Chapter 2: Hindsight is Absolutely Useless

"Hey," an angry voice shouted from behind him, "you gotta explain yourself, kid! This ain't gonna end well otherwise!" That was his cue to run even faster, voice be damned.

Wherever the new revelation was going to take Shikamaru, he did not expect it to be getting chased down the road by an angry Inuzuka genin and his dog. See, it had only been two months since Shikamaru had found his freedom, and he already had improved leaps and bounds, impressing many, and irritating more, and he also seemed to completely change in other's eyes. From the start, he had aspired to get his hands on as much knowledge as humanly possible, or at least as much that was available to him, and that had rubbed some people the wrong way. Like this genin and his dog. 'This obnoxious genin and his dog,' he thought.

'So how,' he berated himself while dashing down the street, dog on his heels, 'did this pursuit of knowledge lead to this?' Knowledge was just knowledge, after all, it didn't warrant enraged chases through the streets. Maybe in a couple of years, this would be a hilarious story; but right now, while Shikamaru ran, out of breath and tired, he could only think of it as a terrible, troublesome time.

It had started those two months ago when he had found his joy. Shikamaru instantly wanted to get stronger, so that he could protect his happiness, so he went about trying to find new exercises, physical, mental, and chakra. He had done stretching and running frequently and consumed books at a largely incomprehensible rate for a child instead of doing nothing and being sucked into endless boredom. The everyday activities had, of course, garnered attention from his parents and elders, yet they continued to let him pursue it.

Perhaps it was because his work was not really that impressive compared to others. He didn't exactly have time to think about that at the moment, though.

Anyways, this frenzy for information had led him to a genin training ground, where he had stealthily watched a team train. At least he thought it was stealthily at the time; however, the jonin sensei had repeatedly looked straight at him now that he recalled. He was getting off-topic again.

The genin had, of course, noticed Shikamaru- quite late in his opinion- and one hotheaded Inuzuka had accused him of spying on them. For whom he was supposedly spying, he did not know. He was technically spying, so he would give the genin that. Off-topic again, however. The only thing he really needed to be focused on was-

"Argh, just get back here kid!" And then he was on the ground. On his face. How had- a pain sprang up through his heel, sharp like teeth. Ah, the dog had literally been biting at his heels. He stood up quickly, looking around to see a crowd that had slightly edged away from the scene, wary of the obvious shinobi presence. Shikamaru knew his options were quickly running out as time passed, so he looked around wildly, searching for an answer. It didn't take him long to form an idea, but he wondered why it had taken him so long to realize this key fact. He, a four-year-old child, was being chased and injured by a fully trained shinobi. Obviously, the answer was in the very crowd edging away from the chase at that moment.

Shikamaru looked at the members of the crowd, assessing their usefulness. An old man could be grandfatherly, but also harsh and strict. A younger man could have paternal instincts but was also likely to be more logical. That just left him with troublesome females. Of course, it was his best option, as women were just so emotional, but at the same time, women were quite emotional. Either way, it was a lose-lose, so he chose his target, a younger woman who looked to be mildly pregnant, and enacted his plan.

So, he cried. Not really, obviously, but he curled in on himself, seemingly nursing his foot. He scrunched up his face and made his best approximation of the sniffling, whimpering noises he heard other children make before crying. While he did this, he looked directly at the pregnant woman, willing himself to tear up. The genin caught up not long after and picked Shikamaru up by the back of his shirt. It was proving difficult to keep up the act due to his increasingly wounded pride, but he continued and feigned fear and jumpiness towards the genin.

Unfortunately, the pregnant woman did not react. Fortunately, however, another older woman came to his aid.

"Hey, what are you doing with that kid?" she asked hesitantly. Shikamaru knew the ruse would be up if the genin was allowed to answer, so he butted in before the Inuzuka could speak. Shikamaru sniffled louder and made hiccupping, gasping noises.

"He bit me," was all that he said, but he made sure to whine and stutter as much as believability allowed him. The women of the crowd, as expected, came to his aid. They were slightly hesitant, but after his declaration, the genin dropped Shikamaru on the ground roughly and tried to explain himself. The women didn't give him time, however, and they crowded around Shikamaru, helping him to stand and comforting who they thought was a distraught toddler.

