As we got back to his mansion I was going to walk back to my house but Gatsby refused.
"You're living with me now, I thought you knew that...Nick. Even that nurse knew."
We made it quickly up to one of the many bedrooms in Gatsby's mansion. The last thing I remember was being completely naked under Gatsby who was only covered by the bandages around his torso.
I woke up just as naked as I was the night before next to Gatsby. He looked peaceful as he slept. While he was awake he always looked stressed and worried but as he slept it was like nothing was bothering him. His facial expression changed quickly and he started shouting.
"No!" He screamed in his sleep. I was about to wake him when he shouted again, "don't hurt him! Don't touch him!" It was very clear he was saying him. He wasn't protecting Daisy, he was protecting a guy.
"Please!" Gatsby shouted, "I love him!" Gatsby yelled and continued to repeat. I wondered if he had some past male lover. Maybe he was attracted to both genders and had sex with some other guy as he did with me last night.
"Nick, I'm sorry," he started crying in his sleep, "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't fallen for you."
I had to wake Gatsby up. It wasn't fair to hear all this especially when he didn't know what he was sharing. I was surprised of course to find out that Gatsby loves me but I couldn't mention it.
"Jay!" I shouted and rubbed his shoulder that the bandages weren't wrapped across.
He shot up as he woke up. He looked around frantically and calmed down as he realized I was still in bed next to him.
"Why are you still here?" He asked.
"I thought I made it pretty clear I liked you a lot yesterday."
"That's what they all say," Gatsby started, "then they run away like you were only a toy."
I didn't know if Gatsby was only referring to Daisy or if he had other experiences but I wasn't going to press the issue further.
"I won't leave unless you ask me to, Jay," I said looking in his eyes which immediately seemed to calm him down.
"Promise?" He asked, fear quivering in his voice.
"Of course Jay," I said solidly.
For a moment we looked at each other like it may have been the last time.
"Mr. Gatsby?" A butler said coming into the room, "oh my bad, I didn't realize you had a guest, but there's a phone call for you."
"Give me a minute," Gatsby requested and the butler nodded and closed the door.
I wondered if Gatsby still thought it may have been Daisy. Gatsby quickly got dressed, my eyes may have danced around the room as he seemingly did as he got dressed. He apologized quickly before he left me in the room alone. I fell back onto the fluffy pillows exhaling. Last night had felt more like a dream and I still couldn't believe any of it was real yet. It had to be though. I found shreds from the clothes I was wearing yesterday and realized Gatsby must've been vicious. If it was his first time with a guy he was more than experienced enough for me. I didn't have a lot of experience and most of the guys I ever did anything with just wanted to 'try something'. After the first night though they didn't know my name and if they stayed for that long they quickly said they never wanted to do anything like that again. Part of me expected Gatsby to leave me or demand me to leave his house immediately like everyone else had done to me before but to see him really had made my morning. I looked at some of the shirts Gatsby owned remembering when he threw them all at Daisy. I shook the thought from my mind and chose my favorite remembering I would have to get clothes from my place later especially if I was going to be living here now.
"I'm sorry Nick but there was some business I had to attend to," Gatsby said entering the bedroom. He stopped talking for a second until he said, "Are you wearing my clothes?"
"I'm sorry," I apologized, "I hope you don't mind but you kind of ruined my clothes from last night and all my other clothes are still at my house."
"This is your house now unless that's too fast, I understand, I was rushing you, no you can stay at your house, and I'll stay here, and we can take our time, and yeah that's fine," Gatsby said rushing through every word. That was something I was starting to realize Gatsby did frequently run through every word just enough so that didn't slur together but you barely understood what he was saying. I knew he didn't want to mess anything up ever again. To keep himself sane he needed to be perfect and I started to realize I was becoming a Gatsby fantasy. I should've been nervous then or told him how I was different than everyone and he didn't need to be perfect for me. What I said instead was nothing close to that.
"No!" I said stopping him from whatever else he was going to say, "I want to live with you but it's going to take me time to adjust here and all my clothes are still at my OLD house."
"That's fine ol... Nick," Gatsby said, still struggling with the new change in speech, "I can get a guy here and he can measure you and a whole new set of clothes."
"That's completely unnecessary," I claimed, "nothing was wrong with my old clothes."
"Nick?" Gatsby's voice was once again filled with question, "does my...business... bother you?"
I thought for a moment, "it used to," I decided, "but I don't mind it, I know you aren't a bad person."
