I'm making an update in less than a week and that makes me so damn happy.
Thank you to everyone who has read this and especially the ones who have reviewed/favorited/followed: Ava-Sarah Med and the little bookworm princess.
And finally, a ton of thanks to the awesome bodysurfer27 who is The Best Beta anybody could ever ask for.
Enjoy chapter two!
Leonard wakes up two days later; screaming and covered in a cold sweat.
By the time Sara reaches the med bay, having been instantly notified by Gideon, Mick has Leonard pinned against the wall.
"What in the world–"
"Get out of here!" Mick barely says before Leonard elbows the other man and manages to wriggle out of the stranglehold.
Sara doesn't pay any heed to Mick's words, obviously not. She charges forward and with a nifty kick against Leonard's calf, she succeeds in bringing him to the ground.
And that's when she gets a proper look at him: his eyes are bloodshot, his face is blank and his movements – as he struggles to free himself from her clasp – don't quite feel... completely wakeful.
Oh, so this is what it is.
"Gideon, seal the med bay!" Sara calls out immediately when the realization hits her.
She isn't sure how much longer she can hold him down when Mick jabs a syringe into his arm. She feels his movements ceasing; his arms and legs no longer wrestling against hers. It's only temporary, she knows, but it doesn't help the ache in her heart when his body falls motionless.
She quickly regains her composure, finds her footing and turns towards Mick. "What the fuck happened?"
The burly man looks guilty, an emotion Sara rarely associates with him. "Your girlfriend was right."
She can see that and she hates it. She glares at the unconscious Leonard. Son of a bitch, she wants to yell.
"He woke up screaming some mumbo jumbo." Mick forces her to tear away her gaze. "And then he attacked me and then you saw the rest."
Sara sighs, suddenly overcome with the feeling to punch a wall or throw a knife into some stupid thing.
"What do we do now? Chain him up?" There's still some contempt in Mick's voice.
Sara hates to be the bad guy, the one who has to take all these decisions that make her heart and head war with each other. "What else can we do?"
Ava isn't unkind or insensitive, not anymore, especially when it comes to Sara, and so she refrains from saying something caustic or pointed when she learns of what had happened.
She may not be human and her life might have been a complete lie but she really does care about Sara. And to see her lose sleep and be a walking mess over someone like Leonard Snart baffles her. It also makes her a little insecure but that's something she isn't going to allow herself to dwell upon for now.
"Are you going to the med bay again?" Ava tries to keep the annoyance out of her voice but fails. It is almost midnight after all, by the ship's standards that is.
Sara stops at their door and turns around slowly. She looks like she is tired of having to explain herself and that makes that insecurity Ava is trying to ignore rear its ugly head again. "Someone has to be there." The captain sounds exasperated.
"Yeah, I know but looking after Snart isn't–" Ava cuts herself off, cursing herself mentally for saying those words.
Sara raises an eyebrow and crosses her arms across her chest, almost challenging Ava to complete her sentence.
"Look," Ava starts, sighs audibly. "All I'm saying is you need to sleep too, right? You have been sleeping for two hours, at most, ever since he has been back on the ship and... I just want you to look after yourself."
Sara mellows immediately: drops her arms from her chest and offers a small smile. "It's sweet that you care, babe. But I brought him back to the ship and it's my duty to make sure that he doesn't end up hurting anyone."
Ava isn't convinced but doesn't have it in her to start an argument either. So she nods and watches Sara walk out of their room, leaving her alone.
Sara is exhausted by the time she makes her way into the med bay. It's been two physically-tiring and emotionally-draining days and she feels like she has been dragged to hell and back.
"My shift," she announces as the door closes behind her.
Mick looks up from the typewriter he has set up in the med bay and nods at her.
They have fallen into a routine: Mick does days and spends his time writing his next book, and Sara does nights and spends her time thinking of what could have been.
"See you tomorrow, boss." And with that, it's Sara and her thoughts again.
She drops to the floor and finds herself watching Leonard. She eyes the chains bound around his wrist and wishes she could do something – anything – to have it some other way. But he had woken up out of control and violent, and Gideon hadn't been able to diagnose the cause for his behavior. Even in death and whatever in-between this is, Leonard Snart still has her cornered.
"Gideon?" Sara finds herself doing this a lot as well on her nights here.
"Yes, captain?"
"Is he... dreaming?"
"No, captain. Mr. Snart's brain appears to be in a state that is devoid of dreams." It's the same answer every night and Sara wonders why she even bothers asking.
"Thanks, Gideon."
"Captain." Sara swears she hears reticence in Gideon's words. "If I may tell you something else..."
"Uh, sure."
"Miss Sharpe hasn't been sleeping too well the last couple of days."
Sara sighs, guilt racking her. She realizes it has become an emotion synonymous with Ava: guilt. "I don't know what to do, Gideon," she admits.
Gideon remains silent and Sara wonders if she even wants to do this: talk to an artificial consciousness about her dilemmas and quandaries. But there's nothing else to do right now, so why not?