Now came the obvious downside. The women wouldn't let him go. The genin had managed to slip away amidst the chaos of motherly instinct, but the target of said instinct had no such luck. It wasn't for another ten minutes, fifteen hugs, four, "where's your mother"'s, and a band-aid on the small bite on his heel that Shikamaru managed to slip away from the women. 'What a drag,' he thought, annoyed.

Overall, Shikamaru's day had not gone to his standards. He had failed to learn anything of use from the genin team, was chased and attacked by one of said genin, and had been smuggled by troublesome women for an extended amount of time. He felt quite like giving up for the day and indulging in some much-needed rest, but there was one thing constantly bugging him. His lack of chakra. He obviously had chakra; however, it was semi-dormant and unusable for the moment, and nothing seemed available to teach him how to access it. It rubbed him the wrong way, something he assumed he had inherited from his mother, that this problem did not present a solution easily.

Shikamaru ended up heading home for the day. The streets were starting to get busier as a rush-hour for the markets and shops approached, and he still had not gotten used to the extra awareness his newfound freedom had earned him. He was disappointed and upset at his progress, but he pretended that this did not bother him. Shikamaru kicked stones as he walked down the increasingly crowded streets to his compound, dejectedly staring at the clouds as he walked, wishing for that familiar peace. Maybe he would watch the clouds for a bit, for he knew that his pursuit of chakra would get him nowhere with his current mood. He knew he was missing a key component to chakra. It was an energy, he knew that much, but he had no idea where to start in learning how to access more of it. He also couldn't get his hands on any written information because the village clearly would not let just anyone have information on how to become a shinobi, and, for some reason, he just couldn't ask for help from adults; it just seemed shameful.

Shikamaru hadn't noticed, deep in his thoughts, that the clan compound had risen into view, the walls surrounding it unable to conceal the dark and lofty trees that made up the forest inside. When he got home, after a leisurely walk through the compound, he was surprised to see his father waiting for him in the doorway. "Dad," he said. His father saw the obvious question in that one word and beckoned Shikamaru inside a room with two cushions and a shogi board in between it. His father must've been playing with someone. As he looked further, he reassessed that statement. The shogi board was completely set up, and even if his father had finished a game, Shikamaru knew he was too lazy to set up another for no reason. His father must be waiting for someone.

"Shikamaru," his father said passively, "I watched your little escapade today." This simple statement set Shikamaru on edge, knowing that if his mother learned of it, he would have a lengthy, exasperating lecture waiting for him. He was also quite embarrassed knowing that his father had watched him fake cry like that. Shikamaru fidgeted nervously, before noticing this and willing himself to still. He didn't say anything, but it was safe to say his apprehension was picked up by the sharp shinobi in front of him. "Play a game with me, son."

Shikamaru was surprised but also proud that his father would invite him to a game. He knew that shogi was something special to his father and that this was a way for his father to invite Shikamaru further into his shinobi life. It would also be extremely irritating to play with the lazy man who took ages to actually move his pieces, though. "Troublesome," he mumbled, "Who moves first?"

"I will." It was a short reply, but as Shikamaru looked closer, he saw that his father's attention was not on the game, but on Shikamaru. Nonetheless, his father still made his first move. Shikamaru had watched his father play before and made his first move as well, mostly blind to the future game. A sigh from his father was the only sound heard after the next few moves. "Do you know what went wrong for you today, Shikamaru?" his father asked. Shikamaru had to finish his next move before replying, unable to properly split his focus.

His first instinct was to blame it on the genin or the poor wind conditions, but Shikamaru stopped himself and thought. "Over eagerness," he mumbled. His eyebrows scrunched and he felt his mouth morph into a scowl-like frown. He knew that that was why he had failed that day. He was so excited to learn something new, that he completely forwent any planning or forethought. His father nodded approvingly.

"Now why were your plans not optimal?" his father asked in the same passive tone. This, Shikamaru had no answer for. His plan had worked, hadn't it? After he thought for a moment, however, he knew there was much he did wrong.

"He was a shinobi. That's why the crowd was hesitant to act; they either were wary of the shinobi or did not want to interfere on shinobi business," he said. His father nodded again but looked towards Shikamaru who knew that his father wanted more, so he walked his father through everything he did wrong. "I relied on an unknown factor of civilian reactions to my… act. It would've been better to create a situation where I could escape of my own doing, so I should have let myself be caught in a secluded area. I know the genin would not bring me significant harm, but it is not a guarantee, and I didn't know if a headstrong Inuzuka would've let me get in a word at all. So, I should've not run in the first place and face the genin while in the presence of the jonin, therefore having a logical supervisor and mediator to be present. However, that still leaves unknown variables, so I shouldn't have let myself be caught in the first place. That wouldn't be possible with the jonin present, so I guess I shouldn't have watched them in the first place," he concluded with a heavy sigh. "Damn," he grumbled again, now realizing that his misfortune that day had been caused by his overarching mistake early on. He felt his eyebrows scrunch up further, his frown deepening.

