Chapter Title: Twice

Chapter Summary: It was bound to happen again...

Chapter Text

It took a while for her to make sense of her surroundings but the sun's rays did an excellent job reminding her of that and slowly –much slower than it usually took– she came to a full recognition of her surroundings. She was in her room in Damon's house, locked away in world 1994 and reliving yet another 10th May.

Bonnie sat up in bed, perhaps a little quicker than she should have, a groan slipping out of her lips which she hadn't even know had parted, as her head swam and she literally saw stars. Clutching her head, she tried to make sense of why she was feeling so woozy and caught sight of something she was sure was the first time she was seeing it. Pulling her hand down from her forehead, her eyes focused on the two tiny sore points on her wrist and just like that, the previous night's activities came flooding back to her.

She had offered Damon her blood in a way he couldn't have said no to. She had been well aware of the fact that it was dangerous but had trusted that he would stop before any harm came to her.

And he had.

So where was he this morning? Groaning once again, she carefully climbed out of bed and padded barefoot to the door, making a disgusted face as the taste of blood flooded her mouth. She wondered where that came from but shrugged it away after her tongue did a quick scan of her mouth to be sure she wasn't bleeding anywhere.

"Damon, you there?" The echo of her own voice came back to her in a manner that was scary and without confirmation she knew that Damon was not at home. Usually, he'd be in the kitchen cooking up the breakfast of champions... Sitting there with a smirk on his face and ready to hand her the –same– day's paper with flourish, as though it was not the same paper that came in every day for the last four and half months in this place. Carefully, she walked down the stairs, holding onto the bannister to steady herself.

She hadn't realized how close of a cut that was but wow she was dizzy. She chose not to imagine what her fate would be if Damon had kept going for a few more minutes...

... And then realized. Damon not being at home this morning was no coincidence. Absolutely not. He had more than likely had the same thought, beat himself up over it repeatedly till he felt too guilty to be in the same space with her.

"Don't be cute, Damon Salvatore." she muttered as she finally entered the kitchen, a smile on her face. It felt strange and surreal even. She remembered what her relationship with Damon was like in the beginning... –how happy he would have been to be rid of her and happier, if he would have drained her dry with his own teeth and snapped her head in the process just to make sure she was really dead– and how she would have wanted nothing more than to end his miserable existence.

How did they get to this place?

At what point did their feelings for each other change, she wasn't sure. And at what point did Damon care for her so blatantly that he would beat himself up for almost hurting her.

Wearing a suspicious smile, she managed to make herself breakfast, choosing to make omelettes instead of pancakes and feeling like a naughty girl getting into some form of mischief when her dad was not around.

She giggled all morning, enjoying her lunch and hoping that Damon will get over his sulking and come home for lunch.

He didn't.

By lunch, Bonnie was feeling much better. For the most part, she wasn't so dizzy anymore and the world had stopped spinning. She contemplated going out to search for the sulky vampire but discarded the idea. If Damon did not want to be found, no one would find him. Besides, where was one supposed to start looking for a vampire from? He could be in the woods by the house or halfway across the country and it's not as if she had her witch powers in this blasted place to cast a tracking spell on him.

In essence, she will be a fool to step out to try looking for him and Bonnie Bennet was a lot of things but a fool was not one of them.

So she decided to wait. She didn't bother with lunch because she wasn't entirely hungry so she settled on some chips –Damon would call her out for eating junk food in his precious house and she would rebut with a sassy "you drink blood, Damon... There is nothing, literally nothing more junk than that. And then he would pretend to be wounded but only for a short while before they eased back into companionable chatter–

By 3:00pm, she was missing him to the point of it being unbearable but kept telling herself that she was going to be understanding. If Damon Salvatore needed time, she was going to give him time.

In the meantime, she started planning what to have for dinner.

Knowing Damon, he would walk in here after however long he goes away, and pick things off where they left off. Awkward conversations and chitty chatter about feelings were reserved for those nights, once every month when they sat on the floor and drunk themselves into a stupor. Just then.

She spent the rest of the afternoon trying to get her magic back –to disastrous results, if she might add– and at 8:00pm, she made herself noodles, gulped them down mostly to fill her stomach, and settled on the couch to read. Her feet were towards the door and she propped herself up on the couch cushions, wanting to see Damon the moment he walked through the door.

