2 - Jack
So here I am at my brother's wedding to this woman I have never met, in a country that frankly rains too bloody much and is freezing, with nothing to do.
The Welsh are soooo straight-laced and I find myself being a bit of a dickhead. I know I am doing it, even told myself in the mirror this morning before clipping on my braces to try harder not to be a dickhead but I know from the varied responses and glances of alarm that I am yet again slipping into dickhead mode.
Oh well.
Get used to it people.
She's a nice enough lady. A bit solid but I like a bit of meat on my cuddles so … Gray is the same I guess. Her kids are the spawn of the devil, apparently or so the family tells me, the only one that can control them is their uncle, the bride's little brother who I have yet to meet.
Given the way she looks he will be some mousy little dumpy thing with a flop of hair over his face, glasses and a pocket protector. A librarian or teacher or something … I don't rmemeber. Sounds like a nerd. Not that I don't like nerds, quite the geek myself but … that tall glass of 'fuck me now' over by the floral display is more my taste. He is gorgeous.
Pink.
He is wearing a pale pink shirt and the brightest neon pink tie I have ever seen, no doubt the wedding planner or something as he clearly knows her signature colours for the wedding. Candyfloss and piglets. Shit. That's not fair. Jet lag makes me so bitchy.
At least I got to see my daughter because Lucia is ususally a bitch of the first degree and prone to saying no but she actually let me have Alice for the week since she is going with her lover on some little jaunt and had been about to leave her with a sitting service. Get that. A sitting service. Like she's a fucking dog. I seriously have to look harder at our custody agreement there. I do not think she can do that. If I was not back in the country for this wedding … I really have to think about that. I spend too much time travelling, she's getting older. I can work remotely ya know, the Heddlu here have been asking me to stay instead of just training their SWAT teams now and then.
Anywhoooooo back to tall, handsome and quietly fuckable. He is my height, calm and his self assurance flows from him making me go a little quivery in certain places. I know the Dickheadedness is seen by all but I am two champagne flutes to the wind right about now as I stalk over and grin at him.
Flirt.
Flirt back.
Oh. Really? Sexy pants? OK, now I am lost for words as the chair he had just sat in is vacated. Like a jack-in-the-box this one. I like boxes, and suits. His must be tailor-made, hugging his hips like that. Not all men have a nice body, not all have hips, a bum like that. Curves while still clearly fit. He is fit. Fuckably fit.
"DAVID!"
I am about to button up the Great Coat to check on my little one when I see the reason for his surprisingly loud bellow and see my daughter sitting in a bed of flowers with the sweetest little dumpling I ever did see, her little pale hair in pigtails…er… tail. One. "FUCK"
We are running, the little shit in the hot seat moving like shit form a goose's arse up the nearest tree. I see my daughter's surprise and shock at the sudden flurry and I snatch her up to soothe her. Bless, she wants to fix it.
Now my new Sister-in-law has arrived and with a sinking heart I see that this is her little girl now sans hair one side of her head.
"DAVID LEYLAND DAVIES GET YOUR ARSE DOWN HERE BEFORE I COME UP AFTER YOU!" Ianto. His name is Ianto the brother and he had a really scary voice when pissed. Not a loud shouty one, but a calm, deep boom of doom.
"You hate heights" came a faint reply from the shit and my anger is now revving up.
"Really?" I reply as I gently brush past the sexy man, pulling off my great coat "I love heights me. Ready? I'm coming for you."
Sexy holds my coat and I feel it wise to give him my jacket as well. The sap from the tree will destroy my shoes but this is war. I am half way up the tree when a voice in my head tells me to look down and I find those stormy grey eyes boring into me. God, he is so damned cute with that little nose.
Right.
I reach the child who knows he is fucked and does what any child would do, he came down. No. of course he didn't bloody do that. This is a spawn, they do not do anything they should. No. Fuckturd decided the best thing to do is jump.
Did he think someone would catch him?
The bushes were trampolines?
Nope.
Down goes the fat little shit into the hedgerow and even for up here I know the bellow of pain is real. The little shit has probably broken something.
Great.
Is this my fault?