"Good," was all his father said before he began playing again. After most of the moves he made, Shikamaru would quickly see the flaw in that move and sigh, unable to take it back. It barely took any more time before his father said, "Checkmate," and leaned back with closed eyes. Shikamaru couldn't say that he was not disappointed. In fact, he was quite annoyed at how easily he lost, though it was to be expected from an esteemed strategist and genius like his father. "Shikamaru," his father said, breaking the Nara from his thoughts, "look at the board and tell me what you see."

Shikamaru studied the board intently, this time knowing exactly what his father wanted. Just moments later, he began to see the intricate pattern of his father's moves. He constructed the board in his mind and perfectly imitated the moves his father had made. It was all right there, but Shikamaru didn't know how to describe it properly. His father had made his finishing move starting with his first. He had thought that far ahead. "It's," he began, unsure of what to say. "You, well… your first move. And there is a pattern. It's…" Luckily his father stopped Shikamaru before he could mutter out anymore broken thoughts.

"So, you did see it. As expected," his father said. "You've heard the word genius thrown around at your expense, yes?" It was not a question, as Shikamaru knew his father heard it too. Shikamaru figured he should be proud of being considered a genius to others; however, he couldn't quite feel proud of himself without his parents' or friends' approval.

"Yes."

"Well, son, I'll tell you why," his father said. Shikamaru reacted by looking up at his father's eyes, something that his father surely noticed, though he was staring intently at the board. "Those patterns you saw in the game. The fact that you could see the plans I had made, even in retrospect. The way you noticed immediately when you made a mistake and could tell me how you could've done better. That's what makes people call you a genius." His father let that sink in for a moment before continuing. "All good shinobi can do that to a degree, of course. You must when you're on a battlefield. You, though. You can simply see it. No effort. You don't even need to really think about it, it just makes sense. That's what sets you apart from others."

Shikamaru thought his father had finished and opened his mouth to speak. His father cut him off, though, saying, "Remember this, Shikamaru: There is a difference between knowing and understanding. It's the same difference between knowledge and intelligence, ignorance and stupidity. A shinobi can survive without book smarts, but a shinobi will never prevail without intelligence." His father seemed to sigh and grumble. "Oh, troublesome. We're up late, your mother will kill me. Go to bed Shikamaru, and tomorrow I'll give you a hint about chakra."

Shikamaru scrambled up, knowing what his father said about his mother was true. He paused a moment before he left the room and mumbled something. "What was that?" his father asked. Shikamaru made a tutting noise and rolled his eyes dramatically, annoyed that his father had not heard.

"Thanks for playing with me, dad." It was sincere.

His father smiled slightly, but Shikamaru was already halfway to his room by the time his father stood up. Shikamaru was excited for the next day and the prospect of learning about chakra, but he was also bone tired and ready to collapse for the day. That's just what he did, and after taking off his shoes and getting ready for sleep, Shikamaru passed out on his bed and snored softly.

The next day, Shikamaru awoke with a languid yawn, stretching out his stiff muscles. He arose slowly and went out to eat breakfast, knowing how is mother could get if he did otherwise. He would also wait for his father, excited at what the man had promised him.

"G'mornin, mom." He sat down at the table and his mother served him food, talking animatedly. Not before attacking his manners, bedtime, attitude, and everything else she could think of. She did, however, ruffle his hair kindly before going towards the kitchen. Shikamaru grumbled and fussed at the action but was fighting a smile. Surprisingly, his father woke up pretty early by his standards, though he looked quite miffed about it.

"Son."

"Dad." It was their usual greeting, something he didn't see changing anytime soon. Shikamaru's father sat down much the same as Shikamaru had, and every bit as dramatic. Before his mother could come in and begin her daily routine of berating her husband lovingly, his father addressed him quietly, trying not to agitate his mother.

"After breakfast, come outside to the clearing." That was all of the instructions given, so Shikamaru merely nodded in acceptance rolling his eyes exaggeratedly for good measure, smirking at his father's exasperated look. Breakfast passed quickly, but Shikamaru could feel a warmth in his chest, even as his mother smacked him upside the head for telling her that chores were a "troublesome drag."