She didn't.

He had almost hurt her, and as he had set her in bed that night after almost raining her, he hadn't been able to take it.

Damon slit his wrist open, opening up a vein and holding it to her lips. "Drink up, bon bon" he urged but she just shook her head in disagreement. "please... For me. I need you to be okay." that had somehow gotten to her and she had parted her lips to accept his blood. Weakly, her hand came up to hold his wrist to her lips as she lapped at the blood that oozed out freely from his ripped vein.

He watched for a while after she had fallen to sleep, mesmerized by the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she slipped further into unconsciousness, watched as the colour started filling up her features and he was overwhelmed with a severe sense of guilt. Initially he had thought he was feeling that way because he had just hurt Elena's best friend but the more he watched her, sleeping, breathing, still and calm, he realized he wasn't anguished because it had anything to do with Elena. He was anguished because he remembered Bonnie's face, the look of utter and complete trust in her eyes as she had given herself to him... To feed. He had to remind himself that she had only given herself to him to feed.

That had had nothing to do with Elena. No. Nothing about that had anything to do with Elena. She had given her blood to him because whether or not she was ready to admit it, she cared about him and he realized with shattering clarity that he cared for her too.

A lot.

He needed time. He needed to sort out everything in his head and most of all, he needed to come to a conclusion:

How important was it to him, to go back home?
If he had to be here forever with Bonnie alone, would he be happy with that?

Because Bonnie Bennet had made her stance on the issue very clear. Until they were certain blood was not the only factor, they were not leaving and she was going to keep offering her wrist to him... To drink from.

When his answer came, it shocked him.

He didn't mind. He found he didn't mind at all spending eternity with just Bonnie Bennet. Now all he had to do was figure out a way of convincing the other one that he would rather miss their chance –if there was one,– of going back home than to hurt her because he wasn't getting a constant flow of blood. Of course he had learned his lesson. In as much as he would prefer to live like the 'careless brother' he had built his reputation on, he couldn't do that anymore. He had to be responsible not just to himself but to Bonnie. He resolved to live on rations with the next blood stash he finds even if he hated the idea of rationing.

Slowly, he made his way back home. He hadn't really paid attention to where he was going or where he was headed. He had simply just walked and deciding to get back home to Bonnie, he just turned around and started walking back. Pros of being in this alternate universe alone with Bonnie, he could take midnight trips like this and have no fear of having a stake in his heart by some scorned hunter.

It was past 2:00am when he got back home and the first sight that greeted him was Bonnie on the couch, the book she had been reading, no doubt as she waited for him to come back home, haphazardly lay somewhere on the floor. From what he could tell, she wasn't so comfortable in that position so the first thing he did was to hook an arm behind her knees and one around her shoulder to hoist her up and carry her upstairs to her room.

He gently lay her on the bed, pulled the covers around her and whispered soothingly to her when it seemed she had been about to wake up. For the rest of the night, he just sat there, looking at her as she slept, thoughts in a rampage and yet, somehow, very organized.

He cared for her. Bonnie Bennet. He loved her... And that's the thing. He didn't know why, how or how much he loved her but he was sure in his entire existence that she was the only person –aside Stefan, of course– that he had felt this strongly about. It wasn't a desire to have her love him back that fuelled his love for her, and it had nothing to do with whether or not he would have sex with her... It was far from it.

Damon Salvatore, loved Bonnie Bennet, without expecting anything in return.

He always did find what he felt for Stefan to be so strange. It never did make sense to him –or a lot of people, to be honest– how they can fight and hate each other so much and still move mountains. How they expected nothing from the rare times they showed their love but he had understood what that meant when he had encountered the Original family. All that hate, all that pain... And yet...

He didn't know how long he sat by her, gently brushing her hair but got up when he realized it was almost morning. He had a peace offering to prepare and something told him pancakes won't cut it.

First thing Bonnie noticed when she woke up was the glorious aroma that filled her nostrils, the second was that she was in her own bed. It left very little to chance, really. Considering she and Damon were the only two people in this place, if she wasn't responsible for it, he was.

Carelessly, she hopped out of bed, feeling much better than she had the previous morning, running barefoot down the steps to where she was certain she would find him. Damon stood with his back to her and the relief that washed over her was enough to wipe out any and all form of anxiety she had felt. Not thinking about it, she run the rest of the way and hugged him from behind, her hands wrapping around his midsection as she placed her cheek on his back, closing her eyes to savor the feeling of having him back here.

