not that I'd put it past him, being an MP and all. Work time is party time as far as that lot are concerned.

It's been five hours, and I'm sick of playing babysitter to the teenage queen.

She's been in there twenty minutes now. I get that she has "lady problems", but we're kind of in the middle of a crisis.

I open the door ajar and call into the room. "Are you done yet? Or are you still taking that massive shit?"

"I said I'd be a while! Walls, Captain. Give a girl some privacy!"

I grit my teeth and shut the door again. She's just lucky she got promoted to queen two years ago. If not, I'd have socked her for her insubordination.

Must be the hormones…

It's nightfall now, so my gloomy reflection stares back at me inside the dark glass of a tall window. It's not that I don't like looking at my handsome face, but holy shit... I look like shit.

The dark circles beneath my eyes are grimmer than usual, and not to forget my pasty skin too.

I'm like death warmed up.

Finally, she opens the door and steps out all ladylike. I see she's fixed her crown up a bit too and tidied her hair. Normally, I'd approve of one cleaning up their appearance, but really? There's a psychotic gunman on the loose.

She doesn't meet my eyes, sulking now by the looks of it.

Who pissed in her soup?

"Did you at least wash your hands?"

Historia rolls her eyes at the ceiling as if God himself will answer her plea. He doesn't because she's still stuck with me.

"Yes," she replies, emphasizing the S for good measure. I decide to ignore it.

"Did you get between the fingers? The number of squad members I've had to discipline in the past because they—"

"Captain!" she yells, rounding on me now, and I see the anger bubbling inside her big blue irises.

I gaze into them for a while, the light from the chandelier catching the individual specks, and it's like seeing the ocean for the first time again.

I've never seen so much blue...

She closes her eyelids now, making those oceans disappear, and now she reaches a shaking hand to her temples. "Captain… I know it goes against your very nature, but could you just… you know… be less… you, for now? Just until all this is over, and we can go back home?"

I growl. "What are you talking about? I'm a delight."

"Just for once show some compassion! I'm feeling really vulnerable and terrified right now. Someone… someone tried to kill me… inside Wall Sina! I'm… no longer safe… no matter where I go…"

I watch, dumbfounded, as she breaks down in front of me, leaning against the wall. She slides down to the dirty floor and a crying shame. That was a nice clean, white gown.

But I can't help the stinging inside my chest as she whimpers and shivers like a helpless babe, and I really am hopeless. I have no experience in these kinds of matters.

What did you expect? I was raised by Kenny the frigging Ripper. The little boy who got smothered by his Mummy died right along with her…

I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Come on, get up."

She shakes her head rapidly, covering her face. The crown topples off and rolls towards the window. "I… I can't… I can't go back out there again…"

"Yes, you can. You just have to put on your game face. If you can survive one of Erwin's expeditions, then you can survive whatever the hell this shit is."

"N-not everyone's as strong as you and Mikasa, Captain."

I bite my tongue. Why do I always get lumped with that gloomy brat? We're not that alike.

"Besides… I… I had Ymir then. She was always there to protect me, but now… I truly am alone… I have been since the day she left..."

Now that comment got me. I'm aware she was very close to her titan friend. Maybe a little too close (I'm not one to judge), but I know the feeling.

The day I lost my family, my world fell apart; I didn't think I could go on. But I had Erwin to fall back on. This girl has no one. She's right.

She really is alone. Though Jaeger seems to care a lot for her, there's no one for her to lean on. Not the way I leaned on Erwin and devoted my life to him after Farlan and Isabel died.

I hadn't been in the room when Kiyomi Azumabito gave her those three requests, but Hange had told me that Historia had tears pouring from her eyes, and I'm glad I wasn't.

I may act like a heartless asshole, but there are some things that I can't even stand to see, and that's Historia looking lost like a terrified puppy.

She really doesn't deserve any of this. She's too pure for this world, and it's going to break her, literally, after she consumes that bearded piece of shit, and then she can expect to live to the whopping age of thirty. Not before popping out hundreds of sprogs first.

One of these days… I really am going to cut that Beast's limbs off.

You mark my word, Erwin, wherever you are… That's a promise.

Just as I go to pick her up and dust her off, two figures round the corner, and it's my squad members, Springer and Blouse. I'm guessing there's been some new development with the shooter then.

Blouse's brown eyes expand the moment they land on Historia and she runs over, dropping down beside her. "Historia! You're okay!"

Historia suddenly bursts into tears, showing that vulnerable side at last, and it's like she's forgotten all about me — chopped liver.

"Oh, Sasha, Connie. Thank goodness you're both safe!"

The three of them huddle on the ground now, crying like little brats, and I truly have been forgotten.

I guess I should change my name to Captain Chopped Liver then?

Whatever, Captain Chopped Liver...

Okay, on a serious note, how adorable. He's feeling left out and rejected. It must be hard being seen as the asshole all the time. No one turns to you for comfort (cue fangirls running in and demanding his comforting arms).

I do think Kuchel smothered Levi as a child, making him pretty soft as a result. Hear me out first... You're a young prostitute in a brothel in the underground, alone, frightened, and you have this baby boy. You're not going to want to let him go, ever. He's the light in your dark world. She probably called him "Her special little boy" and whatnot on a regular basis. I've seen some good fanworks, so I know I'm not the only one who thinks like this. Plus, after she died, Levi just wasted away. He was obviously dependant on her and didn't know how else to go on. He wasn't strong then, but I do think at one time he was a sweet little boy with a big heart. That's my two cents. But then Kenny found him and raised him to be a killer, and that sweet little boy turned into... well, you've seen the anime and read the manga. Monsters aren't born, they're made after all.

Also, I wasn't sure at the time whether Levi had officially declared his title as Ackerman to the people of the walls when I wrote this. We only hear about the Ackerman's history from Commander Magath of Marley (though he was captain back then). Even the 104th don't care to mention Levi when they're discussing who will inherit the Founding Titan from Eren, and Jean tells Mikasa it is too dangerous for her since she's an Ackerman and they don't know what Ackermans are exactly.

So I assumed Levi would tell Hange at least as his close friend and commander. It must be a big revelation to find out your real name after only going by one your whole life, and plus he's secretive and doesn't like the attention. Judging by what Hange told Levi when she was stitching up his scar in chapter 126... that seems to be the case. Only she knows...

My wish is for Levi to kill Zeke at the end. I feel for Zeke after his tough childhood (we all just want a thumbs up from good old dad, hey), but Levi needs the closure. We need to see him at peace.

Onwards and upwards. I will be posting again Friday. I have twenty-five chapters written already, but drop a review. I know this is an oddball ship, but it would mean the world to me if I heard your thoughts. Am I nailing the yin yang, sweet girl, stoic guy dynamic? Are they IC? Is this at least believable on some level, even though this ship will never be canon? Let me know.

CartoonPrincessSigningOff.