Luckily, Shikamaru was able to escape by explaining that he was going to train. His mother had just smiled slightly, a nostalgic look in her eyes. He ran over to the clearing, the one his father and he always went to whether it was to tend to deer or just to bond. The sun shone through the trees on the edge of the clearing, casting mottled, ever-shifting shadows. A slight breeze made the leaves dance in the air. His father was already there, having escaped his mother's tirade by doing the dishes as speedily as possible.

"Your mother is quite a woman, Shikamaru," his father said fondly. Shikamaru had to agree, and despite the hassle of his loud and energetic mother, he cared for her dearly. Before they could spiral into reminiscence, his father continued. "Anyways, I told you that I would help you with chakra. I will not, however, teach you how to access it," he said. Shikamaru was annoyed. His father had said that he would help. He was about to complain and grumble, but his father held up his hand to silence Shikamaru.

"This does not mean that my words won't help you, just that I will not explicitly tell you the technique." That made much more sense to Shikamaru. Still, he groaned and leveled a glare at his father.

"You make everything a drag," he grumbled. His father just laughed. This prospect of hard work did not dissuade the Nara from his goal, however. He knew he wanted to get better and stronger for the sake of his joy and would do anything to get there. Shikamaru's father must've seen the decisive determination in his eyes, as he nodded in approval slightly, before going on to his lesson.

"First, tell me what you know about chakra." Shikamaru didn't know much at all, really. He could never find any scrolls or books that explained it. What he did know was that,

"Chakra is an energy construct used to power the various ninja arts, and it is necessary to all life. That's all I know," he said. His father nodded and began his explanation.

"Alright. What you need to know is that chakra is a combination of two energies: physical and spiritual. Physical is quite easy to explain, as it culminates from every cell in your body. It will grow as you grow in physical strength. Spiritual is a bit more abstract; it is an energy that comes from your soul and mind, your mind's consciousness. Instead of physical strength, it grows as your soul grows and your mind gets stronger. These two energies perfectly mix to create chakra, an energy that powers all life. Chakra runs through our bodies like our cardiovascular systems and is excreted through points called tenketsu. Every person, including civilians, have chakra; however, only those who fully open their core have enough of it to use in any way," his father explained. "Now, with this information, I want you to figure out by yourself how to access it," he said. "Your mother won't let you inside until you do," his father teased lightheartedly. Shikamaru smiled slightly before it morphed into a smirk.

"I bet you that I can do it in an hour," he said confidently. His father smiled again and waved his hand in a disregarding manner.

"We'll see, son. Maybe if you do that, we can play a game of shogi." His father walked leisurely inside, leaving the door open. Shikamaru heard irritated but muffled yelling, and the door was quickly closed. He sat down against a tree, trying to figure out the chakra problem.

'What a drag!' he thought, irritated. 'It's worth it, though, for them.' He leaned his head back against the tree and closed his eyes, slowing his breath and his thoughts for a moment. He relaxed as much as possible until he was focused only on his thoughts. His hands, however, seemed to never relax and fidgeted around until he found a comfortable position: his hands upside down the tips of his fingers pressed together, looking like a basket. He sighed deeply and thought about what his father had told him. He went through the lecture word for word. Only one part really stuck out at him: 'mind's consciousness.' The physical aspect was simple, the stronger you are, the more chakra. As his father had said, the spiritual was more abstract and required control of yourself, of your mind. Maybe meditation was the way. If he focused long enough on the core in his stomach area, maybe his chakra would react to the spiritual contact and control.

He readied himself for a long period of stillness and focused as best as he could. The sounds of the forest seemed to dim around him, and the light on his eyelids seemed to disappear. There was no quiet gentle rustling of leaves or even the shrill song of the birds. Shikamaru was completely still, completely silent. He focused his mind on his stomach where the familiar warmth of chakra resided. It had always been there, a constant presence. He could feel his face tense up and his eyebrows contract in his concentration, yet paid no heed. He imagined the chakra bursting through his core, flooding his veins. His eyes were scrunched up. With every breath, he imagined drawing on the chakra, warming his body. He pictured energy spreading to his fingers and toes. He inhaled deeply, willing the chakra to explode one last time, then let out a long breath, completely letting go of his body.