"I really care about Ava," Sara finds herself saying aloud. "And I know she cares about me in the same way. In fact, sometimes I fear she cares about me more than I care about her." She pauses, collects her thoughts. "I don't want to hurt Ava but I'm afraid I will."
"And why is that, captain?" Gideon asks, without missing a beat.
Sara laughs drily. She knows Gideon well enough to recognize her hidden intent behind that question; she wants Sara to say the words out loud that she has been hiding from. "I think you know, Gideon."
"Indeed, captain. But as you said, you will end up hurting Miss Sharpe if you don't do something about it quickly."
Leonard wakes up – properly wakes up – another three days later.
Sara is cautious this time around as she treads her way to the med bay. When she reaches, Mick is nowhere to be found and Leonard—
"I'd say kinky," he drawls, rattles the chains binding him and rakes his eyes all over her, all at once. "But... how in the world am I still alive?"
So he remembers.
Sara is aware of her throat constricting, her own breath choking her, slowly yet steadily. She has to hold onto the wall for support, afraid her knees will give in and she will collapse in a mess. This is all too much and notwithstanding all the ways she has tried to prepare herself for this moment, this exact moment, where he wakes up remembering everything and looks at her with those godforsaken piercing eyes, she is still a flailing disaster.
He is perceptive, has always been so, much to her chagrin. And this time is no exception. "Sara?" his drawl is gone and his eyes are concerned.
It was so much easier fighting against him and knocking him out with a needle, she thinks. "How much do you remember?" she finally manages, as she carefully walks up to him.
He studies her for a moment. "Are we going to have this conversation while I'm in chains?" The drawl is back and his eyes are irreverent again.
"Leonard, stop." It comes out fast and unexpected, and she ends up surprising both of them.
He looks taken aback, shaken almost, but he complies. "Do you want me to start from the rooftop?"
"Everything." She keeps her replies short, doesn't exactly trust herself with too many words as she breaks him free from the chains.
"One, Rip's an idiot. Two, the Time Masters are assholes. Three, the Oculus. Four..." He trails off, looks right into her eyes. Me and you, she hears the unsaid words. "Five, boom. Six, I should have died but here I am. Sounds about right?"
So it's really him; the real him with all the memories. Sara wonders why her heart feels like it's sinking then.
"It's been four years." The sooner she gets this off her chest, the better it will be.
He physically recoils.
"You've been gone for four years," she repeats, an unwanted tremble in her voice.
"How... is that even possible?"
And so she tells him about the earth that now exists, full of mysteries and secrets, deceiving and convoluted.
Leonard is no fool; the one thing that he has always prided about himself is his intellect and common sense. Those things have never let him down and right now they are screaming at him that nothing is the same anymore.
He wants to disbelieve what his head is telling him but he knows from experience that not listening to his head ends in trouble.
Sara hasn't really said anything out loud but four years is a long time and he can see from her body language and stiffness around him that there is someone else. A man returned from death ought to have other concerns, he is certain, but Sara Lance has that kind of an effect on people.
He dreads asking the next question because again, four years is a long time, especially in this business of being heroes. "How many of us are left standing?"
He tries to make it sound casual and he does succeed, but the rapid palpitations in his heart remain as he awaits an answer. "Stein's gone. So is Rip."
He hates to admit it but it does affect him. He shouldn't have this second chance at life when the others were robbed of the opportunity. "I'm sorry." His voice is soft, devoid of his perfunctory drawl.
Sara looks at him and acknowledges the sentiment. She clears her throat and then says, "Kendra left. Jax left. Mick started drinking too much after you... died." Her voice drops to barely a whisper as she says the last word, almost like she doesn't want to say it at all.
"I'm so sorry."
Mick tells him, "Glad you're not dead and the Weasel isn't eye-fucking your gang-banger."
Leonard looks thoroughly confused but lets it pass.
Ray wraps his arms around him and envelops him in an embrace. Suffice to say, Leonard barely returns it.
The ship feels happier but Sara's heart just feels heavier.
She is restless in bed beside Ava, twisting and turning continuously till the other woman intervenes with a firm hand on her shoulder. "Do you want to talk?"
She does but she can't. Not with Ava, not right now, it's simply not a possibility. She is reminded of Gideon's words but chooses to ignore them. So she plasters a smile on her face and says, "It's nothing. I'm just tired."
Ava knows Sara well enough to recognize a lie – or a half-truth, as this appears to be. But she also knows there is a time and place for everything. And this is hardly the time. "Okay," she acquiesces eventually and scoots closer to Sara.
Sara doesn't mind the proximity; maybe this can clear her mind of all the unbidden – and frankly unnecessary – memories. And so she throws herself into it, perhaps a little more needily than she intends. She wonders if Ava can feel her desperation in the kisses she peppers her with, in her fingers as they course all over her body. Even if Ava notices it, she doesn't complain. And as long as she doesn't complain, it's good enough for Sara.
It has to be.