"But I am!" He cried out, "I've killed so many! I deserved to be killed that night!"
"Jay, please don't say that, I want you alive, hell I need you alive."
"You deserve so much more than me Nick. You deserve an honest man."
"Jay, I have feelings for you, not any other man, you. Are you okay though? You were really jumpy when you woke up and you still seem to be a little on edge."
"A bad dream was all," Gatsby said, "and that phone call didn't help."
"What was the dream about?" I asked, "you were yelling and it sounded intense."
"Are you sure you want to know?" He asked.
"Of course, I think it would help you to talk about it."
I knew Daisy had never cared about what Gatsby felt. If she had she never would've left Jay that night but then this wouldn't have, maybe one day I would have to thank my cousin for being so selfish. Her selfishness was allowing me this small chance I still didn't believe I had with Gatsby.
"I was tied up," Gatsby started to say, "a man I didn't know had a gun. Another man was tied up across from me but he was masked so I couldn't see his face. The gunman had the gun at my head but said it wouldn't be as fun to kill me, that he wanted to torture me first. He took off the mask from the other man tied up and it was you. I was so scared, I didn't want to see you hurt especially because of something I had dragged you into. I yelled to you, told the gunman to stop, to do whatever he wanted to me but to just let you go. He shot you and then untied me but there was nothing I could do, you were already dead. You woke me then and I jolted up to make sure you were alright. I almost ran to the window before I realized you were next to me."
I looked over at the window Gatsby had in his room and saw that he could easily see the shed of my old house sitting there and wondered if he had ever watched for me before. I always had this feeling that Gatsby was watching and that he saw everything. I doubt he ever looked at me because when I walked over to the other window he had in his room I could clearly see Daisy's old mansion. I was positive that he had spent a good deal of his time standing where I was and looking out at the house wishing for more than he had. I bet if he was willing to run to the window where he could see me then he definitely had nightmares about Daisy and would run-up to this window and stare at the far distance place imaging that everything was okay and it was only a matter of time before he had Daisy. Gatsby came up behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder and looked to see what I was staring at. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him shake his head and so he moved his head off my shoulder, took my chin with one hand, made it so I was facing him and nodded like I was the only thing in his life that mattered now. The feeling was special and I had never felt it. I wanted to feel this way the rest of life like I was special and in a constant high state.
"Would you do that for me? In real life?" I asked curiously.
"Of course I would Nick I... have feelings for you so why wouldn't I? Especially if it's because of work, you don't deserve to die because of who I'm associated with. Also, did I say anything in my sleep some of my servants have told me I talk in my sleep."
"Yes you did but I can't recall much of it."
We sat in silence until one of us decided to break the silence that was somehow comfortable but awkward at the same time. I was lost in his eyes, his eyes that we're so blue that I was almost convinced if you gazed at them long enough you would feel like you were swimming. They reflected light as water would and I could continue to stare at his eyes forever if he hadn't spoken.
"Would you like to go out for breakfast?" Gatsby asked.
"Breakfast here would be just fine," I replied, "I like being here with you, I can do everything I can't do in public. Like this," I said as I kissed his lips.
He smiled as I pulled away, "it certainly didn't bother yesterday in that hospital. Does it bother you that we can't get married?" He asked suddenly.
"Well I mean it does," I reply, "but when I figured out I was homosexual I knew I wouldn't be able to. Same situation with children. I've always wanted a child but I knew that I never would. I became okay with it, it was just an accepted reality for me. But with all your money couldn't you hire some fancy person that could marry us? I'm sorry that's too fast, isn't it? We have just started these relations. I'm sure you're still unsure about many things, I'll shut up."
"I'm sure one of the people I work with has a license to marry. What would you like for breakfast?"
"Anything is fine," I reply, "toast and coffee even."
I didn't like eating in front of people very much so I didn't want a very big meal that I would have to eat in front of Gatsby. I had body issues and thought if I ate the wrong amount they would call me everything I knew I was. I was fat, overweight, had too much fat here and there but my arms weren't thick enough. The last person I wanted to think this of me was Gatsby but I knew he should've seen it all last and was surprised he hadn't thrown me out and been offended when I called the house next door mine instead of the house I was in.
"When are you going to understand I don't do things small?" Gatsby said in a mocking tone interrupting all the thoughts in my head.
I rolled my eyes but followed Gatsby out of the bedroom and he shouted breakfast to nobody in particular but when we reached the dining room food was scattered all over the table.
"Before I forget, you look hot as fuck in my clothes," Gatsby said.