Detachedly, he felt his body fall to the side for a moment. He opened his eyes but was no longer sitting against the tree. He felt weightless as if he had lost his body mass. Shikamaru then looked down. There sat his body, against the tree as he had left it. He felt a faint connection to it, yet he also felt separate. It was like watching a movie character.

Suddenly, just as he had detached from his body, his world darkened. The sky was grey and so were the trees. Everything had turned greyscale; the color had been sucked out. Shikamaru didn't know what was happening and could feel his stomach warm with panic. This atmosphere bore down on him and he looked down again at his body. If only he could get down to it. Then he could find his father. Then everything would be fine.

Just as he thought this, however, darkness concentrated around his physical body, almost absorbing it. No longer did the shadows feel safe. No longer did he find comfort in them. Now, all he felt was terror, as his body was engulfed in shadows and he was helpless to intervene. He had to get back, he had to escape. The thought of his family, of his friends, spurred him into action. He forced himself downwards towards his absorbed body and willed himself to reincorporate. He fought, with every fiber of his being, to get back to his brain that was resisting him. Finally, he pushed out his hands, hovering them above his physical head, and clenched his eyes shut, pushing every ounce of energy in his soul into his body.

Nothingness. It slammed into him with the force of an explosion tag. It overbore him and suffocated him. Then, a voice resonated in the darkness. It was feminine but masculine. Kind, but mean. Young, but old. It was everything and nothing. And it spoke. "You'll do nicely, yes," it said in a silky, rough voice. "We've been watching you, yes we have." It was a child now, and a grandmother. "Quite unlike the others, you are. Perfect." The voice stopped for a moment, and so did Shikamaru's metaphysical heart. "You don't remember us?" This time the voice was distinctly disappointed. Remember? And then he did. The warmth rushed back in along with the safety and comfort. This was the shadows. It had always been there when he needed someone. Always- "Watching over you. Yes, we were. You were our favorite deer. Now you're even better. Yes, not lazy like the other deer. Perfect," the shadows said. "Now we must depart. We will see you. Always." The voice seemed sad but happy. Contradictory again. But, just as the voice was saying those words, Shikamaru awoke.

He was panting and sweating, and there was buzzing under his skin, from his own body. 'It must be chakra. This energy inside of me,' he thought. Shikamaru, still half lying down, let himself stretch out fully and take a breath. He couldn't help but stare at the shadows tough, almost feeling a gaze on his skin. Everything right now was too much. He needed a break. He needed-

"Well done, son. I felt your chakra emerge," his father said, smiling. Shikamaru tried to smile, but it came off as uncomfortable and pained. He was still not sure how to address his experience. It was frightening, yet he felt the comfort of the shadows, even now. He watched as they seemed to darken slightly as a result of his thoughts. The thoughts that were cut short by his father speaking. "It took three hours, though-." The rest of whatever his father was saying was lost. Three hours? He had only been there for half an hour at most. Where had he possibly lost the time? With the shadows? He didn't- "Shikamaru?" his father questioned, concerned.

"I'm- it's fine. I'm just, I'm tired. It… does it always feel this, uh, exhausting, to do this?" he asked, trying to deflect his father's attention. His father laughed and nodded.

"Of course, I'd forgotten how disorienting it is!" he said. His father motioned towards the clearing again. "Go rest. I'll tell your mother that you need this. Do not worry, this is expected." Then, his father turned and left, not seeing his son shaking behind his back. Expected.

Shikamaru sighed explosively and let himself fall to the ground on his back. The clouds lazily floated above him. Like always. A constant in his life. He could count on the clouds as he could count on the shadows. Always there. Always watching. It made him shiver slightly, recalling the initial feeling of oppression and of fear that he felt in that endless void. He wondered as he lay there if he should still be scared, if he should tell his father, or if he should talk to the darkness. Shikamaru didn't know what to do about this, a feeling he was quickly getting acquainted with. All he knew was that the shadows liked him. Why he did not know.

Ending his spiraling, repetitive thoughts, Shikamaru looked upwards at the clouds again. 'This whole situation is a drag,' he thought to himself. He didn't want to think about it just yet. He could- and would- face it tomorrow, but for now, it was a bit too troublesome. Especially when his hands had just stopped trembling.

So, laying on the grass, staring up at the clouds, ignoring his responsibility, Shikamaru thought to himself, 'Maybe I really haven't changed too much at all.' The void answered back.

"Not yet, maybe."