Damon knew it the moment she woke up and sensed it when she had recognized his presence but could not predict how much trouble he was in because of the aroma of the breakfast he was cooking which clouded hers. He steeled himself for the beration he expected to come and was shocked when he felt her arms wrap around him. He mentally kicked himself, then kicked himself again.

How many times was he going to just leave her and come back only to be given this welcome? "I'm so sorry..." he heard himself whisper brokenly as he dropped the spoon he had been holding and placed his hands on hers around him.

"For what?" Bonnie's voice came from behind him, soft, unjudging.

"For doing this all the time... Leaving, coming back when I want, leaving you here all alone and..." he gulped audibly. "...for the other night. For drinking too much, for violating your trust in me for–" he found he could talk better with her about what had been going through his mind, if he wasn't looking at her.

"I'm the one who offered, Damon." she cut in. "I'm the one who held up my wrist for you to drink from... Because I wanted you to. Because I'm stubborn and even though you had a legitimate reason for wanting to be out of here, I stubbornly refused and you let me have my stubborn way. It was all me, Damon... I knew what I was doing when I offered and I knew you wouldn't kill me." she says, her voice muffled by his back.

"We should leave, Bonnie... We need to go. I can't trust myself with you anymore. Not after what happened."

"But I do. I trust myself with you. Isn't that enough?" Bonnie asked, trying to keep the plea out of her voice. She pulled back slowly and moved to stand beside the vampire, beckoning him to look at her which he eventually did.

Damon didn't like this feeling. Not really. "No it's not, bon bon... Not after last time."

She sighed then took a step back. And another. Damon didn't really like the determined look on her face and she feared what her next words might be. But more importantly, he feared, after his moment of clarity in the wee hours of the morning, that he won't be able to say no to her. To stand his ground. What he didn't believe was that she was still willing to have him feed on her even after nearly draining her dry.

"You know, I had a feeling you would say that." Bonnie's voice cut through his reverie. "Because yesterday, I had all day to myself while you were out moping and I was thinking. I was going to suggest that to avoid you draining me, I could spill the blood into a cup and you can drink from there but I know you, and I know that approach won't hold up for long. You thrive on digging into flesh and vein and that's how you get your satisfaction." She held her hand up to stop him when he opened his mouth to say something –probably discouraging. – "So I was thinking again, and then I realized the reason why you lost control was because you were starving. The Damon Salvatore I know does not lose control with blood. You're much stronger than that. You're not a slave to the good stuff."

Damon couldn't help smiling at that. "Bonnie, I know you're trying to cheer me up so I'll agree...–"

"I'm not lying to you. I'm being blatantly honest right now. You only lose control when you want to lose control and that is how we'll do it. We'll make sure you don't go for long hours without blood. I'll give you my blood every morning and every night... In small quantities. I'll eat foods that will replenish my blood, take blood tonics and increase haemoglobin or whatever and I'm going to feed you so you don't starve.. And if you don't starve, then you don't lose control and we can stay here together for a while longer."

It made sense. And Damon hated that. "I'm not treating you as a meal and that's the end of this discussion. Now sit and have your breakfast. I made you a full English breakfast." He says as he sidestepped her to set a glass of juice and a plate of bacon, sausages, eggs and baked beans on the table. He had a moment to watch her stash away that defiant look. Oh, wherever she had kept that, he was sure it will be revived soon. He couldn't help smiling to himself.

Over the next few days, they had the same discussion on an hourly basis and came to the sane conclusion every time.

Damn will not drink from her.

End of discussion.

He slammed the book he was reading down hard on the table, fingers running through his hair in frustration.

From where she stood in front of the fridge, trying to get a glass of that blood replenishment smoothie she had started to drink –much to Damon's disdain – Bonnie smiled triumphantly. It has been approximately ten full days since Damon drunk from her and over the last few days, she had started to notice the signs. He was trying too hard to stay calm...to stay sane. He was fleeing her company too regularly and she was allowing him to. "You need blood." She deadpanned as she took a sip of that godawful smoothie from hell and tried not to crunch up her face.

