ancap sat in his armchair. for once it was not fancy designer furniture. he had inherited it. from back before he became an ideology. it was one of the few things he'd kept from back then. if he had to be honest, he wasn't sure why he'd kept it. it didn't match the rest of his décor. didn't go with his aesthetic- that of a high maintenance party boy with a side of businessman chic. it plain and simple didn't fit. a relic from a different time and place. usually he didn't sit there. it was old and creaky and not particularly comfortable. but with the visit of an old friend, it felt appropriate.
he was nursing a hot cup of tea, laptop on his lap, sitting with his legs crossed. he was checking on how his main business was doing. a paperclip company. who would have guessed having a monopoly on an incredibly common office supply would pay off? he did. he had to pat himself on the back for that one.
while work was usually a great way for ancap to spend his precious time, today was different. with ancom sleeping in the guest room, he couldn't focus. he couldn't get over how small que looked when he had offered quem a bed and que had collapsed onto it immediately. how pale que had been despite always being outside. how que didn't have that spark in ques eyes that que always used to have. how que had offered him money. that might have been the strangest part. he'd seen quem fucked up and strung out a hundred times before. he had usually been right there with quem in the same state. but never once had he seen ancom pay for anything. much less pay him for anything. he knew something was wrong. very wrong. and it had to have something to do with tankie.
ancap was at first torn between looking for news himself online, or waiting for ancom to explain for quemself. he wasn't sure how he would feel if someone dug up all his dirt without even letting him get a word in. it wouldn't feel nice, he guessed. still, his curiosity got the better of him.
he went to check on news about the recent events regarding the revolution in the east. ancap wasn't so involved in selling weapons, so he hadn't been paying attention to it. turns out, he probably should have. a violent revolution that lead to a complete overthrow of the capitalist government that had been in place before. it had lasted years. and it struck ancap just how young ancom would have been when it started. during the centricide he never realised how much younger que was than the rest of them. que had became an ideology at 16 years old, and that was still recent memory for quem when they met. ancom couldn't have been more than 17 when the revolution began. the thought made ancap's stomach twist. what the fuck had tankie done to the kid?
he kept reading, intentionally starting with older articles then moving to more recent. he wanted the whole story. he found an article announcing that the leftists were banding together despite their differences to revolt. that one made his stomach churn for other reasons. he'd always told the kid to be careful with the authoritarian. he'd always told quem that the statists never had their best interests at heart. they were anarchists, they werent supposed to cooperate with those kinds of people. he kept telling quem. he wished que had listened.
the revolution was violent. he found video clips of it. both news coverage and just videos from people's cellphones. it grossed him out. he was never one opposed to violence if it was necessary, but he'd always been too much of a coward to see it through himself. the sight of burning buildings and people marching with red and black flags, the sounds of chanting and of gun shots. seeing the revolutionaries clash with riot police. he could have sworn he saw ancom in the midst of it all.
there were interviews. some even with tankie. it seemed he had been a kind of figure head during this whole thing. a leader. he couldn't stand to watch them, though. he couldn't stand looking at his face, just knowing he did something.
finally he dared click a recent article. one about the end of the revolution. they had begun rebuilding, he read. it was going okay, he thought. then he reached the part where tankie was having his most loyal men execute the ones who may oppose his totalitarian state. he saw black flags, ones who had been side by side with the red in the earlier footage, burned and discarded. he saw people lined up to a wall and shot. he thought he might throw up. he had barely even registered what he'd just seen, when he heard a creak.
he quickly closed the tab and looked over behind him to the staircase, where ancom was descending into the living room. que looked dazed. probably high. ancap didn't mind. que smiled weakly.
"look, bro, don't worry. i wasn't gonna look at whatever kinda fucked up porn you were watching." que said it with a lazy grin as que slumped down on the couch next to ancap's chair. one of several couches, really.
ancap expected ancom might lose ques shit once que's sober enough to be bothered by the extravagance of his home. that was not now, though.
"i wasn't looking at porn, for your information." ancap retorted, putting on a fake-offended tone of voice. the shit eating grin on his face was enough to give the offense away as fake. ancom seemed to mirror the grin.
"shit, then what were you doing?"
ancap wondered if he should tell quem. he wondered. but it seemed like his mouth made up its mind before he himself did.
"the revolution in the east. after seeing you i was curious how it went." he wanted to slap himself after mentioning that so casually. instead he settled for pinching the skin on his forearm hard. the pain almost distracted from how ancom's expression fell.
"well, what were they writing about?" is all que mumbled in response. ques mood had dropped. que didn't look upset, per say. ancap figured que was moreso just numb. he hated how hard it was to decipher ancom's emotions when que was high.
ancap figured it was too late to start lying now. he hated lying anyway.
"everything. they're executing our kind."
ancom looked away. que already knew this was going to happen. of course que did. ques biggest regret about running away was not taking ques fellow anarchists with quem. who knew, though. maybe becoming a capitalist pawn was worse than death, que figured. they at least died true to their cause. while que had just lost quemself.