I felt a blush crawl across my face, I knew he was wrong. Gatsby was shorter than me and while he was broader than me it still didn't make up for all the extra height or all the extra weight I knew I had on my body. I tried to hide the blush the best I could by taking a sip from one of the various containers on the table. Whatever I drank was very sweet but I didn't question it too much.
"Are you okay?" Gatsby asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, why?" I asked.
"Because you just drank syrup."
I facepalmed myself and rolled my eyes, "I'm so stupid. I thought it was my coffee cup."
Gatsby still looked confused but decided to ignore me as he stuck his fork back into his waffles.
"Can't we go out?" Gatsby pleaded, "I want to get away from this house."
"Well I wanted to move my belongings today in the house," I said, not hating the idea of going out but scared of the media and everyone else.
"Oh it's fine Nick, I can get some of my servants to do the work for you."
"Alright then, I guess we can go somewhere, where do you want to go?"
"How about to Coney Island? We never got to go there a week ago."
I remember how he offered to take me to Coney Island a week ago in exchange for asking Daisy over to tea. I hated the idea of going there for that reason but maybe I could associate the place with new memories. Memories of Gatsby and me.
"Alright, I don't see why not. Let's go! Well actually do mind if I go in our clothes?"
"Of course not. I don't want a bunch of eyes on you but I don't mind you giving me a better view. Literally, just steal all my clothes and I can buy new ones, I'm sure they would all look better on you."
"Oh you know they wouldn't. The top is a little short but big on the sides and the pants are also short and loose-fitting."
"Are you calling me fat?" I couldn't tell if he was joking so I replied seriously. If anything I was the fat one who couldn't fit properly into Gatsby's clothes, he was easily more fit and in better shape than me.
"No, just broad, and that means you are very strong,'' I said grabbing his upper arm, "I'm sure my shreds of clothes from last night would also agree."
"I was anxious, is all, last night."
"Be anxious every night then I like my men a little savage."
"Do you have to mention other men while talking to me Nick?"
"No, no, Jay, you have to know by now you are the only man in my life, for now, " I winked.
"Naughty boys will get punished, " he claimed.
"I wouldn't mind being punished but I would think being with you is enough of a punishment."
Jay lost it, I saw it in his eyes, he slammed me against the wall and naturally I wrapped my legs around his waist. I had never been with a man shorter than me like Gatsby was but I certainly wasn't minding it. I looked at his eyes. He looked furious but not the same viciousness that he had in eyes with Tom. He was ferocious, animalistic even and yet as I was pinned against the wall with his hot breath on my neck I couldn't deny how sexy it actually was. All the men I was ever with were timid, and that made Gatsby very different. Even the first time he was rough which gave me hope that he wouldn't leave and that he was having a good time.
He bit my neck and I yelped, it had actually hurt me.
"Be a good boy next time and you won't be hurt. But you know the word if I ever hurt too bad. That wasn't too bad though, was it?"
"No, it wasn't unbearable, " I agreed.
"Good, the last thing I want to do is to injure you."
"I'm sorry I left you in a position to get injured, " I rubbed my hand over his chest so he knew exactly what I met.
"I still don't blame you for that, " he said.
"That will never stop me from blaming myself."
"It really should. I don't like that you are blaming yourself."
"You ought to get used to it. I find many things are my fault. Like that dream you had, it was probably my fault I was in the situation regardless if you knew it or not."
"Nick, I swear you are the least to blame in every situation and you are the only one that blames yourself."
"Well, it's not like anyone else is going to take the blame around here. I mean you used with Daisy but now that you are over her nobody will ever take the blame around here."
"That does not mean you should blame yourself and I would take the blame for you anyway Nick, especially if you are going to keep blaming yourself. I'd take a thousand bullets for you in a heartbeat."
"I'd take a bullet for you any day, especially that day."
"Never take a bullet for me, swear it, I couldn't live without you but I'm sure you could."
"Jay, I waited the whole summer for you. That day I thought I lost you and I didn't think I would ever be able to tell you how I felt."
"Swear it, Nick! Swear you will never take a bullet for me."
"Jay, I don't think you would want me to lie to you."
"No, please lie to me, " he begged, "anything to make me feel safer about you."
"Let's just go to Coney island, " I insisted.
"Nick, just promise me."
"Jay, I swear I won't take a bullet for you, " I said then added quickly under my breath so he couldn't hear, "I'll take two."
"Off we go, Nick let's not dwell any longer."