"Yes, dammit! Thank you for noticing!" Damon snapped in response.

Bonnie all but cackled but remained professional. Whether he realized it or not, this was the first time he had actually admitted to his current state of weakness and she was pleased. Baby steps of not, she was going to savor this. "Hey... Don't be mad at me. I did nothing. I offered and you said no, remember?"

Damon leaned forward, elbow on the kitchen island as he massaged his temples as though that will make the cravings disappear.

Bonnie finished her glass with some difficulty and carefully rinsed it, setting it upside down to dry and moved to stand behind him, giving his shoulders a rub.

Damon relaxed into her touch. He knew he shouldn't... not when he was feeling this vulnerable. Not when she was the reason he was feeling so vulnerable. And yet he did, eyes closing as her fingertips worked the tension out of his shoulders. He felt her palms start to move lower on his arm, massaging his biceps as she lowered her chin onto his head. He shouldn't be this far gone but he was.

Bonnie wasn't sure what came over her. All she wanted to do was to give him a shoulder massage and then move away, offer and pull back till he had no other option than to take what he needs and yet she couldn't pull away. Her palms roamed over his biceps, moved back up to give his shoulders a squeeze then moved around his neck to massage whatever skin was visible through the v neck he had chosen to wear that day.

Damon's head lifted, he imagined because he wanted to give her hands more room to do what they were doing but when his eyes parted open, he was staring into eyes filled with curiosity and concern, laced with confusion and he was sure his own eyes reflected the same things.

Bonnie's smile was brief but tender and she moved one hand to gently caress Damon's face. "I trust you." she whispered, and at the pained look in his eyes, she continued. "And I need you here with me, Damon... so please. Okay? Please." Why did she sound like she needed it and not him? Why did she feel so weak in this moment as though she was capable of giving him everything he needed –and more– if he was willing to take it?

Why was her heart doing double flips in her chest and why was it that when Damon's eyes fluttered shut, she leaned in to press a kiss to his forehead?

He sensed it when her wrist brushed his lips, sensed it when his inhibitions slipped into nothing and opened his eyes to look up at her. She nodded her consent and slowly, fighting every urge he had in his body to just devour her, he sunk his fangs into her wrist. For a while, his eyes remained locked on hers, noticed when her eyes glazed over with a foreign emotion, noticed when she bit into her bottom lip and watched as her eyes became hooded.

He didn't suck, just licked at her skin till the blood stopped flowing on its own and made to pull away but she shook her head at him. "If we're going to do this weekly, you're going to need more than that, Damon. Drink."

The fingers of her free hand run through his hair affectionately, pressing a kiss to the top of his head and Damon lost himself in that caress. Eyes fluttering shut, he tentatively held her wrist to his lips as he drank, distinctly aware of her behind him, her fingers in his hair, the occasional kiss in his hair... It kept him sane, kept him grounded, stopped him from losing control as he fed till he was full –surprisingly–.

He lapped at the skin once again till the blood stopped oozing and without warning, pulled her around to sit in his lap. She yelped at the suddenness of the movement but allowed herself a light chuckle when she was lifted into his lap.

"Now your turn." Damon whispered as he held his palm to his mouth and bit down.

"Damon I'm fine... You didn't drain me to the red this time and I take blood supplements, remember?" Bonnie managed with a breathy chuckle.

"I insist. It'll make me feel much better." His one hand was still holding her around the waist as the other was held to her lips. She leaned in and started drinking what was on offer. The moan was unintended but it was heard anyway as his hand tightened around her, eyes closing as he breathed in her scent.

"It healed." he heard Bonnie say after a while and pulled back enough to ask "Need more?"

"No I think I'm good." Yes, she was a little lightheaded but frankly, she wasn't sure if that was because of the blood loss or because of the intense moment they just had. "and ready to pass out." she mumbled, sinking into him.

Not waiting to be probed, Damon lifted her up as he stood, carefully heading towards the stairs.

"You did it." She whispered, sounding too happy for Damon's comfort.

"Yes, I did it." He indulged.

"You didn't lose control. I knew you wouldn't." She smiled up at him when he lay her on her bed and tucked some of her hair behind her ears.

"Thank you." he whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead. When he lifted himself up, she was fast asleep.

He was slowly –but surely– getting ruptured.

It scared him.

It thrilled him.