"yeah, i know. that's why i ran."
"to ancapistan of all places?"
"where else could i go?"
ancap pondered that question for a second. they'd gotten rid of the centrists. there wasn't any apolitical or neutral place anymore. the east was taken by tankie. and que wouldn't live longer than a day in nazi's territory. he guessed que was right. que didn't have anywhere to go. that felt like another punch to the gut. he was going to have to stick by ques side. he was not prepared for that. he didn't expect this. but it didn't matter what he expected, really. he was going to have to act as an older brother figure.
by the time he snapped out of that realisation, ancom had nodded off to sleep on the couch. he made sure to get a blanket for quem.
que didn't wake up again until four hours later and by then que was already feeling like shit. que knew why. its not like it was a surprise. its that que needed to stay high damn near all the time to even function anymore. it felt like ques lunch, or lack thereof, was gonna make its way out again soon. ques head hurt, and ques hands shook noticeably.
ancap, who sat next to quem on the couch with a cup of tea, seemed to notice ques discomfort. he had a feeling he knew what was up, but he asked just in case.
"what's wrong? you sick?" cause despite being pretty sure what it was, he was concerned it might be a fever or something.
ancom flinched. que hadn't noticed him there. que couldn't remember a whole lot after getting here. que had been too exhausted at first, and then too high and exhausted to process much of anything.
que looked at the tv. it was on. que didn't much care what was on- some boring 90's sitcom. but it was better than making eye contact.
"... withdrawal." que mumbled, almost too quiet for ancap to hear. but he did. and it didn't surprise him.
"i'd offer you something for that but i think i should get some food into you first. you look like skin and bones." he stood up, placing his mug down and walked to the kitchen.
"i also got you some actual hormones, i know that stuff is important for you. now, do you want chicken noodle soup or tomato soup?"
ancom nearly jumped when que heard a voice behind quem, only to look at see a speaker in the wall. it was ancap speaking to quem from the kitchen.
"uh, tomato soup is fine?" que answered quietly, a little confused. que tried to prepare quemself for the reply, but the speaker scared quem again.
"all right, i'll have a maid prepare that right away!" chimed the speaker, and about a minute later ancap returned.
"if you were just gonna have a maid do it why did you go to the kitchen yourself?"
"theatrics, dear child, a gentleman does his best to appear proper, even if he actually isn't. especially if he actually isn't."
huh, ancom thought, so that's why he can't get a girlfriend. que rolled ques eyes.
"how much for it?" que asked quietly. ancap gave quem a look.
"for what?"
"the soup, the bed, the everything."
ancap had to pause. so last night wasn't a one-off, then.
"you know i was going to ask you about that."
"about what?"
"about you paying for things."
"what's so weird about it? i thought you were a capitalist."
"well, yeah, but you haven't paid for a damn thing in your life, what made you start now? besides, you're my guest."
ancom fell quiet at that. que hated thinking about what this country had done to quem.
"i've been living here for eight months, i wouldn't have survived if i kept refusing to use money. and drugs aren't fucking cheap, either. this country doesn't do mutual aid, what else was i suppose to do, ancap?!" que didn't realise que had been yelling until que saw the expression on ancap's face. his sunglasses had slid down his nose and he had leaned back. que felt bad already.
there was a silence between them, as ancom tried to calm quemself down, and ancap tried to process the situation. the tension was broken when the maid, a middle aged woman, who looked older than both of them, came in with the soup. she placed it down on the coffee table in front of ancom, gave quem a motherly smile, and left again. once the two were alone again, ancap cleared his throat.
"why didn't you come find me? i would have helped you. it scared the fuck out of me seeing you last night. i don't like the idea of you out there being some kind of crack whore-"
"don't call me that. i don't even do crack." ancom interrupted. ancap guessed that was reasonable, it hadn't been a very delicate phrasing. "i tried to find you, i just didn't know where you were. and everyone here is so protective of their property, i was afraid to go anywhere in case i got shot for stepping on someone's lawn."
ancap felt like he should have known that. but he was just so used to being the one with the gun that he didn't think how it could be a problem. he took another look at quem. que was still huddled under the blanket, spoon stirring around in the soup, like que didn't feel like eating anything. ancap couldn't look at quem like this. he sat down next to quem and placed an arm around ques shoulders, pulling quem towards him. at first que panicked. bad memories. but when que realised there was no danger, it was like que melted into the touch. que hadn't realised how much que missed human touch that was more than just sex for money. to feel cared for and warm. it felt safe, for once. que hadn't felt safe long before coming to ancapistan.
"you not hungry?"
ancom shook ques head.
"you need to eat something."
"but i feel sick."
ancap sighed.
"if you finish that soup i'll have your next fix ready for you when you're done, okay? i don't mind if you do drugs in my house, but i would prefer if you didn't starve."
that sounded fair to ancom.